Coffee Talk: Is Social Media Making Us Less Social?

Oct 8, 2012

Coffee Talk: Is Social Media Making Us Less Social?

From Facebook to Twitter, Instagram and more, it seems we’re more socially connected than ever. It goes without saying that Everygirls love social media, but some think that all this connectedness comes at a cost. We have hundreds of Facebook friends and strike up conversation with strangers via Twitter, but what about our real life relationships? Could social media, ironically, be making us less social? Let’s chat!

Stephanie Weers

Denise Ciotti

I think the opportunity to be SO instantly connected makes it very easy to make a social mistake. You don’t have time to process a comment or event and sometimes say/type the first think out of your head. I also find it harder to listen to people talk or tell a story. Can I have it in 140 characters or less please?
Danielle H Krueger

I agree. While we are benefited with such technology, the art of conversation seems to be lost. When I go to dinner with my husband we look around and notice we are the only ones really having a conversation. The rest are on the phone talking, texting, chatting, or facebooking. Do we need a break, YES!

http://stylizedexistence.com/blog Lauren Corso

Totally agree. It’s really sad.
Robynne

My husband and I make a conscious effort to put our phones away for meals. We were becoming those people, and hated it!
Jack

The more priveleges people get, the less able they become. I specifically bought a 5 year old phone, so I wouldn’t have to use the internet and can spend more time in the real world.

http://beautifullifeandstyle.com/ Erika G

I think embarrassingly… YES. Example A: I am friends with all of the girls from my grade school on facebook. I know when they attend weddings or buy a house- but the other day one was on line in Starbucks with me and I was too shy to say hello- because we aren’t really friends!
That being said, I have been better able to maintain long distance friendships because of facebook/ twitter so in that way- it is a good thing.
http://stylizedexistence.com/blog Lauren Corso

It’s like no one can just enjoy the moment anymore – we have to take a picture of it and post it to instagram or it didn’t happen. Does this concern anyone else? I think I need to do social media time-outs, I just feel like there is pressure to always be giving my blog readers cool Instagram pics or tweets. It’s kind of exhausting, to be honest. Sometimes I just want to enjoy my brunch with my boyfriend, alone, and not share it with hundreds of other people!

http://twitter.com/chefjamielevine Jamie Levine

Really well put!

http://philovesophy.wordpress.com/ Andrea

My answer to this question is: Y E S. I think social media makes it easier to asset all of our social compromises because its quick, impersonal and at the end, what has to be said or done.. is done in about a “tweet”. Personally I´m not a very social person, and facebook has “helped” me in this case, because in a way you avoid people without being so obvious, but at the end I think I´m regreting this, coz now every time I have to really socialize in person, I get very awkward and unable to connect with my listener.
I think written letters and long trips to see your family was my ideal “époque”
http://twitter.com/HeyHeymann Kristina

I think yes and no! I think yes because sometimes I catch myself thinking “Where is my phone I need to check my Facebook/Twitter/…”. It’s sad but true. In these moments I try to lecture myself about how important it is to still live in the real life and not let ourselves be slaves of social media. On the other hand I’m so thankful for facebook/Twitter/etc. because it allows me to be part of my friends life in America or around the world while I’m living in Europe. Sometimes it’s a lot easier to stay connected via social media than to sit down and write it all down in an email. Although that’s nice too. I even love to write an old fashioned letter from time to time. I think as long as we keep the balance we’ll be alright.
Kristin

I think social media combined with its instant accessibility on our smart phones closes us off to the world around us. I can’t tell you how many people I see walking their dogs and playing on their phones at the same time. What should be a delightful bonding ritual with a pet and nature becomes a virtual bubble. It’s true that it’s nice to keep track of so many people all in one place, but it’s coming at a price.
Allison Ramos

Ah! I just went to my ten-year high school reunion this past weekend and the excitement of catching up with old friends was somewhat lost because I knew what they were already up to. It was still fun… but definitely not as fulfilling seeing people for the first time in 10 years. Sad but true.
http://heartofablonde.com Molly Rasmussen

Great topic! I think just like anything in life, it’s about moderation. I work in social media, so I am truly on it all the time, but I’ve created rules for myself. No social media during dates with my boyfriend or during friends/family time, with the exception of maybe Instagram (which others seem to enjoy as well!).

It’s about taking time away from it and balancing real life socializing vs. online socializing. I think there’s nothing wrong with using SM a lot if you have the will power to get off of it when you are in person with someone
http://everylastdetailblog.com Lauren @ Every Last Detail

In my experience, social media has made me MORE social. It’s given me the opportunities to meet people (in person) that I would have NEVER met before. Some of my best friends are people who I “met” via Twitter… and then ended up meeting in person, thus solidifying the friendship. Sure, I do have my weeks when the only person I come into actual contact is my husband, but overall, social media has been way more of a benefit to my social relationships than a hinderance!
Guest

Absolutely. I actually quit blogging because virtual friendships seemed really silly to me. I realized that I’d much rather be hanging out with real people that I can trust, spend time with, and call on in an emergency. We lose relationships by relying too much on technology. It’s changing our social skills and making us anti-social in a real setting. I also find that so many people have a completely different personality online, and it’s not who they truly are in person.

The beauty of technology is the convenience of staying in touch with those far away and looking up any and everything online, but we need to learn how to use it in moderation.
http://twitter.com/catfishcaviar Drew Elizabeth

Depends! If you are a slave to social media & can’t have dinner with your friends or boyfriend without checking your phone every 5 min then YES. People need to dedicate certain times and places where you can check your Social Media and it won’t effect the people around you! The worst is trying to have dinner with someone when they can’t put their phone down.

http://www.catfishandcaviar.com
nessabirdie

I have this conversation all the time! Social Media is supposed to compliment traditional face-to-face communication, like the telephone, etc. Most people use it to supplement it because of its ease. Most people use it improperly.

AllyBee

What to you mean by compliment? I’m writing a paper on this subject and would like to use this as a source.

Whitney

I think social media DEFINITELY makes us less social. I am friends with so many people via facebook and their blogs. Because of this, I know (almost) every detail of their lives. It’s always awkward when we’re in a group setting together, because I’m not THAT close with them and it’s a bit odd knowing so many details about a person you don’t really talk to.
Lauren

I can see both sides here. I think one of the key points to realize about social media (at least from a business/networking stand point) is to use it as a means to meet and start the conversation online and THEN pursue the relationship offline. It can be used as a great tool if you allow it.
Emily T.

I agree with most- that Yes, it’s becoming a bit too much. I was a communications major in college and spent most of that time speaking in front of people. I see younger employees start at my company and their social skills and public speaking / social interacting skills with oru older employees just aren’t as solid.
I’m guilty of overdoing it too, especially with my new phone, I now realize what its like to constantly want to check it! As with anything though, it’s all about finding a balance.
Becca @ The Dabblist

This has been on my mind so much lately. I love being connected to a whole world of people, but really feel like I’m starting to become addicted and perhaps losing touch with reality a little bit. Some of my colleagues have gone on “social media fasts” which I’m considering. Has anyone else done that?
AllyBee

I’m actually doing a research paper on this for my senior seminar sociology class to graduate. Social media is definitely making us less social and with the added addition of smartphones, it’s enabling us to do more than just talk on the phone but now pay our bills through your bank, scan barcodes at a store, find out which song you’re listening to with Shazam and much more. This has resulted is a lack of face-to-face communication among people which is exactly what I’m researching. Thank you so much for this question. I will undoubtably use it for my research.
Michelle

YES! We are becoming incapable of connecting to the world around us unless we are connected to the internet. Think of all the best experiences of your life, have any of them involved your cell phone? Your laptop? Probably not, but our social system is putting more and more value on our online social profiles, and many are feeling trapped within them.
Not only is it making us more removed from the world around us, but studies show that it is actually negatively impacting our emotional health. We overestimate how happy our “friends” are because their profiles say so, and this in turn is fostering feelings of depression and dissatisfaction within ourselves.
Brittanie F.

I have a strong aversion to social media. I think that not only is it hurting our real life relationships (both intimate and plutonic) but it is also hurting our intelligence. As mention by another comment, is it 140 characters or less? The attention spans that were already shrinking in the 80s and 90s has shrunk further with the advent of social media. People are less concerned with proper grammar, sentence structure and good prose, no one wants to talk on the phone or meet in person it’s always an email or tweet or facebook message. The relationships developed within the social media sphere are superficial relationships that I believe are alienating people more. This is why I do not subscribe to the social media hype, it’s not genuine.
http://www.agatha-k.com/ Agatha

I think it does. I see this a lot when I go to conferences. Have sat next to many peeps who choose to be on their phone connecting with other attendees through Twitter, rather than just talking to the real life human attendee sitting next to them.
Lisa

I just moved by myself to a new city where not many people speak English (and I don’t speak the local language yet) and for me social media has been a lifesaver! I have no idea how I would have met so many people if it weren’t for the random expat/english-speakers groups on Facebook. For me it has been a fantastic way to meet people outside of work. Before facebook, I think I would have found this city much more difficult and isolating. That being said, I feel that it is also making my communications with my friends back home much more superficial. It consists a lot more of “liking” people’s photos/updates than having actual conversations. I have the perception that I am still in touch with lots of people, but realistically I am only in touch with the parts of their lives that they post on facebook. Better than nothing, but not ideal.
Swright90

Soical media is too much. The only thing I actually like about social media is blogging. People don’t even like to pick up the phone anymore to hear a voice. You have to choose not to be on the wagon.
http://allegrasface.blogspot.com/ Allegra

I’ve recently deleted my facebook in an effort to connect with people on a more personal level, without feeling the need to read about them first. I feel as though facebook can be either a social enhancer (giving us the ability to send out invites to a mass group of people for a certain event) or social suicide. For me, the right decision was to delete it all together, because I would get so caught up in the goings-ons of my friends online, that I didn’t feel it necessary to see them outside of the interwebs. Also, the things posted on facebook are out there for the world to see, including future employers. Yikes!
nessabirdie

Social media is to assist traditional communication and consumption of entertainment. For example, when maintaining a long distance relationship, you would use Facebook to help with the “small talk” conversations. You may use Twitter #hashtag to talk about shows that you may watch together. However, when you guys are together, face-to-face, you feel more fulfilled. Overall, that is a quick examples of social media compliments traditional face-to-face communication.
http://www.streetsandstripes.com/ Chaucee

I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Community is something that’s really important to me. It wasn’t until I spent a large chunk of time outside the country, travelling around and meeting other people that I realized how much we (at least where I live, here in Philadelphia) are missing a sense of community like that.

It seems like social media is only diminishing the role of meaningful relationships in “real life”.
Alyssa Gapske

I left deleted my Facebook that I had for years and recently only made a new one because of my job in social media and PR. I will be honest and say that I have about 90% less friends that I did during my Facebook days. Something about not being active online really makes people not want to communicate with you. It’s sad but true.
http://twitter.com/JennySueMakeup JennySueMakeup

Yes, I definitely think so. And bc I’m a blogger, and let’s face it – always thinking about how to drive more traffic to my site – I have constantly been on one of these various social media sites during the day. But since I have a family of 3 little ones, I’m being much more focused on family time during the daylight hours, and trying to only be engaged w social media when they are asleep now.
Because my kids are MUCH more important than any person I could follow on Instagram or Twitter that lives to put themself out there 24/7…
Emily

I absolutely think this is making us less social in terms of interpersonal relationships. When I’m on the bus, it’s like people are afraid to talk or even look at each other. Everyone is on their phones, headphones in, and shutting out the world.

Even in social settings, it’s an issue. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been out with friends and everyone has their phone out, constantly texting or being on social sites. Myself included! It’s like we can’t enjoy the moment without snapping a picture as proof that it happened. I even feel guilty for “turning off” some days — since I work in social and also have a blog I constantly feel like I need to be involved in the conversations and sharing my thoughts/life. It’s exhausting sometimes.

That said…social media HAS helped me to develop a lot of friendships (although, they are definitely different than actual friendships!). I think it’s just so important that we all stay focused on maintaining our personal relationships and not letting “social” get ahead of us!

Isn’t
That Charming.
Leslie Welsh

I haven’t had facebook (so basically I’m not a citizen of this earth) for the past year. The relationships I’ve made in this past year are incredible and based on something so real. I don’t even miss facebook anymore. I feel much better without it.
Sarah

Less social in ways, yes. We are lacking the face to face interaction.
Boys these days ask girls out via text instead of calling. It’s a fine balance.
Elizabeth

I think social media has the potential to bring us closer because of the amount that you can constantly be connected to someone (via text, twitter, facebook etc). I have found that because I come from a large extended family (25 first cousins and more second cousins than I can count!), facebook helps us all keep tabs on each other.
However, I would also say that social media connections can lead to an emotional disconnect. Especially with young people, the emotional connection of talking to a real live person is very important, and without it, children can grow up to actually be less sympathetic people, and as such, we have the potential to have a generation of people who are far more callous than any before it.
So…I guess as with everything, social media is all about moderation.
Trucker

Dam straight it is.