One of the things I love most about my generation is—to put it frankly—we don’t tolerate bullshit. Maybe it’s just us growing up, maybe it’s our culture’s trending embrace of boundaries—or maybe it’s having unlimited access to toxic-family TikTok. Whatever it is, it feels like we’ve all gotten a little more honest about the relationships that shape us—particularly the familial ones.
The ties that were supposed to be thicker than water—but for some of us, always felt a little off. The pain these relationships caused you doesn’t always feel obvious, but it does add up. And sometimes you don’t even realize how unsafe it all is until you’re older and you finally find the words to call it what it is: a toxic familial relationship.
Then come the anxiety-riddled questions: Just because we’re related and share a Netflix account, does that mean I still owe them access to my life? Am I being dramatic, or am I just finally being honest with myself? Maybe this relationship isn’t actually as safe as I’ve been telling myself it is? As someone who’s faced these questions firsthand, I can tell you that they’re extremely confusing, heavy, and strangely isolating. But the reality is that more and more people are sitting with them. In fact, a recent 2025 YouGov poll found that 38% of Americans say they’re currently estranged from a family member.
So, even if the numbers suggest that many of us are no longer in contact with a family member, why does it still feel like a big secret we all carry alone? We’re leaning on The Everygirl readers to share their stories. What finally pushed them to make the no-contact decision? What advice do they have to share? Their experiences don’t necessarily offer any perfect formula or a how-to checklist, but they do offer a humbling reminder that sometimes sharing the same blood isn’t enough. Read on for the main takeaways we learned from their experiences.
They ignored the patterns until they couldn’t anymore
Many women who went no contact with a family member didn’t just walk away overnight. It wasn’t one explosive fight, but rather a subtle progression of painful moments that finally led them to say, “Enough is enough.” In our reader survey of over 50 women, 64.2% said their relationship had been strained for more than three years before they decided to cut ties with a family member. And another 18.9% said their relationship had already been strained for at least one year. In other words, these weren’t impulsive decisions. They came after years of trying, hoping, excusing, and hanging onto the tiniest of threads, until it all hurt a little more than the idea of leaving did.
For Lexi, 53, that point came after years of emotional and verbal abuse from her sister. Lexi admitted that she tried reconnecting, believing things could change, but after seeing the same behavior return one too many times, she realized she could no longer be a victim of it. “I wasn’t going to continue participating in such dysfunction and abusiveness,” Lexi told us. “I will not allow someone to abuse me and turn a blind eye any longer.” The choice to cut off her sister didn’t come without grief for Lexi. She considered her sister her best friend for most of her adult life, and choosing distance left what she describes as “a void and a sense of permanent brokenness.” But after enduring the patterns for so long, she said exiting the relationship finally made room for her to feel grief and then, finally, relief.
“It is hard to come to terms with what is expected of you versus what is best for you.”
Stories like Lexi’s don’t make this choice look easy, but they are great examples of the very real pain and bravery that co-exist when making these decisions. For anyone experiencing similar patterns from a toxic family member, Lexi recommends “seeking therapy, support, and compassion from others.” She also wants you to know that joy and love can still exist within yourself and in life.
Their clashing beliefs made relationships difficult
Growing up, I was constantly told to “love everyone.” But in truth, I’ve found that kind of love doesn’t come with the healthiest guardrails, especially when it comes to family. What do you do when a relative you love supports something antithetical to your deeply-held beliefs? The solution of “loving everyone” isn’t always the best fit, especially in today’s current political climate. And listening to the stories our Everygirls shared made one thing clear: When beliefs clash, setting boundaries isn’t just okay—it’s necessary.
Rachel, 34, said that when she started dating her now-wife, things with her aunt and uncle began to shift. “They would call me less, return my calls less, make a point to see me less—but I kept reaching out, only to have my hopes squashed every time,” Rachel said. She noted that her aunt and uncle are “super religious,” but never spoke up about how her relationship with her now-wife made them feel. The final straw for Rachel was when her uncle didn’t celebrate her Master’s graduation with her. “He totally shifted from a familial godfather role after my dad passed into a distant uncle whom I never see,” Rachel said. She’s open to reconnecting with them if they want to, but the effort can only go so far. “I’m exhausted from calling out from my side of the fence,” she admitted. “If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.”
“Would you rather nurture the best version of yourself, or suppress yourself until you can’t remember who you are?”
Generational divides can feel so common in family dynamics today, making relationships with relatives even more complicated. Jen, 32, also experienced this firsthand through years of clashing beliefs with her father. These differences eventually left her feeling unsafe and unheard in the relationship. Jen tried to repair the relationship many times, but said the effort always felt one-sided. After ten years of estrangement, she shared that her father passed away last year. Jen mourned his death, but shared that she doesn’t regret creating the distance she did between them.
When asked what she’d want other people to know about cutting off a family member, Jen left us a powerful reminder: Cutting someone off can and will change your life, but so can keeping the wrong person in it. “When you put up with terrible behavior from a family member, the more time you spend with them, the less of yourself you’re allowed to be,” Jen said. “Would you rather nurture the best version of yourself, or suppress yourself until you can’t remember who you are?”
Rachel and Jen’s stories are powerful reminders that boundaries aren’t about punishing someone you love, but protecting yourself. Though it may not always feel like it, being related to someone doesn’t mean they also get unlimited access to your life. Especially if they bring nothing but pain.
They stopped feeling like family
For most of her life, Veronica, 50, tried to earn her mother’s love the only way she knew how, by trying to be the perfect daughter and hoping her efforts would create the kind of mother–daughter bond she watched her friends have. Even as an adult, Veronica kept stepping in to help her mom whenever she needed it, convinced that maybe this time their dynamic would finally change into something that felt like family.
Until one day, a deeply hurtful incident changed how she felt about her mom forever. Veronica tried to explain how much the occurrence affected her, hoping for accountability or even the smallest acknowledgment. Instead, Veronica said that her mother dismissed her pain entirely. She realized then that nothing with her mom was ever going to change, and the relationship she tried to convince herself was family no longer felt like it.
“If thinking about reconnecting makes you feel hollow inside, it’s not worth it.”
Choosing to go no contact came with a lot of grief, but also brought something she hadn’t felt in a long time: peace. Today, she said she’s found her “family by choice,” and she doesn’t feel as stuck underwater anymore. “I finally feel free,” Veronica said. When asked what she might say to her mom if given the chance, she said: “I love you. I hope one day you will find the joy in being accountable for the things you have done and make genuine amends.”
Billie, 37, also reflected on a similar experience with a parent, saying that she reached her breaking point after years of narcissistic behavior from her father. With her mom no longer being a “buffer” between them after their divorce, Billie and her sisters bore the brunt of their dad’s behavior. And after one hurtful dinner, Billie made the decision to finally go no contact.
She admitted that shutting her father out was not easy, but it has been “a game changer” for her mental health. “It is hard to come to terms with what is expected of you versus what is best for you,” Billie said, noting how isolating the pain of cutting off a family member can be. “Verbal abuse is extremely hard to get others to understand unless you’ve experienced it because it does not have external wounds and cuts,” she said. Billie added that going no contact with her father gave her and her sisters space to heal through therapy, and allowed them to live without the fear or stress she commonly experienced when he was in the room.
For women like these, who have endured unimaginable pain within their families, their stories are a stark reminder of just how frightening it can be when the people you’re taught are supposed to love and protect you—don’t. Protecting yourself sometimes means making these difficult choices to cut a family member out of your life, even when it feels confusing and hard. While it’s never easy, doing so can open the door to healing, empowerment, and the healthier, more supportive relationships that actually feel like home.
They were forced to set new boundaries after becoming a parent
For many of our readers, cutting ties with a family member often meant years of frustration and emotional labor. But for others, the decision to set boundaries was more sudden after life suddenly shifts gears on them—like when you become a parent. In a moment like this, protecting your own well-being isn’t just about you anymore; it’s about your next generation, too.
“I wanted to protect my kids the way I wish I had been protected when I was a child.”
In our survey, 9.4% of readers said their relationships had not been strained beforehand and became unhealthy after specific events transpired. For women like Megan, 29, that day came when she had her first child. “I became a mother, and suddenly I felt the weight of everyone that I allowed into my life would inevitably be in her life as well,” Megan said. Reflecting on her relationship with her father, Megan realized that the relationship often brought her more harm than good. “I realized that I had to protect not only myself from toxic people, but in doing so, I’d be protecting her,” she said. When Megan made the decision to go no contact, she said she trusted her instincts, without asking anyone else for permission. The choice wasn’t easy, but it brought her a lot of clarity and freedom. “I’m a good mother, and loving someone so much that you become intentional about who you surround yourself with makes me feel empowered,” Megan said.
Erica, 39, added that once she had her own children, she realized that she needed much healthier boundaries with her mother. She noted that she did not want her “narcissism and toxicity” to affect her kids the way it had affected her childhood. “I wanted to protect my kids the way I wish I had been protected when I was a child… I tried many different ways of doing that before realizing that the only way to really protect them from my mother was to fully cut contact with her,” Erica said.
It’s strikingly brave to shift the way you see yourself, your boundaries, and your relationships after becoming a parent. Having children makes life-altering decisions—like cutting someone off—feel even more urgent than they might have been before. Because now, it’s about defending someone the way you should have been defended.
They may change their mind later down the line
For women like Lacy, 33, her father’s favoritism for her sister made her feel second-best—eroding her self-esteem quietly and painfully. Even when she kept things polite and superficial throughout her teen years, she didn’t realize just how much it was weighing on her confidence. But after years in therapy, she finally saw the impact. When she decided to finally confront her father about it, he walked out, slamming the door behind him. Lacy said the silence that followed was painful, but also revealing.
“If thinking about reconnecting makes you feel hollow inside, it’s not worth it,” Lacy said. She feels way more confident now that she has some distance in the relationship, even though she sometimes thinks about reaching out as her dad gets older. “I’m not willing to trade my peace for that,” Lacy said. For anyone thinking about cutting ties with a family member, Lacy offers one gentle reminder: It doesn’t have to be forever. “It doesn’t need to be final—it can be temporary,” she said. “But if you need space, you need space.”
Cutting off a family member can feel terrifying. When someone has been part of your life for as long as you can remember, it’s natural to start questioning their place in your life once you’re no longer a child—and whether walking away means losing a part of yourself, too. Those thoughts can feel overwhelming, and for a lot of people, they’re enough to keep them stuck in relationships that hurt.
But stories like Lacy’s show that stepping back doesn’t always mean losing yourself—sometimes it’s how you finally find yourself again. Taking space, even temporarily, can make room to breathe, heal, and see things more clearly. And while no decision like this is ever easy, for these women, distance doesn’t always mean giving up. It’s accepting when a relationship is no longer adding to your life, and choosing an alternative version that does.
Madigan Will, Assistant Editor
As an Assistant Editor for The Everygirl, Madigan writes and edits content for every topic under the digital media sun. As the oldest of four siblings, she enjoys utilizing her big sister persona to connect and inspire readers—helping them discover new ways to maximize their everyday.
Feature graphic images credited to: Annie Spratt | Unsplash, Mikhail Nilov | Pexels, Debby Hudson | Unsplash, Yurolaitsalbert | Adobe Stock
