“Dirty talk” can get a bad rap sometimes. In movies and TV shows, it seems weird AF that people would talk to each other like that in bed. But just like most sexual things, it always sounds weird until you try it. Then, it’s freaking awesome.
Everyone thinks they sound weird or awkward; they worry they don’t say enough or that they take it too far. In reality, everyone is capable of dirty talk in a way that turns their partner on, as long as they are willing to give it a try and make tweaks as necessary.
If you’re ready to up your dirty talk game, or you’re having lots and lots of phone sex thanks to social distancing, here are a few ways to get you started.
1. Watch (or listen) to porn
Ah, I know I recommend this tip in pretty much every sex article on The Everygirl, but I do it for good reason. Watching porn—or rather, listening to it—is the easiest way to understand what other people say when they’re having sex. One of the hardest parts about talking dirty can be not having any idea what you would say other than the usual “oohs” and “yeahs.” You don’t have to be screaming at the top of your lungs, but taking inspiration and getting more in the mindset of talking during sex is a great way to utilize porn to help your own sex life.
Remember to make sure the porn you’re watching is ethical: Dipsea is a good app for female erotic audios, XConfessions is a site for erotic stories and confessions from real women, and if you’re interested in a more typical porn experience, JoyBear is lovely and also British AKA wonderful.
2. Talk about it with your partner
A lot of times, you’re afraid of dirty talk because you don’t want to say something that would turn off your partner. So, the best way to figure this out is simply talking to them about what they want to hear. Do they want to know what you’re enjoying? Do they want to role-play? Do they like specific names or phrases? Talking about it isn’t weird; in fact, talking about it beforehand is what will make it so great when you actually do it. If you’re not sure how to bring it up, simply ask them what they want to hear from you in bed. This could be during some pillow talk, before you have sex (perhaps as a little foreplay!), or when you’re just laying on the couch watching TV (which might lead to sex, who’s to say). They’ll probably appreciate the initiative and ask you in return what you want to hear from them (ca-ching).
OK, I know this sounds a little weird, but practicing your tone of voice and what you’ll say with yourself makes actually saying it in the moment a lot easier. The best time to practice? When you’re masturbating. Two for one, y’all.
4. Say what you want and what you like
If you’re completely new to dirty talk, the best way to go about it is saying what you want them to do to you before sex, and then saying what you like that they’re doing during sex. This is pretty much the basics of dirty talk, and once you have this down, you can move onto saying tons of other things (unless you’re super comfortable from the get-go, then talk on, sister).
During sex, you can also tell them what you want them to do next: where you want them to touch you, what positions you want to try, etc. In the same vein, don’t underestimate how nice it is before sex for your partner to hear loud and clear just how much you want them.
5. Keep it personal
Tell your partner what you love about them or how they make you feel. Talking about your partner and all the things they’re doing to you that you enjoy is pretty easy because you’re just talking about what you’re feeling! Tell your partner how hot they look or how turned on they make you. You can talk about how good this position feels or why you love when they touch you here or there.
6. Give all the details
When you’re telling your partner how much you love the position you’re in, don’t be afraid to give the details. You love it because it allows them to go deeper or because it brings you closer. Your partner looks so hot because they’re sweaty or they’re wearing that perfume or cologne you like. Telling them exactly why you feel good with them and not being afraid to be descriptive is what takes your dirty talk from a C-average to a solid A+.
7. Start with a text
This is good for both beginners and seasoned-dirty-talkers alike. Sexting is a beautiful tool to upping the ante of your sex life. If you’re nervous to start dirty talking during sex, start with a little sexting first. Tell your partner you’re excited to have sex later (with a little more suave than that) or that they looked really hot before they left for work this morning. This is also a great way to get the dirty talk started before you’re even in the bedroom. You can start by telling your partner what you want them to do to you or what you want to do with them, and then bring that into the bedroom with you later.