Coffee Talk: How To Make Friends After College

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For many of us, making friends came naturally when we were younger. We’d just walk up to someone, start talking, offer to share a toy, and begin playing. Voilà—new friend made! During our college years, we became friends with roommates, classmates, sorority sisters, and other young individuals who were in the same student organizations. Those close college friends saw us through everything, from the frantic cram sessions during finals week to the infamous frat parties to the rom-com movie marathons after a break-up. But graduation has come and gone, and we find ourselves in that post-grade state—the real world. Suddenly, making friends has become infinitely harder. It’s no longer as simple as walking up to another person and asking them to be friends. While that might have worked when we were 5-years-old, that doesn’t really work at 25-years-old.

So, we want to open up a discussion with all you Everygirls—how did you make friends post-college? Was it easy for you to form these new bonds in “the real world”? Or did you have a difficult time forming friendships with others after college? If so, do you have any advice for those of us who are currently experiencing this?

  • Finding others doing the same things you like to do, i.e. at the same gym class from week to week. Strike up a convo. Or at a playpark and your kids are same age/playing together – schedule a playdate. Or coworkers…grab some drinks at happy hour and get to know each other beyond 9 to 5.

  • Ebony J

    I am still in college and sometimes it is still hard for me to make friends

    • I had the hardest time making friends in college, and now that I am graduated, i know that the people i befriended pre-college are my truer friends!

  • Social sports or Meetup groups. I’ve met at least one keeper from each of these.

  • Angi

    I love this conversation since I just graduated in May. I obviously still talk to all my college friends, but 12+ hours separates me from them. Making new friends in the new state I moved to with my boyfriend has been beyond hard. I will be moving again in the next 2 weeks to Kentucky and once again have to start over making new friends. I plan on putting in an extra effort to get to know my neighbors and co-workers. I also want to meet up with bloggers in the area!

  • Vicky

    I have found friends from a young adult church group in my area. That has been wonderful because I found friends who have similar values as I do, and we like to do many of the same things. We also help each other try new things.

  • Ellie

    I stayed in Boston after college and have been lucky that three of my very close girlfriends moved here in the last couple years. I suggest reaching out to your college’s alumni association along with a sorority alumni chapter (if you’re in one), a house of worship, etc. And definitely try taking classes where you interact with people: dance class, pottery class, wine class, etc. Not only will you meet people, but you have a built in thing in common!

  • MandyJane

    Moving to a new city knowing no one, especially girls, is a tough one. I literally would go to young professional networking events through local associations and be super honest to girls I thought I would click with. I would just start off the conversation with,”I’m new, I need friends.” It was funny, broke the ice and actually worked. After a year in a new city, I’ve met other transplants that I can now call best friends, and went on a lot “friend dates” where some of them just didn’t work out. Saying yes to any invites in the beginning helps get you out of your comfort zone; it’s scary but so is not having any friends. Much better to awkwardly socialize at first than not.

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  • I stayed in my college town for a year after I graduated, so for that first year all of my friends that moved would complain of being lonely, and I would say “Not me! I’ve still got friends!”

    And then this summer, I moved to DC and know approximately 3 people. And I’m a nanny, so my co-workers are two 7 month olds. Making friends has been my biggest challenge, it is just not as easy to meet people as it was when we were in school!

    Looking forward to reading this thread and seeing what everyone else is doing.

    • Lauren Tulch

      Hi Emily, I just graduated last May and moved back to the DC/Northern Virginia area after going to college out of state. I also went to boarding school for high school so all of my friends are scattered all over the country. I teach at a local private school and as the youngest teacher there, most of my coworkers are much older. If you’re still in the DC area, I’d love to meet up sometime.

      • Lauren! Hi! I’m so sorry that it’s been 3 months since you posted this, I just now checked my Disqus comment replies! I’m still in the area and would LOVE to meet up!! Comment back here, email me at [email protected] or Facebook me!

      • Liz S.

        Hi guys, I also live in the DC area (Mclean, VA) and moved here from Philly. I’m getting a M.Ed in School Counseling now and know very few people here. If either of you would like to get together, let me know. [email protected]

        • Sarah P.

          Hi guys, I also live in the DC area (Arlington, VA) I know a few people here but would love to meet new people. [email protected]

          • Hi! I also just moved to the DC area from Philly in mid-July. I know a few friends down here, but not many and I would love to meet some new people. Feel free to email me if you ever want to meet up for coffee or drinks or anything like that! [email protected] (:

          • Ignatzia

            Hi girls in DC/arlington area. I realize that part of this thread is at least 11 months old but I moved to the arlington area post-college back in August and would really love to meet new people. You’re welcome to email me at [email protected]

          • Renee

            Hahaha okay yeah I guess I’m about to do the same thing! Just moved to Arlington! email is [email protected]

          • Aditi

            I guess this thread is really old but me too! I just moved to the Arlington area: [email protected]

  • Sarah

    I moved to Chicago and connected with my sorority’s alumnae group. I was lucky that 56other girls were new to the city too, and we set up a big group dinner….and 2 years later we are still friends. I also joined the Junior League and have met some great girls through that.

    • Kimberly

      do you like Junior League? I was thinking about joining.

      • KB

        I joined my Junior League six years ago and it’s one of the best things I could have done to meet new people (to say nothing of personal development and leadership.) I highly recommend it!

  • Esther Stone

    I’m struggling with this now. At 27 I moved to Chicago where I know a few people, but they’re all at different places in their lives than I am. I’m trying to connect with coworkers and strongly considering attending some of the meetup events. Rebuilding a social support system is extremely tough.

    • elle

      completely agree Esther. It was really hard for me, when the only person I knew in my new city was my boyfriend. It takes time, and it’s frustrating, but having patience is totally worth it as you’ll find people you never expected to befriend!

    • Erin Holness

      I just moved to Chicago too, and the only people I know here are married and just had a baby three days ago – totally not where I’m at right now. Everyone here is super friendly but it’s sooo hard to make friends, especially when I have a non 9-5 job. Maybe we should make a meet-up group!

      • cheryl

        I have been in Chicago a total of 8 years and am 34 and it can still be tough as most women my age are married with kids and living in the burbs. I have found that working for a place with like-minded social people helps and volunteering too

      • Laura Harper

        I also live in Chicago. I think a meet up group would be fantastic!

    • Ashley

      I’ve lived in Chicago most of my life but most of my hs friends don’t live here anymore. The friends I made in college live all over the country too. My husband and I live in the suburbs so we are finding it uber hard to make friends our own age. He;s reached out to his coworkers but they don’t follow through. We are really frustrated because we try reaching out but are not having luck.

      • Laura

        Hi. I grew up in Chicago as well and I am in your same position. Since this is a forum of meeting friends. Hi my name is Laura 🙂

        • Ashley

          I’m actually moving to Dallas because my husband and I are relocating. If anyone on this thread is in Dallas, it would be great to meet up.

          • Calli

            Hi Ashley! I just moved to Dallas and am in the same boat. Would love to meet up.

          • Ashley

            Sounds great. Thanks so much for reaching out. I am part of the group on Facebook (Facebook/Chicago Everygirls). You can send me a message and/or friend me on there. I’d love to meet up!

          • Mindee Bade

            hey calli, I just moved here also (5months later) and would love to meet up with you guys

          • Madison

            I’m really late haha, I just moved to Dallas for my job and don’t know anyone here. I also work for an engineering firm where i’m the only woman in the office so its so hard to meet friends! if any of you would like to meet up I would love to 🙂

          • Amanda

            Hey! I am also in the Dallas area looking to meet some friends and would love to meet up if anyone would like to!

          • Danielle

            Hey, late to the party! Just moved to Dallas and looking to meet up if anyone is up for it!

    • Taran

      I agree, Im in the same boat. Just moved to Chicago and dont really know anyone. Tough to find a group after college

  • elle

    I moved to DC right after graduation, and a few of my close friends moved to other new places as well. It was pretty interesting that across the board, it took us all about 6-9 months to create real, lasting relationships from scratch.

    I made a few quick friends from my internship program, who 2 years later are still the ones I consider my best friends in the area. Once you have a couple people you feel comfortable calling up, you can branch out through their social networks and make friends with their friends. My friend groups have been slowly growing and growing over the last 2 years because of this – it all started with a few girls, and now we have a large net of great people to call great friends!

    Best advice is to just say yes to all invitations! get out there, put yourself in uncomfortable situations, you’ll always get something positive out of the experience.

  • Hallie Duesenberg

    You should host a make-new-friends party in Chicago!

    • Kelli

      Yes, you should! I would come. I just moved here in August and I need friends 🙂

    • Laura Harper

      I would attend. I grew up in Chicago.

  • Take classes that interest you! I took a B2B blogging class in the city and I clicked with the instructor who was the same age. We’re now attending a marketing conference together. I highly recommend checking Dabble to sign up for all types of classes in Chicago!

  • Maggie

    Co ed organized sports leagues are great for meeting new friends! So are organized activities like volunteering opportunities, themed pub crawls, etc. I’m a member of my local Junior League chapter which is phenomenal at connecting women, as well as a member of my local alumni club. I also take full advantage of striking up conversations at parties or dinner parties – I’ve often become better friends with friends of friends than I was with the original friend! I bring my business cards everywhere and if it’s awkward to invite a new acquantaince to a movie or a party, start with just giving them your card and saying “we should go grab lunch!” I think it’s all about being totally open and friendly and actually approaching someone else! I also think it’s important once you DO establish a good group of friends in your city to reach out to newcomers and invite them along – pay it forward, build up that great karma and be a woman who helps other women!!

  • Making friends after college is even harder specially when I have to move from Bali to the Chicago, however, reaching out to others who love similar things like you, do similar things or in the same industry as you are really to start the conversation. Either follow up with some meeting over coffee to learn about each other, or ask if they would like to go hangout to check out a new restaurant that just open. Usually you would know if you can be a good fit for or another. And just go from there 🙂

  • Andrea

    Find people that you feel a connection, or possible connection, with, and reach out; and keep reaching out. My inklings of people I could be friends with have often turned out to be true, but it can take some time for people to take you up on an offer to get together. And get out and do stuff! Whatever it is you like to do, you’re more likely to meet some friends doing stuff with people with similar interests than you are sitting on your couch, or hiding behind your desk.

  • Bridget

    Volunteer work!

  • Dana

    wait -this is too funny with the timing. I called my mom only last week complaining to her that I felt like I didn’t have enough friends… was a little lonely… missed college (even though that was over 2 years ago), where I had about 30+ good friends within a half a mile radius. Its much more intimidating in the real world. I’ve met people through work. through my one hobby of horseback riding (although most were quite a bit older than me).. and now I”m on the hunt to find more friends. I’m about to join a new gym.. I just moved into a new apartment complex. I’m sure hoping that helps, because lately, a lot of my close dear friends have decided to move away and I miss them more than anything. You don’t realize how much your friends mean to you until they’re not close to you anymore.

    • Morgan

      Hi Dana! I totally agreed with your post! I have lived in Columbus for three years and have some great friends from my hometown who have also ended up nearby BUT most of my closest college friends are spread out and it has been way harder to meet people post-college than I thought it would be.

      Totally love your blog, by the way! I started browsing around and noticed that you are also from Columbus! What a small world!

      [email protected]

    • Laura

      I am also an equestrian. What town are you in? I would love a riding buddy.

      • Dana

        Columbus, OH! How about you?

  • I find it much easier to make friends after college. Get out and go to your local gym…take barre classes or join how about we and sign up for some fun painting classes. You always meet people with similar interests!

  • Kristen

    yes, funny timing about this. Feeling lonely last week and signed up for a bunch of Meetup groups, hoping to meet some people through that!

  • Tracy

    I found a non profit for young professionals and made SO many friends in the new city I moved to!! loved it 🙂

  • Sarah

    I am not new to my city anymore, but I still do not have that many friends here. I moved to attend law school, and I didn’t click with that many law students. Now that school is over, I have had a lot of difficulty meeting new people my age (26). Most of the women I seem to meet are much older. I look forward to seeing everyone’s comments on meeting people in the same peer group!

    • Kristen

      Sarah, you took the words out of my mouth! Except I moved to Raleigh after grad school to get away from old friends that were bringing me down only to find very few people here to connect with. I’m 27 and although I just got married, still find it hard to connect with women my age. Good luck! – Kristen

  • Caroline Pullen

    So funny! I just wrote a post on this topic on my blog a couple of months ago. Since I moved out to San Francisco a year and a half ago – this has been an ongoing journey, and I’ve learned a lot about myself along the way! I’m all about quality over quantity. Check out more thoughts on this subject on my blog:

  • I started with my sorority alumni chapter, but like anything you have to put effort into meeting people. You can’t go to one meeting and then give up if you don’t like anyone. The best part about joining a group (sorority alumni, an org like Junior League, or Meet-up) is that every event is an opportunity to meet new people.

  • I met most of my London friends at my previous job, I always say how grateful I am for that job. A couple thru blogging too but that’s not a given. With a new chapter in my life about to start I’m thinking of joining some activities, maybe a photography class or something along these lines. I love this discussion!

  • Elle C

    I knew a few college friends when I moved to the city, but I lived alone my first year and felt very isolated. I was lucky enough to meet two or three great people at work and the key for us was being open to blending groups. Some people get possessive of their social circles, but we figured it would be easier if all of our favorite people met each other. The result has been a lot of incredible friendships and a group that’s always willing to make room for more.

  • Roevie

    Definitely been able to make friends through church, with people who share the same values, and just be able to do life together, and thrive!

  • Meredith

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately too. I grew up in DC and lived here, loving every minute of it for 4-5 years after college, but then I went away to grad school and when I came back I’ve found it’s not at all how I left it. Many of my best friends have gotten married or moved further out or to other states entirely! I’ve been back in the area for almost a year now and with a bit of a funky schedule on top of everything else I’m still a little lonely! Any girls in DC, feel free to reach out! 😉

    • Sarah

      I live in DC and have been having this is issue. I have a wonderful core group but it’s hard to expand past that!

      • Meredith

        Hey Sarah! Feel free to friend me on FB (Meredith Gainey) and maybe we can grab coffee or a drink sometime soon!

        • Sadie Cornelius

          Meredith & Sarah, I’m new to DC too and looking for new friends and social people to meet up with! I’m on all the usual social media sites ( and if y’all get together would love to meet up too! – Sadie

          • Sarah

            Hi girls! I just sent y’all Facebook messages. Check your “other” folder. Sorry it took me a bit – I had this thread bookmarked but had forgotten to check it for replies.

          • Sadie Cornelius

            Sarah, I got your message, thanks for introducing me to the “other” folder too, ha! Look forward to maybe meeting up with you and/or Meredith soon!

        • Sarah

          Hi! I just sent you a Facebook message. Check your “other” folder. Sorry it took me a bit – I had this thread bookmarked but had forgotten to check it for replies.

    • Lauren Tulch

      Hi Meredith, I just moved back to the Northern Virginia/DC area after going to college out of state. I’d love to meet up sometime.

  • Nadia Chaudhry

    Wow, this is something I’ve experienced too. Since launching my copywriting business, it’s a lot of lonely nights. It’s esp hard to make time when you’re trying to grow your biz.

    I recently started doing my work at Barnes and meet quite a few other people who also work/study here. Going out with one girl this weekend.

    I think the best advice is just to get out there and strike up a conversation. Talk about their clothes/computer/phone. I think the best place to do that would be at a place were the same people frequent often, like a coffee shop or a gym class. That way you have time to build up a relationship if you’re a little new to making friends quickly.

    Hope this helps someone <3

  • I’ve struggled with this a lot after college! All of my closest friends stayed around where we went to college and I moved three times. I tried to stay in touch but it just wasn’t the same and it’s been a constant struggle ever since. I’ve met most people through my husband, who is from the area we live in, or actually, through blogging.

  • Em H.

    I’m having trouble making friends. I just graduated from school and I have found that it is extremely hard to make least it seems harder than it used to be. Thanks for this post it made me feel better that others are in this situation.

  • Finding other girls with similar values and lifestyles after college is definitely difficult. I moved to Austin after I graduated and it’s a great city, but its taken me some time to really feel like I’ve made any deep connections. I’ve really enjoyed the people in my church group as well as my coworkers. I joined a couple of young professionals groups that have helped me meet people as well. It’s been a challenge, but it’s made me go outside my comfort zone and in the end has been wonderful.

  • Lindsey Brittain

    I unfortunately live very far away from all of my old friends. I just moved to Chicago to be with my boyfriend, and all the people I know are through him, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting friends of my own. Since college, I would say I’ve only made one friend, and that was through work. But now that I’m in Chicago, I don’t know anybody. I guess I have to hope that I make more friends at my new job…

    • Laura Harper

      Im in the same situation. Let me know if you’d be interested in talking!

  • Chanel

    I’m still in college, but moved for employment oppportunities. I still have close friends from high school and a few from college that I catch up with periodically, but when it comes to meeting new people it is tough! I feel awkward making “work friends” because my greatest fear is that my personal friendship convos will develop into work convos (most likely when I’m not in the office since I work with mostly females) which I am not trying to have happen. I try to make acquaintances at the bar or at parties, but those take time to develop into REAL friends and not just party friends. Luckily, I’m in a relationship and she is my best friend so she usually covers all the voids. When it comes to making new friends I almost want to give out questionnaires since my closest friends I’ve had since I was three (small town girl) and we’ve been through SO much – I’d want a friend just as ride or die, just as loyal, just as down to put up with my cray cray! Certainly a challenge.

  • Ashley

    I live in the Chicago suburbs with my husband and our small dog. I go out for walks with him and thought I’d meet people since I got him more than 3 years ago. I used to belong to a gym but I didn’t meet anyone my age there. People were typically middle aged or retired. It’s hard to be in the suburbs when most Meet Ups are in the city and take place during rush hour. We’ve tried getting together with coworkers but they aren’t reliable with their follow thru. My friends are all over the country so it gets lonely here since 9 months of the year my husband is studying for exams. I miss having friends locally. If anyone is in the Chicagoland and in their 20s/30s feel free to reach out!

    • Girl! I feel your pain! I’m in the suburbs, too and it’s miserable! Not only is joining groups or heading to the city expensive, it’s still frustrating if you don’t know anyone. And just going to a bar downtown by myself isn’t exactly a thrilling idea to me. I still have a few friends in the city (I used to go to school there) but none that would ever be willing to meet halfway or even in the loop. Unfortunately, most of my coworkers are a little older, too. Very different points in life. I just don’t know where to go from here. Life after college sucks!

    • Erin Holness

      Ashley, let’s put something together! I’m in Lincoln Square, in the city, but north of downtown. There are at least 6 or 7 other girls on this thread from Chicago. Let’s just put our shyness aside and make it happen!

      • paula

        I’d definitely love to go to a meet-up! I’ve lived here for a year now and, while its getting a little better, you can never have too many friends, right?!

        • Erin Holness

          made a Facebook group!

      • Stephanie Rink

        I too am a Chicago girl who would be so happy to meet the rest of the women on this thread who are looking for more friends in the city! I’m all in for a meet up. Happy to help plan something!

        • Erin Holness

          Made a Facebook group!

      • Esther Stone

        I’m in Lincoln Square too! Put me in for this plan!!

        • Erin Holness

          Here, I made a Facebook group, so if anyone is interested, join the group and we’ll put together a plan. 🙂

      • Michelle

        I’m new to Chicago, too! I’d love to meet some other girls that are also new to this city. 🙂

    • Laura Harper

      I am also in the Chicago suburbs!

  • Kristin

    Loved seeing this post bc I, like many of you, was just thinking about the daunting task of making new friends when I hopefully move in the near future…I read recently about two websites, and I haven’t been on either of them yet but I wanted to pass them along in case someone wants to check them out!

  • Though I’m still in college, I feel this feeling. I recently transferred to a new school and moved to the city — making friends has been HARD. Some days it feels impossible. HELP, Everygirls: How can I meet new people and make friends?

  • Liane Pamuspusan

    I’m glad that I’m not alone in this! I too am struggling to meet new friends. I moved to NY about a year ago and I was lucky enough to know a couple of people from my grad school. My best advice is to take advantage of office happy hours and when there is an industry event, make it a point to go by yourself (that way you’re forced to strike up a conversation with strangers instead of just talking with a colleague). I like @9315a1fb5c87c7619641cadeeda6413c:disqus suggestion of just starting off a conversation by saying “I’m new, I need friends”, that is something that I will definitely challenge myself to do the next time I am at a networking event.

  • Briana Brown

    So sounds like we need a Chicago friendship meetup!

  • $18968296

    I haven’t had any true girlfriends since high school. My family and husband have been the people I confide in and hang out with for the last few years. But recently I’ve been feeling like something is missing and have been making an effort to make some friends.

    For years now I’ve been keeping everyone at an acquaintance level, so it’s been a struggle to get past small talk. I’ve been attending Meetup events, and so far have gained one friend and a few acquaintances who I’d like to get to know better. Meetups don’t always attract the same people, so there’s a lot of starting from scratch, but I’ve found that being part of a book club helps because the group meets regularly and once people have committed to reading the book they’re more likely to attend the meeting.

  • Thanks for posting this. It’s a tough spot to be in and I feel better just knowing I’m not alone in it! Thanks Everygirl!

  • MarinaT

    What a great conversation to get going. I am so there right now/have been struggling with this for a while now. 1) My husband is in the military so we move every 3 years 2) Everyone that I do end up meeting either has kids and doesn’t have much time for a social life or 3) is at least 10 years older! The last ones not so bad, but it has been challenging to make friends to say the least.

    I’ve managed to make some casual friends with co-workers, we have a monthly girls night that includes everyone so it’s less pressure to be BFF’s right away. Everyone brings a bottle of their favorite drink and we share stories and get to know each other that way. Honestly, the best success I’ve had with meeting people has been through other people we already knew. Finding people with similar interests can be a good way to break the ice (ie. hiking at the state parks, surfing at the local breaks, claiming the corner coffee shop as a morning ritual and remembering the same faces, or simply reaching out via social media and taking the plunge to meet online friends in real life, cautiously of course.)

    Love to hear of other successful ways, it sure is a different game after college. If anyone is the Bay Area, CA I’d love to chat!

    • Lucia Janney

      Hello! I live in the Bay Area, San Mateo to be exact, and would love to meet up if you’re still around!

  • Katie is a great place to find local people in your area who are also looking to meet and make new friends. A lot of the time is will be just at a local place in your town and a town super close to you.

  • I am currently finding this really hard. I live in quite a rural part of Wales, where my nearest proper town is about 35minutes away. Most people my age have left, been to university and stayed living where they are, as there’s not much to come back to. I’ve been lucky, and found a really god job, so I don’t want to move. No women play communal sports around here, all the classes are full of the retired. The only way meet people my age is to go out drinking and hope you manage to strike up a conversation with someone. It’s really hard work! Because all my current friends are in th same situation, there’s no meeting all of their friends and expanding the group either. :/

  • Elke from elmasuite

    It’s hard to find new friends if you move to another place. I had luck it was at the point my children were young, so I got in contact with other parents soon. Another good idea is to join a club or sports group meeting people who like doing the same things. Even good is to meet other bloggers at local meetings. Finally some others who are crazy enough to instagram every coffee or meal, like me 🙂

  • Alexandra Blasi

    I am moving interstate away from my college friends and so it will be difficult to make brand new friends but I am up for the challenge. It means new perspectives and new opinions. I think the easiest way to do it is to be friendly in your workplace environment, join social clubs outside of work, go to the gym and meet people there. Also another great way is by walking your dog. My dog is such an ice breaker for me. He loves greeting people on the sidewalk. Makes it so much easier to strike up a conversation.

  • Meena

    Post-college, I managed to make friends at work, but also because a bunch of us got placed in the same news channel after journalism school. After I got married, moved cities, had a baby and quit my job, I was kind of in a funk. But I made the effort to take my son down to the playground and socialize with other moms. I still talk to my close friends almost everyday, but you need to take the effort to meet new people and form new bonds.

  • Chelsey

    Any of you gals in Vancouver, Canada area? I have the same problem with a home-based business and to top it off, it’s in the construction industry so I’m surrounded by men. Sounds great, but it sucks for friendships. Plus, I’m not at all new to town, most of my friends left town and all my new neighbours are either just as shy or aren’t looking to make friends. What’s a girl to do…

  • Lianne Shields

    Joining one group leads to meeting all different kinds of people. I joined a church small group and we all joined a kickball team. From there one of the women on my team runs outdoor bootcamps and I met another group of women who are trying new things and establishing their life in the same area I am!

  • tirzah

    Joining a club or adult sports team is what I recommend to friends who are moving to a new city. Even though I stayed in the same place, my friends moved away after college. It was as if I were in a new place too! I joined a kickball league and made the friends I have now, six years later! In a transient city like DC, it’s important to stay connected and be involved. (How DC of me, right?) So even if you do make new friends, stick with your new club or activity or join something else to stay current!

  • Kelsey

    I moved a lot all throughout my life and definitely found that each move made it more difficult to make friends even though I do feel like I’m a fairly adaptable person and fairly experienced at the “I’m new, I need to make friends game.” For my move after college, I moved not only to a city where I didn’t know a soul, but also a new country. These are a few things that I have found are important:
    1) Follow-up – if you like someone you meet, schedule coffee, reach out, set up a “friend date!” Don’t be afraid to “make the first move.” I liked the comment about being honest with people, but then be genuinely interested in them. You aren’t looking for acquaintences, you’re looking for real friends.
    2) Try new things and go outside your comfort zone. Try new classes at the gym, sign up for a volunteer opportunity, etc. is awesome for this. If you can’t find a Meetup group that you are interested in, start your own!
    3) Look in unlikely places (e.g., social media). I started following the Tone It Up workouts and actively participate in their huge Instagram community. After posting a particular photo that identified where I was from, a few local girls reached out and one has become my best friend here! (Plus its hilarious to tell people that you “met on Instagram.”) Follow locals on Twitter to learn about events that might interest you, etc.
    4) And don’t forget to keep in touch with your friends from other parts of your life! When you feel lonely, reach out to them and set up a skype date. Keep those relationships strong too 🙂

  • sara

    Hey, fellow DC ladies! Anyone interested in getting together for a happy hour or something? Lived here just under 2 yrs and have a few close friends but always looking for more! It’s definitely a very transient city and no one seems to stay here for too long.

    • Lauren Tulch

      Hi Emily, I just graduated last May and moved back to the DC/Northern Virginia area after going to college out of state. I’d love to meet up sometime.

  • Love this topic! I went to school in Italy and moved back to my home town after and it’s tough meeting people- all the people I did like from high school have moved away! I work as a writer, so I don’t have the advantage of meeting people through work and such. I have tried some meetup groups, but since I live in the suburbs of Los Angeles, most of the women are all 40 something mom’s. If there’s anyone in LA in a similar boat, let’s meet!

  • Guest

    Great post. I had tons of friends in my city back home. I recently moved to the Philly area a few months ago and I don’t know anyone. I’ve met a few people on Meetup, but it’s so hard when people have very different schedules. I’ve encountered a few girls that say they want to go out, but when I try to plan something with them, they flake out.

  • Stephanie

    As an expat in Paris I’ve made a few new American friends via Twitter! I researched and connected with other expat bloggers here and asked them out for coffee or an aperitif. Swapping expat stories and cultural faux pas made making friends fairly easy!

    • Laura

      Stephanie, how did you find a job in France? I have always wanted to work abroad, but it seems like finding a job is very difficult, especially in a country that speaks a different language. It’s good to hear that you are able to make friends in a foreign country, and I think it gives hope to some of us that are still in our own country and culture.

  • ”Voilà—new friend made!” love this article cause it’s so true …

  • Kait

    Glad to see others are dealing with the same issue. I recently moved back to where I grew up to begin work after grad school. Its really hard to make new friends in a small city. My old high school friends never left – to be honest, its hard to relate to them after doing grad school, unfortunately. Many of my new coworkers are married with kids, so that is difficult to relate to too. I’ve joined a volunteering organization, but again, lots of married with kids types. I’m not just at that stage in my life and they are too busy to make new friends. Even harder – my boyfriend lives 1.5 hours away (it could be worse!) so I spend many of my weekends visiting him. Looking forward to seeing tips here. Already thinking about other ways to put myself out there and staying back on the weekends to meet new people and settle in.

  • Laura

    I’m still in college and I am having this problem. I transferred schools three years ago to a university in Houston, Tx, and I have not been able to make a single friend. It was easy at my last school, but now it is getting to the point that I feel very isolated. On top of that, I graduate in December and could possibly end up in another city. I will admit I tend to be on the shy side. If anyone could offer advice for moving past shyness, I would appreciate it!

  • Rinna

    Living in the suburbs of NH, its hard to find people my own age and those who are my age around me seem to be starting families (yikes I’m only mid 20’s!). I’m doing the exact work I wanted to be doing with like minded individuals, but I am by far the youngest at our company. Most of the women I hang out with have kids my age and are definitely not interested in getting a drink on the weekends haha. I’ve found it very hard to find places to meet new people. I took a painting class (all women in their 50s) and the only people who talk at my gym are moms with their kids. I’m going to keep trying but it is helpful to know other women my age are struggling with this. I guess I look around and see women in groups who look to have plenty of friends, but you don’t realize that there are people around you who are probably having the same exact thoughts as you. I just need to find these other ladies!!

    • Ana

      I’m in my 20’s and struggling to find new friends. I feel your pain! I live on the north shore in mass so depending on where in nh you are we could be close!

  • Lauren Tulch

    I’m so glad to hear I’m not the only one struggling with this issue. I graduated from college last May and moved back home to Northern Virginia. I went to college out of state and went to boarding school for high school and all of my friends are currently scattered around the country. I’m also shy (at first) and I have a hard time putting myself out there and approaching new people. If anyone is in a similar situation, I’d love to meet up. Best of luck to anyone looking for new friends.

  • When I moved out to LA 2.5 years ago I knew absolutely no one. Before heading out I asked everyone I knew to introduce me to 1 connection they had in the city (if they had one). Then I had them introduce us over Facebook. In my first two weeks I had coffee, hiking, and dinner dates set up nearly every day. It really helped me to connect with a broad group of people. Beyond that I joined my sorority alumni chapter as well as my church’s young adult group.

    Jen Hacker | The Single Diaries

  • Renee

    Hello all! I am also having a hard time transitioning and trying to meet new people and friends. I work all week and spend the weekend at home with my husband and dogs, and def would love to get out and connect with some ladies my age! Miss having meaningful female friendships. I am 28, you wouldn’t think it would be so hard! But now that I’m out of school it is hard to meet others. If anyone is in the Ann Arbor, Michigan or Toledo, OH area, let me know! I’d love to meet up!

    • Ashley

      I had a friend in MI but she moved to Rochester, NY for a job. My husband and I are in Dallas (moved from Chicago) and we’re still trying to make friends. We’ve been here since February and it’s a slow process. We have been trying to put ourselves out there by going to events with our dog but it’s a slow process. I don’t really have friends of my own and I really miss having girlfriends to take to and hang out with. It’s really hard to meet people. If anyone knows anyone in Dallas, I’d love to get together!

      • Mindee Bade

        Hi Ashley. My husband and I are also moving to Dallas next month!

        • Ashley

          That’s great. We really like it here. Would you like to exchange email addresses?

  • Ang

    Focusing on my career, my co-workers and the friendships I have already established before college really helped me. I find if I focus more on my career and hobbies, I think about it less and meet people through volunteer work, family gatherings, and just everyday things like going out to the coffee shop. Sometimes a nice barista or retail worker will strike up a convo with you 🙂 I think these things help.

  • Karla

    I see it’s been a while since anyone posted on here but I’m feeling lucky..or desperate. I am 23 years old I just graduated from college in May, I live in Tampa, Florida and this is my first year teaching. My friends have moved away and being the youngest teacher in the grade I teach and pretty much the whole school I’m having trouble making friends. My job is pretty stressful at times and all consuming so not sure how to go about making friends.

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  • Sara Thomas

    A great way to make friends after college is to use an app called Carpe Society. It’s kind of like a dating app, but specifically for making friends. You answer funny personality quizzes and it matches you with compatible people in your area.

    You can get it in The App Store or go here:

  • Andria

    Clearly this article is older, but if by chance you read this, would like to expand your social circle, and live in Chicago IL then email me at [email protected]

    Know the city well, but upon moving here haven’t made a best friend group like I had in college. I’m mid 20’s, educated, girly but real, and down for just about anything.

  • KB

    Meeting new people post-college does take a little effort but is totally doable. My advice? Join, join, join — networking groups (check your local chamber for a “young professionals” group), volunteering groups, hobby classes (check community centers or local junior colleges for wine appreciation, travel, crafts, etc – whatever you’re into!), or Meetups.

    I have found, though, that just important as joining is following through — much like in the workplace — if you meet someone you connect with, don’t leave it to chance! I might not have gotten to know my best friend three years ago if I hadn’t “pursued” her after a networking event with an email that basically said, “I think you’re cool. We should meet for coffee.”

    Speaking of post-college friendships, I joined my Junior League six+ years ago and it’s one of the best
    things I could have done to meet new people (to say nothing of personal
    development and leadership.) I highly recommend it!

  • Bailie

    I’m super late, BUT I would love to meet up with anyone living in the Dallas area who’s looking for new friends. It’s been really hard meeting new girlfriends, especially since there’s only 8 of us at my office and they are all older and married with children.

    Email: [email protected]

    Look forward to hearing from you!!

  • Chelsea Arnold

    Love that you’re touching on this subject – it’s so hard!

  • Sarah

    This is a real issue honestly. I just moved back home to NY from college and all of my friends from my college live hours away. The friends I had in high school and I have drifted apart, so I am feeling kind of lonely recently and I dont know how to go about making new friends and meeting new people.

  • Elle

    I’ve been out of college since June and literally have no friends. None of the friends I made in college were actually good people and I cut all of them off the minute I graduated. I don’t have anyone to hang out or do anything with and it doesn’t help that I have social anxiety. It scares me just to go up to someone and say hello. I don’t trust people because so many of my college friends betrayed me. I feel like I’m going to be alone for a very long time and i hate that thought. Nothing I do helps me make friends and I’m at a loss right now. Can something please help me out with some advice?

    • Danielle

      Elle, I understand completely! I cut off all of my college friends because they turned out to be horrible people and I just couldn’t see it. One was the pack leader and turned everyone against me. I don’t even have one friend now. I can relate to the social anxiety as well. I am so afraid to meet people that I get so worked up. I lost all of my confidence.