As a wholehearted believer in the importance of self-care and an equally enthusiastic consumer of celebrity news, I’ve loosely followed Kourtney Kardashian’s wellness-driven lifestyle website, Poosh, since it launched this past spring. Designed to serve as a resource for the cool, confident woman who is just as eager to learn about non-toxic beauty regimens as she is to chow down on a juicy burger with a regular, gluten-containing bun (gasp!), Poosh articles run the gamut from lingerie recommendations to travel diaries. While this content is intriguing, I probably wouldn’t describe it as the most relatable — especially as a childless 20-something whose entire net worth is less than what Kourtney rakes in for a single Instagram ad.
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So when I stumbled upon the Poosh article “Kourt’s Self-Care Wellness Routine,” I fully expected some lavish itinerary only applicable to those in the upper echelon of society; attending Sunday Service after a relaxing vampire facial, perhaps? Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that most of Kourtney’s list actually sounded pretty doable.
Behold, the way Kourtney spends a typical self-care day:
- Drink water with a scoop of the Poosh x Vital Proteins collagen blend
- Skip daily workout
- Visit a Farmers’ Market with the kids
- Take the kids on an activity
- Make a matcha latte and matcha pancakes
- Read a book poolside (Kourtney’s pick was The Untethered Soul)
- Host a tea ceremony with friends
- Sit in a sauna while wearing a Poosh-branded turban to prevent hair from getting sweaty
- Perform a super intense skincare routine which involves applying three consecutive face masks, dermarolling with a Poosh-branded roller and facial serum, and diffusing Poosh-branded essential oil in a Poosh-branded diffuser
Riding high on the thrilling realization that Kourtney Kardashian’s routine could be implemented by someone outside Calabasas, I set out to test it myself. I knew that adopting a routine so different from my preferred forms of self-care — yoga, afternoon naps, reruns of The Office — might not be perfect, but overall, I felt pretty confident in myself. So confident, in fact, that I decided to incorporate elements of Kourney’s wellness day into my life for an entire week.
First, I had to do some shopping. But because Kourtney’s routine seemingly doubled as a not-so-subtle attempt to poosh a bunch of co-branded wellness products on her readership and unfortunately, I hadn’t budgeted for a $100 ultrasonic hand-carved diffuser, I had to get creative. I bought The Untethered Soul on the Kindle app and turned to Amazon and Target to purchase a slew of Kourtney-inspired items including a (much cheaper) diffuser, dermaroller, matcha powder, essential oils, a collagen blend, and some face masks. Once my haul arrived — bless you, two-day shipping! — I got down to business.
I kicked off day one by gleefully unboxing my shiny new Amazon purchase: the microneedle dermaroller kit. As someone with acne scarring and the general desire for perfect, dewy skin, I was almost too eager to subject myself to hundreds of tiny needle pricks in the name of enhanced collagen production. After setting the mood with my new mini diffuser, watching a YouTube tutorial, and doing the recommended pre-roll disinfection, I began working. It was a relatively uncomfortable procedure, but then again, if I were seeking comfort, I probably wouldn’t have ordered a porcupine on a stick in the first place. Afterwards, my skin was a little bit itchy and a lot a bit red, but on the whole, it was kind of nice to spend some extra time on myself. I got into bed content, read half a page of The Untethered Soul, and promptly fell asleep.
After a tame, relatively unremarkable first day, I decided to tick off a bigger item on Kourtney’s list: embark on an activity. Normally, I’m not too big on leaving the house for any reason after work, but in the spirit of wellness, I opted to attend a comedy show with my boyfriend. It was a good time that was well worth the sacrifice of wearing real clothes when I could’ve been wearing pajamas. And although it wasn’t really the equivalent of taking four kids on an outing, it was the best I could do seeing as I don’t know anyone well enough to ask to borrow their children for my research on Kourtney Kardashian’s wellness routine.
Admittedly, things got a little rocky after day two of my experiment. I skipped a day. And then another. And then six more. In my defense, I went home for Thanksgiving and didn’t really feel like telling a TSA agent why I was attempting to bring a cosmetic needling instrument with 540 titanium microneedles onto an airplane. I didn’t fail on all accounts, though! I did manage to get some solid reading in and I took three days off from working out (due more to my food coma than to research purposes, but still!)
I decided to get back on track by trying a budget version of Kourtney’s full skincare routine. Instead of picking three of Kourtney’s mask recommendations — the cheapest combination of which would still be $106 — I used a bunch of random products that came in a Target gift set.
I started by leaving mask #1 on for 10 minutes while looking up which Farmers’ Market to visit as part of the challenge. Next, I used a clay mask while I panicked that none of the Farmers’ Markets I found worked with my schedule. Finally, I used a stress-relief sheet mask while I fully lost my mind over the fact that this whole self-care routine was turning into a Farmers’-Market-less dumpster fire, and on top of that, I still had to find a sauna.
I ended day three feeling very ill-equipped to keep up with the Kardashians, but hey! At least my skin looked dewy.
Day four brought great news! In a brilliant stroke of genius, I researched if any nearby gyms had saunas and couldn’t believe my luck when one right down the street not only had one, but was offering free three-day trial passes.
I planned to get my sauna on later, but first I had another obstacle: Kourt’s signature matcha pancakes. Up to this point in my life, I had neither tried matcha nor had any interest in trying matcha, but the recipe didn’t look too intimidating and only took half an hour to prepare. Unfortunately, an easy recipe wasn’t enough to make up for my lack of culinary ability. When they were finished, the pancakes had a very subtle tea flavor and not-so-subtle burnt flavor.
After force-feeding myself my pancake dinner, I packed my bag for the gym. When I got there, an employee took me on a tour, finally pointing out my holy grail: the sauna. Score! But just as I was about to break free, the employee started a sales pitch. Although I was adamant about wanting to try a workout before considering a membership, my resolve weakened and 15 minutes later, I was swiping my credit card and being welcomed into the gym family. I felt sick — and not just because of my Shrek-themed pancakes. Had I seriously just signed up for a gym membership? There’s a gym in my apartment! WHY didn’t I just pay for a one-day gym pass?
I hoped that at least the sauna would help me feel better.
Indeed, struggling to breathe as I sat contemplatively in a wooden room really did help me put everything into perspective. I decided that if I got out of the sauna alive, I would fix my mistakes. I stayed until I thought I was going to pass out and then, sweating profusely, I sat next to the gym’s lap pool and read the fine print on my new gym contract. And yes, I definitely counted it as the ‘reading poolside’ portion of my challenge.
Luckily, day five was much less climatic. After reevaluating all of my life choices, I decided it was time to try a wellness activity that hadn’t made Kourtney’s list: cutting myself some slack. To do this, I accepted that the Farmers’ Market portion of the wellness routine wasn’t happening, and that was OK. I forgave myself for falling asleep every time I picked up Kourtney’s book recommendation. I also placed a call to cancel my gym membership.
There was still one activity I managed to accomplish, however. After a long day of work, I made a cup of tea and sat down to catch up with my boyfriend. Although it wasn’t an elaborate or traditional tea ceremony like the ones I’d researched, I did get to spend quality time with someone I love, which I think captures the overall spirit of why a tea ceremony is hosted in the first place.
On day six, I made a reluctant return to matcha. Despite the fact that it hadn’t really been my cup of tea in pancake form, I thought maybe a latte would be more my speed. This time, I left the creation up to the experts at Starbucks. The end result was a lot prettier than my first matcha attempt, but aesthetics aside, I came to the executive decision that I am not matcha of a fan. (Sorry about that.) Other than that, I really didn’t Kardashian too hard. And you know what? It felt great.
The last day of my challenge meant completing one of the lingering activities I’d been avoiding: collagen water. Before I left for work, I mixed a spoonful of the chalky powder with a big glass of water, choked it down, and instantly came to the realization that I was fine with having slightly less shiny hair if it meant never doing that again. The rest of the day was pretty light on wellness-related activities, but that night, I guilted myself into dermarolling one final time for good measure.
Pretty early on in my experiment, I realized that wellness and self-care are not one-size-fits-all; taking budget, schedule, and personal preference into consideration is a must. Also, don’t take the ‘routine’ part super seriously. Wellness doesn’t have to be super rigid, or even consistent from day to day. Some days, a sheet mask and a diffuser are the answer. Other days, it might be something else entirely. Speaking of which, it definitely pays to shake up your routine on occasion. I definitely wouldn’t have learned how to cancel a gym membership or leveled up my skincare routine had I not stepped out of my comfort zone.
So while I didn’t end up breezing through Kourtney Kardashian’s wellness routine, I did benefit from it. I discovered a few new ways to practice self-care and also discovered that sometimes self-care is about what you don’t do. Should you prioritize your wellness? Yes, 100 percent. Should you work yourself into a frenzy because you can’t find a Farmers’ Market that fits neatly into your schedule? Probably not. In the end, taking care of yourself should never feel like a burden — or taste like matcha.