Problems with Friends

  • Copy by: Amy Phillips

Within a group of friends, sometimes issues arise between individual members of the group causing tension among the group as a whole, not just those directly involved. People can wind up caught in the middle and be forced to choose sides. This can make group events uncomfortable for everyone involved. However, sometimes conflict is unavoidable. If you and your significant other belong to the same friend group and you break up, it is only natural that you’re not going to want to spend time together anymore. Sometimes issues can arise from something as small as not showing up for a friend’s important event. Regardless of whether the cause is big or small, these types of issues are not easy to deal with, especially when they affect the entire group.

Here at The Everygirl, we think that attacking the issue head-on is the best approach. If you’re having a problem with one of your friends, it is best to sit down and address it, instead of letting it affect everyone around you. When you’re caught in the middle of a fight, we think it’s best to stay out of it; as choosing sides often creates even more drama.

Whether you are directly involved with the dispute or are merely forced to observe its effects over brunch with friends, we realize that these types of situations are not pleasant. They can cause tension when a group chooses different sides and may even result in the loss of friendships. Everygirls, we want to know, how you deal with conflicts within your friend group? Do you sit back and wait to see what happens or do you prefer to confront the problem? Do these issues tend to affect the group as a whole or do those having problems deal with them independent of the rest of the group? How do you deal with the aftermath when two people you are friends with are no longer speaking?

  • Christina Kwan

    I wish I could say I was brave enough to face social conflict head on. Sometimes I do though. My approach to conflict with friends really varies upon which friend and what type of conflict is happening. I can only find the courage to deal with the issue when what I’m losing is far more important than my pride and well-being. But when it comes to conflict that is happening repeatedly or is a sign of a flawed relationship, then I tend to just let it quietly slip away.

    tide & bloom

  • This just recently happened to me, and I think it’s always best to simply face the issue and confront the problem. Though uncomfortable and does not always produce the desired effect, you can walk away knowing you did what you could to ease the tension.

  • Daphne

    I prefer to back down and smile, for the sake of friendship 🙂

  • claire

    Absolutely face it head on! It’s better for me because I tend to dwell on situations if they are not rectified right away.

  • Winter White

    I have always belonged to a huge circle of friends. The kind of group where everyone knows everyone from childhood, work or school.While it can be a blast I have been put in a position many times where I’ve had conflict with a member of the group and it made things awkward for everyone. Thankfully most of the situations were handled, but they were only handled when I faced the conflict head on.

    I also realized after having taken a step back from my huge social circle f that I needed to have friends that didn’t just belong to that group of people. I was always the type to make a friend and then automatically introduce that friend to my whole group of friends so that we could all be friends and party and hang together. While that’s great, it made it difficult to confide in someone about certain issues I was having with my big group of friends because now my new friend was so connected to the big group as well.

    I eventually learned that it’s OK to have smaller pockets of people who are friends with only you, and that it’s completely fine to be a little selfish- that you don’t have to invite everyone to everything with the intention of making all your friends connect. It’s important to me now to have relationships that are specific to my interests and my activities. Work friends, school friends, friends I enjoy wine with, and they can all be kept separate.

  • the legal career girl

    This is a difficult situation. I think, generally, it’s best to remain as civil as possible, to maintain peace within the group. I don’t think there’s any point in escalating the drama and making mutual friends “pick sides.” If the rift is too big, I usually just extract myself from (most) group situations, and simply spend time with our mutual friends one-on-one, instead of in a big group.

    http://www.thelegalcareergirl.wordpress.com

  • If I am the girl on the outside, I will usually confront both friends. If I am the person involved with it, I usually tend to sit back. I’m unsure why I deal with friend problems like this, I think it’s because is rather address the issue first instead of letting it be awkward forcing me ( and others ) to take sides.

  • Jen

    I prefer to confront the issue if I am somehow involved in this. If my friends have some kind of disagreement it’s better not to take anyone’s part. But a lot depends on a situation, there is no universal recipe to deal with it.

  • Alisha

    One of my friends, my best friend actually, decided overnight to stop talking to me back in January. We haven’t spoken since. She never addressed her reasons why, we weren’t arguing and nothing dramatic or traumatic happened – I was unceremoniously dumped, pretty much. The effect that had on my social group was she also stopped talking to them and her partner stopped talking to mine. I can see (in hindsight) that perhaps she just didn’t want to be around me anymore and I shouldn’t have blamed myself, but it hurt like hell and it still has an impact on me today. I think women are really harsh when it comes to how they treat their friends when there’s a problem and it’s sad, confronting and hurtful.