I became sexually active during a time when boys thought they reserved the right to ask me to âsend picsâ out of the blue. And while my answer was always a hard âno,â these unpleasant encounters left a pretty bad taste in my mouth about sexting in general. But nowâmany years removed from those incidentsâIâve changed my tune. And the idea of sending sexually explicit pictures and texts to my significant other sounds like the start of a good time. Iâm not alone in this sentiment. According to sex and relationship experts, sexting is one of the best ways to spice up a relationship, prolong the honeymoon phase, promote healthy sexual wellness, and increase self-confidence.
That being said, sexting can be a bit intimidating, regardless of whether youâve never sexted before or are well-versed in the art of it. So, in my pursuit of promoting healthy conversations about sex and sexual wellness, I set out to find the best tips to become more comfortable sexting your partner. Keep scrolling to learn how to start sexting, the benefits of sexting, and what to say when sexting.
How To Start Sexting
1. Gauge your partnerâs interest
Before you start sexy texting your partner, itâs a good idea to gauge their level of interest in sexting. You can go the direct route and ask them straight-up how they feel about sexting and if itâs something theyâd be open to. Or, you can put some feelers out there and subtly drop the topic into conversation and see how they react. If youâre both open to it, discuss and lay down some basic ground rules and boundaries that will make both of you feel comfortable and make sexting more enjoyable. As is the case with all things sex, consent and comfort is key.
2. Think about what they like
Is there anything hotter and more empowering than knowing you have the ability to get your partner all riled up? I donât think so. Prior to your initial sext, think about what they like and what really turns them on, and how you can play on these things and cater to their desires. When it comes time to send a sext, youâll know exactly what to say to catch their attention.
3. Pick the right time
Timing is also key. While it can admittedly be hot to think about teasing your partner while theyâre in a work meeting, they might not want the sexy distraction if theyâre really trying to focus. It’s a good idea to ask your partner what theyâre doing or if theyâre busy before you initiate a sexting session.
4. Start slow
Itâs important to start slow, increase sexual tension, build anticipation, and ease into the sexting conversation with some flirtatious, sexy texting. Anything that lets your partner know youâre in the mood and ready to play will work here (think: âhey, youâ or âwant to know what Iâm thinking about right now?â). Likewise, sexologist Emily Morse tells The Cut that personal experiences are some of the best sexual conversation starters. Something as simple as “I can’t stop thinking about how hot the other night was” or “It drives me crazy when you touch my back and kiss my neck” would work. From there, emphasize and lean into the dirty talk as the sexting session continues.
5. Send a teasing photo
Sometimes, itâs good to leave something to the imagination. Tease your partner with a photo of a certain body part, like your lips, neck, bust, thighs, derriĂšre, or any other erogenous zoneâhow risquĂ© you get is completely up to you. If youâd like to send a nude, then thatâs your prerogative! Just be sure your partner is in a place where they can safely receive nudes and that you trust them with a picture of your naked body.
6. Tap into fantasies
Discussing your fantasies and deepest desires in real life is easier said than done. Sexting, however, can take some of the awkwardness out of it, so nowâs the time to tap into and tell your partner about any sexual encounters, moves, or role-playing youâve been fantasizing over. Let your partner know whatâs been on your mind, and ask them how your fantasies make them feel and what their fantasies are as well.
7. Stay in your comfort zone
Sexting should be an enjoyable and steamy experience for you and your partner. If youâre uncomfortable doing something, donât force yourself to! Only use language and send photos youâre comfortable with, and let yourself get creative and have fun. When it comes down to it, thereâs really no wrong way to sext.
Benefits Of Sexting
1. It spices up the relationship
One of the biggest benefits of sexting is that it can spice up your relationship. Itâs easy to fall into a routine when youâre in a long-term relationship, but sending steamy pics and texts to each other will transport you back to the early days of your relationship when libido was running high and you couldnât keep your hands off each other. Youâll strengthen your bond, tap into your sexual side, and get turned onâreally, itâs a win-win.
2. It boosts self-confidence
In addition to being physically validated and affirmed by your partner, sexting can also boost self-confidence. Taking the time to snap photos of your body from different angles can help you love and appreciate it even more. And when youâre in tune with your body, your sex drive will soar.
3. It can help you communicate your sexual needs.
Similar to sex board games, sexting can open up the dialogue about what you need in the bedroom. “Sexting can give you a way to tell your partner what you want,” relationship expert, therapist, and JD Rachel DeAlto tells Well+Good. “Sometimes it can be uncomfortable to ask for what you want in bed, face-to-face. Sexting can drop those not-so-subtle hints.”
4. It promotes healthy sexual wellness
If youâre curious about how to be sex positive, look no further. Sexting is one of the best tools for solo playâsomething somatic sexologist Kiana Reeves swears is crucial for healthy sexual wellness. Reeves recently shared with me that sexual pleasure is extremely healthy and helps strengthen our mind-body connection. “Masturbating can help us form a positive relationship within our bodies based on personal instinct and desire,” she said. “Plus, getting to know your own body and being attuned with your body is good for your overall health in general.” So, donât be afraid to initiate a sexting session or turn to an old one the next time youâre in the mood for some self-pleasure.
What To Say When Sexting
- âI had the hottest dream about you. Want to hear it?â
- âI canât stop thinking about the way you kissed my body the other night.â
- âTell me what you want me to do to you.â
- âDo you have any idea how you make me feel?â
- âWant to see what Iâm wearing right now?â
- âIâm laying in bed thinking about you ___ to/on me.â
- âIt turns me on so much when you___â
- âItâs me, hi! Iâm in the mood, babe.â
- âCome over now so I can rip your clothes off.â
- âCan you leave work early? Iâm waiting for you naked in bed.â
- âI love it when you touch me ___ and ___.â
- âDessert is first on the menu tonight.â
- âI have this fantasy where weâŠâ
- “I want you so bad.”
- âI want you to think about me doing ___ to you while youâre touching yourself.â
- âI need to have my way with you ASAP.â
- âIâm yours for the taking.â
- âIn my mind, right now, Iâm ___.â
- âWhat am I doing in your fantasy?â
- âI canât wait to ___ with you later.â
- âTease me until Iâm screaming and shaking and canât take it any longer.â
- âYouâre going to meet a different side of me tonight.â
- âTell me what youâre going to do to me.â
- âI found a new toy for us to play with.â
- âI just bought this new lube. Want to find out if it tastes as good as it feels?â
- âWish you were here.â
- âLetâs try that move we did the other night.â
- âI canât stop thinking about the way your breath tickles my neck when you whisper in my ear.â
- âLet me show you how much I love you.â
- âIâm in the mood to do naughty things with you.â