"For most of my life, I viewed my hometown in a particular light. Anyone who has been born and raised in a small town knows all too well the lifestyle (an idea of a “fun time” was driving to our local Sonic, ordering a round of Route 44 cherry slushies, and hanging out in a Walmart parking lot). Then factor in being Black and being in the South. Black southern culture encompasses so much. For decades, Black people have been cultivating a rich culture of ideas, customs, and social behavior that I grew up not appreciating. Since leaving home at 18, I had the opportunity to explore other ways of being, which unconsciously made me see my culture through new eyes.
panic packing? I don't know her.
Reading bell hooks’ collection of essays Belonging: A Culture of Place helped me view my culture differently. The way she spoke about her home state, Kentucky, shifted what was once disdain of my heritage to a deep admiration. Similarly to how hooks eventually realized how her Black Kentuckian upbringing positively informed who she was (“What we had learned in the hills was how to care for ourselves by growing crops, raising animals, living deep in the earth. What we had learned in the hills was how to be self-reliant.”), I, too, realized how my Black Mississippian upbringing positively influenced who I am today, especially how I view my well-being. As an adult, I’ve reconnected with these five self-care practices I learned from my Black Southern heritage.
1. I host gatherings to nourish relationships
One thing you can expect during warm months in the south is BBQs (AKA cookouts). This is when family and friends gather to grill various foods, clink red solo cups, blast music, and dance into the night. Whether it’s for special occasions or “just because,” cookouts have remained consistent in my family. Initially, I never associated cookouts with self-care. But cookouts are all about bringing friends and loved ones together (the good food is a bonus), and research shows that regularly spending time with loved ones has significant benefits for our overall well-being (like this one published in the National Library of Medicine). I now view cookouts and other social gatherings as an important part of my self-care, so I frequently send out a text in the group chat to invite friends over for some food, drinks, and laughs.
2. I carve out sacred time for haircare
Black girls and women share a common experience when it comes to our hair. Society has tried to tell us that our hair is wrong and should be corrected to fit the Eurocentric standards of beauty. In an act of assimilation, we endured perms, hot combs, sew-ins, and the like to get our kinky, curly hair types to mimic that of straighter, silkier hair. And although there’s nothing wrong with highlighting the versatility of African hair (I love straightening my hair from time to time or rocking a protective style like knotless braids), there’s a difference between manipulating our hair because we want to and because we’ve been taught to conform.
Over time, I learned this difference thanks to the beautiful women in my family who embraced their natural hair and modeled positive attitudes toward the maintenance of their hair. And once I became privy to the ancestral stories of Black women who found ways to care for their hair in a way that honored it, I viewed haircare differently. Instead of looking at my hair as a burden and something that needs to be manipulated to fit in, I see it as one of my unique features. Even though there are times when I would do anything other than spend hours in the bathroom shampooing, conditioning, and styling my hair, I remind myself that haircare is self-care.
3. I make it a priority to be in nature
I live right down the hill from my great-grandmother, and she is almost always outside. Whether it’s tending to her garden or socializing under her canopy, she chooses to pass her time outdoors. Spending time in nature has been proven to impact our mental and physical well-being. Even though I like to bed rot from time to time, the elders in my family were on to something when it came to spending hours on the front porch in their rocking chairs. So now, I go on hot girl walks as much as possible, pick hobbies that inspire me to go outdoors (grabbing a book and hitching up my hammock is my go-to), and look for opportunities to take existing habits outdoors (like enjoying a cup of coffee outside of a cafe).
4. I live simply and practice gratitude for the little things
My initial interest in simple living came during the era when everyone was KonMari-ing their life (remember when “does this spark joy” was a recurring question for months as we decluttered our closets?) and the minimalism movement was moving from the margins. The more my fascination grew with the whole “less is more” mentality, the more I realized living within your means and appreciating the little things was already something practiced in my culture.
Of course, living minimally for many people is the only option due to the classism and racism sewn into the fabric of our country. Despite this, the Black community (who, along with other minority groups, is disproportionately affected by systemic oppression) found ways to persevere. Simple living and practicing gratitude for the things money can’t buy, such as happiness, health, and connection, were the practices I witnessed growing up. It wasn’t until adulthood that I realized that living minimally and practicing gratitude contributed to self-care. They both have kept me grounded in a world that is constantly on the hunt for more and have helped me manage stress and anxiety.
5. I continuously seek out opportunities to learn
Growing up, I was taught that I had no choice but to strive for excellence. The pressure to excel in every aspect of life within the Black community stems from our futile attempts to prove ourselves worthy of respect, human decency, and rights in a world that has repeatedly tried to tell us that we are not worthy. There’s obviously an issue with this mentality; it implies a level of perfection that needs to be obtained to be deemed worthy of a good life. This is something that we, as a community, need to unlearn because we don’t need to prove ourselves worthy of anything. We are worthy just by existing. As I worked through the toxic perfectionism that this mentality bred, I discovered a useful habit that came from it: the habit of learning.
Learning is a form of self-care. As soon as we believe that we know everything and have no more room left to grow, that’s when we subject ourselves to stagnation. My heritage contains a long line of brilliant, innovative, hard-working individuals. When I look at my heritage and community, I’m inspired to learn and grow—not to prove that I’m worthy but rather to invest in myself. Whether that’s taking a Skillshare course to improve my writing, learning a foreign language, or reading to deepen my understanding of topics that interest me.
Aaliyah Alexander, Contributing Writer
Aaliyah is a writer, content creator, and blogger based in Brandon, Mississippi. She received a degree in journalism from San Diego State University and worked as an editor for the award-winning student newspaper, The Daily Aztec. Aaliyah covers a range of topics including slow living, her favorite vegan food spots, minimalism, self-growth, and entertainment.