The Fab Five from Netflix’s hit Queer Eye is the breath of fresh air that we needed in our lives. There’s Jonathan Van Ness, meme MQP (“Most Quotable Person”) and the best friend you wish you had; Karamo Brown, who is so suave and smooth he makes driving around in a truck look good; Bobby Berk, the interior designer who has a knack for decorating in cool palettes and modern undertones; and Tan France, the fashion expert you wished reminded you to roll your sleeves in the morning.
And then, we have Antoni Porowski, the designated “Food and Wine Guy” (where can we quit our jobs and sign up for that one, am I right?), known for his avocado obsession and dreamy good looks that slightly resemble a teen idol (just more grown-up and less douche-y). But Antoni’s not the only snack on the show… After the men getting made over get to see their brand new stylish apartment (likely in some shade of blue), Antoni teaches them how to make a simple dish that is applicable to their lifestyle, their tastes, and the event they have that weekend. I take note of everything he says because that’s how much I love him (he loves irregular eggs and cheddar from Vermont). So we’ve compiled our five favorite Antoni-approved recipes from the two seasons of Queer Eye. Just count the times the word “avocado” is used…
1. Roasted Cauliflower with Green Goddess Dip
Sure, Antoni gets a lot of slack for his simple recipes, but, news flash, America — Antoni doesn’t care about what viewers have to say about his cooking skills. He’s too busy teaching sweet, middle-aged men who have little to no previous cooking skills to make a dish that they can recreate once the Fab Five are gone and the cameras stop rolling. This roasted cauliflower dish is the perfect example of the healthy, easy, and delicious recipes that Antoni has blessed the world.
Recipe: Roast cauliflower using olive oil and your favorite seasoning (or just salt and pepper, if seasoning isn’t your forte). In a food processor, combine 1 avocado, 1/2 bunch of parsley, green onion, 3 cloves of garlic, juice of lemon, jalapeño, salt and pepper, and olive oil. Mix until smooth and creamy, eat the cauliflower with the dip, and thank your lucky stars that Antoni blessed the world with his beautiful face and delicious recipes.
Pair with: A glass of wine, Chinese to-go boxes fit for a trendy picnic, and a camera-ready engagement video that makes your fiance cry (hey, it worked for William!)
2. The French Omelette
Okay, sure, you thought you knew how to make an omelette since you were like eleven years old — a few eggs, a little cheese, throw in some spinach to be a #wellnessgoddess, and end of story, right? Antoni’s here to say — WRONG! Making the perfect omelette is all about technique.
Recipe: Buy the most expensive eggs you can find (yes, really) because the fresh ones from the Farmer’s Market make all the difference — grocery store eggs are child’s play. Mix the eggs in a bowl until they’re as perfect as Antoni’s face (okay, that’s hard to achieve). Coat the pan with butter (“there’s just no substitute”), and let the eggs cook on low-heat, slowly curdling (his word, not mine) the eggs with chopsticks. Use the chopsticks to flip the omelette, so that it’s perfectly cooked. If you want to make it “really chic,” top with some chives.
Pair with: some other friendly teens, maybe some truffles and goat cheese or a fresh side salad, and some hilarious commentary from BFFs Tan France and Jonathan Van Ness (they’re my BFFs too, right?)
3. Fancy AF Hot Dog — 2 Ways
Whether it’s for your 4th of July BBQ or at a fire department fundraiser, you need a fancy hot dog in your life (the simple dog + ketchup + mustard combo just won’t cut it for you, a classy, gourmet, Antoni-like adult).
Recipe: All you’ll need is 2 hot dogs, 2 hot dog buns, 3 tablespoons of mustard mixed with 1 tablespoon of honey, pickled carrots, 2 tablespoons mayo mixed with 1 tablespoons chipotle in adobo sauce, and crushed ridge chips. Top the honey mustard and pickled carrots on one dog, and the mayo and crushed chips on the other. Your boring ‘dog in a sad little bun will thank you.
Pair with: $5, because fancy AF hotdogs do not come cheap, henny
4. Avocado and Grapefruit Salad
This salad is so pretty, so Insta-worthy, so healthy and so, so odd. In order to think of it as a proper salad course, abandon every idea you’ve ever had that “salad” has to be greens and veggies with some kind of cheese or topping to make it interesting. No, my dear sweet amateur chef, a salad can apparently be two ingredients (neither of which qualify as a veggie), and a whole lot of Instagram opportunities.
Recipe: slice one avocado and one grapefruit, lining them side by side on some kind of trendy plate (plain white or gtfo), and mix dijon mustard, acid (?), olive oil, and salt to drizzle on top of the salad.
Pair with: DIY Sangria (topped with fruit kabobs, for good measure), Cop Cory’s beautiful wife and children, and a Nascar theme party, because it all fits together perfectly
Because a list of Antoni’s best recipes would be remiss if this avocado classic was not included. Antoni’s particular recipe is special (isn’t everything about him?), because he uses greek yogurt as a healthy addition for extra protein and gut health (so that’s how Antoni gets those abs?), and makes the dish even creamier than your standard restaurant-guacamole.
Recipe: Mash together 1 avocado, juice from 1/2 lime (“for some acid,” duh), pinch of salt, chopped cilantro, and a spoonful of greek yogurt. That is all, because guacamole is the easiest dish of all time and also Antoni’s favorite, so therefore my favorite.
Pair with: Scoops tortilla chips (party-size!), and a Hillbilly Margarita (just kidding about that last part, Antoni would never use Mountain Dew in any adult cocktail)