"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but growing up—really until my mid-20s—I didn’t have a core group of friends. I had friends, but they were mostly one-off connections I made here and there. So, my weekends weren’t filled with nights out with the girls and hungover brunches. Instead, I hung out with my friends one-on-one here and there. Then, after my shitty early-20s relationship ended I developed a core friend group (coincidence?). What started as one-off hangs became game nights, parties, and nights out. I really felt like I thrived during this time. The only problem? All of this was temporary. After living in LA from ages 18-28, the ups, downs, and finally finding my place and people, it all came to a bittersweet end. I moved away.
panic packing? I don't know her.
After striving for a friend group connection for so long, I suddenly put myself in a position where I didn’t know anyone. My husband and I uprooted ourselves and moved to Portland to buy a home and start a new chapter, but we left behind the friends who used to color our nights and weekends. It was the right decision for us, but I can’t deny that it felt like I was returning to square one in the friend category. Determined not to waste years searching for connection, my husband and I jumped right into building a community in our new city. While it was intimidating at first, we leaned into one of our favorite hobbies, playing soccer, and joined a recreational soccer team within a month or so of moving. Here’s why it was the best decision we made after moving to a new city.
Why joining a recreational sports team helps you make new friends
You meet people you already have something in common with
Trying to make new friends is essentially platonic dating. You might come across people who are friends of friends, at new jobs, or just while you’re out and about. But just like the guy you randomly swiped right on, there’s no guarantee you’ll have things in common with the people you meet. Joining a recreational sports team gives you a baseline on which to form a connection. Join a beginner league? Everyone else is right there with you trying something new. Playing a sport you’ve loved and played your whole life? Chances are, some of the people on your new team are just as diehard as you are.
My husband and I both played soccer growing up and joined a team with similarly skilled people. While we weren’t bonding on day one, we did have fun getting to know our teammates’ histories with the game. How long they had played and the position they played growing up, and also lamenting how our 30-year-old bodies just couldn’t keep up like they used to. Regardless of the sport you choose, you have some sort of connection to it, and everyone else on your team does too. That connection is an easy place to start when it comes to building friendships.
It comes with built-in conversation topics
My husband and I are Manchester United fans (if you follow Premier League soccer, please feel free to send your condolences), and somehow found ourselves on a team with supporters of our biggest rivals. Before we got to know each other on a more personal level, our conversations with our teammates were most often founded on mutual ribbing. And when our teams played each other that weekend? The banter during warm-ups created a sense of camaraderie before we took the field together.
The early days might be awkward, but talking about the sport you’re playing is an easy way to get to know your teammates. You don’t have to fish for conversation topics because they’re all right there. You can bring up the goings-on of the professional side of your sport, reminisce or commiserate over last week’s game, or talk about your goals for the game or season (I’ve been part of many “who can score the most goals” competitions). These conversations might feel superficial at first, but over time they’ll build kinship and pave the way for you to get to know each other more.
“We’ve naturally become closer to a handful of our teammates, creating a friend group over time without stressing about it.”
You know when you’re going to see each other next
One of the hardest parts of developing friendships is making time to see each other. We’re all busy people. Between work, errands, chores, and just other plans, meeting up with new friends can easily fall by the wayside. With a sports team, you always know when you’re going to see them next—and you usually get to see them every week. As your friendships develop, you’ll, of course, make plans to hang out outside of your games, but to start, this is a group of people you’re going to see regularly. It might sound gamifying, but the more you see people, the closer you’ll become.
It allows friendships to develop naturally over time
This is where the work comes in. I’ve played on several different teams over the years, and there’s always a couple of people who exist on the outskirts. Whether they’re frequently late to games or miss games and team hangs, they don’t really integrate with the group. If your goal is to make friends, slowly expand what you do with them. Maybe you decide to get drinks at the end of the season (we do this and it’s always a blast!) or host a game or movie night every once in a while. No matter what you do, these types of events will naturally come up as you spend more and more time together.
Sure, you might not end up close to everyone on the team, but some true friendships will naturally develop. My husband and I have made some of our closest friends in our new city by saying yes to invites whenever we can. From there, we’ve naturally become closer to a handful of our teammates, creating a friend group over time without stressing about it.
How to get involved in your local recreational sports community
When we set out to join a soccer team, my husband and I actually started with a community pick-up group. We have this great little field in our neighborhood that a group plays pick-up at every Sunday morning. That’s where we met our first friends, who then naturally led us to our recreational teams. We found that group through Facebook (which, if you ask me, is only useful for groups and Marketplace these days).
If you strike out on Facebook, it is guaranteed your city has some sort of community sports program. Start by searching online and see where that takes you. Apps like Meetup or Geneva might also be secretly hiding your new friend group. If you’re intimidated to join a team or group on your own, you can always bring another friend along with you (having my husband around definitely made getting out of my comfort zone easier). But don’t be afraid to go solo, either.
Don’t limit yourself to just team sports either, find the active group that most naturally fits into your life. Your city likely has a hiking club for the more outdoorsy folk, or if a solo sport like tennis or pickleball is more your thing, I bet there are groups for that, too.
The key to making this work is remembering you’ll only get out of it what you put in. So, be open-minded, engage with your teammates, and most importantly, have fun (god, that sounds so cheesy).
Garri Chaverst, Senior Managing Editor
As Senior Managing Editor of The Everygirl, Garri oversees the pitching, planning, and creation of all content. You might also find her name pop up as a contributor throughout the site, though she mostly works behind the scenes, leading the team in their creative efforts and ensuring they have everything they need to create top-quality content for our audience.