Remember when we talked about the importance of talking about sex with your friends? We weren’t kidding. Telling your friends about your sex life (whether it’s issues and complications or all the best!) can seem daunting, but it normalizes these experiences we all have.
But what do we do when something weird happens? We’re talking something uncomfortable, awkward, and downright embarrassing. Our first thought might be to delete our social media and move to Malta. (No one would ever guess Malta, right?) Some of us might hide and never bring it up again, hoping both parties forget it ever happened.
Well, ladies, it happened, and you know what? It’s totally normal and not actually a big deal. We’re running down the top 10 most awkward sexual experiences and how you can deal with them (without running away to a foreign country).
1. He finishes quickly
Remember when Ross and Rachel first have sex and Rachel thinks Ross climaxes almost immediately? This can be awkward, uncomfortable, and a little anticlimactic (ironically). However, trust us: this is just as awkward for your partner, meaning there is no reason to worry about it.
If things end sooner than you were expecting, don’t be afraid to ask your partner if they can help you finish as well. Sex is a two-way street, and most of the time, they’d be ecstatic to get you there, too!
2. Taking off the shapewear
You’re in your hottest outfit, and those Spanx are doing you good. What’s a bump? Never heard of her. You meet a guy at the bar or you decide to go home after the date, and it’s getting steamy. We’re talking Chuck-and-Blair-in-the-back-of-the-limo hot. The clothes start to come off, and “OH MY GOD I’M WEARING SPANX” jumps into your brain. This same questioning comes when you’re wearing a bodysuit and the person you’re with has no idea what to do with it.
Don’t worry, you have a few options here. If you’re absolutely embarrassed and petrified, you can excuse yourself to the restroom and get naked in there. This eliminates the need to take those tight undergarments off in front of the person and can honestly be kinda sexy. However, there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed by something like this. A lot of women wear these undergarments to feel more confident. Laugh about it with your partner and move on.
3. It’s going on forever
You climaxed like 20 minutes ago, and at this point, it’s starting to feel like your insides are a punching bag. With a romantic partner, it might be a little easier to say, “alright, hurry this thing up.” However, if you’re only casually sleeping with someone, this can be a little uncomfortable.
Ask your partner if he or she wants to try a different position or wants to try something else. They might get the hint that things are going on a little bit longer than you wanted or this might help them finish as well. It’s also a good way to try something new!
4. Your vagina makes a weird noise
All women have experienced this in the bedroom, and if you haven’t, it’s because you’ve buried it so deep, you’ve forced yourself to forget. The vagina is a weird and totally awesome organ that makes weird noises at times, especially when air, fluids, and *ahem* other body parts are inserted (pun absolutely intended) into the mix.
Odds are, your partner is unphased by any weird noises you’re making. If they are, gently remind them that it’s normal and to keep doing what they’re doing.
5. When literally anyone farts
If your partner does, the first instinct might be to run. If you do, the first instinct could also be to get a faceplant and inhabit Mars. Either way, this situation is obviously awkward.
This is a normal body function, and sometimes, it happens at inopportune times. You just have to laugh at yourselves. (And then maybe light a candle.)
6. When they want you to stay over but you just want to be in your own bed
You just had a great time together, and they’re ready to get their spoon on, but your bed is really calling your name after that workout.
Be straight with your partner about wanting to go home. You could also compromise and say you’ll stay over next time!
7. You really need to pee
You’re in the heat of it — it’s hot, it’s sexy, you’re having a great time, and your bladder decides to interrupt with an important message saying IT’S FULL. What happens if you just stop and run to the bathroom? Is that going to kill the vibe? You also can’t pee all over these white sheets, so there aren’t many options here. Should we wait it out? Nope, bladder just said you cannot wait it out.
In this case, it’s OK to say stop and let your body do its thing. Be aware that orgasms (they’re all different, remember?) and female ejaculation can feel like you’re about to pee. If you’re confused or worried about a sensation, don’t be afraid to bring it up with a doctor to make sure.
8. Someone can’t get aroused
You could be so excited and ready to get it on with this person, but your body just doesn’t respond how you want it to. As if the mood couldn’t be killed any more.
Be patient with yourself and your partner during situations like this. It has nothing to do with you or them, and make your partner aware that you understand that. If this becomes a persistent issue in the relationship, there are tons of options out there for both of you, so talk to your doctor!
9. When they don’t quite understand the female anatomy
The sexual education system must not have taught some people exactly how the vagina and the vulva works. In their defense, it can get quite slippery down there, so a little movement is expected. However, when he entirely misses (AKA going after the wrong holes down there), there aren’t many other ways to explain the expression other than 😮.
This might be painful and kill the mood, so instruct your partner to touch you exactly where you want. Not only do you avoid this happening again, but you’ll probably get a little more pleasure out of sex, too!
If this accident becomes a pattern, it might be time to sit your partner down and remind them of both your sexual boundaries and discuss what you’re both looking for.
10. When it’s over and you realize everything you just said
When you’re in the moment, it’s common to get caught up in it all. The sex is hot and heavy, and we’re sexual creatures, so sometimes, you’re going to say some crazy sh*t. (No shame in your game, girl!) So, when you’re laying there afterward or in the shower, and you think back to everything you said and did, the embarrassment starts to set in. Yes, girlfriend, you really said that.
Dirty talk is normal and fun! If you’re worried your partner didn’t enjoy it, talk with them about what they’d like next time. However, odds are, they were into it as much as you.
And because awkward moments happen seriously all the time, we had to add a few honorable mentions: when trying a new position doesn’t quite go “as planned,” looking at yourself in the mirror afterward to be greeted by mascara smudges that would scare the mightiest of raccoons, worrying that your neighbors/roommates/the entire block can hear you, getting a leg cramp (because getting older is sexy AF), getting your period out of nowhere, when that picture of his or her family on the nightstand is staring right back at you (we love people who love their families!), when you’re just not into it anymore and have to think about A$AP Rocky to get to the end — ladies, the list could go on. Sex is a beautiful, fun, weird, uncomfortable, awkward, and totally normal experience. There is no reason to feel insecure or embarrassed by any of this.