I don’t do much with my naturally curly hair besides run a straightener through it (don’t come for me.) But that’s not because I don’t envy the girls who can effortlessly and evenly put their hair half-up, half-down, or twist it into a claw clip with nothing but sheer confidence and muscle memory. I’ve just never been that good at doing my hair. I’ve tried, I’ve failed, and I’ve accepted the fact that it’s just not one of my talents. There is one thing I can do, though, and that is put on a headband, which is apparently the only thing I need to know how to do to be treated well at work, according to TikTok.
In a viral video, TikToker Glazer’s Guide explained what she and her best friend have coined the “headband theory.” A headband, according to their theory, “signifies to the people that you’re working with that you are, in fact, just a girl.” She goes on to explain that “People don’t want to yell at a girl in a headband,” because it signals “innocence” and “child-like wonder.” Basically, the simplest hair accessory on the planet earns you better treatment from coworkers, clients, and managers. It is good for your mental health and for your personal brand in the workplace, she claims, as she urges every woman in corporate America to give it a try.
Now, I’m not going to lie, I can see some truth to this. Every time I put a headband on, whether it’s to distract from my disgustingly dirty hair or not, I do feel a little bit more cutesy and whimsical. It’s like wearing ruffle socks as a grown woman—you just feel like you’re about to strap into your carseat and leave for ballet class. But honestly, I thought this was just a silly me thing. I didn’t know other women felt this way. And I definitely didn’t think that people were perceiving me differently, or treating me nicer, because of it.
I ventured to the comments to see if people agreed with the theory, and learned that it is far from foolproof. The video’s top-liked comment says, “I got fired in a headband,” which made me laugh—because this obviously isn’t a universal experience. Still, we can’t ignore the fact that people perceive us (read: women) a certain way and, therefore, treat us differently, simply based on what we wear—especially at work.
“A headband signals innocence… and when innocence enters the workplace, so do lowered expectations.”
This is, unfortunately, not a new concept. In fact, this topic was brought up in a recent episode of Call Her Daddy between Alex Cooper and Michelle Obama. They discussed how women can sometimes leverage others’ perceptions of them in the workplace for personal gain, but at the same time, urged all women to seriously consider how far they take it. What makes the headband theory different—and more unsettling—is that it doesn’t just acknowledge perception; it actively encourages women to present themselves as “childlike” (read: less capable) to be treated more gently. In this case, the cost of being perceived as incapable doesn’t outweigh the gain of being treated nicely.
READ: Does What You Wear to Work Actually Matter?
People judge our outfit choices whether we like it or not, so it’s worth thinking about what a headband—or a dress or pantsuit—might signal about us. These choices, for example, ask people to assume different things about us as women. A dress might signal attractiveness or approachability, which could—unfortunately—work in your favor with a misogynistic boss. A pantsuit might signal competence, making coworkers more likely to trust you with a high-stakes project. Those are gains. A headband, however, signals innocence. And when innocence enters the workplace, so do lowered expectations. Maybe no one blames you when something goes wrong—but maybe no one trusts you with something important, either. That’s a loss—no matter how you look at it.
“Being a woman in the workplace is hard enough as it is without giving the people around us more reasons to think we’re incompetent.”
People make untrue, surface-level assumptions about each other all the time. I’m not saying it’s right; it’s just a fact of life. Knowing this, the podcast episode argued that it’s OK, on occasion, to take advantage of it—as long as you don’t compromise yourself or your talents in the process. Obviously, misleading people is never OK—but that’s not what this means. Think about it: If a hiring manager thinks that you’re smarter than another candidate because you chose to wear glasses and a blazer, then so be it. Lean into it. Play the game if you need the job—but never, ever lean into a perception at the expense of your actual, true abilities. With this in mind, the headband theory is a bit of a slippery slope. It seems to dull your capabilities more than it benefits you in the workplace.
Being a woman in the workplace is hard enough as it is without giving the people around us more reasons to think we’re incompetent. One comment, with over 45k likes, reads “the ‘I’m just a girl’ mentality sets women back at least 30 years.” And I wholeheartedly agree with that. Put a headband on so people think you’re pure, and now you have your boss assuming you’re not strong enough to handle a tough client, or that you’re so fragile that you can’t handle negative feedback. You could prove them wrong, of course. I mean, Blair Waldorf never let anyone underestimate her. But if I’m being honest, I really don’t think playing the “I’m just a girl” card will benefit you at work as much as this theory claims. The risks—stalling your growth, sinking your professional opportunities, and tarnishing your personal brand—are far too high.
If success at work requires pretending to be smaller, sweeter, or less capable than you are, then the problem isn’t what you’re doing with your hair—it’s the system asking women to trade respect for likability.
Hailey Tagliarino, Assistant Managing Editor
As Assistant Managing Editor for The Everygirl, Hailey Tagliarino oversees, writes, and edits content across various categories on the site. From the pitching stage through publishing, she works alongside the team to ensure that the content that our readers see every day is inspiring, relatable, and timely.
