8 Tips to Opening Yourself to Love This Year

  • Copy by: Colin Christopher

It’s a new year, and with it comes a new opportunity to find love. We make resolutions for so many things in our lives, why not resolve in matters of the heart?

If this year just wasn’t your year in the relationship department, maybe it’s time to refocus on you and what your heart needs. Perhaps you’ve been focusing on work and making your career dreams come true; maybe you’ve gone through a breakup and are on unsteady ground; maybe you haven’t been able to define what you need in a partner. Maybe it’s all of these things or none of them. Regardless, unsure of where to begin? Colin Christopher is a clinical hypnotherapist who works with both singles and couples on the road to true love and today he’s offering eight tips to help you find it.

1. Start with yourself.

Write down all the good qualities you have as a mate and all your bad qualities. Pick one good quality you want to improve that makes you even more attractive to potential mates and pick one negative quality you can reduce or eliminate that will make you more attractive.  You get what you attract.

 

2. Get off of internet dating.

Relationship sites claim that one in five relationships start online. That means four in five start offline. Follow the odds and get out there. Expanding your social circle will increase your chances of finding that special person.

 

3. Clean up your living space.

Prepare your space with the intent that you’re getting it ready to entertain a potential partner. This preparation and intent conditions your subconscious to be ready for a potential partner. If your space is dirty and cluttered, it conditions your mind to think that your space is not ready for someone and gives you an excuse not to meet potentials.

 

4. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex.

If you really want to keep mementos, put them in a shoebox and tuck it away in a closet out of sight and out of mind. If reminders of your ex are around, they constantly trigger your mind to think about your ex and shift your focus away from meeting someone new, exciting and wonderful. Your ex is an ex for a reason.

 

5. Forgive yourself for being single.

Being hard on yourself manipulates you into feeling despair. Forgiving yourself creates feelings of hope for the future and eventually feelings of gratitude and happiness. Those positive feelings are far more attractive to potential partners than the negative ones, so be kind to yourself.

 

6. Know the qualities you really want in a potential partner.

There are always things you liked and disliked about your previous partner(s). Make a list of the things you want and stick to it. If you’re not clear and you waver in your desires, you may end up settling or compromising for a partner just for the sake of being in a relationship instead of being in a relationship with the right person.

 

7. Spend time with successful couples and watch how they interact.

Take note of how they respond to one another, how they know what the other person is thinking before he or she even says it, how everything flows seamlessly.  That doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens when two people are truly meant for each other. Also pay attention to how the best couples resolve their differences.  Standing back and observing is an eye-opening experience.

 

8. Listen.

The most important thing you can do when meeting a potential new partner is listen. Most people love to talk, but few are really great listeners. When you pay close attention, it’s amazing how much you can learn about someone. The best mates are usually the best listeners.

Colin Christopher is a clinical hypnotherapist certified by The American Council of Hypnotist Examiners and author of Success Through Manipulation: Subconscious Reactions That Will Make or Break You.

  • Of course a cluttered apartment makes me not want to bring someone home! Not wanting to bring someone home makes me not want to meet someone in the first place. Why didn’t I put those pieces together sooner? This was a major idea starter beyond a romantic setting!

  • Wouldn’t the first step be to actually love yourself? As a whole person as opposed to love yourself in order to attract someone to love you?

    • Urszula Koczyńska

      I agree. Also I think that you don’t need to forgive yourself for being single – being single is absolutely normal and it’s not anyone’s fault. You need to accept it rather. wiekamoda.com.pl

      • Exactly! There’s nothing wrong about getting to know and love yourself as a whole person before jumping into a relationship. Some people don’t have that opportunity.

        • I think that’s what he’s trying to get at with “Start with yourself.” Loving yourself means loving all of yourself, the good and the bad, but it should also involve self-awareness. We all have flaws, and until we acknowledge those we can’t become better people.

          • I think the original copy was poorly phrased as you’ll read on:

            Write down all the good qualities you have as a mate and all your bad qualities. Pick one good quality you want to improve that makes you even more attractive to potential mates and pick one negative quality you can reduce or eliminate that will make you more attractive. You get what you attract.

            For me, it reads as do this in order to attract another person. My issue is motivation. I find it personally offensive that in order to love myself I need to make myself lovable to another person. If someone with poor self-esteem and confidence read this, they wouldn’t be loving themselves as people. They would be trying to attract a partner, with some behavioural changes as a byproduct.

            This is just what I inferred with the article, but some people seem to feel the same.

          • I see where you’re coming from in your defense. Just so you know we are on the same page, here’s an essay I wrote about the importance of investing in yourself, whether or not you are single or in a relationship: http://www.thesinglediaries.com/inspiration/definition-of-the-single-girl/

            As someone who is single (and happy), I found this post to be helpful in hearing new ways to open myself up, to make space in my life. Some people don’t do this and still end up finding someone. It’s not a guide to finding your match, it’s simply guidelines on other ways to make peace in your life which I think is more helpful than a lot of the dating advice I see out there.

            I understand why some may feel defensive about the verbiage, but overall I found pieces of insight that I can productively take away. But, hey, maybe that’s just me, reading between the lines.

          • Oh no worries! (If I came off a bit confrontational, I apologize.) I just took issue with what I read to be a bit condescending.

            I’m happily single myself, and I agree that some of these tips are good tips for ultimately having self-respect for yourself and cultivating relationships, This article just struck me the wrong way.

            I’ve met people who have had relationships or are in relationships where they’re seeking love externally without having that foundation within themselves. Thinking of them, I just feel a bit nauseous reading this.

  • Nicole

    “Forgive yourself” for being single? Really? Because if you are currently not partnered you’ve done something wrong? What an awful turn of phrase… used twice. Opening oneself to love shouldn’t include shame over where you are now.

  • I was expecting to roll my eyes at this, simply because so many of these articles are either obvious or insanely romanticized to the point of being ridiculous, with that being say, this one was very well written and I agree with it! It had some great points!

    • Also, the forgive yourself topic that is going on, many people blame themselves and think something is wrong with them because they are single. It’s not saying that that is true, it is saying that the opposite is true, that you need to forgive yourself because it is not your fault!

  • I love the idea of picking a good quality and a bad quality about yourself, to improve and to eliminate. I’m always focused on what I want, as opposed to what my potential mate might want in me.

  • Kat

    I’m particularly struck by # 7:

    ” 7. Spend time with successful couples and watch how they interact.

    Take note of how they respond to one another, how they know what the other person is thinking before he or she even says it, how everything flows seamlessly. That doesn’t happen overnight, but it happens when two people are truly meant for each other. Also pay attention to how the best couples resolve their differences. Standing back and observing is an eye-opening experience.”

    I can’t remember the last time that I saw a “successful couple” as outlined above, if ever, it’s like a unicorn… lol
    Also, personally I don’t think I’ve ever been with someone who has been respectful when it comes to solving problems.

    Weigh in with me:

    1. Who has seen successfully in sync couples?
    2. Anyone ever been with or seen a good problem solver?

    These things are a great mystery to me lol.

    • Caitlin Dreger

      1. I’ve seen successful in-sync couples. I can think of 4 off the top of my head. My parents are one couple that were happy but not in-sync for much of my childhood. They almost broke up and now their relationship is much stronger and successful. They took the time apart to work on communication and their behavior patterns. They are nauseatingly adorable now but I know there was much work on the backend. 2. I am currently with an amazing problem solver. My bf is a wonderful communicator and very respectful. There are people like there out there and they aren’t unicorns.

      • Kat

        I didn’t realize that someone had responded. Thanks for your insight, it gives me hope for the future. I really appreciate it. Hopefully I’ll get more responses.

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