We go to movies for a lot of life advice. Clueless taught us about the need to be popular and liked in high school, The Breakfast Club told us that not everything we see on the outside is accurate, and 13 Going On 30 reminded us to stay young forever. Movies and sex, though, are a different story. Sex scenes in movies are always so curated and perfect, and they rarely tell the real picture of what it’s actually like. Here are 10 things movies never get right about sex.
1. No one fumbles or gets clumsy
Bras come off without a second thought, and no one’s ever laughing or moving around. Real sex involves the human body which almost always means something is going to go wrong.
2. Everyone orgasms almost immediately
Especially women. Oh, and it’s at the same time usually. Sex isn’t always about who can go the fastest. Don’t feel like you always have to race to the finish line.
3. No one showers afterward
Okay, but this is actually SO GROSS? Does anyone actually get to cuddle up right after sex and not clean up anything? Sounds like a nice life.
4. There’s never any discussion of consent
Everyone just starts going at it with no talk of “is this okay am I allowed to do this do you mind if I violate your space.” In the real world, people don’t just look at each other in a bar and then end up with their clothes off.
5. The classic “move everything off the table in one swipe”
Desks, kitchen tables, and counters — they’re so convenient to just hop on top of in a pinch. Why does no one ever seem to have a bed?
6. Same sex couples are almost never represented
And if they are, it’s usually not right. Movie directors and producers, let’s start showcasing the sex lives of same sex couples just as often as you do with straight people.
7. No one ever uses condoms
Almost no one ever takes the time to grab a condom or ask about protection in the movies. Whether it’s asking a partner about STIs or birth control, it’s good to always make sure you’re being as safe as possible in the bedroom. We will say, Amy Poehler and the sex ed teacher in Mean Girls both had the right idea.
8. People are always ripping clothes
If someone ever ruined one of my shirts, they’d be dead. No one is that eager to get with their partner that they’d damage someone’s clothes to get at it. Like the glorious dress rip scene in The Back-Up Plan with Jennifer Lopez — there’s just something so beautiful when the love between two people can’t even wait to fuss with a zipper.
9. It’s all missionary
We’re pretty sure this is just the easiest way to film without showing anyone’s bits, but it’s still not always the most accurate portrayal of sex. Sometimes, you just have to try something different.
10. Shower sex looks sooo easy
It’s not. It’s slippery, the height difference is awkward, and it’s truthfully dangerous. But in the movies… it looks so steamy and such an easy proclamation of love. I mean, can we just talk about the cuteness that is Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman in No Strings Attached? If only it were actually like that.