Aug 20, 2012

The Everygirl Book Club: Then Again // week two

TheEverygirl_bookclub_thenagain

We hope you’re enjoying Then Again, this month’s selection for the Random House Reader’s Circle for The Everygirl! It’s already week two, and Diane has provided us with plenty of new topics and stories to discuss. We’re eager to hear your thoughts and reactions, so be sure to comment!

As usual, we’ve posted some questions below, but feel free to share your own thoughts, questions, and opinions. And remember that our commenting programming allows you to reply directly to one another’s comments and get e-mail alerts when new comments are posted, allowing everyone to engage in conversation. That way time zone and location is not a concern, and the conversation can continue all week!

*Please note: if you read ahead, be sure not to address anything that happens after page 134 (Chapter 7). No spoilers, please!

Discussion Questions:

In Chapter 5, Diane reveals her struggle with Bulimia. What struck you most about Diane’s experience? Why do think many women—famous or not—battle eating disorders?

Diane kept her eating disorder a secret until now. What value is there in sharing our secrets with others? How do you choose what to reveal about yourself and to whom? 

Diane and Dorothy both write and create collages to work through their thoughts and feelings. How do you think creativity helps a person process their emotions? What medium do you use to express yourself? 

“Every cultural experience came to me by way of Woody Allen, my boyfriend,” says Diane. Who in your life has exposed you to new experiences and helped you cultivate your talents?

What are your impressions about Diane’s romantic relationships with both Woody Allen and Warren Beatty? How do you think these relationships affected Diane’s view of herself as a woman and as an actress?

Chapter 6 compares Diane’s “uphill climb” to becoming a successful young actress to Dorothy’s “downhill slide” as a middle-aged mother with an empty nest. What knowledge and insight can you gain from these two opposing experiences?

On page 113, Diane asks her mother retrospectively,”Did you ever pat yourself on the back for your greatest gift, just being you?” How would you answer this question?

What are your reactions after reading the first 134 pages of the book? What are you eager to find out more about?

Week 3 Assignment:
Read up to page 201 (Chapter 11) for next week’s discussion! Come back on Monday, August 27, when we’ll post new questions.

It’s not too late to join in! Grab a copy of Then Again and join us next week as we continue discussing the book!

  • PharologyOntic
  • http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

    I’m a late joiner, but I’m caught up now. I’m loving Diane’s insight and way with words. She’s a beautiful storyteller.

    I didn’t know much about Diane Keaton before this book. I haven’t even seen Annie Hall, to be honest (sacrilege! I know!), so pretty much everything was new to me. The bulimia chapter was especially surprising though, because even though I barely knew anything about her, she always came across (in her style and in award acceptance speeches, for example) as completely comfortable with herself. Like she was the kind of person who would never, ever succumb to those kinds of societal pressures. Since I was born in the ’80s and didn’t follow her rise to stardom, it makes me wonder if that comfortable-with-herself vibe is in part due to conquering bulimia (and other challenges) or if she was always able to “fake it.” Does anyone know?

    I liked the way Diane talked about sharing her secret after such a long time. It felt very human, very honest: “Who cares thirty years after the fact? Nobody, really? The thought of becoming number–what?–seventy-five on a ‘Famous Bulimics’ list is like aspiring to footnote status in a file labeled ‘Eating Disorders.’ Why bother? I guess partly because confession is at the very least an admission of guilt and partly because there’s a humbling aspect to recognizing footnote status. I know ‘coming clean’ is not going to deliver the flattering picture I prefer to roll out with great effort year after year. I don’t expect sympathy. I don’t expect commiseration. I don’t expect to be understood. What I do expect is to be released from the burden of hiding.” (pgs.92-93).

    I can certainly relate to that phrase–”the burden of hiding”–though I’ve never suffered from an eating disorder. Sad secrets eat away at your soul. At least, they do mine. I feel so much better when something’s out in the open. However, I’ve realized that once I’ve moved past something, I don’t really feel the need to open up to new people about it. For example, I hit a rough patch in high school that led to some very stupid choices. For many years I felt like I needed to share details about it to feel close to people–and for those years, that sharing did help me. But a year or two ago I suddenly felt released from that need. I’ll still tell someone I’m close with if it comes up naturally in conversation–but I’m not waiting around to share my big “s-e-c-r-e-t” anymore. Maybe that’s the key? Tell as many people as you need to to feel desensitized to it, and then move on.

    (I like the idea of discussion, so I’m going to save my other thoughts for later.)

  • http://twitter.com/DreamGreenDIY Carrie Waller

    I, too, had no idea that Diane struggled with an eating disorder – I was definitely shocked and saddened by that revelation. I liked her matter-of-fact tone when explaining it though – Opening with the list of celebrities who also suffered from Bulimia was a clever way to get her point across. Made a big impact on me…

    I can relate to fellow commenter, Catherine Ahern, that I used to wear my secrets on my sleeve as a way to connect with others, but there is definitely a time and place for these types of confessions. I think to share Diane’s secret in her memoir was an appropriate place. Now she can move on…

    Creativity to me is the absolute embodiment of emotion. It’s feeling in physical form and such a liberation to set free. Maybe I feel that way because I was an art student for four years and a working artist today, but I love that both Diane and Dorothy used collage and words to document their lives. 

    I think our relationships (even lack thereof) easily end up defining our lives. To be welcomed into Diane’s love life so openly was humbling. The two relationships were so different too – I liked to hear her comparison of each.

    I’m eager to continue learning about this incredible woman and actress. (and I’m also going to rent Annie Hall as soon as possible – I’ve only seen parts of it…)

    • http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

      I agree with your comment about how humbling it is to be welcomed into Diane’s romantic relationships so openly. I’m really enjoying her thoughts on relationships because 

      a. She discusses them in terms of growth experiences rather than explicit romance (so many woman’s books–both fiction and nonfiction–focus so much on sex and intimacy … I’m not prude, but this perspective is refreshing, and, I think, reflects Diane’s wisdom) 

      and b. I’m always interested in alternative paths to happiness. I like hearing about her “failed” relationships (though they’re obviously not failures, when she learned so much!) because she seems so fulfilled. I’m hoping to get (re)married one day and have children, but it’s such a good reminder for Everygirls that wife/mother aren’t the only fulfilling roles we can have as women. (In fact, I think Dorothy’s “downward slope” gives evidence that it’s dangerous to put all of your eggs in that one basket … or any one basket.)

      • http://twitter.com/ClarissaFidler Clarissa Fidler

        I completely agree with your first point about how Diane discusses her romantic relationships. Her perspective was definitely refreshing and insightful. It made me think about my past relationships in a different way.  

        • http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

          Me too! Right after a relationship ends, it’s usually too painful (for me) to reflect on it objectively, but Diane has the benefit looking back after many years. I’ve honestly never done that, but I think it would be an worthwhile reflective exercise: Think back over and journal about the positive growth experiences we got out of all of our past relationships. I bet we would uncover a lot.

          • http://twitter.com/ClarissaFidler Clarissa Fidler

            That’s a really good idea Catherine. I do a lot of writing when I’m going through things (relationship related or not) but I like the idea of revisiting previous entries and then writing about what I’ve learned etc.

  • http://livingmylifeasiknowit.wordpress.com/ Christina Tamm

    I’m still having trouble getting into the book. I am only on Chapter 4. I try as I ever so might but this may not be the book for me. Maybe next months book I can catch onto. 

    I will continue to try and keep reading it though. 

    • http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

      Christina, do you tend to prefer plot-based books in general? (There’s nothing wrong with that, of course!) Or is there something else about the book that’s keeping you from getting interested?

      • http://livingmylifeasiknowit.wordpress.com/ Christina Tamm

        I do tend to be a plot based book person but I have always wanted to try and expand my book reading to explore other options. I can’t quite figure out why Im not hooked on this book yet. I think a bit of it has to do with I didn’t really know much about Diane Keaton in the first place other than the fact that she was an actress as well as I get lost in whats going on when she switches between her stories and her mothers.

        • http://dccl.wordpress.com/ Catherine Ahern

          I totally understand. I enjoy Diane’s way with words and her insight into life, but there haven’t been any “Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to hear what happens next!” moments. I haven’t struggled with it, but it’s certainly not a stay-up-late-to-finish kind of story.

          I went back and commented on last week’s post since I wasn’t reading then, but here are my thoughts about getting lost when she switches back and forth between her story and her mother’s: “Regarding the intermingling of stories: I realized that for some of the childhood anecdotes, I really can’t remember if it was Diane’s story or Dorothy’s. I’m trying to decide if that’s problematic or purposeful. Maybe it suggests the universality of the human experience (or the female child’s experience in America, at least?), in that it doesn’t really matter when/where you grow up because everyone goes through the same kinds of things? I dunno. Maybe I’m just not reading carefully enough. :) ”

          • http://twitter.com/ClarissaFidler Clarissa Fidler

            Then Again is certainly a different kind of read as opposed to a novel. If you haven’t read a memoir before it’s definitely a new experience and I agree with the consensus that the intermingled stories can add to the difficulty. However, I’m still really enjoying this book. Diane definitely has a way with words and for me, the intermingling stories help me connect the characters in a deeper, more meaningful way. Everyone’s taste is different but I think it’s awesome that so many of us are trying out reading a new genre! 

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