You’ve heard it a million times in various different ways.
“Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”
“Nothing great comes out of staying in your comfortable.”
“If you want something you never had, you have to do something you have never done.”
But, the truth is, there are two types of people out there: those that take risks with their hearts and relationships, and those who are more careful. There are pros and cons for both sides, but one gets a lot more criticism than the other. As someone who has always been extremely protective of my time and how much I give to other people, I’ve always been told that being too protective of myself has cost me in the long run. But is that really true? Can picking logic instead of feelings really alter the course of your life? In true Carrie Bradshaw fashion, I began to wonder: When it comes to your head and your heart, does one really reign supreme?
The Case For Your Heart:
One of my friends is someone that blindly follows her heart. Truly. She will go to extreme lengths to prove that she can go to extreme lengths. Her love for her heart scares me. Truly. It isn’t so much that she will change her mind in a second, or that she will drop anything and fly across the country for someone she loves in a heartbeat. It isn’t even the fact that she needed to go to Paris to figure out that her best friend was the love of her life.
It’s the fact that for her, love is a given. She doesn’t overthink anything because she knows that no matter what, she will always have love for herself. So no matter what she loses; be it time, money or relationships, she will always have herself. If you live your life like this, do you ever really regret anything? Do matters of the heart even matter?
The truth is, living on the whim and being in tune to your heart is extremely beneficial when you haven’t been hurt. But relationships have a funny way of ending, and as animals of nature, we are psychologically tuned to learn from our mistakes. So, how are you supposed to rely solely on your heart after something disastrous happens? So as much as I envy my friend’s ability to not be protective of her heart. I also worry for her. I know that one misstep, one bad relationship, one disastrous fight can make her doubt her own trust in herself, for at least a short period of time. Every time I bring this up to her, she tells me that she’d rather get burned than regret not doing anything. To which, I can’t really argue. Living with the coulda, shoulda, wouldas is painful. So maybe the risk of getting hurt is worth it?
The Case For Your Head:
You do what makes sense for you. You think about the past and the future before you make a huge decision. Relationships, as magical as they are, require thought. But the tale is old as time: When you start catching feelings, your brain might not truly process the good ol’ pro/con list. This is why I think I will always be team ‘Head over Heart.’
They say that you only get a few chances to be able to pick your battles. You only get a few chances to get it right. So why do we leave so much to fate? The ‘Que Sera, Sera’ attitude is beautiful, but it is also super irresponsible. You have every right to get what you deserve. You have every right to fight for what you want. If you do the math and it all comes out right, you have every right to follow your head.
I think relying on your ‘feelings’ is tricky because we are so blinded by emotion. Sometimes, we feel so we do. We break up, we make up, then we break up again just because aren’t feeling it. The thing about relationships is that there is always another person involved. A whole other party that has the same emotional range that you do. I think sometimes, in the midst of following our heart, we forget that we have the ability to break others’. So I guess the question is… is it worth it? Is it worth being fearless with your actions, if you know you can seriously hurt someone else?
Here is the secret. When it comes to your heart versus your head and relationships, you only need to know one thing. You are never going to win, and you aren’t going to lose. The decisions we make, the thoughts we have, and the actions that we take, they all define us. Hindsight is 20/20. So yeah, you can blame being too protective or being too risky. But you are who you are. Your friends can tell you what to do, and your weekly calls with your mom might give you insight on your relationship, but as cliche as it is, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So make decisions. Make good ones. Make bad ones. Make ones that make you cringe. Make ones that you won’t forget.
So often we forget that what is meant for us won’t pass us. In terms of relationships, sometimes we need to take those risks. Sometimes we need to think it through. But I solely believe, that no matter who you are and what your stance is on choosing your heart or your head, you will make the right decision. You know what is right for you. Love and partnership is about timing, and in the end, if you make a decision, and the timing is right, things will fall right into place.
If you are wondering about my best friend who followed her heart to and from Paris, or if I will ever disobey my carefully crafted pro/con list for every relationship I enter, know that things will change. You are not who you were, and you are not who you are yet to be. Like a lot of things in life, between our head and heart, we stand in limbo.