"As a TV snob, I stand by the claim that The White Lotus is one of the best shows to ever grace our televisions (sorry, I don’t make the rules). Mike White, the creator, writer, and director behind the dark comedy, once again gives us a front-row view of humanity’s deepest and darkest sins. The show is like therapy, really; I always learn at least 10 new things about life while watching. Plus, every season is infused with a little death and a whole lot of analysis about the human condition. What more could you want in a TV series?
+ how I did Scotland in a week without losing my mind in the planning process
In honor of the season 3 finale, there’s one relationship dynamic I can’t stop thinking about (and no, I’m not talking about that family dynamic). It’s the girl trio consisting of Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan), Laurie (Carrie Coon), and Kate (Leslie Bibb). We know that Mike White often draws inspiration for his characters based on real people he crosses paths with, and I think he’s definitely trying to tell us all something about Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie. The way I see it, the real villain of season 3 isn’t exactly one character—it’s the three of them and their toxic friendship trio. Let’s dive in.
Everything we know about The White Lotus girl trio (so far)
Before we get into why girl trios can feel isolating and toxic, we first need to unpack exactly what’s going on between Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie. Childhood friends, who are now in their mid-40s, arrive at The White Lotus resort in Thailand for a girls’ trip. Jaclyn, the leader or ‘glue’ of the girl trio, is a recognizable actress, Kate is a Texas socialite, and Laurie is a successful lawyer and recently divorced mother. Since they live in different cities, have demanding jobs, and have their own families, it’s clear this trip has been a long time coming and is perhaps one of the last strings holding their dynamic together. Sounds relatable, right?
Describing themselves as “the greatest friends ever,” there is an illusion that the years they’ve invested automatically deem them as strong friends, but that is quickly unraveled. By the end of episode 1, we get a front-row seat to the reality behind their dynamic. After Laurie turns in for the night, Jaclyn and Kate can’t help but share their own opinions on Laurie and her life in New York. They make subtle remarks that feel harmless but are inherently judgmental—right in line with the classic girl trio trap. Mind you, Laurie is in earshot and wine-drink crying while listening—and this is only the first episode.
The show itself is a metaphor for this friendship style: It’s sweet and harmless at first, and then it slowly becomes awkward, isolating, and even painful at times. From the moment they arrived at the resort, I wondered: Is it possible for three women to have a truly healthy relationship as a group dynamic, or are all trios ultimately just toxic friendships?
4 ways The White Lotus proves how girl trios can be toxic
One friend always feels left out
We’ve all heard it before: “Two’s company, three’s a crowd,” and the age-old saying has never felt more true. Just like the idiom implies, the company kept between two people feels intimate, cozy, and safe, and the addition of a third person can disrupt that sacred bond.
“Having two best friends for the price of one sounds great in theory, but the reality is that it’s impossible to feel equally close to both friends.”
In The White Lotus, each friend finds themself in a situation where they feel like the odd one out. We see it first and most often with Laurie. Take her career and lifestyle, for example. Compared to the more comfortable and lavish lives of Jaclyn (the actress) and Kate (the socialite), Laurie—although wildly successful living in New York as a lawyer—has a more traditional job and life as a mother and divorcee. It’s safe to assume Laurie’s weekdays, and life as a whole, look much different than the other two women in the spotlight, making it harder to relate.
Let’s think about the trio’s first moment alone after arriving at the resort next. Laurie tells Jaclyn she looks so young and radiant, almost like she’s “fresh out of the birth canal.” Kate agrees, and Jaclyn brushes it off like she doesn’t know what her friends are talking about. Out of respect, Jaclyn turns to Kate and serves the compliment right back. The two friends playfully inquire who one another’s doctors are and what their secret is for looking ‘so incredible.’ Finally, the women turn to Laurie after it’s painfully clear they haven’t paid an ounce of attention to her body and chime in with, ‘Oh, and Laurie, you look… incredible.’ They exchange pleasantries disguised as compliments—a sneaky act that gives the illusion of celebrating one another’s accomplishments.
Finally, when Laurie goes to bed at the end of episode 1, Kate offers to help her by holding the door. This moment is so symbolic—it’s like Kate is practically shoving her friend out the door, almost as a subconscious effort to preserve that “two’s company” bond. Having two best friends for the price of one sounds great in theory, but the reality is that it’s impossible to feel equally close to both friends. Two of the friends are always finding comfort in their solo dynamic with one another, which, in turn, shuts the other out. Three really is a crowd, isn’t it?
It always feels like someone is talking about you behind your back
Here’s the thing: Everyone is susceptible to gossip. But there’s a fine line between harmless gossip, AKA sharing information, if you will, and suffocating gossip… like the feeling that your friends are talking about you behind your back. In the same way that one friend always feels left out in a trio, it’s also really easy to single one person out with gossip, whether it’s intentional or not.
We see this in episode 1 when Jaclyn and Kate start gossiping about Laurie after she turns in for the night. The two women find intimacy in their one-on-one friendship dynamic, deeming it a safe space to share their opinions on their other friend’s life. Though trying to sound sympathetic, Jaclyn and Kate gossip about how Laurie didn’t achieve her life’s goal of making partner at the firm where she’s invested 20-some years, wondering why she even bothers to live in New York if it’s not giving her anything in return.
Not too much later in episode 3, Kate quietly hints at who she voted for in the previous presidential election, leaving Jaclyn and Laurie absolutely speechless. These two debrief later on back at their villa, and this time Kate is seen alone, in her pajamas, overhearing her friends say how “self-defeating” her values are.
A friendship trio gives the illusion of having a close, intimate bond—more than you would in say a larger, four- or five-person friendship group. Because of this, it’s really easy to disguise gossip as genuine care and inquisition into one’s life. The minute one friend gives the other two something juicy to dissect, it’s game over. These women are always turning to their like-minded friend to analyze the other’s choices. While some gossip can be harmless, more often than not it reaches its boiling point.
One friend is always the main character
For better or worse, for a friendship trio to flourish, there’s always one person who’s like the glue keeping the group together. This “leader” also tends to be the one initiating activities for the friends as well as conversation. In The White Lotus, the glue is Jaclyn. Not only is Jaclyn the common denominator in the gossip chain, but her friends are hesitant to speak out against her. When Laurie does confront Jaclyn about her wild night with Valentin, Kate immediately sides with Jaclyn against Laurie.
We also see this play out at their first resort dinner when there’s a performance going on in the background. Laurie says it reminds her of a play they did in high school when Laurie was the hands, Kate was the feet, and Jaclyn was the face. This subtle but meaningful clue signals Jaclyn has always been the popular one. Kate and Laurie are just her supporting characters. Meanwhile, it’s also revealed that Jaclyn is paying for the luxury, all-inclusive resort in Thailand. This feels like there should be some strings attached, no? The way I see it, it’s Jaclyn’s way of preserving her dominance as the ‘leader of the pack.’
“It’s human nature to look to someone to be the leader of the group, but in a friendship trio, it subconsciously gives someone a lot of power.”
It’s human nature to look to someone to be the leader of the group, but in a friendship trio, it subconsciously gives someone a lot of power, almost as if that person can do no wrong. In the process, it makes the other two feel less than.
It’s hard to break free without losing both friends
I used to think the indicator of a strong friendship is how many years you’ve invested in it. Similar to how the three women in The White Lotus say they’re the “greatest friends ever” because they’ve known each other since they were children, I once believed those were the friends you hold close despite it all. I mean, doesn’t a shared history equal unconditional love? Not quite. This is how I fell into a toxic friendship with my two college best friends. The failure to acknowledge that we (or at least I) had outgrown the friendship was the very thing that drove us apart. No one wants to admit to themselves that they’ve outgrown a friendship—especially a trio, since it can come at the cost of losing not one friend but two.
When you think about it, Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie aren’t all that close. They live in different cities and have their own families keeping them busy, so it makes sense that they can’t prioritize their friendship. But when they do get together, like we’re all watching in The White Lotus, the way they gossip and interact makes you wonder why they still consider themselves friends in the first place. My guess? No one wants to walk away. That, in return, gives the other two friends a person to blame and loathe for “ruining” the sacred friendship dynamic.
Friendship breakups are hard enough as is, and no one wants to go through it with two people at the same time. While you can put less energy into a friendship in the hopes of it fizzling out, this isn’t the case in trios. Two other people, or maybe one friend at a time, always keep the group chat alive. If you choose not to embrace the friendship trio, you isolate yourself in the process.
Are all girl trios as toxic as The White Lotus portrays?
The optimist in me likes to believe not all trios are destined to become toxic friendships—I have friends who are in successful ones! However, I know from personal experience that it’s a slippery slope. They can quickly feel isolating, toxic, and defeating. This is the one type of friendship where you can’t help but wonder, ‘Am I the odd one out?’ or ‘Is their friendship stronger without me?’ or ‘What do they say about me when I’m not around?’ With that said, gossip and competition aren’t the pillars of a flourishing friendship, trio or not. Maybe that’s what Mike White has been trying to warn us about with these characters all along.
Jaclyn, Kate, and Laurie aren’t just examples of what toxic friendships can look and feel like; they also show us who we turn into when we feed a relationship that’s no longer serving us. Often, it’s a version of ourselves we don’t even recognize, let alone like. So if you’re in a trio that feels familiar or is teetering on the toxic line, look to this season of The White Lotus as it models the red flags to look out for in a friendship trio. Remember: Truly healthy friendships shouldn’t make you question how you measure up. So, whether you’re feeling similar feelings or not, maybe just be extra cautious of the girls’ trip making it out of the group chat.
Madi Koetting, Contributing Writer
Madi is a Denver-based freelance writer with a bachelor’s degree in magazine journalism from Drake University. She’s currently a Commerce Editor for Us Weekly where she covers all things shopping from celeb-loved beauty and fashion products to the best home and kitchen wares. Beyond The Everygirl, Madi’s work has appeared in Stylecaster, Taste of Home, Reader’s Digest, and Better Homes & Gardens.