I Made a 30 by 30 List To Change My Life

There are two types of people: those who make their birthday a week-long affair and those who cry under the covers as the clock strikes midnight. I am the latter. I have the crippling fear that I’m running out of time. Half the girls I went to high school with are married. My friend group is either training for marathons, graduating with advanced degrees, or never at home because they are jetting off to another once-in-a-lifetime trip—and here I am, feeling like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get work done. Let alone experience anything fun and worth sharing at girls’ night.

I have a meltdown at least twice a month about life passing me by: How I’ll never read all the books I want to read, see all the places I want to see, or experience all the things life has to offer. It’s truly the Sunday scaries on steroids. I knew after ringing in my 24th birthday in tears and feeling like I had nothing to show for the year other than a full inbox and 100 new connections on LinkedIn, I needed to make a change. I didn’t want to spend another year just surviving and falling into the trap of “I just need to get through this next week.” Next week had come and gone 52 times, and I was tired of waiting to feel more secure in my career and relationship before giving myself the permission to actually enjoy life. That’s when my 30 before 30 list came in.

A 30 before 30 list is a 30-item bucket list of things you’d like to tick off before your 30th birthday. It can include anything from dream trips and personal finance goals to fun experiences you’ve never prioritized or skills you’ve always wanted to learn. The goal is to get clear on exactly what you want out of life, and start implementing those changes little by little, so you don’t wake up on your 30th birthday feeling like a whole decade slipped by.

How I curated my 30 before 30 list

Anyone who knows me would tell you I’m extremely competitive. In fact, my boyfriend and I have a nightly ritual where, before bed, we race to see who can finish the New York Times games the fastest. So, taking into consideration that this is how I wind down, I decided that the majority of my 30 before 30 list needed to be easy, calming activities (with a few exceptions). Activities that I’ve always wanted to do but felt guilty for putting time into because they took away from my “more important” work goals. I also made sure that everything on the list was something within my control, so while I would love to be engaged and married by 30, that is not just up to me, and not something I can necessarily schedule in. Needless to say, booking a pottery class might be a smidge easier than booking a husband.

Now, I was expecting this would be a cutesy activity I could make into a bingo board to print off and put on my fridge while I watched Dancing with the Stars, but it was far from that. I found myself getting frustrated that I had let so many experiences slip through my fingers. I realized that the excuse “life got in the way” was really “I got in the way of myself.” Sure, making money to support yourself is essential, and if you’re ambitious and want to make an impact in your industry, missing dinners and having to take meetings on vacation is just the way it works. However, I realized that even when I didn’t have any work responsibilities, I made the excuse as if I did. I somehow convinced myself that spending time on anything that wasn’t working towards future goals was a waste, and that if I did take time to do anything just for fun, I was being lazy and risking the life I was working so hard to achieve.

“I’m ready to rediscover myself and ring in birthdays reflecting on a life well lived, instead of another year I’ve survived.”

To say I was shocked that a simple 30-item bucket list was the topic of many therapy sessions would be an understatement. But I realized that I will never feel fulfilled if I don’t enjoy who I am. While I hope to achieve all my career goals, I can and should find similar joy by spending time in a pottery studio or a rock-climbing gym. I also realized that success means nothing if you have no one to share it with, and that if I wanted a village, I needed to be a villager and start showing up for others, including myself.

How my life has changed from making the list

While this list is fairly new, and I have a couple of years to check them all off, I’ve really had to reckon with what I want my legacy to be. I’ve always thought my career was my priority, but this list has inspired me to take a step back and re-evaluate some of my career goals. I’ve had to ask myself: Do I really want this, or do I feel like I should want this? And what sticks out most is how I want to be remembered by those close to me, not the projects I want to complete. You know, the super cool girl at the party that seems to be radiating life and offers to join you in trying something new, that’s who I want to be, not only my work.

Now, let’s be so for real. I made a list; I didn’t get a lobotomy—so I’m not going to transform into the cool, carefree girl overnight—but I’ve accepted that I deserve me time without guilt. While I’m nowhere near completing my list, I have stopped treating enjoyment and happiness as a reward and accepted that wanting to experience something is a valid enough reason to go experience it. The grass truly is greener where you water it, so consider this list my watering can. Plus, now that I’ve advertised this to anyone reading, I feel a sense of obligation to complete it (but in a super chill, low-pressure way).

What I hope to learn by the time I’m 30

I’ve heard from many that life truly begins in your 30s, so I hope this list helps me discover who I am as an adult. I have a clear view of my identity as a child—the smart, overachieving, semi-annoying theatre kid. However, because I turned my hobby into a job, I now need new hobbies to round out my identity. I’m excited to learn if I like archery or sailing. To see if I become the lady who gives everyone a customized mug or plate I made in pottery for the holidays. I’m looking forward to the lows as much as I am the highs, because I’m ready to rediscover myself and ring in birthdays reflecting on a life well lived, instead of another year I’ve survived. After all, we only have one life, and you never know how much time you truly have.

My 30 before 30 list

Publish a Book – a daunting task, but something I’ve always wanted to do. Since I would love to start a family in my 30s and kids are a lot of work, now is the time.
Give a TedTalk – I overthink way too much not to yap for 12 minutes about something.
Learn how to invest – This is something less fun, but financial literacy is important, especially as a woman.
Eat out at a restaurant alone – What’s the Carrie Brashaw line “So, I sat there and had a glass of wine alone. No books, no man, no friends, no armor, no faking”.
Teach myself how to Dutch braid my hair – Because I don’t live at home anymore and miss my Mum doing it for me.
Take a self-defense class – I will be damned if I’m the topic of a Dateline episode!
Take a wilderness survival course – Someone once told me they didn’t think I’d be useful on a deserted island, and clearly I took that to heart.
Get certified in CPR – I want to be the person who jumps into action when someone needs help.
Keep up with my personal curriculum and never stop learning – I admire the people who know a little bit about everything. Who says the Wikipedia rabbit holes cannot be productive?
Become a regular volunteer somewhere – Community is everything, and I want to become a familiar face in mine.
Learn how to speak Spanish – It’s a dream of mine to go to a foreign country and actually speak the language.
Learn how to play guitar – I grew up playing violin and piano, and I’m craving a new musical challenge.
Get a master’s degree – The most daunting item, but I’ve come to really value my education, and it’s something that can never be taken away from me.
Bike the West Side Highway – I live in the city I’ve always dreamed of living in, so I need to take advantage of it.
Play tennis at the Grand Central courts – I love tennis, and truthfully saw a TikTok about this and haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
Go to a comedy show – …and pray I don’t get called upon!
Go rock climbing – My cousins would be so proud.
Take a pottery class – I would love to make something I can actually use every day!
Drive a jet ski – Seems like a good excuse to book a beach vacation…
Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow – Because let’s be so for real, I never grew out of The Hunger Games phase.
Go to the US Open – Like every other girl, I became obsessed with tennis after Challengers.
Learn how to do silks – Because it just looks awesome!
Learn how to cook all the dishes for Christmas dinner – Gotta carry on the traditions.
Make sourdough bread from scratch – I am a bit behind on this quarantine hobby.
Run an organized race – I would love to feel the energy from the crowd.
Learn how to sail – Call me Rachel Green.
Read 12 banned books – “Provocative” ideas are important to read and make your own assessment of.
Rescue a dog – I will be a dog Mum before a human Mum, and this is a long time coming.
Visit Japan during Cherry Blossom season – Me and everyone else, I know.
Have a photoshoot that captures the essence of my 20s – So I can show my kids how cool I was. I’ll never be in my 20s again!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Bryanna Cuthill, Contributing Writer

Bryanna Cuthill is an NYC-based writer with a Bachelor of Music in Music Theatre from Baldwin Wallace University. Being a textbook hopeless romantic, and writing professional pretender on her taxes, Bryanna is no stranger to being delulu and achieving a teaspoon of success for every cup of rejection. She truly believes the pen is mightier than the sword and hopes to be the internet big sister she never had and encourages everyone to be a girl boss while also taking the time to romanticize their own life.

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