I don’t know about you, but every time I turn on Netflix lately I am assaulted by a preview for a “Netflix Original” movie, and most of them look…. how to put this… not good.
BUT sometimes you’re just not in the mood to watch anything ~critically acclaimed~ (Spotlight you’re probably great I’m gonna get around to that I’m sure of it) and instead want to be carried away by the not-at-all subtle romantic fumblings of two people at a perfectly acceptable level of attractiveness. I mean, we all get the Hallmark Channel, right?
So I tasked myself with watching 8 NOs (lol “Netflix Originals” see what I did there) and reporting back on which are worth your time, which are truly heinous, and which are fine for the background of a Dentist office. Plus, two new NOs that look like total YESes and does anyone know what I’m talking about anymore I’ve been watching this giant screen way too long. Here we go!
When We First Met
This was the first NO that I watched because I’m pretty ride or die for Adam DeVine, don’t @ me. This really hits the spot of “acceptable” on pretty much every count. Basically, a guy has been secretly in love with his best friend but hit the friend zone and never recovered. He’s bummed and drunk (same) at her engagement party but then discovers a photo booth that allows him to travel back in time. We’ve got all the makings of Hallmark movie gold here. I watched this movie all the way to the end and only scrolled Instagram like 50% of the time, so I’d call this a soft win for the genre it’s aiming at. I will say that if we’re going to be throwing money at these kinds of movies, I’ve got a loooooong list of incredibly worthy romance novels that would hit the spot better. Call me, Netflix.
Verdict: Put this on in the background while you’re cooking Trader Joe’s mandarin chicken in the other room
Happy Anniversary
I actually enjoyed watching the entirety of this movie, which you probably find surprising given my general malaise about NOs in general. It’s semi-indie, semi-sweet, semi-romantic, and semi-funny — plus it stars some pretty legit people who know how to act. For me, it just didn’t hit that sweet spot of unrealistic fluffiness that I’m looking for at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday.
Verdict: Grab some beers and watch this with your girlfriends as a segway to some cathartic relationship heart-to-hearts
Candy Jar
This one looked v promising from the trailer — I love me some I-hate-you-so-much-I-actually-love-you drama. Plus, these actors looked semi-appropriately aged for high school which is a real treat to see. I actually got very into the debate scenes tbh, I don’t know if this is just my weirdness shining through, but they felt as exciting as any Fast and Furious car chase or <insert generic action movie here> explosion. The more I watched, the more I liked this movie — it’s doing exactly what it should be doing and is just generally enjoyable all the way through. I have no bad things to say here which is truly astonishing.
Verdict: Watch it tonight you’re welcome
Game Over, Man!
This one had a lot of ~condom humor~ which simply is not what hits the old funny bone for me. However, Adam DeVine is here again so of course, here I am as well. If you’re not sure if this is for you based on the trailer, I recommend watching the first 10 minutes which is really revealing for what type of movie this is going to be.
Verdict: Watch if you’re not squeamish, are a fourteen-year-old boy, or want to be a Workaholics completionist
The Kissing Booth
Okay, Imma be real and tell you I have not seen this movie. I have heard that it is based off a book written by a 15-year-old which is truly iconic and so I am sure I will get around to this eventually but the trailer was just smacking me in the face with TEENAGERDOM and I simply could not bring myself to go there. So, I consulted our Assistant Editor, Abigail, who has seen the movie and had this to say: “It’s a very entertaining hour and a half albeit not very feminist. Also, way sexy for a teenage movie.”
Verdict: Watch this when you’re in a sexy mood, want to be reminded of the absolute all-consuming drama that is high school, and are prepared to be low-key annoyed at some iffy stuff
Ibiza
UM HELLO ROB FROM GAME OF THRONES, how I have missed you, you gorgeous man. This movie is lit with talent — Gillian Jacobs, Vanessa Bayer, and Phoebe Robinson make up the main trio of the film and are just doing. it. up. in the best way. I have never been to Ibiza but I’m pretty sure it’s just like this probably and so I can never go or I will most certainly die from EDM exposure. These are the kinds of films Netflix should be making.
Verdict: Watch it when you’ve had an ~intense~ day at work and all you want to do is lie on the couch under a weighted blanket and lose yourself in something purely fun
Dude
I want to support this movie because it’s basically Superbad but with ladies and, you know, girls get high and enjoy sex too. But there are a LOT of things happening here. One character dies like 10% of the way into the movie which is a real head-scratcher and then there is a flash forward in the middle which I am never on board for (yes, I’m throwing subtle shade at you, Parks and Rec and New Girl). The real “no thanks” of this hits you in the face any time one of these supposed “teens” opens their mouth and says something like “let’s get schwasty faced.” Hard pass.
Verdict: Maybe if you get high while watching it makes more sense?
The Week Of
After doing some research (I’m so good at my job), I’ve discovered that Adam Sandler has an EIGHT MOVIE DEAL with Netflix. I have no idea what the previous films that have aired were about or when they were released (I’m not that dedicated), but just the words “Adam Sandler” are like a cocktail of fear, dread, and regret. I don’t want to be ~that person~ but I’m sure Adam Sandler has, like, a lot of money and I can think of at least 100 other actors, directors, or screenwriters who deserve an eight-movie deal with Netflix more than Sandler. But I digress, back to this “movie.” Chris Rock is also here, which is a bummer because I know he can do better than this. Basically, this is My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Our Family Wedding so what I’m saying is this movie has been done before at every level of quality. We don’t need this.
Verdict: Ugh
Alex Strangelove
Okay, this movie drops today so I have not seen it yet (hey, I have a job), but it looks AMAZING. It has been described as a “raunchy gay teen sex comedy” which is the best combination of words I have heard in a while. What more do you need to know?
Verdict: YES PLZ
Set It Up
This is the most “traditional” rom-com of the bunch and also stars LUCY LIU AND TAYE DIGGS so I am absolutely foaming at the mouth to watch it. It drops next weekend, but I’m going to go ahead and put it on this list because I SIMPLY KNOW it will be incredible.
Verdict: This is everything I have been looking for and I haven’t even seen it yet
