Figuring It Out: Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number…Right?

Well it happened. There was no premeditation, no resolve; frankly I never saw this day coming. But plan or not, there I was Monday night like it was the most natural thing to do. I lied about my age.

I had just run into an old colleague whom I vividly remember as being quite a bit younger than me. But there he was, seemingly all grown up, and smiling at me like I was an episode of New Girl. So after the usual flurried hub bub of how have you been and what are you doing here, I made a sarcastic comment along the lines of, “Have you finally graduated college?” to which he replied, “Oh come on, I’m not that much younger than you. What are you…” he paused, thinking. Before he could carry the one, I interjected with Emmy-deserving confidence, “I’m 26.”

From over his left shoulder, I saw my friend Meghan overhear my statement, and raise an amused eyebrow. He, of course, took me at my word, and after saying he was 25, teased, “See? I’m barely younger than you.” The conversation moved on from there and not another word about age was mentioned as he bought me a drink, introduced me to his friend, and led me out to the dance floor.

But here’s the thing. Aside from totally shocking myself with the lie, what weighed on my mind the next day wasn’t that I’d shaved three years off my life without blinking an eye, but more so why I felt the need to? Because in that moment I felt 26? Because I thought I seemed 26? Because I thought he wanted me to be 26? More importantly, I was curious about the perception I apparently have about age that made me think my behavior or attitude that night didn’t align with the number of years I’ve been alive. Why didn’t I feel 29? And what is it that makes anyone feel their age? Or any age?

Here’s the crazy part. It wasn’t that I felt self-conscious about myself in our interaction, or that night at all. This guy was buying me drinks, laughing at my jokes (point: him) and clearly enjoying my company (and dance moves). So why would me being a few years older change any of that? I think I have some ideas. Age has only recently become something I think about. Perhaps because my 20s are coming to an end or perhaps because my life has taken on a different timeline than I once imagined.

I can say with all sincerity that I’ve truly enjoyed growing older. While I loved college and didn’t hate high school, I’ve enjoyed young adulthood the most. The freedom, the independence, the maturity; being the boss of your own life. I wouldn’t go back and redo it if you paid me. But much like how chubby thighs and arm rolls cease to be cute after toddlerhood (don’t get me started on THAT injustice), growing older sort of loses its luster after about, hmm…23? Probably because the milestones are over. You can walk, you can drive, you can vote, you can drink. Now what? Marriage? Babies? Making partner?

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy to be where I am professionally, personally, spiritually and other adverbs, but I think my nostalgia about my 20s might have something to do with my perception of what is supposed to happen in my 30s, or rather, by the time I’m 30. Oddly enough I’ve been calling myself 30 for a few years now…mostly because I dated a man 6 years older than me, and several of my friends have already passed gracefully into this new decade and look damn good doing it.

Perhaps what has me flummoxed (See? 22 year olds do not use that word, right? We win, 30s) is that the things I associate with being 30 have not happened yet. Well a few of them have: professional success, and the Sex and the City-esque sense of self and wisdom mostly borne from years of mistakes; trial and error, reinvention, healing. I worked hard to get here. And it feels good. But I’m unmarried, and I am not a mom. Two things that my mother, and her mother, and a large majority of my friends have become by this age. Two things that I perceive as the only ‘milestones’ left in this life stage. Not to say by any means that this is everyone’s ideal, or that it should be everyone’s ideal. But it was instilled in me not only growing up, but in my social circle, that this was part of growing older, these things marked adulthood. So without them to commemorate my age, it feels…peculiar?

It makes me wonder, does everyone feel this way? Is it more uncomfortable to reach 30 without those milestones? Or is it this way for every woman, no matter her relationship status, job position, number of dependents on her taxes? So maybe that’s makes me want to lie and say I’m 26 when I’m out late on a Monday night dancing to Motown music and drinking a PBR. Because those other, ‘30-ish’ things aren’t a reality for me yet. And maybe because I have a suspicion that people are more comfortable with that single, childless, woman at a bar being closer to 20 than 30. But maybe (hopefully) I’m wrong. I certainly know plenty of fabulous women in their 30s who would say so.

So what say you, Everygirls? Is age just a number? How has your perception of women and age and accomplishments changed as you’ve gotten older? Is this a female-specific issue? Talk to me.

Lyndsay Rush stoffer photography figuring it out

Mallory @forkvsspoon

Thank you for writing this post! I am 29 (soon to be 30 in 4 months, but who is counting) and I am not married, have zero kids, and no where close to accomplishing either milestone (nor feel the need to), but I am the lone duck in the pond. Majority of my friends are married and either have kids or are expecting children (or their 2nd child) …and I feel a tad bit behind and with 30 creeping up ever so quickly, that just adds another layer of pressure. When people find that you are near 30 and single and childless they want to know why…as if there is something amiss, when in fact life is great, but if you mentioned you were only 25 or 26…no questions would be asked. In fact, they would say to enjoy your 20′s. With all of this…I still think age is just a number.

Lyndsay

Mallory! I’m 4 months away from 30 too! This is exactly what I’m talking about:
”When people find that you are near 30 and single and childless they want to know why…as if there is something amiss, when in fact life is great, but if you mentioned you were only 25 or 26…no questions would be asked.”

Thanks for your comment!!
Kellye Hallmark

You’re definitely not alone Mallory. I am 30, my 3 closest friends are 30 and we are all at different stages personally and professionally. In fact, the odd one out is the one that is married with a new baby. The rest of us are completing grad school and trying to start new careers-which is our main focus. I don’t feel the pressure to be married (been in a relationship for 7yrs) or to have a baby but to find a fulfilling career where I can become financially stable and finally have things like health insurance and vacation days. I enjoyed my 20′s, but I am much more excited about my 30′s and beyond. I am still learning new things and life lessons and that doesn’t stop as you age.

Rachel Moger

I think about my age a lot actually. It’s pretty silly once I read this post. I never thought I’d be where I am at this age.

College right out of high school
Moved in with serious boyfriend at 20 (Senior Year of school)
Engaged at 21
Married at 23
Pregnant at 24

Starting my own business at 24. I know I am YOUNG- but I feel somehow behind all the time. It seems like everyone my age is buying a house and already makes 110k a year, while my husband (who is 4 years older than myself) and I are still figuring it out professionally, financially, and not to mention how to bring a baby to the world!

I think the point is to remember that we need to allow ourselves grace in the time that we do things. Be patient with your self because there is so much time. I hope by the time I’m 30 I’ll be so confident in that number- not because I’ve checked off lots on my “life-list” but because I’m more experienced and ready for the next 10 years.

http://www.occasionseventdesign.blogspot.com

Lyndsay

I love this Rachel! Yes, I agree– it’s all about focusing on where you are and the exciting things to come. AKA gratitude.
Margaret Snider

Rachel,

You are so right about being patient. I’m 24 as well and I definitely don’t have it figured out… much less than you actually.

It can be so easy to look at others’ lives and feel like you haven’t accomplished as much as them but that is what life is about. Some people skyrocket to success while others choose a less direct path. The thing to remember is that happiness is not based on a salary or a new last name. It’s about living in the moment and enjoying where you are in life at that exact point in your life.

I have to remind myself of that every once in awhile.

Rachel Moger

Definitely, Margaret! And even though I may have things “checked off” my list, we’re both feeling the same way. It can look like people have things figured out on the outside but you never really know what’s going on in the heart.

You got this, girl! Enjoy the ride.

Natalie Comstock

I completely agree with everything you guys are saying about feeling behind. My post on Monday was about this exactly. I’m 24, was married in September, and have recently been struggling with the “What am I doing with my life?!” questions. The funny thing is people remind me I’m married like it makes me more accomplished than them. While my marriage is one of the things I’m most proud of in my life, I don’t necessarily view it as an “accomplishment”. It was a natural thing to do and something I so very dearly wanted to do and was ready for. But that doesn’t mean someone who isn’t married is any less accomplished than me. I know so many people who have things much more figured out than myself and are single.

I agree with all of you in that it’s important to focus on where you are now, especially because it will pass you right by whether you appreciate it or not. This is much easier said than done, obviously. It’s so easy to look at others’ lives and feel inadequate. I keep trying to remind myself that this is MY life and it’s going to look different than anyone else’s and that’s a good thing. It’s important to support others, learn from them, and still forge your own path.

The good news is that even though a lot of us feel behind, I bet none of us would look at each others’ lives and think “she’s so behind” but rather “she’s got it all together!”

http://mymorningcoffeeblog.com/ Mary Beth Hamilton

Everyone has their own path and rate of growth. I think as children we saw the timeline of our parents, grandparents, Disney princesses, and rom-coms. I think all these things made our generation think our timeline would be graduate college, find a husband, be married a year, have a baby, all before you’re 30, and live happily ever after. But times are changing. Our lives aren’t as simple as our parent’s and grandparent’s and reality is harder than in the movies. There are so many more things that we want to accomplish and be part of before we settle down. So I think a lot of women in our generation are realizing that the timeline we always thought would be our life has been postponed in reality. But I feel that it is definitely for good. I feel like I wasn’t completely confident in who I was until I was about 26 or older. It would of been more difficult if I had been figuring myself out whilst having a husband and child to love and care for like I once thought I would. I think it is all comes down to what is right for you, age is just a number.

Lyndsay

AMEN!!! Great points, Mary Beth.

Kate

Great post – I think this is something every girl thinks about at some point in her life. For most of my 20s, I was hard on myself for not accomplishing those milestones of marriage, kids, etc. but what I quickly realized is that I was advancing my career, being the best aunt to my two sweet nieces, building strong friendships and growing leaps and bounds each day. I’m thankful I had that time to focus and figure out who I wanted to be. In addition to all of this, I am incredibly grateful that I took the time to find someone who is right for me and did not settle for someone who was just ok. I turned 32 just a few days ago and have never felt better.

http://steelpetalpress.com/ Shayna Norwood

happy birthday! 30s are the new 20s anyways
Lyndsay

Thanks for this, Kate. I SO agree.
http://www.designwiesel.com/ Sarolta

That’s exactly how I feel! I didn’t get married before 29 and I am so happy I didn’t just get the next best man but my soul mate. I used my 20s to grow as a person and I love it this way (though it felt differently while in the process). I am 30 now and kids can still wait. There is so much I want to achieve before them. But yes, people ask me why I do not want to be a mum right now. Thank you, Kate, for saying that 32 feels great! I am looking forward to it

bridget

perhaps it’s because my aunts, cousins and mother set an example for me, but i never thought i would be or should be married before i was 30. i’m turning 30 in 20 days and i couldn’t be happier with how i spent my 20s. making and keeping amazing friends, expanding my relationship with my family, dating guys that were wrong and right for different reasons, and generally enjoying my “me” time. i’ve never understood rushing into marriage and motherhood, and i’ve always viewed one’s 30s as the time to reach those “milestones”. thanks for the very thought-provoking post!

Lyndsay

thank YOU Bridget! It’s so funny because I’ve ALWAYS felt that way and still do 90% of the time. It’s other people’s perceptions or expectations that can be the most damaging, ya know? Thanks for your comment

Kim

Age is just a number! I’m going to be 52 this year. I got married at 25, first child at 26, quit my job to be a stay at home mom, second child at 29, third child at 34. At 50, went out and pursued a job in an industry that I love ( because of reading the Everygirl, it gave me the confidence to pursue and get a job in an industry that was mostly dominated by men, but that is changing too! ) I never thought I would be doing what I’m doing now at my age, so yes age is just a number. I never set a timeline, I just live life and roll with it. I’m also going to be a first time grandma any day now, and you just might see me in a bar on that dance floor! Who cares what other people think and by the way I love Motown music! Haha
Don’t let other people make you feel uncomfortable, everyone’s life happens differently and there is no manual.

Lyndsay

Kim you are WONDERFUL thanks for your comment — meet you on the dance floor

Kim

Haha, Thanks the feeling is mutual, you girls have a lot to be proud of!

http://steelpetalpress.com/ Shayna Norwood

Move to California and you’ll be partying with 40 years olds in the same boat as all those kids in their 20s! At least that was my experience when I lived in San Francisco in my 20s: all my friends were a good 5-15 years older than me (in their 30s and 40s) and had the EXACT same lifestyle as me. I guess that experience desensitized me to age entirely. On top of the fact that my husband (boyfriend at the time) is 8 years older than me.

Age ain’t nothing but a number! and how you perceive it is all in your head.

I freakin’ love being in my 30s and have zero hang ups about it. I can’t wait to turn 40 and be older and wiser. My body can’t bounce back like it used to, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still go out and have fun!

http://mtadams1208.wordpress.com/ Kathy

I live in the midwest and I think my biggest complaint about living in this part of the country is that people “age” faster. I don’t believe they’re more mature at all, or that it necessarily has to do with the age at which people get married and have kids (though some), but yeah, here I have friends that say they won’t go to the bars because they “feel too old to be there,” and they’re the bars in my neighborhood where if they’d get their heads out of the sand and look around, they’d see that they’re aren’t any really young people there. It’s the strangest thing. One day at one of the bars on my 29th birthday when my 28 year old friend was whining she was too old to be there, I said enough is enough and went around and asked every woman her age. My friend was the YOUNGEST one there and of the women (who even i thought were like, 22-26 ish) were in their early to mid 30s.

Age is all in people’s heads!

http://steelpetalpress.com/ Shayna Norwood

I hear ya Kathy! I actually moved from San Francisco to Chicago when I was 28.

I still live in Chicago, but I kept the SF mindset and found a great group of friends here the same age (and lifestyle) as me! My oldest friend in Chicago is turning 50 this year and you can still find him out with the rest of us

Kim

Yep, it’s just a number!

http://mtadams1208.wordpress.com/ Kathy

I started law school in the evenings a week after turning 26. It was a four year program and I took a couple summers off, so here i am. 4.5 years later, just graduated and studying for the bar. Doing that while working full time meant I’ve been very busy and distracted and that time just FLEW BY faster than anything, and I felt like I literally put my life on hold. Here I am 30 (and a half) and I cannot believe it. I really cannot believe that it’s been almost a half a decade, and as a result I am feeling like my age doesn’t align with how I feel, either. And once I get active and working out again and get my energy back after all this is done, it’ll hit me even harder.

I can tell you my mom always seemed older than her age in her attitude and how she acted (seriously at 60 she was already ordering off the cheaper/smaller-portioned senior citizen part of menus), but my dad is the opposite. He’s always been very active and personality wise he is goofy and outgoing and just seems younger. One day I asked him how old he felt (he is 65) and he VERY definitively said, “I didn’t feel like i was getting older anymore after 29.” I could tell it was definitely seomthign he’s thought about before.

I remember when i was like 4, and my mom was 39, I asked her why she wouldnt play sports and run around in the backyard with us like my dad did, and she said “im 39! im too old to be doing that!” (she could’ve, the woman weighed like 100 pounds!) so yeah, my point is men and women alike go through this, but definitely not all of them!
stephanie court

I felt exactly this same way right before turning 30. In fact, I bordered on panic attacks for the last two weeks leading up to my 30th bday. I had just left my good-paying law firm job to move to a whole new city (and move in with my bf) and start a whole new career. Even though I was proud of myself for realizing early on that being a lawyer was not fulfilling, I still felt like a failure for starting all over again at an age where everyone around me seemed to be getting engaged/married/pregnant and were well on their way to career success. And then it happened. Two weeks into my brand new business with no solid income yet and living off my savings, I turned 30. I hated it at first. I didn’t even want to celebrate, much less say the number out loud. When I was having an ‘honest’ moment, I would tell people I was “28 and two stars” (28 was my go-to age, much like yours is 26).

And then, business starting going well. Better than I expected, in fact. And moving in with the bf turned out to be the best thing ever. Life became much more satisfying than I ever imagined and that silly little number didn’t seem so scary anymore. I found myself voluntarily telling people I was 30, something I never thought I’d do. And now, two weeks after my 31st birthday, I don’t even think about my age at all. For all the stress it gave me a year ago, it’s not even a blip on my radar anymore. I’m happy with the path my career is on, we got engaged (on my 31st bday) and are now planning a fun, low-key party for our loved ones, and the 30th decade is actually looking like it’s off to a pretty great start.

So that was a very long-winded way of saying that I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. But having gone through it and come out the other side even better for it, I can tell you this: as tempting as it is to hold on to your 20s longer than nature intended, your 30s can actually be pretty awesome when you stop worrying about it and just let life be.
http://twitter.com/shesdomestic Heather

I just turned 32 and every year gets better and better. I love my life, my husband, the home we’ve created for ourselves, and the financial freedom that comes with being further along in our careers. In the past few years, we have been able to buy a home, renovate our home (so much fun), and travel. We had always wanted to go to Italy and finally one day we pulled the trigger and booked it. We visited Rome, Florence, and Venice and it was the best 2 weeks of our life.
My parents are in their 60s and are also living it up. They go out to dinner a lot, have frequent get together with their friends, and go on vacation with their friends. Now that they’re older, they have the freedom of doing what they want instead of focusing their lives around their children. As my dad’s best friend says “Who has it better than us?”
I think life does get better with age

http://www.shesdomestic.com
Stephanie

This whole post sounds like a conversation I have with myself on a daily basis. It’s nice to hear from people in similar positions to mine. That’s why I love The Everygirl!
I’m 27 and in a committed relationship of 4 years, but no where close to being married and even less close to having children (which as of right now, I don’t want at all). My best friend of 24 years got married not long ago and I was her bridesmaid and now she is pregnant with her first child. It’s hard to see someone who is so close to you, who you’ve grown up with, not to mention the same age, with a life so opposite to your own.

I ask myself “am I normal?” on a daily basis. Have I made the wrong choices? Ultimately, my path is my own and thus far I believe I am lucky to have what I have. A supportive, kind & talented boyfriend, wonderful family and friends, a beautiful warm home and plenty of ambition!
I’ve decided to put my career first and I WILL accomplish what I set out to do, which is something many of my friends who are married with children have zero interest in.

It’s easy to say age is nothing but a number, but let’s be honest, pressure is pressure and as a female, the older you get, the more often you’ll be asked when you’re going to get hitched or have babies!
Betsy

Lynds, love this post, love you. Long time reader, first time posting. Please enjoy my thoughts, & especially my amazing social skills exhibited in the conversation below.

This Christmas Eve I was catching up with an older family friend with the usual niceties, our conversation went something like this: ”My goodness, how old are you now?” – 30.
“And you’ve moved back … are you married?” – No.
“Well, that’s ok.”[pity face] – [nose crinkle] Thanks, but it’s actually better than ok [big smile]. I found 30 was a lot more daunting at 29. I think like you said, it wasn’t what I pictured my life would be like at 30. I was having lots of Job Bluth moments… “I think I’ve made a huge mistake.” BUT now that I have been 30 for 3 WHOLE MONTHS (aka Expert Witness), I have to say it’s pretty fantastic. I’m not sure why. I can only guess it’s because with your 20s there’s so much self discovery & definition, figuring out what you want out of life & who you are. 30, for me, has been a step out of that, it’s finally standing on my own like a brave warrior with my chest out, saying “This is who I am. Love it or leave it.”

Lyndsay

Betsy! Thank you for the expert insight hahah but seriously, love your thoughts

kelseysutherlin

I love this dearly. I AM 26 and I have never more in my life believed that it’s all about perspective and expectations. I just recently moved to Nashville from my small, Midwestern hometown. Back home, I felt like the dried up old maid, watching my friends celebrate anniversaries and multiple children. But here in Nashville, I’ve never felt younger! After landing a job I’m so passionate about and being rejuvenated by new surroundings and endless possibilities, I feel like a kid again. A kid with bills to pay and commitments to keep, but a kid nonetheless. It’s totally like you say… it’s all about the expectations we put on the age. The things we associate with our age {ie what everyone else does} hasn’t happened to us yet, so we don’t feel that age! Which in a way, makes the “unique individual” in me so mad that I’m basing my feelings of worth and accomplishment off of others’ worth and accomplishments… but that’s a topic for another day.

Anyway, I say all that to say that you are definitely not alone. I think my situation is a little unique as I’ve just had a major life change to give me the boost of confidence I need for the next few months. BUT I think we all struggle with that comparison troll every now and again, some more than others. We need to embrace how different each of our lives are and celebrate that with one another!

That was complete rambling. I’m done now.

Lyndsay

Kelsey! I live in Nashville too we should be pals Thanks for your thoughts!!

http://www.kelseysutherlin.blogspot.com/ kelsey sutherlin

Umm… yes please! I never refuse a pal! Is it creepy if I look you up on social media?? No matter… it’s happening, so get ready.

Chloe Moon

I’m 27 and up until a few days ago I loved saying my age. It has this great ring to it and I felt positive and great about it. I own my place, I have a boyfriend is moving in with me, a job with health insurance, etc. But lately I’ve been hanging around much younger people and they are innocently asking me for advice on life issues like the secret of keeping a guy, the secret of how to decide whether to stay at a job, or how do I save money and it’s been making me feel old. Yes I put revitalift on my worry forehead lines every night but I never felt what I was doing until lately. What made me feel old and odd was that I couldn’t answer their questions. They thought I was so old and wise but I wasn’t. I think i should say I’m younger because I’m not where I want to be I guess. This is a hard thing to put into words….
Emily

Such a great post, and such great discussion in the comments, too! It’s really neat to hear everyone’s story, and based on their ages and where they’re at in their lives, I’d say we’re all doing the best that we can be doing.
I’m 25, and was married at 24. I have a very stable, and good job with health insurance, etc. Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I daydream about just getting up and leaving and moving away from here. Most of the people I grew up with are married and have a child (or two), some have even gotten divorced. I sort of moved on from my hometown (never looking back) so I don’t feel the need to compare myself to their situations. I really do thnk that you’re surroundings play a big role in how you view your own personal milestone list. I’m looking forward to what comes- I read so many blogs of women who are older, and mothers, and many of them always say that they love (or loved) their 30′s because they really started to figure ‘things’ and themselves out. That’s what I’m most looking forward to- being at peace with myself and my surroundings/life.
I definitely have days where I think I’ve ignored my gut insticts far too many times. That I can’t believe where I’m at and what I’m doing in life. It’s like that moment in Eat Pray Love, where she says “I’ve actively participated in my life up to this point” or something to that effect. There’s no point in regretting things, but sometimes I feel uneasy about where I am at this stage in my life.
Anyway, it’s great to hear from all these EveryGirls and see how we all feel about age- and it’s great to have people talk so candidly about their struggles + accomplishments. We’re all going thru it together, regardless of age.
http://cleanupnicely.blogspot.com/ Lauren – Clean Up Nicely.

I am 30 and had a momentary freak out at 29, not 30. I was actually stoked to turn 30 because it was on the low end of a decade Stupid reason, I know, but I felt like the young kid on 30s block.

That being said, regardless of the age, I continually have momentary “freak outs” where I look around me (or at my FB feed) and see a million engagement and baby announcements. It is easy for me to feel like I am behind in the establishing a family game. However, I usually try to take a step back and tell myself two things:

(1) Many of my friends having children (including one who had four by the age of 28) do not have a career. I, at 30, have a great resume, three degrees, a steady income, and am well respected in the field I work in. I can honestly say that I love my job. I do not have to depend on anyone for income. And, most importantly, I still have the option of “having it all” because I am still young enough to start a family within the next decade. I can have what I have now and what they have. This may read as bitter, but I know it will hard for all of my friends without careers to have something of their own when their children grow up. It will be harder for them to have what I have now.

(2) I have found that the freak outs occur less when I surround myself with like minded people, and people in a similar life situation. While I still hang out with most of my married friends and those with kids, there is only so much I can do to “play” in their world. I do not understand the trials of midnight feedings. I cannot relate to the largest part of their lives. I am sure they feel the same. It does not make either of the life situations better than the other, just different. When I hang out with those in similar situations to mine, I feel a little less rushed to get into the family game just for the sake of having one. I will get there eventually, and I am sure I will then be able to relate to all of my friends with families. I am just not there yet.

(HINT: To all those turning 30 soon, listen to Jay-Z’s song “30′s the new 20″ and you will feel much better about turning 30. Gotta love the Hov.)
Maura

I feel ya and I’m 25. It might have something to do with the fact that everyone (okay, maybe everyone is an exaggeration) I know is getting married and I have yet to find someone I even want to date long term. I have to remind myself regularly that I’m still young but I can’t help but feel behind the eight ball. Thanks for such an honest post. It makes me feel less like a crazy person
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Details-Atlanta/361509993944293?ref=hl Dara

I’m so glad this post was written! I am in the same boat, turning 30 this year,
and I think of all these things quite frequently. I’ve realized that even though I’m not
exactly where I expected to be during this milestone, I’m on MY path and
everyone’s path is different. I have a
great job and have (somewhat) recently purchased a condo; both of those things
are something to be proud of. The
marriage, babies, etc. will come….eventually.
I just need to enjoy the ride.
What is the saying?….”Life happens while you are busy making
plans.” Oh, and I can’t wait for the next post from this series!
Liz

First of all, this was a great post! I can totally relate and loved your honesty about age.

I don’t think that age is necessarily “just a number” because it does truly define so much of who we are, how we feel, and what we want. But I think our generation is lucky because we have so many more choices both personally and professionally. I think age played a bigger role in defining one’s self 40+ years ago, but now, not so much. I am 30 (rapidly approaching 31) and decided at 28 that I wanted to switch careers, went to grad school (where I am currently) and am about to start a whole new part of my life. While I was married at 27, I don’t have kids yet, and my husband and I still feel like we’re trying to find our way. Everything arrives at the right time, and it always falls into place. But I absolutely agree-I love getting older. With it comes wisdom, feeling more comfortable in my own skin, and understanding who I am as a woman, and what I want out of life.
http://undertheoaksblog.wordpress.com/ Annie Zdroik

Awesome post. I am 27 and have had a crazy year with thinking about age. Sometime over the course of this year, my perspective got completely flipped. I used to consider myself “older than my years”. I have always had friends who were a good 4-6 years older than me because that’s how I felt. I fit in with them better because I thought I knew what I wanted and was at a similar place they were. Then around 24-25 it shifted. I broke up with my long time boyfriend and was realizing I couldn’t get my 20s back when they were gone so I had fun, a lot of fun… too much fun. Life eventually slowed and this year I got married and I keep, accidentally, telling everyone who asks that I’m 28 simply because that’s what I have in my head (maybe I feel 28? because I think 27 is too young for me to be married?). Now, maybe because I did inadvertently skip a year of my life, I feel like time has slowed. I still have *two years* before my 30th (meanwhile my husband will be 33 this year). I think I feel this way because I spent so much of my early twenties waiting to be older, thinking I was older. I am in much different spots than I thought I’d be both professionally and personally (both good and bad) but the older I get, the more I realize so many other people aren’t either. You are definitely only as old as you feel.
Maureen

Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted. The older I get, the less I truly care. Folks are always shocked with I say I have a 30 year old daughter.
Liana Small

Such a great and timely post for me. I’m turning 27 next month (yes I know, still in my 20′s) but feel as if I am in a total limbo. I’m in a great relationship, have completed my graduate education and am quite content with where my life is at the moment, but I am at a total loss when it comes to figuring out what I want to do next. I try and think back to my 20-year-old self and to where I thought I would be now. Of course I had the usual timeline of being married, having at least one child and being secure in a career I loved by the time I was 30, but that sounds so completely impossible right now. Having all that in 3 years! I have no idea where my career is going right now, and I am far from feeling ready to take on the responsibility of being a parent. The late-20s and early-30s years are a mystery to me–I still don’t quite get where I am supposed to be or what I’s supposed to be doing. I just hope that if I keep on doing what I’m doing I will figure it out..and hopefully enjoy it too!
Julianne Waters

I am 29 and gracing my 30th birthday in 3 weeks. I have an amazing boyfriend, as he put it last night “We’re just obsessed with each other” and we’re going into our 4th year together. So that part is great! Not ready for marriage/kids….yet, though I will be in about two/three years.

BUT, if you’re into astrology, the real kind not reading your horoscope in mags, 28 was my, as it is with everyones, Saturn return. This is the time where Saturn whips your ass back into where your heart desires you to be. I don’t know if everyone listens but I did. I quit my job making 6 figures a year and also quit the career I had been in for 10 years. Decided to live off savings & unemployment and go for the career I’d always wanted.

Now I’m in my second year of “figuring out” the transition and let me tell you it hasn’t been easy. Going from being wildly successful in one place and having slight opportunities coming in with the new one has been beyond hard and I’m fighting what comes along with that everyday.

Now what I can say is it’s life and it’s always something. Boyfriend, career, marriage, babies and of course, weight/youthful appearance all plays a roll in tumultuous approach to your thirties. Not that it’s going to get any easier with 40′s, 50′s or even 60′s, I’m sure we’ll figure out something to go through then as well.

BUT…I wouldn’t change it for anything. When I come out of this period, I’m proud to wear my stripes of growing older maturing and not staying complacent in an okay career, but reach for the stars and go for exactly what I want. This is something only someone who has reached 28 would have had the confidence to do, and the wisdom of now approaching 30 to come out of.
when we wander

I just turned 25 and while I’m only halfway through my twenties at this point, the age issue has been on my mind a lot as of late. As soon as we rounded the New Year corner and my birthday approached, I began to feel as if I needed to make some changes, make some moves. Am I where I thought I’d be at 25? No, I’m doing things even more fabulous than I could have planned, but I’m sacrificing on goals I would’ve thought I’d already have reached at this point as well. Then, on the other hand, there are things like marriage that I’m facing due to dating an Italian and I never in a million years planned on getting married before 30, let alone 25! It’s true that we all have the same general milestones that we hope to reach as we grow older, but who’s to say that age is the measuring stick we use to get there?? We’re certainly not all using the same one!

http://www.whenwewander.blogspot.com
http://Born2dazzle.com/ Katie Leigh

Girl! you said it! Today is my 21st birthday (YAY!) and I’ve lied about my age before today. Because when you’re interested in a guy a few years older than you being 21 makes a HUGE difference from being 20 or 19. But if you knew me you would know I have soul from the 1920s (flapper glam girl all the way!) I started my first business when I was 16, I’ve lived in Uganda on my own for 4 months, I’m graduating college in May, I graduated high school a year early because I was too mature to relate to a lot of people. Age should be just a number but out society tells us what each mile stone should be and at what age is HAS to be at! I’ve never had a real relationship and I’m 21 which makes me uncomfortable a lot be I’m suppose to have dated and been in love and thinking about getting married. . . but none of those are realities for me. I’ve not traditional in any way so why would I be traditional in my age??

Love the post, Love the thoughts!
XOXO

Rose

Happy birthday!!

Heather Tackett

Great Post.
Let me say, I’m 1 month into being 30 – And the entire year I was 29, I think I said I was 30…
Being from the South, milestones are what you live by… Marriage and Children were a must by 30 in my book – and per the rest of society around these parts.
I found myself going ‘back home’ and people would say “you’re not married yet?” I look at them with a facial expression of a confused puppy — you know, head turned side ways, and a soft, “well, no, not yet”….
I cried about 3 weeks before I turned 30 – I cried so hard to my mom saying “all my friends are married, all of my friends have babies…. why not me?!?”
(honestly, I’m not sure why I was crying over the baby part – I’m no where near ready for a child!)
Now that the big 3-0 has come and gone, I’m okay with it. Not that I wasn’t before – but I feel ya in this post – those “milestones” were Suppose to happen! And BY 30!…and they hadn’t!
Sure it’s only been a month, but I’m so glad that day has come and gone…I’ve taken a step back and evaluated the things I have – that I’m so very thankful for every day. A loving boyfriend, a good job, wonderful family, and supportive friends…
No marriage, children, and being #1 in the workplace haven’t happened for me yet – but I read blogs like Danielle’s or Alaina’s (several others) but those two for example – I see other girls out there in the big world (my age) making things happen, taking risks (The Everygirl)! They are inspiring – and Lyndsay you are too! This post makes girls like myself feel like I’m not the only one out there who has these thoughts.
Granted you caught me, I haven’t lied about my age, but I would imagine if I was in your situation last Monday, I might have said 26-27

Thanks again for the post, made me say out loud “good, I’m not the only one”
Ashley

So when I lie about my age these days it’s frankly because I forget! And I’m only 24! I feel like (in my heart) I stopped aging at 18 so every year I get farther and farther away from that number I think my notion of my age just gets more and more muddled.
Kate

Funny you should mention this because as a 30 year old,
married, mother of two I feel the same way but not about my age as much as my
career. If someone were to ask me what I do I might fib and explain what I do
rather than where I work and my title. Because at 30 I expected to be doing
something completely different, and although I am working on that at the
moment, I still feel like a 25 year old just out of college and introducing
myself into the life of a working woman.
I will admit that 30 was a big deal for me. It did help that some of my friends have
reached this milestone before me and a twin sister to share it with. But I think
we always have that little white lie that we tell ourselves often. Not to make
others feel better…but to make ourselves feel better about what we are lying
about.

Lyndsay

Kate! You’re exactly the voice I was curious about. Thank you for your comment + insight!

Emily Harden

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t worry I’ll reach 30 without the prospect of a family on the horizon. I wish that I could convince myself that if that happens it will be ok, that having a family doesn’t have to ‘define’ me. But I can honestly say that having a family is the number one most important thing to me, and the thought of never having it is TERRIFYING to me.
I do my best to trust His plan and to remind myself that I’m only 22 (almost 23) and that I have plenty of time, but the thoughts still creep around in the back of my mind.

Kate

Emily- every time that thought comes into your mind just
think to yourself that it doesn’t matter what age you get married or start
having children. What matters is that you are living the life you want to live.
Don’t settle for good enough because your think you need this by the age of
30! I know people on both sides, people
who were married young because they thought they needed to be and now they are
in unhappy marriages and I know woman like you who think that they should have
been married by some set age. I always find that things work out better when
you don’t constantly worrying. It’s true when they say worry is the thief of
joy. Clear those thoughts from your mind enjoy this incredibly fun time in your
life

http://twitter.com/staffbens s • c • b

Preach! I am a new 25-year-old as of January 15, and I honestly feel like my life is just beginning. As a matter of fact, the part about “the freedom, the independence, the maturity; being the boss of your own life” made me chuckle because I literally (and I mean literally… 20 year olds use that word too freely) used those exact words in a text to a friend earlier after he asked how it “felt to be old now.” (my exact reply: I feel like my life is actually starting. just freedom and independence, generally speaking. and I finally feel mature.) So, hey twin!

It’s especially rather exhausting being the baby of the family between cousins, because everyone (after my sister just got married this past August) is now married and starting families, and I just graduated college–two years later than most people–and lack any full-time employment opportunities. I’m slowly figuring out what I want to do with my life and how to turn my dreams into the perfect career. Of course, I am always getting the “you’re next!” comments from relatives at every family function. The thought of getting married anytime soon is suffocating… I’ve always been a late bloomer, and I will continue to move at my own life pace, thank you!
Biancakofman

I think we are all afraid of being too young or too old depending on who we talk to. I’m 21 and hang out with people who are 25-31 and whenever i’m asked my age I really want to say 23 or older because 21 “seems so young” but it really is not. Intellect is not determined upon age and how you act says nothing about your age as well!
http://www.sixtyxsixty.blogspot.com/ Nancie Bee

I just turned 57 and it’s a huge surprise to me. How did this happen? I married at 30, first baby at 36 and last (3rd) at 42. Now I’m working on a 60×60 project- 60 things to accomplish by the time I turn 60- which has made life more fun and interesting. Not sure when I’m going to feel “old”.
Anyway – it’s all relative. To my 90 year old parents I am a youngster!
And I remember my dad at 58 or so saying he was 62- a nice generic age. People would say “Wow! You look great for 62.” True, because he wasn’t 62. But I think he stayed 62 for about 6 or 7 years…. I’m thinking I may try this maneuver, too.
Rose

This is something I think about SO often, but from the opposite end!! I frequently lie that I’m older as opposed to younger. I graduated high school the day after my 17th birthday, college 11 days before I turned 21. I’ve been living in NYC going on two years & working professionally. Sure, I still have no idea what I’m going to do and have been toying with the idea of going back to school, but I hate when people hear that I’m 23 & jump to the conclusion that I just graduated college, when I’ve been out for three years & it feels like a distant memory! I grew up with people 2 years older than me; my graduating class is turning 26 this year while I’ll be 24 in the spring (to clarify, I skipped a grade back in elementary school and have a very late birthday for the school year). My roommates are all in their mid-late twenties; they’re no more figured out than I am! I prefer to tell people the year I graduated when they ask my age, instead.

The important thing I always remind myself is that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual; no matter what your age is, we’re all winging it and figuring things out as we go along. Everyone has different experiences, and no two people ever experience something the same way. It’s great to ask people about their past and for advice, but it’s important to remember that only you can do what’s best for you and know what’s good for you! Being older definitely doesn’t make you any smarter (and I think we’ve all had a conversation with someone older that has taught us that lesson).
Mary Kate

I think that every person has some moment when they suddenly stop and wonder how they got to the age they are. No matter how old you are, you also have all of those other ages inside of you, too. Sometimes on rough days, I find my 4-year-old self wanting to throw a fit and cry on the floor. I feel like my 13-year-old self when I see a cute guy on TV, and like my 9-year-old self when I go flying down a hill on my bike. Even though you have lived 29 years, you still have moments when you are 26, 19, 12,5, etc.

Lyndsay

ack EXACTLY, Mary Kate!! love this.

http://charmingcitystyle.wordpress.com/ Katie

I can’t thank you enough for this post. I too am 29, and I feel like I spent most of my 20′s trying to get to where I was “supposed to be” at 30. I’m not married, have no kids, don’t own a house or my own business. It’s hard to realize that maybe this is where I’M supposed to be. My mom had me when she was 29, and married a year. I always thought that was old, and late, but I’m starting to accept that my time is going to come older and later. And when I’m 100% honest with myself, really what is 30? I can vote, drink, get a tattoo, gamble, and still go out on a Monday night to have fun and get up to go to work in the morning. That’s not so bad…right?

Lyndsay

I’m with you, Katie. Being 29 is pretty damn great!

whozdaygurl

I just turned 30 this month. I guess most people nowadays feel the same way as you and I. We are 30 but we are not 30 (not the way older people a.k.a. parents expect us to be). Having my own family is not even on my list of to-do list yet. But I do enjoy this time of my life than before. So we will live and see and learn.
Erika Burnett

Thank you so much for this post! Very comforting to know that there are other strong women out there thinking the same thing. Also, when did late 20s and 30s become ‘old’? I’m sure we’ll look back on these days, throw our heads back and laugh at our youth!
Katelyn Burkhart

i love this post. i am on my way to 30 and about to hit milestone 1 (getting married) and still have urges to rush having a baby to keep up with… weirdo people from high school i never talk to? facebook friends? celebrities? no clue. age is definitely just a number. and lyndsay, you don’t look a day over 25.

Lyndsay

Katelyn you’re a sugar!!! thanks for your comment/compliment

http://themustardjumper.wordpress.com/ Natalie

Great post.
Ascaperl

This was an interesting and very honest post, which I appreciated; however, I think that a lot of the reason that we are so self-conscious about age/marriage/family is not societal pressue, but because, for most of us, that is also what WE want. It’s hard to admit sometimes that we’re still with that guy who won’t commit and it’s because he won’t commit, not that we won’t. So we tell ourselves and others it has to do with our careers, we’re not ready, etc (making ourselves not ready, btw), and continue to act like children rather than adults with responsibilities.

It’s okay to want to be married and have a family. This is a good and noble thing. Too often we think it’s unfeminist to admit such desires, so we don’t. But it’s not unfeminist, and being a mother is the noblest profession there is. Though we shouldn’t rush into things with someone just because we want to get married, it does help to admit it: it cuts the crap with some “men” who still want to act like boys.

It would be sad to wait until 35 or older to get married because we don’t admit our true desire and then find out it’s more difficult to have children than we thought because we took birth control through our twenties and now our fertility is damaged….
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=565286862 Sonia Faudoa

Girl thanks a lot for the post! its beautiful and damn we do care about age….sort of. I dont believe age in numbers, but experiences, I think we shoul focus on how fast we move into the road or how many roads we travel to a place. I just turn 24, and already feel so into the 30´s, but yet most of my friends are barely feeling the 20´s. We all have issues with age and its good to see others thinking what we are thinking.
Rachel Machen

You couldn’t have said it any better. I was raised the same way…that by 30 I should have it all. Great job, great husband, beautiful children. But as I push 30, I have one of those three. It took me a really long time to figure this out, but just the great job is ample for me today! The moment I quit listening to that inner voice telling me where everyone thinks I should be in life, I realized how happy I am with where I am. I wish I had figured that out years ago, but that would be rather audacious. The life lessons I’ve learned in that uphill battle will stay with me forever!! Thank you for posting this. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Danielle Danko

Good topic! I think about this a lot, as I’m 28 without any near promise of engagement, marriage or kids. I do have a blossoming career (which is awesome), but sometimes the expectation to hit those milestones before your 30th can make you feel as if you somehow did something wrong in your 20′s. But with age comes wisdom, and as long as you’re comfortable with where you are in life, then that’s all that really matters. So yes, age is just a number!
http://www.thesinglediaries.com/ Jen H.

I think what’s important is to continuously be checking in with yourself and your goals. To still be evaluating yourself against the goals, timelines, milestones you set for yourself at age 16 just isn’t realistic. Things change, you change. It’s not about age, it’s about evolution. Allow yourself to evolve at the pace that’s right for you and evaluate yourself against your own measures of success. Think big picture, what’s your vision for your life, what do you ultimately want out of it? Keep that in mind and e stopping stones that form the other are free to move along the way. And men, well men will come and go. The right one will be there when you’re least expecting it and when you stoop trying to find and fit into your plans.

http://www.thesinglediaries.com
Christi Ziyambi

Age is most definately a number. I live by the motto, ‘you have time until you are 120′, then you can consider yourself too old for,….anything. I looked forward to growing up with a zeal that was unparalleled. Infact it was so intimidating that a lot of my mothers friends would try to set me up with their grown up sons because I was somehow supposed to fix them…..im 28 going through every other weekend is a baby shower, I love my job because i like working but I would like to change careers now, syndrome. I’m looking forward to turning 30, because I just want to scream at people faces, HA! because of all the societal norms surrounding turning 30 and being single. I am over excited about finishing decorating my rental (finally found a bed I would buy, waited 7 years for the right couch) and am considering buying a flat, MYSELF! As for telling a guy I was younger, I dont need to, I look 5 years younger most times and on good days I look 23….so I just conversate.