Which ‘The Tortured Poets Department’ Song You Are, Based on Your Zodiac Sign

written by LAUREN E. TAYLOR
the tortured poets department"
the tortured poets department
Source: Fortnight (Official Music Video)
Source: Fortnight (Official Music Video)

Did I spend the entire weekend listening to The Tortured Poets Department after its Friday release? Yes, of course I did. With a whopping 31 tracks, I needed three whole days (at least) to attempt to process it all and parse the lyrics for clues as to who they’re about. One of my favorite things about Taylor Swift’s lyrics is being able to relate them to my own life, which got me thinking: As a Leo, which song would represent me? If you’re wondering the same thing about your sign, keep reading below to find out if you’re more “So Long, London” or “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart.”


Leave it to an impulsive Aries to waste no time diving into a new relationship, as Swift sings about in “Fresh Out the Slammer.” Once a relationship is over, the Fire sign doesn’t want to wallow or dwell on the past. Instead, they’re quick to cut ties and move on. In the song, Swift has already come to terms with her breakup and is ready to give her all to a new love, like an enthusiastic and passionate Aries.


A Taurus’ stubbornness can make them unwilling to give up on a relationship, even if it’s not working. That’s essentially what “So Long, London” is about: Swift’s reminiscing about a relationship she tried so hard to save and hung onto with a “white-knuckle dying grip.” Not only can Tauruses be stubborn, but they’re also patient enough that they may stay with someone longer than they should with the hopes that the situation will get better. Being hardheaded can cause them to be in denial or reluctant to admit that the relationship has run its course.


In true Gemini fashion, Swift isn’t sure if she loves or hates her ex in this song. Geminis have multiple sides to them, so sometimes you don’t know what you’re going to get. A Gemini might be swooning over a person one day just to decide they’re over them the next. “Told my friends I hate you, but I love you just the same” perfectly summarizes a Gemini’s constantly changing thoughts.


As one of the most sensitive signs, Cancers love deeply, and they get hit hard by breakups. Being so in tune with their feelings, these water signs can sometimes get moody or overly emotional—in other words, down bad over someone. The dramatic lyrics describe how a Cancer would feel after a devastating breakup, with Swift singing, “If I can’t have him, I might just die” and calling the relationship a “cosmic love.”


In “The Alchemy,” Swift is reveling in how her partner (a certain NFL player) sees her as the prize over an actual trophy. Basically, it’s a Leo’s dream come true. Leos want to be treated like royalty and expect a significant other’s undivided attention. And like the competitive Fire sign, Swift also celebrates winning her love’s heart and beating out other contenders.


Virgos enjoy helping others, which can lead them to fall in love with the potential of someone, thinking that they can help them change for the better. The Earth sign is meticulous and wants everything to be perfect, including their relationships. But as the song says, you can’t always fix someone if they don’t want to change, which is a lesson Virgos need. The best thing they can do is learn that a relationship can still be worthwhile even if it’s not perfect.


If anyone would be running with their dress unbuttoned screaming about their love, it would be a Libra, the eternal hopeless romantic. Ever the optimists, Libras wear rosy glasses when it comes to their relationships, only seeing the good and blocking out what others have to say. Like Swift, Libras are ready to blow up their life for their romantic fairytale ending.


“Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” dives into how Swift has felt misrepresented by the media and public, similar to how Scorpios are often misunderstood. Scorpios can come across as unapproachable, but they’re actually extremely sensitive deep down. Plus, like post-reputation Swift, Scorpios are never ones to take things lying down. If you hurt or betray a Scorpio, they won’t hesitate to come for you. Who’s afraid of little old Scorpio?


Sagittarians want freedom and independence, so it would be no surprise if a Sag decided to flee somewhere, Florida maybe, after a breakup. Swift sings about going to the Sunshine State to forget about her problems, which is exactly the kind of thing a Sagittarius would do. As an optimistic sign, they don’t want to stay in their sadness. Instead, they see the end of a relationship as an opportunity to move on to bigger and better things.


One thing about Capricorns is that they won’t let anything stop them—there was never a lyric more Capricorn than “I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it’s an art.” The tenacious Earth sign will push through, no matter what’s happening or how they’re feeling. Capricorns are fantastic at compartmentalizing, too, and they’re able to easily hide their emotions. As Swift says, they can be miserable (or ecstatic or angry) with no one even knowing.


“The Bolter” is about a girl who runs at the first sign of trouble with a relationship or when people get too close. Because they’re so in their heads all the time, Aquarians often shy away from expressing their emotions, which can make them get scared if someone’s too into them. They’re also super independent, so they’ll feel suffocated with someone who’s not right for them. Like Swift says, “As she was leaving, it felt like breathing.” It’ll take a really special person to get an Aquarius to settle down.


Pisces signs are known for their intense nostalgia, and this is by far the most explicitly nostalgic song on The Tortured Poets Department. Swift reminisces on past decades and expresses how she wishes she could experience a world without the chaos of modern life, which is absolutely something that the reflective Pisces has thought once or twice in their own lifetime. “I Hate It Here” is also full of cosmic and natural references, which appeals to this water sign’s sensitivity and connection with the natural world.