"If there’s one thing I know to be true, I am what people would consider “basic.” I’m a girly girl, I love a little seasonal treat, I read romance books, I hop on the latest wellness trends, I binge-watch Bravo shows, and my favorite color is pink. For most of my life, I wanted to embrace my girly girl self but also wanted to come off as cool and unique. Which, as you can tell by that sentence, is sort of an impossible feat.
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Over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to please everybody, often hiding parts of myself to seem more likable, even if that meant I didn’t like me. I’ve felt ashamed of my likes, my hobbies, my personality, and even my life experiences. And if I’m being honest, I struggled with liking myself until I turned 30, which, by the way, was just at the end of 2023.
I’m sharing this introspection at the beginning of a book review because I know others struggle with similar experiences. Still, until reading One in a Millennial: On Friendship, Feelings, Fangirls, and Fitting In by Kate Kennedy, I never realized just how similar other millennials feel to the way that I felt growing up and continue to feel to this day. I know, and Kate knows, that every experience is not universal, and many factors come into play when shaping someone’s upbringing and current life. Kate tells this book from her POV, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only POV of growing up as a millennial or, more specifically, a millennial woman.
Here’s my honest review of One in a Millennial and some key themes from Kate’s stories that resonated with me and will stick with me as I continue to grow.
One In a Millennial is an exploration of pop culture, nostalgia, the millennial zeitgeist, and the life lessons learned (for better and for worse) from coming of age as a member of a much-maligned generation.
My Honest Review of One in a Millennial
I absolutely loved this book, so to the surprise of nobody, it gets a full five stars. This book is relatable, evokes many emotions, and is written in a way that fosters a connection between the author and the reader.
When reading this book, I felt like Kate was sitting across from me, telling me the stories that shaped her, and it sort of felt like I was there for some of the original moments. While obviously, I was not, as Kate was growing up in the ’90s and I wasn’t born until 1993, I could still see myself going through similar experiences, thinking the same thoughts in those moments, and TBH, I’m still up all night anxiety-spiraling about some of these things 20 years later.
Nearly everything Kate Kennedy writes about in this book has crossed my mind at least once. In the least cliche way possible, this book made me feel seen. Not in the way an anxious meme does, but in a way that made me feel validated—like I might actually not be the odd one out after all. I was also a member of the Up All Night Club, which in my house was actually called the “someone needs to pick Emily up in the middle of the night club.” I grew up reading (okay, worshipping) magazines, idolizing romcoms, trying my hardest to fit in while seemingly always missing the mark, and living the life I thought was expected of me.
I’m sure every generation may have different versions of this thought, but we millennials grew up in a weird time. Society’s expectations of us constantly change; everything is somehow our fault, and trends come and go so fast that I can barely keep up. We’ve gone through many unique fashion trends (I’m still not over the gauchos and double-popped collar polos; please, I am begging you not to bring those back), cyclical beauty standards, and political shifts that continue to loom over us. Throughout it all, millennials have remained strong, adapting to the changes, standing up for what we believe in, and simply trying our best.
This book is separated into three sections: The 1990s, the 2000s, and today. Like a hits radio station, this book goes through the cultural hits and quintessential millennial moments of growing up in these eras. Of course, not every millennial experience is universal, but the ones highlighted in this book relied so heavily on the zeitgeist they were, by default, more widely experienced. So, because I could see myself at the same age, going through the same things, infatuated with similar trends, I truly felt like this book was written to make me and other millennials see that what we went through, while potentially anxiety-inducing at the time, was normal. This is not a self-help book but rather a book that shares the life experiences of one millennial that relates to many.
… please go out of your way to honor your own pleasure. Like what you like, fangirl over it, shout it from the rooftops, take up space, then change your mind, stop liking it, rinse, repeat.
3 Lessons From One in a Millennial I’ll Remember Forever
There are so many great lessons packed into 320 pages, and it’s quite honestly hard to choose the best ones, which is exactly why I encourage you all to read this book! But, to keep things short, sweet, and spoiler-free, here are a few of my favorite takeaways from One in a Millenial.
1. It’s OK if your pipeline bursts.
I love being a woman and embracing my womanhood, but it definitely comes with its own set of challenges. As One in a Millennial points out, whatever is in the zeitgeist gravely impacts what it means to be a woman. Unfortunately, women are often shamed for embracing the cliches of womanhood yet told to maintain their feminine qualities. Different trends, societal pressures, expectations, biological clocks, and laws impact women’s lives daily.
One thing that stuck out to me was what Kate Kennedy calls “the love-marriage-baby carriage pipeline,” inspired by the old children’s song, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. While a seemingly harmless song, this pipeline sets women up for a lifetime of expectations. First, we have to fall in love, then we get married, and then we have a baby. If we don’t follow this timeline, we’re doing something wrong.
Kate points out that the pressure of this unknowingly follows us from the playground to our 20s and 30s. I’ve often beat myself up over not being where I thought I’d be at 30 or not being where my friends are, but real life is unpredictable and doesn’t follow a laid-out plan. This pipeline can burst from a woman’s personal choice or something out of their control. But whatever the reason, it’s important to remember that your feelings around the burst are valid. You have the right to move forward in the way that’s best for you—society’s expectations be damned.
2. It’s important to honor your own pleasures.
In the closing remarks of this wonderful book, Kate says, “While remembering the Spice Girls’ original message of individuality in a world designed to reduce us is not going to solve all our problems, it at the very least reminds us to prioritize our sources of joy while dealing with the ongoing presence of underlying economic and social inequities… please go out of your way to honor your own pleasure. Like what you like, fangirl over it, shout it from the rooftops, take up space, then change your mind, stop liking it, rinse, repeat.”
Women have a lot to worry about daily, from the expectations society has been pushing on us, from girlhood to the current political climate. We’ve been told for too long that we need to follow the “love-marriage-baby-carriage pipeline,” which is growing more complicated by the day.
Although this is extremely difficult to navigate, we must embrace the pockets of joy we stumble across. It’s important to embrace what makes you you and honor your pleasures, even if it’s considered basic, cliche, feminine, or boring. I promise you, none of those things matter if you enjoy it.
3. If it matters to you, it matters.
Chances are, you’ve been told something you’re worried about won’t matter later in life; it’ll be insignificant, you’re overreacting, or you’re being too emotional. Kate Kennedy points out, “My life experiences mattered to me then, even when I was told they’d turn out to be insignificant or that I was being too dramatic or emotional. And they matter to me now because regardless of something’s objective importance, it was important to me and shaped me into the person I became.”
Growing up, adults often told me I was too sensitive or that when I looked back, whatever I was worried about wouldn’t matter. But honestly, so many of those moments still matter, and much like how Kate frames this, these moments were and are important to me. If you feel this same way, you’re not being over dramatic, you’re not being too emotional, and you don’t need to change. If something matters to you and your life, then it matters. Don’t let others or societal expectations tell you otherwise.
One In a Millennial is an exploration of pop culture, nostalgia, the millennial zeitgeist, and the life lessons learned (for better and for worse) from coming of age as a member of a much-maligned generation.
Final thoughts
When One in a Millennial: On Friendship, Feelings, Fangirls, and Fitting In came out, I went on the hunt for it, hitting every bookstore around my small, southwest Virginia town. It was worth the search because this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. When you read this book, you’ll see yourself in the pages, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll feel like finally somebody put into words what it was like to grow up as a millennial woman.