Coffee Talk: What Advice Would You Give Your 23-Year-Old Self?

Feb 22, 2013

Coffee Talk: What Advice Would You Give Your 23-Year-Old Self?

In our opinion, the age of 23 is a pivotal turning point in every woman’s life. It’s quite a confusing time—wedged between childhood and adulthood—yet it’s also full of so much excitement. Long gone are the days of skipping class and making excuses. This is the real world, and it’s a thrilling place to be. You’ve had enough experience to classify yourself as a grown-up, and being a bit more on your own feels empowering. However, you quickly realize just how much there is left to learn.

The internal dialogue begins with questions like “Where is my career going?” “Who am I supposed to be?”, and the always popular, “What am I going to do with my life?” But is this really fair? Are you supposed to have it all figured out? Exactly what should we be saying to ourselves at 23?

Trust us, we’ve been there. It’s questions like these that inspired us to create The Everygirl in the first place, and since our launch, we’ve been asking everyone from fashion designers to bakery owners the same question: What advice would you give to your 23-year-old self? It is our hope that reading the thoughts of successful women in varied careers will help put things into perspective and give you reassurance about your own journey.

So today, in honor of Anniversary Week, we want to hear from you. What did your life look like at age 23? What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself? If you’re not there yet, tell us, where do you see yourself at 23? What would you say to that woman in the future?

image via

Brianna Cook

http://www.sincerelyanna.com/ Anna

I love the picture for this post because the woman looks so calm. That`s where I want to be in four years time. I`m 19 now and I have no idea what I will be and where I will live but I know that I want to be happy, sophisticated and calm. I want to have big dreams, too.
http://www.facebook.com/jo3e.M Jowhara Mahomed

I haven’t even turned 23, I just recently turned 21 on the 5th of Feb and there’s all these expectations from everyone that come with now officially being 21. I don’t know what to tell them when they ask me if I’m studying, cause I’m not. I work 6 days a week and for someone who’s 21 its quite hard. You have all these ideas of how you’re going to be done with your degree by now but not everyone’s life is the same and this job I know it might not be much but it’s a stepping stone to something bigger. The plans I have for myself will work out, and this year I do plan on studying business management (keep your fingers crossed) and doing exactly what I want with my life. What keeps me motivated the most is seeing all these amazing woman on The Everygirl and it inspires me to keep moving toward my end goal and who knows, maybe one day I’ll be featured on The Everygirl.

Thank you so much for being such an amazing inspiration in my life, i really do love every sing one of your posts.

Much Love from me all the way in South Africa
http://www.margaretbirch.blogspot.com/ Margaret Birch

I am 23 and this is exactly how I feel! My life looks like this: I am nestled between being a girl and being a woman. My mom passed away in 2010 then my dad in 2012 so 2012 was when I was thrown out into the real world and learned how to pay all my own bills, take care of needs like groceries and doctor bills, and in general be a functioning adult. I have just finished my college degree, and it’s a MARATHON RACE in my head to figure out what exactly I should be doing (don’t want to waste time!). I’m getting married in a little over and month and in the process of buying a home. I’m learning, with my fiance, how to manage money together and how we will have to adjust our lifestyles. I’m *trying* to build a photography and design business because I enjoy that much more than what I do during the day. Though, sometimes, it feels like so much work that I think having a day job might be the way to go. Then, I tell myself that no matter what career path you choose there will be trials and it will be not great at times. There are a lot of people who make entrepreneurship out to be rainbows and unicorns. I feel really competitive with those around me – like I want to be doing the best out of everyone. I feel like I need to stop and smell the roses more often
Allison

“Stop drinking so much…”

I wish I were kidding but it is kind of true. If I didn’t drink as much, I would have saved a lot of money, would have had more drive to succeed (as opposed to being so tired all the time), and would have been a little further than where I am now.
http://twitter.com/katiedskelley Katie

I felt so old when I was 23, and now at 35, I look back and laugh at myself. I am sure that I will probably feel that same way when I am 50 and looking back at 35. 23 was a tough year–my beloved grandmother died, I changed jobs and moved back to my hometown…a lot of uncertainty. If I had to give myself advice, I would say: Dream big–and don’t let your career get you down. Yes, it is not exactly what you pictured yourself doing, but you still have the rest of your life to create yourself. And when your friend wants to set you up with that handsome engineer, say yes immediately. Turns out he would make a pretty awesome husband.

PS–And don’t cut all of your hair off. It is not a good look for you.

Akshaya

Hi, thank you for posting this!! This fits perfectly into my life right now!

and I’ll keep that engineer advice in mind

http://twitter.com/TaraJerika Tara Cabullo

Every decision you make today will affect your life tomorrow. Stop chasing everything every time. Things will come to you if they’re meant for you.

I’ve always this segment of yours in all your features
Gabrielle Scalese

I’m 22 & going to be 23 in June. I graduate in May & need to start applying for jobs, pick up my life, & potentially move. This is all so fast & confusing! I am going to have to start paying bills, rent, and being out on my own. Just to think 5 years ago I was a freshman in college & I thought “adulthood” was so far away. I blinked & here I am to create a “new” life for myself. I am lost already, SOS!

http://redvelvetandpeonies.wordpress.com/ Brittany Weeks

I completely understand. I’m 23, I graduate at 21 and had no idea what to do or how to go about doing it.I couldn’t find a job for a year afterward. So, I decided to go to grad school and I am absolutely excited about my future now. But the thoughts are still in the back of my mind. My advise to you is just breathe and relax it’ll all work out

Megan N

At 23, I was living at home, applying to medical schools and searching desperately for a job that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to admit I had on a first date. It was terrible, and I felt like a loser. I picked up running as an outlet, and still love running to this day, and for that I am forever grateful. But there were definitely nights that I would have a glass of wine and break down in tears, thinking “I had so much potential in college, why is nothing working out for me??”

I wish someone had told me to not compare myself to others. Even now at 28, almost 29, I get frustrated by friends that seem so far ahead – Promotions, buying second homes, having babies. I’m not even ready for a baby, but I sometimes just feel so far behind. And then I look around and realize, I have a job I love and room to grow. And I have a wonderful husband. And yes, some of my girlfriends are way ahead of me. But some are also way behind. As long as the things we have in life make us happen, it doesn’t matter what everyone else has.

And secondly, life never works out as planned. I was supposed to be a doctor by the time… and I’m not. And its okay Everything will be okay!

Kate H

I’m 23 and in the same place right now…this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today! Thank you!
Jacky

This is what I needed to hear today. I’m 22, almost 23, and just finishing up a term with AmeriCorps and this is the predicament that I currently find myself in. Thank you for your words they’ve helped today.

Catherine Ahern

So many things, but mostly: Do not settle. Don’t settle for a job that doesn’t fulfill you. Don’t settle for a relationship that doesn’t rock your world. Don’t settle for a ho-hum life that you’re not proud of and excited about.

Michelle

Thank you. This is what I needed to read this morning. I’m only 23 for 12 more days, and I spent the last year doing a lot of settling. I’m going to spend the next 12 days changing that.
http://gofortheglam.blogspot.com/ Olivia

Love this advice.

http://jaybendt.com/ Jay Bendt

23 was a crazy year for me. I going through my last year of college, planning a wedding for the year after, trying to not freak out about finally “being a grown up” and finding a job because student loans would be kicking in in 6 months (and how was I going to afford a wedding with loans looming closer?!). I struggled with figuring out what I wanted (I still do, but my vision of it is much clearer), and just generally was stressed out 110% of the time.

I am now 25, and although 23 was just two years ago, it feels like a lifetime has passed. I have a stable job (not quite where I want to be YET, but a stepping stone), the wedding was amazing and the student loans are being paid off on time. I would have told my 23 year old self to relax every once in a while, to remember that although the 5 year plan might change, it’s better to have a plan than not have one. And lastly, but most importantly, to take it easier on myself.
Debra Norris

What would I tell my 23 year old self?

“Drop out of interior design school and pick up a fashion degree!”

I’m 26 years old..27 this year and started my own jewelry business about a year and a half ago. It continues to grow in a direction I’m proud of. I wasn’t ready to do something like that at 23. I was getting an interior design degree at the time and just living my life. Looking back I should not have been so scare of the fashion world because I’ve grown to love it. Let me clarify by saying I like the “everyday girl” fashion world. Think Kendi Everyday, etc…
So yeah….I don’t regret my degree because it sharpened my natural talents but man, I think I could have gotten ahead and had more opportunities had I got a degree in jewelry design or fashion.

xo,
Debra
http://www.etsy.com/shop/summerbucket
Kates

Dear Me (@23), College did not prepare you for corporate America,
and you are going to have co-workers who complain about you and push you beyond
what you think your breaking point is. You will want to quit your job every
single day. You will change/grow and develop
more from the age 23-30 than you can even imagine. It doesn’t matter that you have settled in a
job because the money is good. DO NOT LOOSE SIGHT OF WHO YOU ARE! Do not let
those co-workers beat you down, even if you can’t quit (because responsible
adults sometimes cannot quit-even if they desperately want to) persevere! You
will be much more of a woman from that experience and it will help you more
than you will ever know. Always know
that every experience is an opportunity to grow. Your biggest failures can turn into opportunities
and always (ALWAYS) remember “fall down seven, stand up eight”! You will do wonderful things someday, maybe
not in the time frame you want, but someday.
http://www.emmalouwrites.wordpress.com/ Emily

First of all, the 23 year old question is my absolute favorite in all of your series, I often scroll to the bottom of the interview first just to read that tidbit before really diving in.

I’m 22, I will be 23 in 3 months, and I am confused hahaha. But I’m a happy confused, an optimistic confused. I’m excited and ready to jump, even if that means falling.
Kala Morry

At this exact time when I was 23 I was unemployed. I was laid off from a job in Nov. 2008. I wasn’t happy there so in someways it was a relief. I’m 27 now and I’d tell myself that in a couple months I would start working at a new job where I’m greatly valued and I would be much happier even though I’d be earning a lot less for a few years. I’d probably also suggest that I should become a little better at saving money because my husband would lose his job in 2012 and it will take awhile for him to find something new (he’s still looking). But to make sure and remember that we are in this together and that it is no use crying over burnt sweet potatoes. LOL
Liane Pamuspusan

I was deciding between two careers – fashion or medicine – when I was 23. I decided on the former and haven’t looked back since.

I turned 27 today, so what I will tell to my 23 year old self is to be open to exploring new things, never sell yourself short, and always listen to your gut.
http://www.champagnereveries.blogspot.com/ Lauren M. Ferreira

“Leave him.”

At 23 I was in my last semester of college in Paris. I’d been living there for 2 years and was in a long distance relationship with someone in California. Hindsight really is perfect vision.
Ashley Rizzardo

I am currently 18 and a freshman in college. The world after graduation terrifies me a bit (I would be lying if I said it didn’t!) But at 23 I hopefully be in a position somewhere working towards what I have wanted to do. I just want to be happy and somewhat comfortable with where my life is at that time.
Ascaperl

I’d tell myself: don’t be embarrassed about your mediocre job, be grateful for it. Overpay your students loans and start saving for a car. Don’t buy those shoes (or that skirt, etc) and pack your lunch! Choose between going to Russia and Honduras (I went to both that year!).
http://twitter.com/champagnepicnic champagne picnic

23 for me was only 2 years ago and I wish I didn’t worry so much. I was so anxious about my job and my relationship thinking that now I am out of college everything is going to move so fast! Although the years have gone by fast, the worrying and expectations I had didn’t do much for me. I wish that I would have relaxed a little more, worried less about money, and when I was going to get engaged – because all of those things come with time, and age. So 23 year olds – be young and make mistakes and stop worrying because everything will fall into place for you eventually!

Monika, 25
champagne-picnic.com
http://www.luckylittlemustardseed.com/ Jenna

There is so many things I would love to tell my 23 year old self. For one, you don’t have to get married. I was always the girl who thought ladies in college looking for a Mrs. Degree were sad and somehow I ended up one of them! Marriage is a wonderful thing – just not with the wrong person. Secondly, you can rock bangs. It’s true no matter how many magazines you read saying “round faces cannot do bangs.” You just needed the right hairstylist. (You’ll find one in San Diego). And lastly, you’re never done evolving. The beauty of being a woman is we get to change our minds and as much as we want! It’s never too late [no matter what people tell you] to have the life you want . . . or hairstyle!
Emily

I will be 23 in two weeks and those questions are pretty much my only thoughts on a loop.
Amandinette

What a great, thoughtful prompt. Although only 3 years past 23, I would tell my 23 your old self:

-You’re not entitled to everything you think you are. Jobs aren’t an entitlement just because you went to college. Hard work, persistence and acceptance at every stage of the journey is an obligation however.

-Choose one career goal, make it strong and the rest are great hobbies!

-Live life where you are. It’s so easy to get lost in dreams and the line “when I’m 26, I’ll be doing this, doing that”. Dream big, but don’t lose the time you do have that’s very real and in front of you.

-Accept failure. It happens more than once. Don’t always strive for perfection, rather contentment.

-Know who you are, where you are from, keeping your faith in God firm. Wear it proudly.

-Don’t live your life online or on your iPhone! Go out and explore, have an adventure, meet people face-to-face, talk to strangers.

-Keep that inner child in you alive and don’t let life get you down. Learn to rely on others for support and keep pushing forward.
Christine Manke

I’m about two weeks from 23 and it’s freaking. Me. Out. Reading all of these anniversary week posts has definitely helped, though, so thanks!
http://twitter.com/archipena Dev No Dude

I’m 23. Since I turned, I was jobless recent grad, twisted dreadlocks in my apartment to make money, didn’t have a car, applied to 110 architecture firms (highest graduate unemployment rate)…

Then in a blink of an eye I became a high school teacher, in a new city, same state. And in another blink, an asst PM at an arch firm 1/2 way across the country.

The latter was the goal—as far as my mind would take me. But now that I’m here— to dream is one thing, but since actually reaching my 1st plateau, I’m right back dreaming…about what’s next…It’s all so literal now.

I learning to love my life, no matter where. I live in a po’dunk town, making not that much, but it’s all ahead and saying I trust in God, and actually doing it, freeing myself of worry, it the task at hand.

I miss my family and friends, but I have a certainty in myself that it will all come full circle as long as i stay motivated and grateful.

Wish me luck! <3
Hillary

I think the biggest piece of advice I would give to myself at 23 would be to enjoy the ride. In the three years since then, I’ve switched jobs three times, a career field once, and gotten married. While I think that having goals and aspirations are critical, I’ve become more okay than I was about things not going exactly as planned.

At 23 I thought I knew exactly where the coming years were going to take me and, in reality, I had no idea. The job and place in life I’m in now aren’t where I thought I would be and I’m totally grateful, because they’re better than I ever could have imagined!
Krisma

I’m 23 and there are so many things running through my head about how my life should be, what career path I should take and whether or not I’m in the right path. But one thing I’ve recently realized is that there are different types of success. You don’t have to be famous, be popular, or make a lot of money. You can have a simple job that you excel in and be successful! It’s easy to get sucked into society’s standard for success, but if you’re happy where you are then I’d consider that being successful!
Anna

This post is just what I needed! 23 myself and definitely relating to all the reader comments. It’s encouraging to know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thanks to all those giving advice!
http://twitter.com/mojogiorno mojo

choose your career not your BF !
http://underthestarsandsun.blogspot.com/
Maureen

Thank you for always asking the amazing women you interview this question. It’s always what I want to know most!

Here’s a snippet of what I would say to myself at 23:
“It’s ok that life isn’t what you thought it
would be after graduating from college. You are not supposed to know what to do
with yourself right now. Don’t focus on the bigger picture right now, just
enjoy today.”

Read the rest at http://www.sheismoments.com/2013/02/advice-to-me-at-23.html
Roxy

23-year-old self (from 20 years ago!) -
a) Quit that dreadful job for a better one. It’s not taking you anywhere but it’s taking everything you have.
b) You can be an adult and still be a fun person. REALLY. Even if you own a vacuum cleaner.
c) Your metabolism will change. Just so you know.
d) Most experiences are more valuable than most possessions. So go to the concert, Italy, and school.
e) Yeah, it sucks to be carded when your friends aren’t. But at 43, when people think your younger sister is older than you are, it ROCKS.
RoseJB

My message to my 23-year-old self?

“You know yourself, your needs, and your limits pretty well. Trust that. When you get the feeling that you need to say no to something (or yes!), do just that and things will work out well.”
I’ve made some mistakes (I’ve had to get my spending under control, I’ve taken on more of a burden than I could handle and ended up disappointing myself and others…) but, generally, I feel that I’ve done well in life so far. I know where my priorities lie, but I haven’t always acted accordingly. Consequently, I’ve learned that if I am honest with myself about what I need to do (and actually do it), I’ll be better off in the end.
Raegan

I’m 23 right now, and I have always loved this part of your interviews It really helps give me perspective. I have such a hard time comparing myself to ladies who have years of experience and mistakes on me to get to where they are, and I just need to focus on the things I HAVE accomplished to this point. Just because I am not where I want to be long term now does not mean I never will be. What I have accomplished and what I am doing right now is preparing me to chase my dreams of owning my own store one day.

I’m 23, and while most girls are still finishing college and starting out on their career paths, I graduated in 3 years at age 20, have held an incredibly lucrative job that although I don’t love it, it allows me to work from home and have paid off 90% of my student loans, and I have a husband who supports me in everything I do and wants me to go for my goals!

Sometimes us go-getter, extreme type A girls need a place to vent, get encouragement, and gain perspective, and I’m glad to say the Everygirl has really been that place for me in this crazy time of life!
http://twitter.com/thebabshop Bread & Butterfly

I wish I could have told myself to do what I WANT to do, not what I feel I HAVE to do…it took me a little longer (until 28) to realize not only the difference between the two but also the importance.
http://www.Idabsolutelyloveto.com/ Kasia

Ahh 23, seems so far away! Yet it’s only been 4 years. I would tell myself to relax and be ready for new experiences. I would also tell myself to soak in the moment and enjoy everything that happened around me, because your twenties go by in a flash. Though it’s a time for growth and maturity, it’s also a time to enjoy yourself. Finding the right balance is key, but in the end it all works out! So don’t fret, enjoy being 23 and look forward to what lies ahead!
Hanajima59

I just turned 24 like a month and a half ago. The questions you asked are some things I have been asking myself since I was 14. I had to grow up fast, and my mother challenged me to think ahead a lot. 23 was an age where I was struggling to keep myself from drowning. I had so many degree changes in college because I wanted to get a job as soon as I was done with school; however, I realized the answer was always right in front of me. I had a gift since I was a child for writing and reading so why deny it? Because English majors have a hard time finding jobs? However, I decided to buckle down and do it because it’s my passion and despite my fear of speaking in from of others, I planned to go into PR or college teaching. So, 23 was a time of indecisiveness and hunt for my true self and goal.
slpjeng

“only YOU have the ability to change your life. it doesn’t just come to you… the life you want doesn’t just fall in your lap. YOU HAVE TO SEEK OUT THE LIFE YOU WANT. don’t follow anyone else’s footsteps, be yourself, follow your heart, and do what is right for YOU.”
http://redvelvetandpeonies.wordpress.com/ Brittany Weeks

I am 23 and what I say to myself now is don’t worry so much it’ll all work out. Do exactly what you want and not what everyone else thinks you should. You know what’s best for you and be yourself always
http://www.pieceofcakepeaceofmind.com/ Kendra

Every since the Everygirl began, I have looked forward to the women’s answers regarding this question. It’s always reassuring to know that not everyone has it figured out. I’m 22 at the moment, and have definitely grown up immensely in the past couple years. Like other commenters said, I’m sure that looking back a few years from now 22 will seem like a baby, but at the moment it’s the oldest I’ve been It feels like a great age because of the crossroads it presents—a bit grownup but also a bit of a kid. At 23 I am hoping to be in the last semester of my degree, and getting my design studio to the place that it could provide at least half of my income. I would also like to be financially independent (my parents still help me out a bit currently) because that is one thing that keeps my feeling like a kid. Also, I would like travelling to be a big part of my life when I’m 23 because I will have hopefully graduated and freed up a bit of my time and money!

It’s so fun to read everyone’s comments and here what they hope for being 23 as well as what they would tell themselves if they are passed that age. Thanks for asking this question!
http://twitter.com/twentytwoplus Meaghan Gray

I couldn’t agree more. I am midway through my 23rd year and have just started adjusting to being an “adult” (to others, to myself). I’m a freelance writer, as well, which has somewhat stunted others’ ability to view me as an “adult.” It’s quite an interesting time.

I starting documenting my adjustment on a blog just a few days ago. By setting up challenges for myself and making my progress public, I hope that, in the future, when I think about what advice I would lend my 23-year-old self, I can say something like, “Oh, she’ll be just fine on her own.”
Fatima Ibrahim

I’ll be turning 23 at the end of March and it’s so surprising to me how fast time flies! I’m in a four to five year grad school program, so am glad that those questions are not as important for me now as they will be soon. At 23, I’ll be pretty much the same person I am now, but with a few more days of wisdom and experience. I hope that in the future I can look back and be happy with the decisions I’ve made and be successful in earning the degree I’m seeking.
Guest

As a twenty-three year old, living in New York, self-sufficient, you would think one would be happy, content, maybe even a little proud. NOT TRUE. Lost and confused is most certainly where I am. Thank you for letting me know that all women have once experienced this and the uncertainty will eventually turn to certainties.
Hayley H

I am 23 for two more weeks. These posts mean a lot to me because I felt like I had it my life totally together until I was 23. Successful in school, good job, living in a great city, and then I made drastic life decisions. Once I graduated I quit my job and moved back to my hometown while I searched for something I felt passionate about. And while I am stil searching… These post make me feel like I made the right decision at the right time in my life. Thanks Everygirl for making “Your 23-Year-Old-Self” part of your interviews.
Mandi Smith

I’m so compelled by this question. I turn 23 in less than a month, and at 21 I thought I’d be situated and on my way to a successful, “happy” life. I had dreams of being a big wig in commercial real estate, and now that I’m submerged in corporate America, I have never felt less satisfied and confused in all my short life. I focused my efforts on jobs that would make me the big money FAST. My whole outlook has changed in just one short year out of college. I’m inspired to start my own company and help people better their lives through fitness and nutrition.

In approaching my birthday next month, I want to tell myself to cast all my worries to Christ for he is FOREVER faithful, just do it, and if it does not work out than God didn’t want that direction for my life. Don’t worry if it’s not all figured out, but keep trying and NEVER stop. Reach out to people who inspire you, you might be surprised of the results. Be kind to the people around you and keep a humble heart.

Thank you everygirl for always reminding me that no dream is ever to big!
Erin

Make men come to you. I hate to say it, but there is total truth to the whole “He’s Just Not That Into You” theory. I wish I had learned it earlier!
Franky Wensley

I am so glad that i stumbled upon this blog. I am turning 23 this year and very often I get stressed out not having every little thing in my life sorted out. I THEN remember that 23 is SO young and we have the rest of our lives to figure it all out. The best advice anyone gave me is to take everything day by day and learn as you go along; you really dont have to have all the answers. Also comparing yourself to others is the worst thing to do.
http://www.livehealthysimply.com/ Jessica Nazarali

I would tell myself not to worry because life will turn out to be more amazing than you could ever possibly realize!
whitney husnik

Go “do” that dream you have always wanted to live. It’s too easy to think I need a job, house, boyfriend, husband, kid, puppy, security, investments, etc the farther down the road you get. I just turned 25 yesterday and the harest thing I am trying to figure it how I can do this, move to a new city or country and explore.
Alexa

I am 23 right now, just turned in February, and I’m determined to make this year a year that I will remember. So far I’ve spent my January having tons of fun and meeting all kinds of new people, I spent most of February in Brazil, and have dedicated March to recovering from a bad breakup- but also learning that I don’t need that boyfriend to make me happy, I was doing great before any relationship came along. I want to use the rest of my year to get more in touch with my spirituality, lose those extra five pounds, go camping on the beach with my friends, learn how to FINALLY walk in high heels, and so much more! Cheers to 23