An Open Letter to All the Women Who Don’t Masturbate


Hello, nice to meet you! I’m Beth. I love Everything Bagels from Starbucks, going to the movies (seeing the new Halloween this weekend!), Instagram Stories, and masturbating — because I’m a human with sexual needs and interests. 🙂

Let me explain a lil. I was recently told about a group of ladies out there who don’t masturbate — yeah, seriously, I was appalled, too. These women think that masturbating is “gross,” “shameful,” and “something only guys do.”

So, I started researching a little more. In a 2009 study, only 7.9 percent of women between the ages of 25 and 29 masturbated two to three times a week, whereas 23.4 percent of men do. WHAT. I sort of understand, there’s only so much time in the day, and two to three times a week is kind of a lot; however, according to that same study, 28.5 percent of women in the same age bracket hadn’t masturbated at all in the past year.

There’s a narrative that female sexuality is weird. Heck, when U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that masturbation was a “part of human sexuality” and should be taught in sexual education, she was fired. Women are often taught that their sexuality is for others — whether that be to please a partner or to have children. Why would they need to have sex on their own?

Sorry, not sorry — all of that anti-masturbation logic is simply untrue. Masturbation is a normal, healthy, and super fun thing we humans have the pleasure (lol) of doing. Here’s why you all need to place an order for a vibrator (2 day Prime shipping recommended) and go to town, henny.


It relieves stress

I’ll admit that I’m in a constant battle of buying product after product to practice self care and reduce stress. If you’re the same way, give yourself a little me time, and not the “face mask, Netflix, bath bomb” kinda me time. A “ménage à moi,” if you will.

Masturbation involves a lot of listening to your body, being in the moment, and taking things slowly, (or quickly — you’ll figure out what your body likes!). It’s a lot like practicing mindfulness, during which you focus on the present moment which ultimately melts your stressors away.

An orgasm a day keeps the mental breakdowns away, people.


You become so much more comfortable with your body

The female body is fricken’ cool. Taking the time to explore it and become comfortable with yourself sexually is such an important aspect of your sexual well-being. Masturbating can tell you what feels good, but it can also tell you what doesn’t. You’re able to recognize when something feels off and when you might need to see your OBGYN.

Masturbating can also help with your confidence, both in and out of the bedroom. A lot of women feel self-conscious about their bodies during sex (been there, done that!), but masturbating is a way to get used to how your body feels and moves. You could even do it in front of a mirror to see all of your sexiness in action.


It improves your sex life

Masturbating regularly allows you to learn what feels good and what you like sexually. There isn’t some formula or “code to crack” when it comes to achieving an orgasm. Once you know what your body likes, it’s easier to tell a partner rather than have him or her exploring around forever without any result.

Masturbating also increases your sex drive, so you and bae can go for HOURS.


It affects your relationship

With all of that said above, you know what it’s like when your sexual needs aren’t met in a relationship. Obviously, sex isn’t the only aspect of a relationship, but it leads to other issues.

When your sex life isn’t as lively as it once was, it can be because of communication, stress, or a lack of interest in a partner — masturbation can help you with all of these things! If you’re noticing a little strain in your sex life, give yourself a little play time every day for a week. Not only should you notice an increase in your sex drive, but you’ll experience a deeper connection to your own body and your partner.


It’s incredibly empowering

There was a time when male masturbation was also taboo — I mean, it still is in some ways, but it’s a pretty commonly known thing that most men masturbate on a regular basis. However, of course, female sexuality is taking a slower approach toward liberation.

There’s something really cool about being able to do something on your own, and masturbating is the ultimate. If you’ve never seen Wonder Woman, first of all, watch it ASAP, but you also missed possibly my favorite line in a movie:

“When it comes to procreation, men are essential, but for pleasure, not necessary.” Yesssss Diana Prince 👏👏👏


It’s an easy way to practice safe sex

In 2009, the U.K. National Health Services encouraged young people to masturbate as a way to explore your sexuality while still practicing safe sex. There are no risks for pregnancy or STI’s when you touch yourself, and no need for condoms or hormonal birth control. As P!nk would say, it’s just you and your hand (or toy of choice!) tonight.

Just make sure you’re cleaning your toys between uses so that they don’t harbor bacteria, and you’re good. to. go.


It just feels damn good

Need I say more? 😉


Being sex positive means not knocking anyone’s consensual sexual choices, so if you read this and still really don’t want to masturbate, that is a-OK! I just want women to understand that their body is amazing, beautiful, and sexual by nature. Women are the only humans with an organ specifically for sexual pleasure (the clitoris!), so we shouldn’t feel ashamed or “dirty” if we put it to good use.