"While we’ve been longtime Mel Robbins fans, the new year and resolution season brought about even more buzz for the motivational speaker as her interviews on popular podcasts like On Purpose With Jay Shetty and Life With Marianna went viral. And the praise is well-deserved. As a long-time fan and listener of The Mel Robbins Podcast, she’s completely changed my view on relationships (with myself and others), given me the best productivity hacks I’ve ever heard, and rewired the way I process emotions. In my opinion, she’s truly one of the most effective motivational teachers out there. As a former lawyer, TEDx speaker, and author of three New York Times bestselling books, Robbins has doled out a lot of life hacks over the years, but I’m breaking down the 10 best life hacks I’ve learned from her and why her psychology-backed advice actually works.
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1. Drop The Sword
As someone who has always been a visual learner, I particularly love this metaphor Robbins uses to show how we block ourselves from our own happiness. In an episode of her podcast, she asks her listeners to visualize what you look like when you’re holding a sword. You’re on edge, tight-grip, tense, ready for battle. But when you visualize yourself dropping the sword, your energy shifts and your mindset changes. Until I heard this, I was not aware of how much I was blocking my own happiness because we block it with our energy, our attitude, and even the stories we tell ourselves. Robbins advises that for just 24 hours, notice in situations if you’re holding a sword and are bracing for what’s about to happen, and when you notice that, just “drop the sword.”
2. Embrace Jealousy; It’s Telling You What You Need in Your Life
In her book, The High Five Habit, Mel advises her readers to not shy away from jealousy and to instead think of it as a signal that’s trying to get your attention. Notice who you’re jealous of—don’t try to hide it or let it shame you, and instead turn toward it because it’s the fastest way to figure out what you want. She says that you should look at the people in your life and ask yourself the question, who are you jealous of? Maybe it’s their positive energy and ambition, maybe it’s their TikTok following, their tight-knit group of friends, or how they take care of their health. Whatever it may be, flip the belief of “If someone else has it, I can’t” into “Their success is just proof that I can have it, too.”
3. “Let Them,” And “Let Me”
Like a lot of people, I struggle with control in my life. I’m a chronic Type A, organized person who does not do well amid chaos, and this viral theory allowed me to let go of that need to be in control. The Let Them Theory is a “very simple mindset tool that shows you what’s in your control and what’s not in your control,” Robbins shared on the Life with Marianna podcast. She added that “the next time you find yourself either upset or pissed off or annoyed by what somebody else is doing, you’re just going to say to yourself, let them,” and in return, you will find that you feel a greater sense of power and peace and release.
But the important step two that people often miss is saying, “Let me,” which then lets you choose how you respond to the person or situation that is frustrating you. We spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what people are saying about us or trying to manage others, but you can’t change someone, and you can’t control someone’s actions. The Let Them Theory allows you to release that time spent trying to control someone or resentment that builds with the frustration that you can’t, with just two simple words.
4. Forget About Balance; Focus on Boundaries
Of course, we all strive for balance in our lives, but in an episode of her podcast, Robbins shared an important lesson she learned was that there’s no such thing as balance; focus on boundaries. She explained that when you strive for balance, you actually put every area of your life in competition with each other, which can create resentment. Instead of focusing on balance, focus on boundaries. Boundaries require you to be self-aware and responsible about what you value, and by communicating them with other people, they can let you feel like you have more balance. One example she shared was her goal to be more present with her family, so she made a rule that her phone would not be on her body while she was with them, therefore creating more balance in the friends and family sector of her life.
5. The Five Second Rule
Let’s face it: There are a lot of things we don’t enjoy doing but have to because we know they’re good for us. For me, one of those things is waking up in the morning. I have a bad habit of snoozing my alarm or scrolling through social media before actually getting out of bed, but the five-second rule has helped me break this habit. Robbin’s book The Five Second Rule explains that if we want to do something and pause to think about it, we sit in hesitation and lose all motivation to actually fulfill that goal. The five-second rule removes those barriers. Simply count backward from 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO! Don’t think, just do. This rule can be applied to many areas of your life, whether you want to work out more or eat healthier. Put on your workout clothes each morning you wake up or delete the take-out apps from your phone. The time spent weighing your decisions can stall you from making them.
6. Whether You Think You Can or You Think You Can’t, You’re Right
This life hack is simple yet very effective. The mind can be a very powerful tool, especially when you use it to your advantage. If you think you can’t do something, you won’t put in the work, but if you think you can do something, you will open the door to optimism and hope; you will have a reason to try and feel more resilient. Robbins has taken this piece of advice from her grandmother and advises you to say it to yourself over and over again, whether you want a new job or want to run a marathon. When you try, that’s what matters—it’s all in the trying that you create the results. Just start telling yourself you can do whatever it is you want, and see the difference it makes.
7. Frustration is a Very Good Thing
As you may have noticed by now, a lot of Robbin’s life hacks involve paying attention to our emotions and looking for a deeper meaning within them. This goes for frustration as well. Mel shared in an episode of her podcast that when we feel frustrated, it’s a sign that we are outgrowing a situation. It doesn’t mean things are terrible; it just means that you are growing, whether that be your friendships, job, home life, or money. It’s important to look at the five areas of your life and assess where and why you might be frustrated about a situation. Don’t aim that frustration at yourself or others. Instead, think of the emotion as a sign that maybe it’s time to start job hunting, find some new friends, relocate, or start a savings account. You have the power to take action and make a change when something isn’t working in any area of your life.
8. The High Five Habit
Hear me out, because this one is going to feel cheesy at first. When you wake up each morning, look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a high five. Robbins shares in her book The High Five Habit that it doesn’t matter if your hair is all ratty, your teeth unbrushed, or you’re standing in your underwear—it is impossible to worry about your to-do list or work emails when you are giving someone a high-five. This small, seemingly cheesy habit can make you feel seen, heard, and appreciated, and the research backs it up. One study showed that school-aged kids split into groups given three forms of encouragement (praise for a trait, praise for effort, and a high-five) and found that the high-fives won. Affirmations are great forms of encouragement, but they won’t be effective if you don’t believe the affirmation you are saying to yourself. Plus, we all need a little more cheese in our lives, so why not try it?
9. The 5, 10, 20 Rule
You’ve probably heard people talking about the importance of getting sunlight first thing in the morning. Robbins also recommends starting your day outside because sunlight resets your circadian rhythm and allows you to sleep better at night. But like most of Robbin’s life hacks, she goes one step further. What most podcasts and self-help videos don’t delve into is how long you’re supposed to spend outside. What if it’s cloudy? What if it’s raining? The answer is the 5, 10, 20 rule. If it’s sunny outside, spend at least five minutes. If it’s cloudy, spend 10 minutes, and if it’s cloudy and raining, spend 20. With this rule, the more time you bank, the more effective it will be.
10. If You Want to Get Eight Hours of Sleep, Spend Nine In Bed
This rule seems so logical if you think about it because how many of us actually fall asleep the moment our head hits the pillow? Yet I’ve never before counted the amount of time it takes to fall asleep when I set my alarm in the morning. I look at my phone and set my alarm based on the time I turn off the lights. While I think I’m getting eight hours of sleep, I’m probably only getting seven. This rule comes from an expert Robbins interviewed for her podcast, sleep expert Dr. Rebecca Robins. Robbin’s sleep rule is to give yourself an extra hour. If your goal is eight hours, give yourself nine hours in bed. That way, you don’t lose out on the time it takes to turn off the lights, set your alarm, and actually allow your body to relax into sleep.
Calissa Kirilenko, Breathwork Facilitator & Contributing Wellness Writer
Calissa is a Wellness Writer for The Everygirl who specializes in covering subjects surrounding mental health, meditation, and self-care. She is also a Certified Breathwork Facilitator and works with clients to heal through the power of their breath.