Why It Really Doesn’t Matter If You’re Single on Valentine’s Day

So it’s February 14th again and you are, for this day, single. And spoiler alert for the rest of this article and the rest of your life: it’s not a big deal. This isn’t a pity article or a cynical one, this is just a reminder from a fellow single lady on V-Day that the value of your life hasn’t shifted literally at all.

If you’re a single person on Valentine’s Day, you could be in a lot of different emotional places. Some of you may have just gotten out of relationships — maybe your choice, maybe not. Some of you could be settled in the single-person groove; you’ve got confidence to spare and February 14th doesn’t affect you at all. For others, today could be another reminder of not having something you want. If no one’s told you yet, whatever you’re feeling is legitimate and valid.

But I do want to suggest, if you’re in the category of “singleness means that I’m alone and terrible,” that a perspective shift might be in order. Here are a few reminders for whatever you might be telling yourself being single means about you and your life:

 

1. You are fine

Today is just another February day, quite similar to the 13th and the 15th. If it seems like there are suddenly couples everywhere, there aren’t. They’re there on the 13th and 15th, too. You’re fine.

 

2. You are fine

Ignore the social media effect where it seems like people who are in a relationship are happier. They are just as human and messy as you are. And that single person who looks like they’re doing singleness “better” than you? They’re not. They are just as human and messy as you are. You’re fine.

 

3. You are fine

Full disclosure: I love relationships. Companionship is awesome, and I can get blinded by all the happy couples and believe that my other relationships can’t fulfill me in that same way. But I — and you, friend — have family members and mentors and friends who are there to walk through life with you, whose strengths complement your weaknesses, who love you. You’re fine.

 

4. You are fine

Our culture — our media, our social media, our parents — may have convinced you that, especially as a woman, you’re not complete unless you’re in a romantic relationship. That’s a lie. Also a lie: that you are completely sufficient in yourself and don’t need any other human beings in your life. It can be tempting on Valentine’s Day as a single person to condemn anything but pure individuality, but being single doesn’t mean being alone. Don’t shirk your community today in favor of either moping or being too individualistic. You can and will live an equally full and complete life with or without a romantic partner. You’re fine.

 

5. You are fine

If you’re like me and are prone to get stuck in the past, remember that all of your past relationships have been learning experiences, not failures (if they’ve gone poorly) and not the greatest thing that will ever happen to you (if they’ve gone well). They’ve certainly shaped you, but they don’t define you. You’re fine.

 

6. You are fine

If you’re prone to get caught up in the future, remember that you have no idea what’s going to happen. Planning for or worrying about it now does nothing but waste time and cause you pain. Take a deep breath and look back at items 1-5 — if you’re not in a relationship today, tomorrow, or for the rest of your life, say it with me: You’re fine.

 

Bottom line, it’s seriously not a big deal that you and/or your friends are single on Valentine’s Day, or ever, for that matter. You will live to the fullest with or without a romantic partner. You will love to the fullest with or without a romantic partner. It’s all up to you — you’re in the driver’s seat.

In fact, lots of people would fulfill what they want to do in life better without a partner. Our culture has taken romantic relationships, a good thing, and made them into an ultimate thing. Put relationships back in their place, and take a look at just how expansive your life is; it might be in flux, but it’s complete, romantic partner or not. And please, #treatyoself today, you’re worth it. 

 

What does being single on Valentine’s Day mean to you?

  • S

    I’ve always been single on Valentine’s Day. Never felt any different from any other day. I’ve never felt lonely or anything of that sort. My girlfriend and I have been together for six months or so now, so this is our “first” Valentine’s. And it went like this: she called me a few hours ago and said “baby, I need to ask you something. Is Valentine’s Day a big deal to you? Do you want to celebrate?” and I was like “uh? aren’t we in january? what day is today?”. So yeah. No Valentine’s for us. It’s never been a big deal to me and it still isn’t, even though I’m in a very loving relationship now.

  • I’ve only had 3 valentines my entire life and I’m totally fine with that. This year I’ve got one and he seems to be a keeper. I told him it’s just another Wednesday so we will be getting Chinese take out and watching Once Upon A Time. Don’t stress it ladies!

  • Katia

    I am happily married, and we don’t celebrate a day you feel FORCED to show love by buying products. Instead you should give love to your spouse, friends, YOURSELF on a daily basis. A $6 card is not going to mean much, but being there when they loose a job, when their car breaks down, when they just want to stay in and drink wine. THATS love.

  • I haven’t been single for Valentine’s Day in years, but I still observe it like I am. Tonight I’m going to be taking a bubble bath, indulging in some cheesecake, and maybe doing a bit of pampering while I watch JackSepticEye play more Subnautica on Youtube. An almost typical night for me, and I’m perfectly fine with it. 🙂

    Not all of us in relationships/marriages are going to be giving each other heart eyes tonight, so it’s no big deal if you don’t have someone to gaze lovingly at across a candle-lit table either.