Such an interesting question.  I tend to employ “omote-ura” when dealing with criticism and failure, in that on the surface I do my best to appear calm, rational, open to the criticism, seeking the constructive content within it – whilst underneath I’m a seething mass of rage and denial (albeit only for a little while).  It takes me time to calm down and get past those strong feelings. 

 And it’s such a balancing act – is the person criticising you right?  Should you take their comments on board?  What if you do, and they’re wrong?  What if you don’t, and they’re right?  So much of our culture tells us to keep steaming ahead, that we know and can do anything and everything, not to let the man get us down…I find it very hard to pick the constructive pieces out of criticism and let the other stuff wash away.  One thing I do know is that you HAVE to listen.  I work with several people who are so afraid of asking anyone’s opinion, and who absolutely ignore any kind of feedback or criticism, that it’s almost impossible to be their colleague in a truly collaborative, two-heads-are-better-than-one sense.  They are totally closed off and it makes everyone feel redundant. I don’t want to be that person, so I will continue biting my lip and forcing back the tears until a couple of hours later, when the useful bits have sunk in and the hurt has gone away!And I think the difference between criticism and failure is something like…ignoring criticism can lead to failure; ignoring failure leads to criticism?  That’s nice and neat, right?!

I also have a hard time not equating any bit of negative energy as some level of failure. It’s something to work on, to be sure. Creating opportunity out of disappointment is so hard but so rewarding when successful!

What a great reminder for us all. All those things we’re not supposed to do…take it personally, allow our work to define us, think of our professional and personal communities as one…I’ve never figured out how to do these things (and I’m much older than most everygirls) and now I wonder if those things are even valid. Helpful advice? Sure. Valid? Not so sure. I think most of us achieve because we bring passion to whatever we’re producing whether its ideas, product, or art. In my world passion is fueled by taking the outcome of our efforts  personally. Yes, of course we must bring perspective to a discussion with colleagues or clients and we can remember that the client will certainly have a different one but we still have skin in the game and that skin comes with emotions attached to it. Given the reflection you put into this I’m sure you responded in a productive way but, if you need help, I can toss TP with the best of them.

The “you’re in the arena” analogy is fantastic. It reminds me of discussions sometimes heard during football season about the players on the bench and how bad one might feel for them not getting their time in the spotlight. I, and most people I talk to, would sit the bench if it meant being a part of the big leagues on any level (not to mention taking home their salary). They’ve made it, even if they aren’t household name. As time goes on, you forget to apply that same parallel to your own life. I often think about that with blogging. If one person who I’ve never met acknowledges my work or recognizes my name, I’m doing something right and I have to keep doing whatever that is, but better each time. Great post Lyndsay!

As a graphic designer, this absolutely hits home for me. It is so difficult to disconnect your feelings from your work, and is something I struggle with every day.