I’m an Everygirl and… my husband and I created a new last name.

Does taking a man’s name make you feel more like property than a partner? The changing role of women in marriages has been on fire lately. The can women have it all debate. The why are we having this debate debate. And of course, the traditionalists. So imagine my traditional family’s surprise when my husband and I created our own family name!

I guess I should have seen it coming. I was never the little girl who role-played her dream wedding as a toddler or role-played being Mrs. So-and-So as a teen. In fact, being called a Mrs. still makes me uncomfortable a year into my marriage. There’s just something about the word association that brings to mind an elder, stodgy mom who is being asked to drive the carpool.

When I got married, I had to ask myself the inevitable question: what will my name be?

Like so many of my professional female cohorts, my then-boyfriend and I dated far into our twenties. By the time we considered marriage, we each had a Bachelor’s degree and a Master’s under our belts (not to mention three years establishing ourselves as professionals in our fields). So, what is in a name? At that point, my whole life was in my name. And I wasn’t about to give it up so easily.

I am so grateful that women are presented with so many options now. I could have been Mrs. Greeson. (But oh my gosh, that’s his mom! I don’t want to be a mom to my husband!) I could have been a Marbach-Greeson, but what a mouthful for our future children, and then what if they chose to hyphenate? A future Marbach-Greeson-Smith in the works? Not for me. Of course, we could have made it a non-issue with no one changing any names. Hmm. No, we both wanted to build a family with the same name and share that uniting last initial.

So, call me a cheeseball, but it only felt right to combine our names the way we were combining our lives.

The solution felt strange on our tongue at first. We could be Marsons. Garbachs? No. Or perhaps look deeper into the history of either of our families and come up with something new entirely. Enter: Greesonbachs. Within moments of texting the name to my new husband, we both knew it was the one.

It was difficult to break this news to our families, yes. Declarations of misplaced feminism, anti-family sentiments, and strangely old presumptions that I must not want to get married if I wouldn’t take his name. But that’s the glory of this modern age—I have the choice to choose to combine our names the same way that another woman has the choice to choose to take it.

For some women, taking her husband’s name feels natural and right. For others, they were born knowing they would hyphenate. For me, I knew the right name when I saw it. So who are we to judge or remove choice from those special moments of a new family?

Do you hope to take your spouse’s name? What do you think of folks who don’t?

lourah

I chose to take my husbands last name when we got married. I have to admit though, we did talk about me keeping my last name. (I think my dad was hoping I would lol). I decided to take his name because in the end, while I entertained the idea of keeping mine, I didn’t feel as strongly about it as he did about me taking his name. I guess it was kind of a gift to him. Now that we’ve been married a few years, it feels pretty natural, but it took a while to get there.

I think it’s important for every new married couple to come to this decision together, regardless of the outcome. The important thing is to be partners in the result. What a great way to start off a marriage, creating a new family, and a new name. And sounds like you picked a great guy to take the venture with you! And well for everyone else, who cares. ;)
http://stylizedexistence.com/blog Lauren Corso

This is such an interesting idea… thanks for sharing!
http://twitter.com/ClarissaFidler Clarissa Fidler

This a very interesting topic, not one I’d really thought of before. When I marry I plan on taking my husband’s last name but I think the idea of an entirely new last name awesome. At the end of the day you have to make the decision as a couple and that’s what matters most.
http://www.designwiesel.com/ Sarolta

I love your idea! Never heard of that before. I took my husbands name because my family name was super boring and my husband’s name is pretty awesome for a woman who loves chocolate (Hershey). But then, among my friends, it seems to become frequent that the guys take the girl’s name because they feel more at home in her family. First I had to get used to the thought, but then it seemed just logical. It’s great we have the freedom to build our families as we wish to!
Gabby T.

I love this! I love that women have so many options these days. We forget sometimes that it wasn’t too long ago that women had NO options in this country. Not just about whether to change their name, but about birth control, education, careers, heck we’ve only been allowed to vote here for about 100 yrs! So I think this is amazing. I took my husband’s name when I got married because I did not have a good relationship with my father and felt no attachment to it. I think whatever feels right is the best option!
Melissa D

Call me a traditionalist, but I took my husband’s last name. I don’t regret it at all. After nearly a decade it is who I am (I have never associated it with being his mother..is that weird? I still don’t think of it as his mother’s name after thinking about it…maybe because I am more fabulous? LOL). I no longer identify myself by my maiden name, and it sounds foreign. BUT, I think couples should do whatever they feel is right. So if it taking your husband’s name, taking your wife’s name, hyphenating your name, no name exchange, or creating a new name…well ROCK it :)
http://www.andchloe.com/ chloe marty

I took my husband’s name when we got married. I considered hyphenating, but that just seems to make things so long, complicated, and cumbersome. My husband and I even considered both having hyphenated names (so we would both take eachothers’ names). In the end, I just took his, and although I miss my maiden name sometimes, I feel 100% good about the decision.
Kat

My boyfriend and I actually combined our last name just for fun. Our wireless network is our new, combined last name and we stuck it on our mailbox as well. It has a nice ring to it. I even considered adopting it should we ever get married. Good to know others out there had the same idea! You’re combining everything else, why not a name as well?
http://www.ColorHug.com/ Lauren M.

I wanted to do this when I got married! My maiden name is Law and my husband’s last name is Myers, so I suggested changing our last name to Lawyers! He didn’t agree though, but I’m still trying to convince him
Lmcropp

I had my maiden name legally changed to my middle name and took my husband’s as my last/surname. Made it easier work-wise but no pesky hyphen. I can use it or not use it as I choose.
Meghan

I took my husbands last name without a moment hesitation. I dropped my middle name and now (without hyphenating) I have both names. I was one girl who went through high school and college with people calling me by my last name – although, its pretty funny when I run into old friends who refer to me as my maiden name… With that being said – I have named my first born son with my maiden name and plan on carrying on my dropped middle name when and if I ever have a little girl. I am from the south and family ties run deep through this part of the country. I may have taken my husbands name for legal purposes, but I will forever have the identity of where I came from.

Laura

I’m in the same boat as you, Meghan–my maiden name is actually a male first name, so we have talked about giving that as a middle name to all our future boy-children.

http://twitter.com/maxwelllauren Lauren Maxwell

Love this post. I kept my name but have considered adding my husband’s in the future for the ease of our children: http://laurenmaxwell.blogspot.com/2011/11/name-change-question.html
http://www.mainstreetchic.blogspot.com/ Emily Swenson Davis

I had such an attachment to my maiden name my middle name. I am now Emily Swenson Davis. I love the decision I made- I think it’s the best of both worlds!

http://www.mainstreetchic.blogspot.com/ Emily Swenson Davis

Sorry- didn’t explain well. I made my maiden name my middle name.

http://www.uniquegifter.com/ Anne @ Unique Gifter

Awesome! This is still a huge bone of contention in my house. *sigh* For the most part, I have kept my name. I have a few things with my spouse’s last name, such as a credit card.

http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

Hi Anne, Could you elaborate on how that works? Did you legally change your name to your husband’s but usually go by your maiden name? Or were you able to get a credit card with his last name without legally changing your name?

I’m curious because–after getting married, taking his name, getting divorced, going back to my maiden name, and all of the logistical/bureaucratic timesinks in between–I want to know all my options, if I ever get married again (which I hopefully will!). Thanks for your insight!

http://www.uniquegifter.com/ Anne @ Unique Gifter

Sure… sort of. I don’t know all of the details, but I basically have an alias! It’s like my friend’s mom is Dr. Smith (maiden) and Mrs. Jones (married). Where I live (BC), the marriage certificate is all you need to legally adopt your spouse’s last name (hyphenation requires the whole legal name change thing). So, I have all of my primary ID in my maiden name but at the bank they have both names on file (to deal with things like cheques made out to Anne MarriedName). The bank also issued me a CC with that name on it. We can to this with roundabout talks with a lawyer friend, but have never truly looked at the nitty gritty. I keep meaning to have a photocopy of the marriage licence for my wallet, in case I have ID problems in the future, as I have no photo ID with my spouse’s last name.

Not sure if any of that made sense, but I hope it helped a little bit?? I think a lot of it comes down to where you live unfortunately.

http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

Thank you! I don’t *think* that would work for me in America, but it’s worth looking into … if it ever comes to that.

Lindakgar

I love that it is somewhat a new name for a new partnership. At some point, I will change my last name to be my own…not my father’s (a man!) and not my (late) husband’s (a man!) name. Not my mother’s maiden name, which, of course, was her father’s (a man!) name.
My name.
My. Name.

http://www.blogcurator.blogspot.com/ Dervla @ The Curator

LOVE this.

Maureen

How timely. I was discussing this very issue the other day with one of my daughters.
Meite

My parents put their own spin on this idea. They took their name from John Steinbeck’s book East of Eden. My Dad’s the first born in a traditional Scottish family and my mother comes from hardy French Catholic Canadian stock. Both families where more than a little aghast when they announced that my Dad had already changed his name to Timshel the night before the wedding. In the province I grew up in it was cheaper to do it that way.

My Mum didn’t want her name and my Dad wasn’t attached to his. They wanted a new legacy for their future children. I love my last name; in Hebrew it means thou mayst. Every time I write it, read it, or say it; it reminds me that even before I was born my parents wanted me to feel supported in doing what was important to me. That they would celebrate my unique choices in life because that’s who we are as a family.
http://twitter.com/PattyOnMoney Patty Grayson

I’ve had a bit of an odd situation myself. I was born Patrycia Grabiec. Personally, I’ve always hated it. The spelling is off (my mother barely knew english when I was born, so in Patrycia the “y” comes from the polish spelling and the “i” from the english spelling) and I didn’t like the way it sounded in english. However, people couldn’t even pronounce my last name correctly…how was I to teach them to pronounce Patrycia the correct way in polish?

I never went by those names anyway. My parents called me Patina. My friends called me Patty. Just a few weeks ago, I went through the process of legally changing it to something new. I am now Patina Grayson legally. It cost a pretty penny, and changing all of my accounts and documents over have been a hassle, but I’m beyond happy. I no longer feel embarrassed when my name is stuttered over, and I don’t have to cringe every time someone says it wrong.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little bit now. We have talked about marriage, but would like to wait a few more years. I have firmly told him that I plan to keep Grayson as my last name. Although he’s not trilled about it, my boyfriend has come to terms with it because he knows how important this has been for me. I compromised by promising the kids can have his last name….although I will probably make my daughter’s middle name be Gray.

It’s unconventional, and at first most people thought I got married. When I would correct them they would get incredibly embarrassed as though they offended me by thinking so. I just smile and tell them I changed my name because I had to be comfortable with who I am before I can give myself to someone else.
Rachel E Clough

I have been married for almost a year now and I took my husband’s last name as my own. Though I did change my middle name to my maiden name so it is still with me. Plus I have to say it is nice having a last name that people know how how to spell and pronounce!
http://www.momoneymohouses.com/ Mo’ Money Mo’ Houses

That’s awesome! And I like that name Maybe I’ll suggest this to my BF.
http://www.boxandbrownie.com/ Hannah

I will be taking my husband’s name when we get married. I am pretty traditional, as is he, so that works for us. I think that’s what really matters – making sure that the decision is one that suits you and your partnership with your husband.
Layla

While I think the idea of creating your own unique last name is rather clever, I don’t know if I could let go of the family history/heritage that comes with keeping your maiden name/taking your husbands name. To me sharing a last name with the generations of family before me is a sentiment worth keeping. But maybe I’m just nostalgic!
Skye

I like Greesonbach- I think that was a great solution for you! I kind of agree with you about hyphenating names causing problems for if the children then wanted to hyphenate their names when married- way too many names. I like the idea of combining names.
Lauren

My husband and I blended our last names too! Glad to hear there are other pioneering families trying out this concept. In my case, we chose this route because I didn’t like my husband’s last name, but I also didn’t want to keep mine and feel like I wasn’t a part of my new family (especially once children enter the picture). So far we have loved our blended name and people mostly react positively to it.

Even better, we are both at the start of our careers having just finished graduate school AND we moved to a new city, so no one here even knows us as anything else!

Tara

Lauren, any advice on how you did this? My man and i want to do this but we keep running into all this legal stuff that says it’s illegal for anyone to change their last name for any reason outside of marriage or divorce…..Can you help us get started? I know it’s possible.

Laura

I will be taking his name…for no other reason than it will be a fun change! But last week, my mother asked, “Will you be Mrs. Maiden Name or Mrs. Married Name?” and I gave her this answer, she replied with, “Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better.” This response almost made me want to keep my name in protest! It’s not up to her. But growing up, she always judged people who hyphenated or kept their name, arguing that “it doesn’t show a 100% commitment to your husband or marriage.” I really hate this attitude, and I certainly don’t feel that way. But I’m taking his name for my own reasons, and she can go on thinking what she wants about it.
Holly C.

I just gotta say… How awesome is it that we have the choice to keep our last name, change it, or make up a new blended one!? I love that we have that opportunity! I’m engaged and I plan on taking my soon-to-be husbands last name. I’m actually super excited about it! Don’t get me wrong, I love my last name, but it’s always something that I’ve wanted to do. When we have kids I’d like to use my maiden name as either a first name or a middle name, so that it still stays in the family
Abby Feinberg

We hyphenated when we got married in October. Being a gay marriage, we didn’t have any rules to follow, so we both took each others names (Feinberg-Rowe) as our last name, me adding hers to the end, and her adding mine to the beginning. For the kids? We’ll just call them baby Frowe’s.
when we wander

I wasn’t the girl who dreamed about her wedding day either, though I have often thought about what I would do about my last name upon getting married. My last name is Ferguson and EVERYONE I know calls me Ferg. To the extent that in high school, parents of friends weren’t even sure of what my first name might be. How could I possibly get rid of something that’s such a huge part of my identity?? At the same time, I love my boyfriend’s last name and wouldn’t mind taking it as my own, except for the feminist side of me that would most definitely go down kicking and screaming. Interestingly, my boyfriend is Italian (the kind that actually was born in, grew up in and lives in Italy) and there, the wife doesn’t take the husband’s last name! So it wouldn’t be an issue…except that my kids would still then have his name.

I LOVE your idea of creating a new name that is a part of both of you. Thank you for sharing this!
http://www.whenwewander.blogspot.com
http://www.facebook.com/people/Lauren-Aloise/5314562 Lauren Aloise

Very interesting! My husband is Spanish and the women in Spain don’t take their husband’s last name, which I’ve actually come to like. My sister just got married and they did something similar to you guys– they combined both of their names and each changed their name to the same. Good for you guys for doing what was right for you.
Rachel

I love this idea! I think combining names is a wonderful nod to the fact that you two are in this together and are equal partners. I love the idea of starting a new life, new family, and new name together that is uniquely yours. Congratulations on your new family!
Jane

I won’t be changing my name. Like you, I’ve got my professional life built around my name. I was established in the field long before my fiance and I were together. I also really like my last name as it is, and his name is not a name that flows with mine. If we have children, then they can have his last name. For once, my super traditional parents agreed with me – keeping my name makes sense for me.
Morgan

I struggled with this decision very much leading up to my wedding day, and love hearing about others who share in this ‘changing of the names’ dilemma. In the end my husband felt just as strongly of me taking his name as I did in keeping mine. In the end I chose to hyphenate partly to appease both sides of the spectrum. It was a tough decision and one that I’m still not completely comfortable with, but in the end it was the only consensus that my husband and I could reach. I think combining both and stepping into the future with combined last names is really refreshing and encouraging. Thanks for sharing!
Mrs Victorlee

I love it. Very inspirational! Congrats and best wishes!
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1229460237 Erin-Elizabeth Ainsworth

I’m getting married to my boyfriend of three years this August and the one thing I’ve stood firm on since the beginning of our relationship is that I keep my name, something that has shocked most of my friends. I love my family name, the legacy and history behind it, and how it has always been… me, and I honestly can’t picture myself any differently. I’m not trying to be independent, but I love that aspect about myself, and I feel I will love my husband-to-be just as much and show just as strong of a bond together while still being able to be myself.
Sirsbaek

It reminds me a little of the episode of Friends were Phoebe changes her name to Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. Everyone is in titled to their own, but at the end of the day its a Family name, a name doesn’t define who you are.
Laura K.

I managed the registrations for a children and teen program recently. The biggest thing I noticed about people not changing names was the confusion it caused. It requires a lot more paperwork and notes to explain parents with different last names than their children, brings up a lot of questions. But, on top of different choices of last names, you have kids with multiple parents, two moms, etc. I don’t know. I guess it’s the world we live in now. More choices create the possibility for more confusion. Just remember to keep good notes.
Tara

My man and I want to do Exactly this! I thought we were the only ones. I’m beyond thrilled to have found this post. Any advice on how to accomplish this? I always find it very legally challenging for HIM to change his name….?