Coffee Talk: Do You Always Mean What You Say?

  • Photography by: Kat Keegan
  • Copy by: Anna Mathias

Maybe you’ve been in this situation—you’re reeling from a fight with your significant other, and when asked if you’re okay, you responded with a very blunt “I’m fine.” But what you really wanted to say was “I’m not fine. I’m hurt and upset.” Or perhaps you’ve been on a shopping trip with your girlfriends, and when one of them tried on something that was less than flattering, you feigned a “it looks great!” Most of us have been guilty of this—saying one thing but meaning something entirely different. It’s fairly common in our day-to-day lives—when someone asks how you are, you respond with the default “I’m well,” or when you have too much work and you’re offered help, you say you don’t need it. It can be hard, especially for us ladies, to say what we’re really thinking or feeling because we don’t want to seem vulnerable or offend someone.

So let’s open up a discussion. Do you think not saying what you really mean or feel is that big of an issue? If you think it is, is there a way to approach saying what you mean without the vulnerability or potentially insulting another individual? Can any of you Everygirls who are great at speaking up and speaking with conviction give advice to those of us who have a hard time owning up to our true feelings in uncomfortable situations?

  • Jessica

    Haven’t read it, but now I want to! Thanks for the recommendation

  • Megan

    Funny! Just yesterday read this article: – which is a criticism of Matchar and her book. I don’t have any super strong opinions either way on “new domesticity” but do find the discussion endless fascinating!

  • i think being a mother is hard enough without people always wanted to analyze your decisions, that being said, it does sound like an interesting book and i am glad she didn’t try to make one type come off as better than the other.

  • Marjory Mejia

    Sounds interesting. This is something that needs to be discussed and brought to light There have been so many waves of feminism and some rejected the home as a domestic prison. There are plenty of feminists, however, who do embrace this realm as a source of nourishment. Thanks for sharing!

  • Emily Werner

    The question should be ‘Can ANYONE have it all?’ Men do not ask themselves this question, they just make it work. I love the sound of the solutions put forward in this book about bringing men into the home to share this side of being a family. Well done for a grat article and a great book. I will certainly be going out to get a copy this weekend!

    • MK

      Men do not ask ourselves the question,
      As we already know the answer is NO,
      no one can have it all at the same time,
      there has to be some sacrifice/compromise to make it work

  • Laura

    I can only dream of being a stay at home mum. No kids yet but with cost of living in Australia so high, it’s near impossible not to have to go back to work.

  • this is very fascinating and as an ambitious woman who is very intent of have a successful brand and a wonderful family, I find myself pondering this sentiment more and more as of late.

  • Kiki

    For most women, it is not a choice. That notion itself is romanticized. For some financial constraints dictate, for some the ubdeniable need to engage outside the home, for some the structure of a job makes one more productive, for some mothering is not a strength, for some it’s a perfect fit. As women we need to respect, support, value all choices and keep in mind the children. They are the most important. If a working mother, a stay at home mother, a single mother, etc. gives the child a healthy and loved upbringing, it is the best choice.

  • Sandra F

    As an addition to this book, i would recommend reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Lean in.” As the COO of facebook and former higher up at Google, Sheryl talks about the importance of women in the workplace. She believes that women in the workplace can implement change for the greater good of society and both sexes. She emphasizes the need for men to support women in the worrkplace too. It was an inspiring book.

  • This book sounds interesting!

  • I tried to check this out from my local library but it’s not in the Phoenix system at all. Looks like I get a new book!

  • Wow, this is so timely. My co-founder and I were having a conversation around this topic yesterday. I agree that the rise of “blog-culture” has definitely romanticized the life of a stay-at-home wife/mom. Growing up I’d never considered this an option for myself but now, as a blogger, I see the appeal of being able to pursue my passion as a lifestyle. I’m definitely interested in picking up Emily’s book and hearing what others have to say about this subject!

    Jen Hacker | The Single Diaries