"Frankly, there are very few self-help writers out there whom I would trust to tell me whether I’m doing the right thing with my life (and all of them are obviously women). I’m more of a take advice from friends, family, and my therapist type of gal. But one self-help writer who transformed the way I actually live my life? Brianna Wiest, author of 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think and The Mountain Is You.
Wiest came on The Everygirl Podcast at the beginning of 2024 to discuss the psychology of why we self-sabotage and tips to change your life, and I haven’t been able to get her advice out of my head ever since. In fact, it’s advice that I’ve used to change aspects of my life and feel happier day-to-day. The best part is that being healthier, happier, or more successful doesn’t have to feel so hard. She’s all about meaningful, small perspective changes rather than massive life overhauls.
If you’ve been on any sort of journey to make progress in your day-to-day life—whether you’re full-on manifesting, biohacking, and journaling your way to success or simply trying to romanticize each moment a little more—there are signs along the way that you’re succeeding. I asked Brianna Wiest to share her top signs that you’re actually getting closer to your best life. Here’s what she said.
Brianna Wiest
Brianna Wiest is the bestselling author of the books 101 Essays The Will Change The Way You Think, The Mountain Is You, The Pivot Year, and more. Her books have sold millions of copies and regularly appear on global bestseller lists. She has a B.A. in English and an Honorary Doctorate in Literature, both from Elizabethtown College.
1. You care more about how your life feels than how it looks.
Especially in the age of the internet, it can be easy to get caught up in comparison, treating your own life like you’re completing a checklist. Chances are, if you’re working on upgrading your life (whether through your health, career, happiness, or all the above), you’ve probably experienced moments of insecurity because your life does not look a certain way. Maybe you felt like you would finally be happy when your wardrobe fully embodied a certain aesthetic, or when you were in the perfect relationship, or when your career checked off every perfect box.
According to Wiest, your best self actually cares more about how you feel in your life than how your life looks. “Your authenticity is you choosing what you actually like, not what you think you are supposed to like,” she said on The Everygirl Podcast. “Everything from how you arrange your house to the clothes you wear to the things you do on the weekend—you are your own litmus test.” Being your best self is about leaning into that authenticity rather than trying to project happiness through an arbitrary checklist.
2. You respond differently to difficult situations than you did in the past.
One of the toughest things about growth is adjusting how you respond to difficult situations. After all, even if you’re living your best life, it doesn’t mean that nothing will ever be challenging again—but it does mean that you have a more expansive toolbox for responding to hard times. According to Wiest, when you notice that you’ve adjusted your relationship to failure, that’s when you know that you’re on the right path. It’s about seeing letdowns not as massive red flags but as cues that you need to make a small shift to succeed. “There are so many avenues to get to your true end goal, and none of them have to be forcing yourself to do something that is just not in alignment,” Wiest said. “That doesn’t mean giving up, it just means, ‘How is this perceived failure going to move me in a different direction?’”
“Constantly chasing excitement doesn’t always indicate greater degrees of real contentment and meaning. The signal, to me, is ease.”
3. You make “micro-shifts” instead of drastic changes.
Speaking of not catastrophizing failure, Wiest is a huge proponent of what she calls “micro-shifts.” The biggest growth happens when we make “micro-shifts” or small changes, rather than drastically changing everything at once. We often think that we need to change a lot to become significantly happier, more successful, or healthier. All we really need is small alterations that will snowball into massive change over time. “You think you’re looking for a breakthrough, but what you’re really looking for is a micro-shift,” Wiest said. “When you identify those things that would bring your life the most meaning and beauty, then you break it down into the micro-shift that you can do every single day.” If you have that list of little things that “save your day,” you’re probably on the right track.
4. You trust yourself even when the process feels hard.
When I reached out to Wiest to learn what she thought were some signs you’re making progress toward becoming your best self, she noted that a lot of people often question the path they’re on unnecessarily. She implores anyone seeking progress to remind themselves that things that might ultimately be good for you long-term often don’t feel amazing in the beginning. Having faith in the journey is one of the signs you’re becoming your best self.
Wiest says that true growth is about being able to sit in the discomfort of not having total confirmation that you’re on the right path. “It’s a process of rewriting your brain, reorienting your life through habit building and breaking,” she explained. “You might not see or feel immediate differences, but that doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path. Trust the process. Trust yourself.” If you have faith in your adaptability and perseverance, that’s probably more of an indication that you’re making progress, more than any external “success” or “failure.”
5. You feel more and more at peace.
According to Wiest, the biggest sign that you’re living your happiest, best life is a sense of inner calm and inner peace. “I truly believe that the biggest sign that things are going well is that you feel at peace more often than you don’t,” she told me. “Of course, there are times for joy and happiness and a lot of excitement in that sense, but constantly chasing that doesn’t always indicate greater degrees of real contentment and meaning. The signal, to me, is ease.”
Reaching huge, big life milestones—like getting engaged, making a career pivot, or moving—are all huge and exciting, but those massive moments are not where true satisfaction lies. Feeling peace and ease in your every day is a bigger indicator that you’re becoming a higher, happier version of yourself. You’re in no rush to get anywhere new because you love who you are right now.
Emma Ginsberg, Associate Editor & Podcast Assistant
Emma is a writer, editor, and podcast producer who has been creating at The Everygirl since 2021. She writes for all sections on the site, edits the Entertainment and Community sections, and helps produce The Everygirl Podcast. You can listen to her with podcast host Josie Santi on the intros of The Everygirl Podcast and read her articles across the site.