"In the wild and carefree days of our youth (30 has never felt so real), making out was an intoxicating, searingly hot activity. During a time when sex wasn’t quite on the table yet, we indulged in our baser desires with a whole lot of tongue, ample groping, and certainly a fair amount of dry humping. And while that may seem immature compared to the more robust sex lives of our adulthood, there’s something exhilarating about passionately making out with your partner like you did when you were younger.
In adulthood, many couples only make out as a precursor to sex, especially after the honeymoon phase. Full-fledged tongue-twisting and lip-biting aren’t off the table, but they don’t happen as often as they used to. As a married woman, I can attest to that, but when I read that sex therapists swear that making out every night can boost intimacy and connection, I had to try it for myself.
After making out with my husband every night for a week, I can tell you that channeling a bit of that horny energy may be just what you need to feel that spark blaze into all-consuming flames. Let’s get into how it went and how making out every night can boost your connection.
Why sex therapists recommend making out regularly
You feel intimately connected without having to have sex
One reason couples stop kissing or kiss less frequently the longer they’re together is that it becomes less novel and exciting as time goes on. Eventually, it only serves as a sign that one or both parties are ready to initiate sex. This can lead to weary feelings about kissing, with the expectation of sex immediately top of mind during a lip lock. When kissing becomes a step in a monotonous, formulaic routine, it can lead to resentment or the absence of intimate physical contact altogether. Kissing for kissing’s sake without expectation of sex is not only a great way to reignite the spark but also to reframe making out as its own main event.
It can lead to unexpected but authentic foreplay
Once you’ve fallen back into the underappreciated act of making out just to make out, you begin remembering why you did it so much at the beginning of your relationship. Not only is it fun and a giddy way to connect with your partner, but it often leads to sex even when you aren’t planning for things to go in that direction—much like getting carried away when you were younger. One thing that makes sex—passionate sex, in particular—so hot is that crawling-out-of-your-skin feeling, the impatient anticipation of being fully connected. Making out with no expectations is an authentic form of foreplay that results in that desperate feeling to get even closer.
It increases intimacy outside of the bedroom
More kissing leads to more intimacy—not just in bed, but in your relationship as a whole. Making out releases oxytocin in the brain and elicits feelings of attachment and affection, and those feelings permeate the way you view your partner and relationship. This not only leads to a more fulfilling sex life but also more quiet intimacy, like hand-holding, hugging, and cuddling. When you’re making out simply to enjoy one another and feel close, not to check a box on the sex routine agenda, every physical touch feels more intentional and meaningful.
“Rather than signaling the expectation of sex, making out turned into expressing a desire for closeness and not being able to get enough.”
What happened when I tried making out with my partner every night
My husband and I kiss every day, but like many long-term couples, we don’t make out super often. I think we can all agree there’s a difference between a peck, an open-mouthed kiss, and a full-on tongue-in-mouth moment, yes? While we’re no strangers to options one and two, the third has become increasingly rare in our day-to-day. That fluttering-tummy-of-butterflies feeling is something I started to really miss. So I did what any slightly horny, nostalgic person does: demand that my husband make out with me every night just to make out. If it led to something more, great, but I specifically wanted to indulge in making out with him sans sexual expectations to chase that I-can’t-get-enough-of-you feeling that makes you an unhinged, lovesick cornball in a new relationship.
The craziest thing happened when we intentionally made out every night: We started feeling more like the giggling, hormonal, infatuated people we once were. Just like at the beginning of our relationship, making out turned back into an enjoyable act on its own that egged on the searing anticipation of whether or not things would go further. Rather than signaling the expectation of sex, making out turned into expressing a desire for closeness and not being able to get enough. Though many times it still led to sex, it felt much more frenzied and authentic and less forced—again, like sex usually is at the beginning of a relationship. And outside of bed, my husband and I began reaching for each other for more casual acts of affection, like me rubbing his back and him playing with my hair. We returned to those lovesick, PDA-ridden kids we once were.
Why you should try making out with your partner every night
If the physical spark in your relationship has petered out into an ember, making out just to make out may be the thing you need. You can approach it with no expectations, allowing yourself and your partner to see where things naturally go after the kiss-fest begins, or you can set hard rules like no sex for the first week. The latter can build a delicious tension that may lead to intoxicating sex. Either way, regular make-out sessions are highly recommended for couples wanting to find their way back to one another. Lots of things about being young are ~just a phase~ but making out shouldn’t be one of them.
Alyssa Davis, Contributing Home Writer
Alyssa Davis is a freelance writer specializing in home, lifestyle, beauty, and entertainment content. She studied English at Indiana University and has since produced articles for publications including SheKnows, Architectural Digest, and Well+Good, to name a few.