"If you’ve ever watched any of the shows in the Bachelor franchise, you know that they revolve around drama, an expectation that the lead will get engaged to someone in a timeline that feels like two seconds, and tactics that absolutely destroy the resolve of said lead and contestants. The premise of the show is about finding love, but what the audience often witnesses is a group of people who don’t yet know what they want in life, collectively finding out they have taken a wrong turn. Of course, there have been notable exceptions to this, but over the years, the structure has become fairly predictable. And yet, I keep coming back for more. Enter The Golden Bachelor, a brand new twist that attempts a change in pace by focusing on an older age group.
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In The Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner is the 72-year-old lead who lost his high school sweetheart and wife of 43 years. The contestants who will date Gerry are 22 women between the ages of 60 and 75 with a wide array of life experiences. While the people in the cast certainly represent an idealized version of aging, they’ve made me think about what getting older really means. In a world where youthfulness is prioritized and aging registers fear in our hearts, it’s time we step into an era where this notion is being questioned and explored. For anyone who frequently thinks about their age, the passing of time, and the meaning of life and death like myself and Barbie, there’s a lot we can take away from the cast of The Golden Bachelor. Here’s what I’ve learned about aging so far this season:
1. Our story is constantly being rewritten.
The consistent message from the cast of The Golden Bachelor is that they don’t see themselves as old. They are still thriving, and their story is not over. If we do the math, Gerry was married at 23 and is now searching for love 50 years later. On a one-on-one date with Theresa, Gerry learns she also lost a spouse of 42 years. They were both married in an era that I only read about in history books. Later in the date, the couple dances in the streets with a group of people to the song “Don’t Stop Believing.” It is wildly adorable, and yes, I cried a little watching it. Seeing people who have lived multiple lives through several decades rewrite their own stories before the eyes of an audience is a fierce rebellion against age and the stereotypes that go with it.
2. Vulnerability is strength.
From the second the show begins, we learn about the deep grief Gerry has experienced since the passing of his wife. The vulnerability he shows is raw and authentic and sets a tone. We’re not dealing with someone who is looking for his first love. We’re dealing with someone who has loved and lost terribly but is still brave enough to try it again. So often in our current culture, we’re taught to swallow our emotions, to hide them, or to control them. Pushing these feelings away makes us strong, or so we are told. Gerry and the cast have lived through enough that they know the opposite is true. Showing vulnerability as we move forward in life is real strength. Even when in conflict with each other, the cast knows what they’re about and are not afraid to voice how they feel clearly and specifically (looking at you, Kathy!).
3. Change, and getting older, is a constant.
Let’s face it, milestones can be hard. They force us to think uncomfortable thoughts about how life is continuing to move forward whether we like it or not. Sometimes it makes us reflect on things we have not yet accomplished, or things we accomplished that didn’t turn out the way we thought they would. (Cue Olivia Rodrigo’s new song “Teenage Dream.”) When a cast member named Nancy puts on a wedding dress for a photoshoot date, she is overcome with grief, remembering her late husband. Then she tells Gerry that there is “joy in remembering, but I still have hope moving forward.” These vulnerable but fearless words coming from Nancy are a great example for all of us struggling with change.
4. Rejection does not determine our worth or ability to be loved.
I loved the first few rose ceremonies because instead of seeing tears and resentment, everyone in the cast stepped out of that mansion with confidence. Some people even had a “meh” vibe about them that I deeply respected. These ladies have been through a lot, and they’re not going to let a rose get them down. This is the hard-earned perspective of people who have lived a rollercoaster life of ups and downs and are simply more used to the ride. Time and time again, Gerry and the cast have repeated the same sentiment to each other, “I’m disappointed in (insert person here), but I understand.” Acknowledgment and acceptance. That. Is. Hard. To. Do. I struggle with the dichotomy of these emotions all the time. But learning that balance might be the secret to aging in a healthy way.
5. Older people can feel invisible.
It’s a real awakening to get older and realize there’s another generation behind us that’s learning from our mistakes and successes. I’m already starting to feel this in my 30s and I can only imagine how it feels when multiple generations are growing up behind you. I often have fears that I will become irrelevant as I age. When our social platforms promote constant engagement, it starts to feel like being relevant is the most important thing. One of the contestants, Joan, talks about how older people can start to feel invisible, especially in a world where younger people dominate the media. It’s important to recognize this cycle, which seems to envelop every generation. And if there’s anything The Golden Bachelor has taught us so far is that older people are still relevant, relatable, and, to put it simply, fun to be around.
6. Take risks and stay golden.
I will quote our friend Gerry once again here: “Stop looking for the woman you can live with and start looking for the woman you can’t live without.” (Listen, Gerry has a lot of great quotes and I don’t know if they’re scripted, but I’m not afraid to use them.) Essentially, Gerry is saying, don’t settle. And I think this can apply to things that don’t have anything to do with romantic partners. What I am learning from The Golden Bachelor has nothing to do with dating or love or marriage. What I’m learning is that life is about taking risks, and when it doesn’t work out, sometimes a “meh” attitude is in order. Life is a delicate balance between “I care deeply” but also, “meh.” If we can find this happy medium, this balance, we can perhaps be as cool as the older people before us who are still here, still thriving, and still golden.