It’s been well over a year since the first season of Stranger Things became a surprise cultural phenomenon and all but took over the world. Now, just in time for Halloween, we’ve been #blessed with season two.
WARNING: Massive Stranger Things Season 1 and 2 spoilers ahead. Duh.
The scifi series picked up nearly a year after our unlikely band of heroes pulled poor Will Byers back from the Upside Down. Though season one ended on a mostly-positive note (Except for that FREAKING SLUG THAT JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CRAWLED DOWN THE DRAIN DAMNIT WILL) we learn quickly that all is not well in Hawkins, Indiana.
Naturally, I had a lot of thoughts whilst epically binging the series this weekend, the first of which being that I was thrilled to have an excuse to stay in and avoid many a Halloween party. If you also spent most of the weekend in front of your laptop, I’ll know you’ll relate to these.
Thoughts you definitely had while binging Stranger Things 2
1. Ooh! A car chase with 1980s punks seemingly totally unrelated to the plotline! What shenanigans are afoot?
2. 008?! THERE ARE MORE OF THEM OUT THERE?! Did we know this already? WTF are the diabolical scientists doing if they’re letting all their experiments escape and run amok?
3. Ok, back to kids we recognize. Phew.
4. Dustin cursing in exasperation is now one of my favorite things.
5. SAMWISE GAMGEE IS HERE…. And I’m not mad about it? Bob is surprisingly lovable, the vanilla ice cream cone we all deserve.
6. Will, you’re putting on a very brave face — these little field trips you’re taking to the upside down are a big bag of NOOOOOOOOOPE.
7. ELEVEN IS HERE. ELEVEN IS HEEEEEEEERE. Hopper is keeping her safe and will be a protective dad and I already feel things.
8. Please let Eleven go trick-or-treating. She is the cutest bedsheet ghost of all time.
9. Why are Barb’s parents and Nancy the ONLY people in this entire town who care about Barb? What did Barb ever do to this town? #JusticeForBarb
10. These Ghostbuster costumes are excellent and the children should not be embarrassed about them.
11. Steve said he and Nancy worked really hard on their couple’s costume but I’m just not seeing the effort in this execution.
12. Again, thank you, Nancy, for being this upset about Barb.
13. Steve just lost a whole bunch of points. No matter what comes out of Nancy’s wasted mouth, you are not allowed to abandon your too-intoxicated girlfriend at a party. I am visibly upset.
14. OK, DUSTIN, WTF. You were present for the entirety of the first season, yes? What could possibly lead you to think this alien lizard creature will not bring about mass destruction and terror?
15. I haven’t taken the time to praise Winona Ryder yet. She was the fierce, angry, panicked anchor of season one. Now that Will’s back, watching her play out Joyce’s slow terror over her son’s well-being is HEART WRENCHING. Everything about Joyce Byers is brilliant.
16. Max’s character is an interesting addition to the group, but it feels like the writers just mashed together all the qualities they think should exist in a typical tomboy, handed her a skateboard, and went “Ta-Daaaaa!” *Kisses fingers like chef*
17. WILL, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. RUN, RUN WILL, DAMNIT WILL, RUN.
18. The shadow monster catching Will is by far the scariest moment of the show thus far. Will cannot catch a break.
19. Billy is trash with a mullet, but there is also definitely MAJOR homoerotic tension happening when he interacts with Steve. I am… strangely, all about it?
20. Hopper screaming at Eleven is terrifying, but it’s so clear he’s terrified for her safety and feels a deep paternal love for her and doesn’t know how to process it and I’m not crying, you’re crying.
21. Post-possession Will is very scary and I am very scared.
22. DUSTIN. Duuuuuuuuuude. Who’s more important, your best friend since early childhood or the weird slug with legs you found YESTERDAY?
23. Welp, there it is. Mews did not deserve this. Mews was a good cat. Dustin, I’m angry.
24. Eleven’s name is Jane, she just wants her mama, and I’m bawling for approximately the fifth time since I started watching this stupid season.
25. Oh, you mean the decaying slime-covered pumpkin patches ARE, in fact, related to the supernatural lab at the edge of town? I am shocked.
26. OK, writers, I see you. You knew I was actively hating Dustin and Steve so you put them together and made them the world’s most adorable hero/sidekick bromance combo this good earth has ever seen. Now I don’t hate them anymore.
dustin & steve are the stranger things duo i didn't know i needed pic.twitter.com/oGPSKqOPzQ
— neelam day! tess (@sapphicsis) October 27, 2017
27. Why do I feel like Hopper is 10/10 husband material? Why am I stressed about his well-being like a worried lover as he descends into this giant upside-down tunnel of NOPE? Come back to me Hopper, don’t you dare leave me.
28. “So, Jonathan, how was the pull-out?” I just did a TV-style spit take with red wine.
29. As far as on-screen kisses go, this was tops.
30. Episode seven feels like a standalone episode for a completely different series and I would really like to return the show we’re actually watching please.
31. Bob did not deserve this. Bob was just doing his best. Crying, again.
32. It feels really good to have the gang together again after eight episodes of buildup. They were the heart of season one and I feel short-changed that I didn’t get more of their adventurous quests this season.
33. “Where have you been?” “Where have you been?” OK, kids, I love you.
34. Hopper pulling Mike into his big protective arms as he collapses into sobs makes me feel things. Still would marry Hopper in a heartbeat.
35. Eleven, be Max’s friend. She did nothing to you. Girls being pitted against each other, particularly over male attention, is my least favorite trope.
36. “Who’s Sarah?” RIP my heart.
37. Barb gets a funeral. A small piece of my bitter, black rage turns to mist and exits my body, floating away into the universe. I am still angry, but perhaps one day I will find peace.
38. Hopper adopted Eleven. I audibly squealed and now both my dog and my significant other are concerned.
39. Dustin’s mom got a new cat. I don’t know how to feel.
40. The episode’s final scene is EVERYTHING. Rejection! Triumph! 1980s music! 1980s fashion! A school gymnasium! Hats off to you, Duffer Brothers. I am impressed and terrified by your ability to exploit my nostalgia for profit.
In short: I am in love with Jim Hopper, Will has been through a lot and really deserves a vacation, Joyce is a great mom, #JusticeForBarb, #JusticeforBob, #JusticeForMews. I am drained physically and emotionally, but I survived.