Coffee Talk: Jealousy

Feb 18, 2013

Some of us are just lucky enough to have that gene. You know which one we’re talking about.

The one that permits you to be genuinely excited for every friend’s success, even if it means they can shop or dine out whenever they want while you’re cooking at home tonight. The one that allows you to be happy that your boyfriend has female friends. The one that lets you be proud of a coworker’s promotion, even if it means you’re going to stay in your entry-level position for a few more years.

Some girls can be genuinely happy for others’ triumphs and are never affected by someone else’s fortune. Some of us aren’t so blessed.

The Everygirl wants to know: are you a jealous person? How do you cope when you feel jealous?

image via

elizabeth fitzgerald

http://thecornerapartment.com/ Elizabeth @ TheCornerApartment

I’m not usually a jealous person, but when things come up, as they do, I tell myself “patience.” There is a time for everyone, I believe.

Elizabeth

Afujiwara77

Well said. It is so true that there is a time for everyone. It is sometimes hard to be happy for someone who would be in the better place than you, but your last line well said!

Amanda Albert Moore

I have definitely improved over time. I believe a great cure for jealousy is a fascinating new adventure. It’s hard to be jealous of others when you are having the time of your life! Don’t dwell on what others have, simply create what you want!

Adrienne B

Perfect. Totally agree.

designRoundup

Jealousy is so not me…I always think “you don’t know how they did it, received it”, etc. like you may see a person that has endless amounts of money but you don”t know how they got it, they could have lost a loved one. And that I would never want to experience, just to have lots of money
http://www.facebook.com/beccalise.deveaux ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

That’s actually probably my biggest struggle. I’m hoping people post more tips on coping with it, because sometimes I’m fine and other times I’m so damn bitter!
Laura

For me it hasn’t been jealousy per se but more of a competition within myself, a basis for comparison. With the other person being more accomplished, or more sophisticated, more travelled, etc. I think my problem is that I’ve achieved so much within myself personally, but it’s not something that’s either measured easily or valued much by society. Society values status, not so much emotional intelligence. So that boiled down to, for me, what do I value more? What people think of me and how I’m perceived or my own personal development as a human being? I still get irked that girls my age are MBA grads with business trips to Brazil at least once a quarter, BUT I remind myself that just because they’re hot, doesn’t mean I’m not.
Samantha Peterson

I would love to say I’m not a jealous person, but I sometimes feel the envy bug. Especially when it comes to blogging. I’ve been at this for three years, and it truly just takes time and being yourself to make things happen.
Cami

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” Theodore Roosevelt

http://answertheunasked.blogspot.com/ JMill

Double-like.

http://twitter.com/ClarissaFidler Clarissa Fidler

I’m not naturally a very jealous person. Where I run into trouble is when I start comparing myself and my life situation with others. If I get stuck in this rut I try to take a deep breath, step back, and examine the source of my feelings. Once I identify the “why” and “when” then I get back on track. It also helps me to take a break from social media and the internet in general when I start to feel those envious, “life’s not fair” kind of feelings.

Julia Hogren

yes, social media can be a huge source of jealousy for me! breaks are good, as well as remembering that people put their best foot forward online–it is just one part of their life that they are sharing.
AMyshak

I can understand your point, too. I took a break from Facebook. So far I am feeling much better. Instead, I am spending more time in reading books and good magazines to have personal time.

http://answertheunasked.blogspot.com/ JMill

I get jealous, for sure. The problem with my jealousy is that it doesn’t last long – it turns into self-doubt and low self esteem.
Littleone5

Yes and no. I am not so much jealous as I am frustrated by the quality of people who seem to receive all of the blessings. I could go into great detail and give a couple of examples, but practicing “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” is a daily practice, that I will choose to use at this time.
http://www.makemejoyful.com/ Miss Joyful

When I was younger I had some really warped thinking going on around this subject. If a friend fell in love I felt lonelier, if someone lost weight I felt fatter etc etc. But then I realised that this is such a mentality of scarcity. Just because someone else has had success doesn’t mean that there is any less success available for me. I can choose to be inspired rather than envious.

If ever the jealous feelings come up I use them as a guide as to how I’m feeling myself. So, if I want what someone else has, what am I doing to block myself from having it too. It becomes a useful tool. I also remind myself on a daily basis that there is enough of everything to go round and by celebrating the good fortune of others, I’m more likely to get my share.

That said, I still have problems with my boyfriend’s BFF. Clearly need to work on becoming a little more zen their too…
Francesca Barger

The best (and truly, only) remedy for jealousy is contentment. Don’t you think if you focused on what you DO have, other people’s ‘one-uppance’ wouldn’t seem so mountainous in comparison? When has coping ever really solved anything? Seize that green-eyed monster in a choke hold & get rid of it! Coping implies that you’re required to limp along, dragging unmet needs & shattered expectations to every place your foot lands–what a killjoy (besides, that limp is very unbecoming for someone with as much grace & poise as you). Stand tall & walk proud & don’t let someone else’s declaration (even if deserved!) trump your confidence in life as you know it; you are exactly where you’re supposed to be in this moment. Don’t let jealousy ruin that for you (there’s bigger fish to fry!).

Maura

Well said!

Julia Hogren

whenever i notice feelings of jealousy arising, i try to pinpoint the reason behind it, because it is usually tied to an emotion rather than a thing. i have definitely learned what my triggers are, and i usually have to reframe: what are my blessings in life? what changes could i make (i.e., do i really want her job, or do i just wish i had the flexibility in hours? am i jealous that she got an article published, or am i just anxious about that happening for me? and so on)

but sometimes, jealousy is a good motivator to work harder. it helps me prioritize–if i’m jealous of someone who travels a lot, i don’t think “poor me” but instead “how can i make plans/save money for one trip this year, since i love traveling?”
http://steelpetalpress.com/ Shayna Norwood

Jealousy is a form of insecurity. It is a negative emotion that doesn’t get anyone anywhere.

You should be happy for others while focusing your energies on your own path. I’ve always been a firm believer in focus on the positive, it’s a much more productive use of your emotional energy.
http://youmakemeswoon.wordpress.com/ Sally

I think its normal to get jealous of others, and compare your life to others… however whenever I do I try to remember that you never see the whole picture and you don’t know what trials they have in their life…

Also I always then think through everything I have that I am grateful for, that always makes me come back down to earth
AMyshak

Thank you, The Everygirl. I love this post. I learned lots from others by reading how they see this matter. This sharing is a step to improve myself for the betterment; true inner beauty is so much more beautiful than looks.
http://www.livehealthysimply.com/ Jessica Nazarali

I wrote a post on jalously yesterday. I truly believe a little bit jealousy can be a good thing, it can make you strive to be your best. However when it becomes all consuming that’s when you need to watch out.
Rebecca Ann

I do get jealous, especially when people around me reach their “growing up” milestones that I feel like I am so far away from. I don’t feel anger or bitterness toward them, but I do get sad that my life is not where I would like it to be, just yet. It does give me motivation to work harder toward getting to a place that makes me happy, though.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=30312083 Brittney Pippin

I don’t tend to struggle with this too much. Usually the things I get jealous of are others’ sense of organization! As a christian, I understand that God’s plan for me is the best plan.
http://stylizedexistence.com/blog Lauren Corso

Everytime I get jealous – I tell myself that this is MY life and I can do whatever I want in it. If there is something I want, I need to work hard for it. It’s a waste of time being envious of others’ successes when you could have it too, especially if you work your butt off to get it!
Ashley Rizzardo

I don’t really think that I am a particularly “jealous” person. But once in awhile something will happen and I will be guilty of a jealous or kind of selfish feeling. But really, who isn’t? I think that what makes it work is that I have the ability to calm down and remind myself that everyone has their time and mine will come.
http://wishfulthinking23.blogspot.com/ michelle

i don’t get jealous. i get competitive. i only want to be better than the person i was yesterday
FreckleFace

I am not jealous, but I take that as I can do much better and I do. It’s kind of like a kick in the butt to get the ball rolling in life.
Ijinku

I’m not a jealous person at all, but boy do I know some and it’s quite disheartening to see your “friends” pretending they’re happy for you- jealousy is an ugly thing and it’s very transparent when you’re genuinely not happy for someone.
http://livingmylifeasiknowit.wordpress.com/ Christina Tamm

I would like to say I am not normally a jealous person but to be honest I think I just hide my jealousy well. I can be that girl who supports everyone and is happy for everyone and for the most part I really am but I can’t help but let my mind wonder on over to the jealous side.

Typically more with my man then anything else!
http://mousewings.dreamwidth.org/ Iris

I’m usually not but I sometimes do get jealous. I overcome my feelings by reminding myself about the good things in my life and how I have a lot to be grateful and thankful for.