5 Things to Do the Weekend Your Ex Gets Married

It is a very odd feeling when an ex-something gets married. Regardless of how long it’s been since you were together or how firmly the relationship’s door was shut, it’s just straight weird when someone you used to share your life with officially commits to someone else… for life.

Three of my exes are now married—insert Good Luck Chuck joke here—and while each one struck me in a different way, I coped with them all pretty similarly. So I’ve collected a list of things to do the weekend one of your exes gets married (especially if you are still single). Because it’s always good to be prepared.

Adventure yo self.

New memories can outweigh old dusty ones. That’s just science. So it can be really helpful to either plan a trip or just try something new. This fall an ex of mine got hitched and my best friend and I drove to Toronto on a whim. Exploring a new city was the perfect distraction and it also helped to be as far away from the scene of the crime as possible. The distance was refreshing and the adventure was healing.

Have your friends remind you why it didn’t work out.

With all past relationships it can be easy to over-romanticize what you once had. Distance does make the heart grow fonder (or less mindful of all the sh*t that didn’t work). The night my very first boyfriend got married, my sister and best friends came over and opened a bottle of Dom Perignon I’d been saving. We proceeded to have a champagne ‘roast’ of my ex and all the ways we were ultimately incompatible. It was SO good to just make light of things and laugh about all of the reasons we were better off with other people (one being he still wore carpenter jeans at the time. Truth.). If this is a little dark for your taste, have your friends toast you and how badass you are. Win/win.

Know that however you feel is fine.

Sometimes it’s hard to decipher how exactly you’re feeling when an ex gets married. You go from nostalgic to hurt to indignant and back again. A good thing to do the weekend your ex gets married is just let yourself feel whatever you want. You’re not pathetic if you are sad; you’re not cold-hearted if you’re not. If you’re still bitter, fine and if you are genuinely happy for him, fantastic. As the kids say: You do you.

Limit social media stalking.

Especially if the relationship still stings or was fairly recent, the less you know about this wedding, the better. This fall when my most recent ex got married (after a very very tumultuous relationship), I decided I could look at my ex’s Instagram once just so that my brain would know it was actually happening. I said I’d just look at the most recent one. I’ll never forget, the photo was of him and his two siblings and he was holding a beer in a coozie that said “Groom.” It was very surreal and I completely lost my marbles for a second, but would you believe me if I told you that after that I never looked again? Well, it’s true. All of that to say, less is definitely more if you are hurting. And if you’re not? Troll the hell out of the wedding hashtag.

Break up the wedding.

Ok this is definitely a joke, but it can be a really fun game to play at brunch with friends. Basically everyone goes around and comes up with the most dramatic, soap opera-esque scenario in which you could burst through the church doors and cause a scene. Using your imagination is fun, right?

One last thing to remember: If you’re going through this and you’re not currently in a relationship don’t take your ex’s apparent ‘relationship success’ as any indication of how loveable or worthy you are. It’s not a race to the altar and his or her timing has nothing to do with your timing. Oh and when in doubt—really great snacks and a few choice beverages make everything better.

Have you had any exes get married? How did you feel and what did you do to cope?

  • disappointedreader

    What happened to you guys? This site used to be a wonderful site for women to find real content that related to our lives. Now I look at articles like this and “cancelling plans” and I’m so disappointed. I barely recognize this content anymore. I used to read Everygirl because I couldn’t find a stupid gif or “listicle” in sight. Now it’s in every article. What caused this change? This is the exact same decline at Bustle – I don’t even read their articles anymore because it’s just terrible click-bait.

    Also, where did all the resources go? I can’t find the budget tools that I used to love and rely on. Why have all these useful resources been removed?

    I hate having to post a harsh comment, but I loved this site for the positive, feminist, incredible content and I’m so sad to see this all disappear so quickly.

    • So sorry to hear you’re disappointed. We know that many women (and men for that matter ) can relate to this exact moment. Having a focus on one’s career or finances doesn’t mean you won’t go through the difficult times that come with being in relationships. Lyndsay Rush has been writing about relationships for our site for over three years and we always love to hear what she has to say!

      If you’re looking for more resources to assist in budgeting, we’d refer you to our robust career and finance sections.

      As for the handbooks, we miss those too! They’ve been gone for almost three years since we redesigned the site. Working on a more effective way to bring them back that isn’t a (let’s be honest, outdated) downloadable PDF. Stay tuned!

  • I’m still good friends with my EX. I was at his wedding and he was at mine.

    • That’s amazing! If only we were all so lucky. 🙂

  • Sharon

    I have to agree with the above disappointed reader. This article seems unnecessary and done in poor taste. I’m getting married this year and I would hate to think that there is a group of girls sitting a brunch table pretending to break up my wedding. It’s bad energy to put out there. Marriage is a time of love. I remember when my ex got married and I definitely did not need to gather people around me to remind me why it didn’t work out. I sent him positive vibes and went on with my life, it’s just not a big deal, we all have an ex.

    • Lyndsay Rush

      I’m sorry you feel that way, Sharon! Aside from the joke bit at the end, I’d like to think the bulk of this advice piece is how to heal and get through what can be a very difficult time for many people. There are of course always two sides to what’s going on and this was just my experience on the other end of it.

    • Courtney

      I’m glad you are entering into marriage with such a positive perspective, not just for your own situation but also for your ex, but not everyone is like you. And everyone’s situation is different. Yes, we should all be happy and wave and move on, but sometimes it’s hard and not so cut and dry when you are still reeling. And if you’ve never joked about a friend’s ex with them or talked bad about someone who didn’t treat you well in a time of pain, you are a saint.

  • Sharon

    I forgot to mention I love The Everygirl (maybe just not this article, everyone’s got an opinion right?)

  • Jane C

    This should not be a comment section for disappointed readers, if so, don’t read or comment.
    The good thing about Everygirl is that it provides articles for all women in many different stages. If you are a career woman, you have a tab. If you want some humor and in dating stages, you have a tab.
    Before I met my husband and got married, my ex of 8 years fell in love with my best friend. This article would not adhere to me today but a few years ago when that weekend rolled around, it would have been nice to stumble upon a goofy article about how life goes on and then forget about it.
    Lyndsay, great job! Who doesn’t love exerts from New Girl and Happy Endings?! I am sure some younger women read this article laughed and related. Thanks for writing!

  • Jamie Harisiades

    I’m going to have to agree with the two previous posts from disappointed readers. I understand that the last suggestion is a joke, but the advice re: sending positive vibes is very much an improvement over the vast majority of this “article.” To me, suggesting a roast or imagining ways to break up the wedding is negative and can only serve to disempower you. This is stooping. This is taking the low road. Rather than suggesting a poor coping strategy that centers around knocking someone else down, the advice of toasting to the awesome, badass, loving person that you are is much better. Plus, roasts typically necessitate that the person being roasted is there and that the honoree be subjected principally to good-natured, tongue-in-cheek ridicule…

    I’m 25 and I’ve experienced “good,” peaceful breakups and I’ve been through a very messy, tumultuous break up that left me quite hurt. While none of my exes have gotten married just yet and I remain friends with some (and do not speak to that messy ex), I send each of them light and love every time that I think of them or I see/hear that they’ve found a lady friend – even that messy one. Wishing someone ill (re: joking about ways to break up the wedding) is not good advice. This post is just misguided. If written in a more positive and empowering manner, I believe that this post would have a place on the Everygirl website. I’ve read many of Lyndsay’s articles before, and this seems like an unfortunate departure from her very helpful norm. I do not come to this site for gifs and negativity. Let’s get back to the content that we all know and love as Everygirls!

  • Jazz Freyre

    My ex-boyfriend of 6 years, broke up with me about a year ago, long story short 8 months later he proposed to his now soon to be future wife. Their wedding is coming up and its the single most surreal feeling, especially since we obviously discussed weddings and babies while we were together. While the entire experience was (and sometimes) still is incredibly painful, I really have to laugh to keep from crying. So I appreciate the article and ditto to the stalking part, i’m considering going off social media for 3 months so I don’t see anything wedding related since we have a lot of the same friends. I’ll let you all know how it goes xoxoxo

    • row

      My ex-boyfriend and I broke up after 4years. We were on and off for an additional year, until I finally had to call it quit. He got engaged last month to his new girl-friend after only a year of dating her. He was my first ever boyfriend. I can’t explain how crushed I was when I found out via social media. I’m currently off social media just so I can stay sane(lol).I wish I found an article like this before… Great tips!!

    • Deborah

      I broke up with my ex 2 years ago… we were together for 7 years… He was perfect, I just couldn’t love him anymore and that was way too hard to admit… He was so in love with me, people would say he would kill himself after the break up. Well… 3 months after the break up he found a girl, they started dating, one year after that he proposed her… I heard he will get married probably this year. I couldn’t date anyone anymore and I still think what’s wrong with me and why he didn’t propose me during all those years…
      I liked the article, I will certainly plan something for that weekend..

    • Cynthia Fardoe Thomas

      I can relate to you Jazz, I was with my ex for almost ten years we had two babies together and he always said he didnt want to get marryd, we split and its taken hin two years to have a baby with somebody else and hes now getting marryd in august!!!!!!

  • Lindsay

    I enjoyed this article Lyndsay! Great tips for coping with one of life’s awkward moments 🙂

  • I ALSO have three exes who have gotten married! And all to the next significant other after me. It’s a really weird feeling. I personally empathize with this post and I’m glad you wrote it! Thank you!

  • HLG

    Fun article … for people with a sense of humor! I don’t think the roast idea was meant to be malicious but more of a “remember why you were bad for each other”positive experience. Thanks Lyndsay!

  • disappointedreader

    Wow, I’m amazed to see so much conversation from this! I was merely trying to point out that I’ve noticed a real shift in content from the Everygirl over the last month or so, including this article. I have no qualms with the writer, she’s written a lot of great work.

    When I started reading the EveryGirl 2+ years ago, it was truly meant for every woman. It featured doctors discussing their career choices, anxiety discussions, and featured amazing budget tools. The site really grew into something wonderful, and then recently I’ve noticed that they stopped catering to everyone and started to cater more towards women more like them: the work-from-homers with an Instagram presence and plenty of time to make really detailed breakfasts (re: recent article on breakfast ideas for a “rushed” morning – as someone who truly has a rushed morning everyday to get to my office, these were honestly hilarious). The DSLR series this week is the icing on the cake – what a presumption to make that readers own one of the pricey devices!

    The Everygirl is unique in that there’s only a few articles a day, so the one’s that make the cut are truly evaluated differently than say articles on Time or even Refinery29. I believed in Everygirl content and truly found myself here until recently. Now it feels like content for one type of girl. I’d love to start seeing more women of color! We see so many profiles of interior designers and bloggers – let’s see more doctors, engineers, scientists, etc! If we don’t see everyone, then this site no longer lives up to its name.

  • Motherhood unfiltered

    Its so funny that I saw this, because my Ex-Hasban is getting married in April and I had a really weird dream that he invited me to his wedding and my parents came too lol! Aside from that I couldn’t be happier & I wish them the best of luck!

  • jane

    I was in a long distance relationship last year and ended up in a wrong way, until finally he reached out again and i thought it was a second chance, surprisingly he’s getting married and i was shocked. for the second time i had to indulge the pain again and lost, but then i realized it is an opportunity for me to know myself better and face my own fears.

  • FionaInTheApple

    Great piece- I enjoyed it and found comfort in knowing I’m not alone in my fluctuating emotions in response to learning my ex-boyfriend, ex-best friend, childhood schoolmate, whose siblings I babysat for, whose family took me on vacations all over the world with them when we were just friends, is engaged to marry a woman with the SAME NAME as me, who went to our boarding school, dated two other ex-boyfriends of mine, and whom he hid from me that he was dating, although we were just friends. Clearly we weren’t, and this whole situation sounds weird as I’m describing it in a public forum. Maybe I still have some unfinished business. Anyway, I appreciated finding this listicle moments after my mom volunteered their wedding date and website. It acknowledges reality and importance of maintaining boundaries, at the same time taking the focus OFF the ex, and infusing some humor with the Mindy Project reference. I’m already planning my outfit and speech, because I definitely do not want to marry this guy, I just want to make a scene and look absolutely fabulous and foolish at his wedding (truth). Do you guys think a white dress would send the wrong message? xo and seriously thanks.