Coffee Talk: The Right Age to Marry

Jan 15, 2013

Coffee Talk: The Right Age to Marry

How old is too old? How young is too young? Is there a right age to get married?

While there might be a limited number of answers, there’s certainly no shortage of opinions. Some of us go from earning our college degree to marching down the aisle. Others choose to stay out of the chapel until a little later in life (or never go in at all). When it comes to marriage, what’s the right age for you?

elizabeth fitzgerald

http://www.streetsandstripes.com/ Chaucee

I think a lot of it depends on where you grew up and what kind of situation you grew up in. I grew up in Lancaster, PA and a lot of people get married young and have happy healthy marriages until their old age. But a lot of my friends who come from non-traditional homes wait to get married until they are in their 30′s or never at all.
Marriage woes

Personally, I feel the original notion and concept that marriage once held has gone and seems to no longer be the special monumental moment in a person’s life anymore, which is part of the reason why I wish to never get married.

However, if I was to get married, I think anytime between 25 and 35 would be ideal, just as long as I had a kid by the age of 28.

http://www.iheartwhales.com/ Mandy H.

I just want to say… don’t give up marriage. It IS a special monumental moment in your life.
When I got married, my parents were the proudest people in the world. All I heard was, “We’re so proud of you.” My husband’s mother is still showing our pictures off. I would think, why are they so proud? It’s easy to get married…. and then it hit me: It’s easy to elope, or live with someone, but not everyone stands up in front of a crowd and promises to be one person for their whole life.
Anyways, don’t be discouraged by the media and hollywood’s view of marriage. There’s still die hard romantics out there.

http://www.milk-shed.com/ Stef

I think its wildly unfair to suggest that its easy to elope. A marriage through elopement is no “less” than one where you stand in front of a crowd an promise to be with one person for the rest of your life.

Chloe Moon

I’m known couples that have married young and I know couples that have married older…It’s so hard to pinpoint the right age, but it depends on the person definitely. I’m 27 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and I think I’m ready…that is another factor…you have to be ready! =)

Ergo – Blog
http://twitter.com/fetebysteph Stephanie Marie

I had this thought that I would be married right after college… you meet “the one” in college, you get engaged your senior year, you get married. I even had a “deadline” (not a serious one)– 2012 I wanted to get married. Well, the relationships I had were clearly not the right ones, so I gave up hope… until I met my husband in May 2011. We decided to get married five weeks later and in 2012, I really did hit my deadline and tied the knot. I’m 24, he’s 30. Do I think I’m too young? Yes, sometimes. I think it’s all about where you are in your life and maturity level, how much you’re willing to be selfless, and how good you are at teamwork. For some people, they meet all those requirements quickly, in college. For others, time to be selfish and build your own independent life is what is needed (and that’s totally cool!)– so getting hitched “later”, 28-35, is right.
http://www.facebook.com/drew.martino Drew Martino

I don’t think there is a “right age”. Everyone has their own story!
http://www.facebook.com/beccalise.deveaux ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

I was 23, which looking back seems so young, but I have no regrets!
Tiffany

When I was younger, I always dreamed of getting married to a great husband in my mid-twenties and having 2 kids a dog by my mid-thirties. I am almost in my mid-thirties and I don’t have any of that- yet. Based on my experiences, I would rather marry the perfect person for me at 40 rather than marry someone who might not the perfect person for me at 25. For me, it’s all about waiting until I find the right person.
http://www.facebook.com/casandra.irimia Casandra Irimia

Anytime you feel like. I was 22.
http://twitter.com/luvvleighb Leigh

I think that no matter what age you are, you will still grow older and wiser. No matter how old you are when you get married (I got married a year or two out of college), you and your spouse will go through changes. It’s important to be aware of changes and to continue to put effort into your relationship no matter how long you have been married. My parents have been married for 26 years and they still go on dates every Friday night. I think it’s when people change and stop putting effort into their marriage that they start to fall apart. You change, the relationship changes, vows don’t change. I don’t think there is a “right” age. I think you will have to go through this no matter how old you are when you get married.

Elise Martinez

Beautifully said- so true!

http://cazwilson.info/ Caz Wilson

It really does depend on the person. After college I did a lot of travelling and self discovery and it wasn’t until I was 24 that I felt ready to get married. I met my husband when I was 25 and it all felt so right. But I’ve never set a deadline for myself when it comes to marriage – some things in life you can’t predict or can’t rush.
http://twitter.com/maxwelllauren Lauren Maxwell

When it’s right it’s right, depending on the age. 27 felt perfect for me. I really knew myself and my needs by then.
Catherine Ahern

There is no “right age.” It’s totally personal. I know people who got married at 20 (8 years ago) and are still crazy in love, and others who found their person at 38 and are going just as strong. Arbitrarily picking a number will just cause women (and some men too, I guess) unnecessary stress and self-doubt.

However, I’m IN LOVE with the wedding photo above. Does anyone know the source? I want to read about it/see more pictures!

http://lisasanchez.me/ Lisa Sanchez

Hi Catherine! There’s now a source link above, and the wedding has also been featured on A Cup of Jo (joannagoddard.blogspot.com). Enjoy!

http://www.katskull.com Kat Skull

Personally, I’d like to wait until my early 30′s for marriage. But, if things happen in the right way and I meet someone now then I’m sure my feelings would change.
http://www.gathersnm.blogspot.com Kim Humes

I definitely think it depends on the person – it’s really a decision that each person/couple must make for themselves. Some couples are ready young, and some are not. Some people don’t even MEET that person until they are older and who cares?! I myself did not meet someone that I could see marrying until I was 26 (I’m 28 now and still not quite ready for marriage) but I have friends that started dating ‘the one’ when they were 19 and were married by 24. There are no rules anymore and actually I think it’s dangerous to make huge life decisions, such as marriage, based on things like ‘well all my friends are doing it’ or ‘I’m getting old’. Those are not good reasons to do something and if you do base your decisions on such things, it is likely you will regret it later. Decide to get married because you feel you and your partner are ready. That’s. It. In general, I would suggest that you be with someone for at least a year and try living together before getting married just bc I feel you need that time in order to fully understand each other and know if you could build a life together. However, I wouldn’t judge anyone who gets married after only dating 6 mths or not having lived together – if it feels right for them, it’s none of my business!
http://galleryeight.blogspot.com/ Brittany

I think the right time is when you’ve found the person you want to marry. Younger couples are often criticized for rushing into things & sometimes those critiques are valid, but it really does completely depend on the specific couple. My best friend is 20, is engaged as of last month, and is planning a wedding for 2014. I think if I were looking at her & didn’t know her, I might think she was a little nuts. But I know her and her future husband and they are so well suited, I can’t imagine her with anyone else.
instantphoebe

Personally, I think 25+ is a good age. I think it’s important to have a direction for your career and to be somewhat stable before getting married. I know some couples figure it out together, but I think it’s important to be able to be independent.

I don’t think you can ever be too old. The older you get, the wiser you get.
http://twitter.com/glitterygapske Alyssa Gapske

I think it depends on the people. My mom and dad got married when she was 21 and he was 28. They still have a wonderful relationship. All of my grandmothers got married at aged 22, and one of them remarried after being widowed at age 60!

It all depends on the relationship and the maturity of the individuals. I know some couples that got married at 19 and it was the right idea and others that got married at 30 and I think they could still use time!
Sachi Mitchem

I’m getting married this year. We’re both going to be 24. We’ve been together since we were 17, so this is not just something we’re jumping into on a whim. I think that’s the most important thing – to be with each other long enough to KNOW that it’s right, not just to jump in and HOPE that things work out in your favor.
Nancie B

I swear I dated only inappropriate men in my twenties just to avoid getting married. I wasn’t ready so why date marriageable material? Instead I had lots of fun. I married at thirty and am still married 26 years later. That was a good time for me, but it depends on goals, personalities and if someone else is willing!
SeauxJoXo

I think as long as you’re over the age of 21, it’s whenever you think you’ve met that special person and are ready. I don’t believe in rushing into marriage & I don’t believe in putting it off until “the right time.” There’s no such thing. You will always be working towards something in your life & marriage won’t old you back from that, if it’s with the right person.
renata

when you know, you just know…

my parents wed when my mom was 19 and my dad 22 and they just had their 35th anniversary…
http://www.acharmingoccasionblog.com/ Joelle Duff

I think it’s impossible to give an age that’s right for everyone. Everyone is different, and some marriages last while others don’t, regardless of when they happen. I never thought that when I met my boyfriend my junior year of high school, that he would be “the one”, but he was and we married when I was 23. It’s almost three years later, and we’re still going strong. That may not work for everyone, but I always hate when people ask what that “perfect” age is. There is none!
http://answertheunasked.blogspot.com/ JMill

Um, somewhere between Sybil and Mary’s age, like, way before Edith. #DowntonAbbeyIsAGuideToLife #UpstairsAndDownstairs
livloveblog

There is no “right age”. You get married when you meet the right person. The checklists, plans, hopes & dreams — they’re all great, but life has a way of throwing a curve ball every once in a while… & even the best plans can fall apart. You get married when you meet the right person, not when you hit a certain age.
amanda

i think at the end of the day its all a personal choice and if you are happy – happy is happy. that said, i am getting married in april (im 30, hes 32) and we have met with a bunch of vendors and other service providers (when we were 29 and 31) and got a fair amount of “is this a second marriage?” you had to literally pick my jaw up off the floor. this is nyc and 2012/13. really? am i crazy?
Elise Martinez

I am 23 and my husband is 26. We have been married for a year and a half and are extremely happy! When he asked me to marry him, I had apprehensions about doing so before I had graduated college, but when I honestly examined the source of my doubt, it was because I was afraid of what other people would assume about me. I was afraid of their judgement. When I realized that my love for my husband trumped all of that, I knew that the right thing to do was to say yes! I don’t think one is ever completely ready for marriage because it’s a daily journey, but I would recommend that people be over the age of 20.
http://www.straightnochase.com/ Josie

25-35 in major cities, 20-35 in rural/southern areas.
RoseJB

I don’t think there’s a right age to get married, or even a certain amount of time you should wait before you tie the knot. Hell, marriage isn’t even necessary to make a lifelong commitment to someone. But I do think it’s worth spending some time just being ‘married’ together before having kids.
I knew my husband was right for me from the start and we married pretty quickly, but I’m so glad that we got to enjoy being married to each other for a few years before having a child. I can totally understand how the stress of new parenthood can hurt even the best relationships, so it can be a huge help to devote some time to two of you before becoming a family.
Lindsay_thegardenapt

I hate the idea of “right age to get married.” I think it puts social expectations on how one’s goes about finding a soul mate. Ideally, finding that person you are suppose to be with should be completely independent from society. It is personal, it is you, it is your partner. With engagements, showers, weddings, and first houses, it becomes everybody else’s business, and the experience/bond between you and that other person isn’t fully recognized.

I wish you would cover more about other alternatives people are looking into other than getting married. I feel like my friends and I don’t have that plan. We’ve got long term boyfriends; we live with some of them; we’ve had that marriage conversation, but it isn’t something that is on a radar for maybe personal, social, or anti-religious reasons. I think we would fit into your ideas of the “everygirl” but when it comes to marriage, we’ve got a different plan.
Zara

I got married when I was 20, we had been living together since I was 16. We had our first baby when I was 25 and we are still madly in love. I think it’s more about how long you are together before you get married, rather than the age you are. If you have proven that you can live together for several years, you’ll be fine!
Audrey

I feel bad for people that put an “age” on when they need to be married. You risk making brash decisions and ending up with the wrong person. People who judge others for being single are mean and insecure themselves. I think the right age to get married at is the age when you feel comfortable in your own skin, found someone who values you (and you them), and want to spend the rest of your life factoring someone else in. It’s a big deal. Who cares if that isn’t until 40+?! Settling is pathetic, just to be “married at 25, first kid at 28″…etc. Plus, you are going to be with that person forever, what’s the rush?!
Liz

I married at 27 and it really didn’t have anything to do with my age. It just felt right, to be with my husband as a partner, a friend, and as a companion. There is no perfect age for marriage. We had a very private ceremony- outdoors with only the two of us, a judge, and a couple of witnesses and it was lovely. Marriage is the greatest and the hardest thing at the same time!