"Well, it happened. If you’ve been on my corner of the internet this past week, you’ve been bombarded with some pretty scary stuff. Videos of right-wing manosphere influencers saying “your body, my choice,” promises of a national abortion ban, Andrew Tate celebrating a rapist in office, and Paris Paloma’s “Labour” blasting over every single video. It is an extra terrifying time for many American women, particularly those who care about reproductive freedom and the right to privacy.
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Almost every woman I know has mentioned the word “abstinence” to me as an act of resistance against rampant misogyny and institutionalized sexism in the United States. In the days after the election, Google searches about celibacy, feminist separatism, and the 4B movement surged. In case you’re unfamiliar, 4B refers to a movement of South Korean feminists who have rejected heterosexual sex, dating, marriage, and childbirth against the country’s oppressive patriarchal system. It’s getting a lot of traction on the internet right now, after months of TikTok conversations about decentering men.
But, what does 4B actually mean? Is it something that American women can sustainably practice? Is abstinence really going to improve institutionalized sexism and violent misogyny in the United States? Here’s what you need to know:
First, what is the 4B movement?
For many American women, the 4B movement may be a “new” concept—but the feminist separatist movement is far from new. In 2014, a far-right, misogynistic group called “Ilbe” grew to prominence in South Korea. Then, in 2016, a man killed a young woman in a public bathroom in Seoul, telling police that he murdered her because he thought women ignored him. South Korean women, particularly in digital forums, were furious and started the 4B movement.
The four “B’s” in the 4B movement refer to the Korean prefix “bi-,” which means “no.” South Korean women who are participating in the 4B movement do not have sex with men, do not date men, do not marry men, and do not have children with men. Since then, South Korea’s already-low birth rate, which was hovering at 1.2 births per woman, has dropped to 0.78—the lowest in the world, and enough to generate an impact on the South Korean economy. This is the purpose of 4B: The women in the 4B movement assert that if their withdrawal from men has an economic impact, then men will start to treat them as human beings.
“The women in the 4B movement assert that if their withdrawal from men has an economic impact, then men will start to treat them as human beings.”
Why are we talking about the 4B movement right now?
Since the 2024 election last week, several American women have taken to the internet to both learn more about and discuss their experiences with the 4B movement. “When we have honest conversations with ourselves on whether or not our expectations are already being met in our romantic relationships with men, oftentimes, we will find disappointment,” said TikTok creator Ashley Houghton. “We come to the realization that we are the only ones contributing to the degree that a partner should contribute, and we’re better off putting our energy elsewhere.” Whether motivated by the election results themselves, the declining right to privacy, or the positive impact of a lower birth rate on the environment, abstinence is sounding pretty appealing to women in the United States right now.
Why women want to participate in the 4B movement
As it has existed in South Korea, the social impact of the 4B movement has not been numerically measurable aside from the declining birth rate. According to The Cut’s Anna Louie Sussman, who reported on the 4B movement in a Pulitzer Center-supported article in 2023, Korea still has the largest gender pay gap in the rich world. The size of the 4B movement is also widely disputed, with some estimates stating it consists of 5,000 women, while others estimate closer to 50,000. Whether this separatist movement will have the intended social effect remains to be seen.
However, on a personal and individual level, many women have shared the peace and empowerment they now experience after engaging in abstinence. When Julia Fox revealed that she had abstained from sex for several years back in May of 2024, she said she had “never been happier.” Several women online shared that abstaining from sex with men makes it easier for them to focus on other things that are important to them, such as working hard, getting educated, earning money, maintaining their connections with other women in their lives, and more. “At 36 years old, it is the best thing I have ever done for my mental health,” said 4B feminist Ashli Pollard on TikTok. “It is something that I will commit to for the rest of my life happily.”
“Not having sex with men is not just political—it’s personal, too.”
While 4B is an organized movement that is currently gaining traction in the United States, it is important to understand that participating in abstinence from heterosexual dating, sex, and marriage is something women choose to do without being intentional about or aware of the political implications. Many women choose to de-center men and children from their lives because they wish to focus on their careers, because they cannot afford to raise a child, or because they have other caregiving responsibilities (such as caring for aging parents or younger siblings). They may also be unaware of the 4B movement but perhaps experienced domestic violence at the hands of a male partner, or been continually let down by the heterosexual dating scene, causing them to abstain. Not having sex with men is not just political—it’s personal, too.
How to feel empowered beyond the 4B movement
For many American women, participating in the 4B movement at this point in time is, and will continue to be, an essential act of resistance. It’s an opportunity to take back their power from both a government that continues to disenfranchise them and individual men who treat them as less-than-human. It is also a chance to focus on financial empowerment, community care, and familial and platonic relationships first and foremost.
With that said, abstaining from heterosexual sex and dating is far from the only way to make a social or political difference, or to be a feminist. Of course, if you are participating in the 4B movement, you deserve the utmost support from your community—which means that if you are not participating, you should be ready to support the women in your life who might choose to do so.
However, there are many, many ways to make change, including ones that do not center gender at all. You can donate to mutual aid groups, support local small businesses, and volunteer your time to help others. Stand up to online hate instead of idly scrolling through the comments section. You can focus on your own financial empowerment with the intention of using your own financial gains to help other people in your community who might not have the same opportunities—because you know what’s good for them is good for you, too. You can run for public office. All forms of resistance are valid forms of resistance, and if 4B is the right one for you, then now is as good a time as any to get started.