Dating

The Enneagram Type You Should Date, Based on Your Own Enneagram

written by LAUREN E. TAYLOR
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Source: Andres Ayrton
Source: Andres Ayrton

Maybe you’re an introvert while your significant other is super outgoing. Or maybe you’re dating a workaholic but you love to have fun. Even though you might think you’re total opposites, there’s probably a reason why you get along—and your Enneagram type may be able to help you figure it out.

There are three groups of Enneagram types, Heart Types, Head Types, and Body Types, and the types are grouped based on their main motivations. Heart Types are all about their emotions, while Body Types tend to trust their gut feelings, and Head Types think things through. Knowing your Enneagram number and grouping can help you understand how you (and the person you’re dating) deal with other people, issues, and life in general.

But just because your Enneagram number isn’t technically compatible with your significant other’s or crush’s doesn’t mean you should break up with them right now. You can get along with any type—you just might get along with some better than others. The Enneagram Institute even says that Enneagram compatibility helps you understand the strengths and weaknesses of your relationships and why some might seem easy while others have more struggles. What it doesn’t do is tell you that your relationship is doomed or perfect, so don’t panic if your number doesn’t match up with your significant other’s.

If you want to understand more about how to get along with other Enneagram types, keep reading to find out what to know about dating each number.

 

Type Ones are perfectionists. They’re extremely detail-oriented and conscientious, and they have high standards, which can make them very critical of themselves. Ones are also extremely practical and have a strong desire to be useful. Personal ethics, following the rules, and making a difference are important to Ones. Ones are Body Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Two: Ones and Twos both have high ethical standards and like to help others, but Twos have a more nurturing side, which can help Ones be less rigid.
  • Seven: Ones and Sevens are complementary because they share a line on the Enneagram wheel. Sevens basically have traits that Ones don’t (and vice versa). Ones are perfectionists and like to plan ahead, while Sevens are more spontaneous.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Ones don’t only have high standards for themselves—they tend to have high standards for everyone else, too, which makes them easy to disappoint, and they can get frustrated when things (and people) don’t live up to their expectations. Ones take things very seriously and can struggle to be flexible, so don’t expect your One significant other to go with the flow. You can help the One you’re dating learn how to relax a little since they have difficulty balancing work and life.

 

Type Twos are caring and generous and enjoy helping other people—they’re often the “mom” friend. They want to belong and feel appreciated, but their desire to be liked can make them people-pleasers. Twos are patient and empathetic and are Heart Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Three: Twos and Threes are both super personable, charming, and likable. Twos also like to take care of others and Threes like to be in the spotlight, which makes them work well together because Twos will give them lots of attention.
  • Eight: Twos and Eights share an Enneagram line, giving them similar traits and attributes that the other doesn’t have. They both have a lot of energy and tend to ignore their own needs. Twos usually do this when helping others, while Eights will work themselves so hard that they forget to eat or sleep.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Since Twos want to help everyone, they can be susceptible to getting walked all over by others when they don’t set boundaries. They can also use up so much emotional energy caring for the people in their lives that they forget to take care of themselves, so make sure you take care of your Two significant other sometimes, too. Twos want approval from others, so letting your Two significant other know what you like about them and telling them how much you care is important.

 

Type Threes are super driven and ambitious, which can cause them to become obsessed with succeeding and with others seeing them as important. They fear being a failure and always want to be the best. Threes are often super charismatic and get along with pretty much anyone. Threes are Heart Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Five: Threes and Fives are focused on work, and both want to be seen as competent by others. Fives understand Threes’ need for personal space.
  • Seven: Threes and Sevens complement each other. They both like socializing and are good communicators (and they like talking). Threes are more work-oriented, while Sevens are fun-loving, so they bring out different sides of each other.
  • Nine: Three and Nine couples are pretty common. Nines are really supportive of Threes’ goals, and Threes can help Nines to be stronger and more confident in themselves.

What to know if you’re dating this type: You might take a backseat to work if you’re dating a Three, so you’ll have to understand their ambitions and goals. Don’t make them feel bad for working 24/7. Threes want to feel important, so be sure to give them lots of praise and reassurance to let them know you care. You can help the Three you’re dating learn how to slow down instead of always thinking about what needs to be done next.

 

Type Fours are super emotional and sensitive, and they’re often creative. Fours see themselves as being unique and are big on self-expression. Fours are Heart Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Five: Both Fours and Fives can be highly creative. Fours can help Fives embrace their emotions and be more vulnerable, and Fives can help ground Fours.
  • Nine: Fours and Nines are both private and sensitive, so they understand each other.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Fours can be moody and very sensitive, so you have to be prepared to roll with the punches with them. They can be really intense and feel things very deeply. Don’t make them feel bad for their strong feelings, and let them know you’re there for them. You can make Fours feel understood and less alone by taking an interest in the things they like and creative projects they’re working on.

 

Type Fives are usually stuck in their heads. They want to learn about different subjects and know everything about everything. Fives want to be thought of as competent in whatever they do, especially in their areas of expertise. They think (and overthink) and analyze before they act rather than jumping into situations. Fives are Head Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • One: Ones are independent like Fives, and both are rational and intellectual and have lots of interests, so they’ll have amazing convos.
  • Two: They say opposites attract, which can be true for Fives and Twos. Fives are big on personal space, and they can help Twos with setting boundaries. Twos can help Fives tap into their emotions.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Fives can be stoic, hard to read, and come across as cold (as a Type Five, I can tell you “hard to read” is my middle name). You’ll have to be patient with getting them to open up to you and share their feelings because they tend to keep things to themselves. You can make Fives feel comfortable by offering to help instead of letting them do everything on their own. As Fives are super introverted and independent, you’ll have to understand their need for alone time.

 

Type Sixes are responsible and reliable. “Be prepared” is their motto since they’re always planning. They can be anxious and fear not knowing what to expect (which is why they over-prepare). Sixes are Head Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Nine: A Six and Nine pairing is one of the most common couples. Both types are reliable and crave stability. Nines can also help Sixes be more optimistic and trusting of other people.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Sixes are thoughtful and caring in relationships, and they’re super loyal. Don’t get annoyed when a Six wants to control and plan for every possible scenario. You can help them understand that they can’t always be in control and learn how to let go a little.

 

Type Sevens love to have fun and can be spontaneous, but their spontaneity can also make them scattered (big Sagittarius energy). Sevens are enthusiastic and optimistic. They’re always doing something or going somewhere. Sevens are Head Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Nine: Sevens and Nines are one of the most common pairs because they’re both sociable and easygoing and like to look for the silver lining in everything.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Sevens always want to experience something new and are constantly moving. Sevens usually try to keep busy so they don’t get bored and to avoid acknowledging negative feelings. You can help them slow down, relax, and understand that they don’t always have to be positive (it’s OK to be sad once in a while).

 

Type Eights are straightforward, confident, and decisive—a classic businessperson-type personality. They don’t want to be seen as vulnerable or weak, and they’re not afraid of conflict. They can also be impulsive. Eights are Body Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • Nine: Eights are assertive while Nines are laid back. Nines can help Eights be calmer and relax, and Nines can learn to be more self-assured from Eights.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Eights like to be in charge and don’t like people telling them what to do, so don’t be surprised if they try to make all the plans in your relationship. Eights are energetic and don’t always know their limits, so help the Eight you’re dating set boundaries so they don’t burn themselves out.

 

Type Nines are easygoing and don’t like conflict or confrontation. They’re usually calm, well-liked, and good at getting along with lots of different people. Nines are Body Types.

What types work well with this type:

  • One: Nines’ more carefree nature helps Ones to be less critical, and Ones can give more structure to Nines’ lives.
  • Two: Both Nines and Twos are optimistic and like helping other people. They’re very supportive of each other in a relationship.

What to know if you’re dating this type: Since Nines avoid conflict and want to make everyone happy, they can sometimes be pushovers. You can help them make time for themselves instead of only thinking about what others need. Nines can sometimes be passive-aggressive since they don’t want to actually disagree with you, so help the Nine you’re dating learn to stand up for themselves.