"One of my favorite parts of college life was my routine. Although it didn’t look the same every day, it had its pillars: I would go to classes, decompress by hanging out near my campus’ soothing turtle pond, go to a cafe or library to study (sometimes with friends), work my part-time job, and then go back to my dorm. Once I graduated, I felt disconnected. Eventually, I asked myself why I felt so different in college; what about it gave me a sense of stability, balance, and connection? The answer: I had a third place. I was unknowingly partaking in exactly what American sociologist Ray Oldenburg claimed was essential for our well-being. In his book The Great Good Place, Oldenburg coined the term “third place,” a place where you unwind and foster connection regularly (think: Luke’s in Gilmore Girls, Khadijah’s living room in Living Single, or Central Perk in Friends). Third places are prevalent in entertainment for a reason; they provide comfort and familiarity for the characters and the viewers.
Nowadays, third places are becoming a thing of the past. We’re growing more dependent on social media to fulfill our innate need for connection rather than connecting with others IRL. Plus, there are obstacles: location (not everyone lives in walkable cities or has access to a car/public transportation), finances (splurging on a daily latte in this economy?), and time (we’re working more than ever) usually deters people from having a third place. But third places can be catered to your lifestyle, and you can find one that works for you. I’m sharing everything you need to know about a third place: why it’s so essential, tips to find your own, and how finding a third place changed my life.
“Third places are prevalent in entertainment for a reason; they provide comfort and familiarity for the characters and the viewers.”
What Is a Third Place?
A third place is any location that isn’t your home (first place) or work/school (second place) that you go to regularly. It’s where you can meet up with friends, make new connections, relax, and indulge in your hobbies and interests. Ideally, third places are easily accessible and free (or at least low cost). Here are some ideas:
- Parks
- Cafes
- Libraries and bookstores
- Shopping malls
- Bowling alleys and arcades
- Community centers and clubs
- Gyms
- A friend’s home
- Place of worship or religious sanctuary
- Diners/restaurants
Why Is a Third Place Essential for Our Health?
Because of growing social media, more expensive cost of living, and a lack of time and accessibility, most of us spend our entire days going from home to work and back again. This lack of connection fuels our loneliness crisis. And “crisis” isn’t used lightly; the World Health Organization (WHO) states that loneliness is a global public health concern. In 2023, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy issued a national advisory that emphasized the negative impact loneliness has on both mental and physical health (read: research that stated loneliness is worse for your health than smoking). Dr. Vivek Murthy listed “lack of quality connections” as one of the main reasons for our global loneliness. This is where third places enter the group chat.
Third places aren’t going to solve our loneliness crisis overnight, but they can gradually improve the isolation and disconnection we’re experiencing. A study in Cities found that third places can positively influence our self-esteem, mood, and quality of life. Third places are separate from our home and work or school life where the sole purpose is to socialize (even if that means simply being in the presence of others while engaging in individual activities), build community, and create identities (outside of our home and work/student identities).
“Third places aren’t going to solve our loneliness crisis overnight, but they can gradually improve isolation and disconnection…”
How Do You Find a Third Place?
Third places are inherently prevalent in various countries and cultures around the world. Notably, highly walkable cities that invest in public spaces like parks where communities gather every evening, or cities with lower cost of living where everyone gathers at the local bar or pub after work (and can afford the price of a pint daily). But even if your city or community is not so easily set up for a third place, you can still find one.
Identify your interests and hobbies
Start this exploration by asking yourself what interests and hobbies you want to dedicate time to (Reading? Working out? Creating art?). From there you can look for opportunities that will support those interests such as attending community events (run club, anyone?) or taking classes in public spaces (yoga classes, pottery classes, foreign language classes, etc.).
Tailor to your budget
If you have some budget to invest in creating a third space, maybe you work at a coffee shop a few times a week instead of at home to connect with the baristas and other regulars, or meet up with friends for a weekly trivia night at the same bar. But third places don’t have to cost anything. If you don’t have public free places for social gatherings, a third place does not have to be a physical place–it can be a group of people you regularly connect with. For example, start a book club that meets weekly and rotate who hosts or start a yoga club and meet up at various locations such as a public park, backyard, or living room. Location really doesn’t matter; it’s all about regularly connecting with others.
Build it off of your already existing routine
The key is to find a place close to your first and second place so you can build it into your daily routine. And if you feel like you don’t have any more time or money to spend, integrate third-place practices into existing habits. Do you spend money on take-out once a week? Instead of ordering your food to go, bring a book and eat at the bar so you can strike up a conversation with the bartender or others sitting nearby. Do you scroll on your phone while standing in line for coffee every morning? Take out your headphones and talk to people in line, or ask the barista about their day. If you belong to a gym or workout studio, attend community events and get to know the trainers and other attendees. If you’re a busy mom, get a group of other moms to meet up at the park with their kids. You may already be going to a third place regularly; you just have to be more intentional about using that time to connect with others.
Plan for consistency
Once you’ve secured your third place(s) or established a group, make a plan to keep up consistency. It’s great if you make a plan to go to trivia with friends or start a book club, but if you’re only meeting once a month, you’re not getting the full benefits of a third place. Set a plan to meet up at least weekly, if not more per week. The effort to socialize as well as the frequency of your visits and meetings are essential because, without them, you won’t reap the full benefits of third places.
How a Third Place Transformed My Mental Health
“September 21, 2024” is the date above my journal entry that reads: Finding My Luke’s. After having my eureka moment of realizing that I needed a third place in my life again, I made it my mission to find one. While living abroad in Spain, I knew it would be easier to start the routine of a third space here (conveniently, I settled into a small village south of Valencia that is–I kid you not–the Stars Hollow of Spain). My apartment overlooks a small park and is walking distance from cafes and bakeries. Also, given Spain’s reputation for being one of the most social countries in the world, I naturally felt inclined to take advantage of the lifestyle. Once I found my third place, I felt an immediate shift in my mental well-being.
My “Luke’s” is where I go to read, work, journal, or catch up with friends. After my third visit, I became acquainted with one of the baristas (yes, we’re on a first-name basis) and by the fifth visit I secured the honorary position of the barista knowing my coffee order without me having to order (café con leche de soja). Now that I have a third place in my routine, it has had a dramatic impact on my mental and physical health. I spend less time on my phone, take more walks to spend time at my third place, and my work life doesn’t feel as taxing as it did before. From now on, third places will be a staple in my wellness routine.
Aaliyah Alexander, Contributing Writer
Aaliyah is a writer, content creator, and blogger based in Brandon, Mississippi. She received a degree in journalism at San Diego State University where she served as an editor for the award-winning student newspaper, The Daily Aztec. Aaliyah covers a range of topics including slow living, her favorite vegan food spots, minimalism, self-growth, and entertainment.