This post is sponsored by the National Funeral Directors Association but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.
"During my second week of college, my new roommate and soon-to-be best friend, Macy, unexpectedly lost her mother during an otherwise routine surgery. Grief, as many of us know, is overwhelming and complicated. And at 18, the only comfort I could offer was through mixed CDs and an always-listening ear. As naive as I was, I managed to strike a delicate balance between care, concern, and humor, which led to a 10-year friendship born from Macy’s darkest moment. But I learned quickly that navigating grief—our own or others’—isn’t ever easy.
Funeral Director Allyse R. Worland has spent many years witnessing the many ways—both good and bad—people offer grief support, navigating the difficult moments, days, months, and even years that follow the loss of a loved one. Now, she’s here to guide us through the sensitive questions that often arise.
MEET THE EXPERT
Allyse R. Worland
Certified Funeral Service Practitioner and member of the National Funeral Directors Association
As a Licensed Funeral Director and Embalmer in both Indiana and Kentucky, Worland is dedicated to transforming the way we honor life and mourn loss. A proud first-generation funeral service professional, Worland is a sought-after speaker, leading seminars and workshops at national funeral service conferences to help advance the profession she loves. For Worland, the heart of funeral service is about much more than logistics—it’s about creating meaningful experiences for those left behind.
Don’t be afraid to reach out
One of the most meaningful ways to support a grieving friend in the early days is by simply reaching out. As Worland noted, people—and especially different generations—have their own preferences when it comes to communication. While younger generations may feel more comfortable with texts or DMs, older generations might prefer the familiarity of a phone call.
Regardless of the method, it’s important that the message is genuine and authentic. “Just letting your friend know you’re thinking of them is the first step,” she said. And when offering emotional support, it’s important to be mindful of both your words and the relationship your friend had with the person they’ve lost. “You want to start with something simple, like ‘I’m so sorry this happened, and I want you to know I’m here for you,’” Worland suggested. From there, consider the nuances of their relationship with the person who passed. If their relationship was complicated, it might not be appropriate to say ‘they were an amazing person.’
“You might accidentally offend your friend and exacerbate their grief,” she said. “While sharing positive stories about the deceased is nice, it’s important to also put the focus on those left behind.” The key, according to Worland, is to be present and open to however your friend needs to process their grief. Whether they need to cry, vent, or simply sit in silence, let them know you’re there to support them in whatever way they need.
“Consider the nuances of their relationship with the person who passed. If their relationship was complicated, it might not be appropriate to say ‘they were an amazing person.'”
Practice active listening
We often feel the need to say the “right” thing when comforting someone who is grieving, but as Worland explains, one of the most impactful things you can do is simply listen. A survey by the National Funeral Directors Association revealed that while 91 percent of Americans believe discussing death is healthy, many still find it uncomfortable to actually engage in these conversations. “Active, compassionate listening is key,” she said. “We all want to relate and say we understand what someone is going through, but every grief journey is unique. We don’t truly know or understand how someone is handling their loss, so it’s important to avoid saying as much.”
Instead, Worland suggests focusing on being present and supportive without bringing your own experiences into the conversation.“Remember, it’s about them, not about you,” she said. “It’s not your job to judge or interject with your experience. Just be present in the moment and keep showing up to remind them they are not alone.”
Offer help with daily tasks—and be specific
When speaking with friends, family, and coworkers about their own experiences with grief, I continued to find that the gestures that stood out were the ones that provided practical help in very specific ways. Some had people come to their houses to cook, clean, and do laundry. Others had help with projects at work and day-to-day errands. Worland said to think about ways to lighten your friend’s load, whether it’s offering to pick up their kids from school or letting their dog out during the day. “Being specific about how you can help, instead of just asking ‘how can I help,’ can go a long way,” she said.
“Bringing or cooking dinner for a grieving friend is tried and true, but it’s important to remember those generational differences,” she said. While older generations often welcome home-cooked meals delivered to them by loved ones, younger people may want more space to grieve. Instead of cooking dinner, think about what you’d want if you were in their shoes. Sometimes, it’s more meaningful to DoorDash them Cheesecake Factory than to knock on their door with a tuna noodle casserole.
“Being specific about how you can help, instead of just asking ‘how can I help,’ can go a long way.”
Avoid these well-intentioned mistakes
While our intentions are often good, there are some common mistakes people make when trying to support a grieving friend. And Worland sees them all the time. “Being too generic and just throwing out ‘thoughts and prayers’ is a common mistake,” she said of the flood of social media comments we see after someone passes. Instead, reach out directly to the person to offer grief support, whether it be via text, call, or in-person. You may not get a response, but it’s a much more personal approach.
Another well-intentioned mistake? Hovering. “They’re coming over, taking over the kitchen, inserting themselves into the life of their grieving friend without leaving any space for them to actually grieve,” Worland said. “You can’t avoid grief. Sometimes, we can walk with our friends to help them, but sometimes we can’t. We need to allow them time alone to take a deep breath and process what’s happened before we step in to help.”
“68% of Gen Z and 65% of Millennials believe it is important to commemorate the life of a loved one with a funeral or memorial service compared to 44% of Baby Boomers. And even though the cremation rate has been steadily rising over the last few decades (61.9% in 2024) and is still preferred by older generations, Gen Z stands alone with traditional burial as their top preference.”
— Allyse R. Worland, Certified Funeral Service Practitioner and member of the National Funeral Directors Association
Handle social media with care
Make it personal, not generic, and when in doubt, ask. We all know how powerful social media can be for staying connected. But when it comes to grief, it’s crucial to handle it with care. Sometimes, what may seem like a small post or a kind tribute to you can have a lasting impact on the family’s grieving process.
“If you want to post a tribute or share a photo, always ask the family first if it’s OK to share,” Worland said. It’s a simple step that goes a long way in respecting their boundaries. Not everything has to be out in the open, especially during such a private and emotional time.
Keep the momentum going
Finally, grief doesn’t end with the funeral or memorial service, so your support shouldn’t either. It’s important to continue to check in with your friend in the weeks and months after the loss. “A lot of people show up in the first few days, but then life moves on, and those who are grieving are left in their new reality,” she said. “Just sending a text that says, ‘thinking of you and here if you need me,’ can make all the difference.”
“Grief doesn’t end with the funeral or memorial service, so your support shouldn’t either.”
Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays often bring heightened feelings of loss. These moments can be difficult, but they also offer opportunities to honor and remember the deceased. “Talking about the person during these times, even laughing about a funny thing they did or said, keeps that memory alive and makes it feel like the person who died is still with them.”
For those struggling with how to remember a loved one, there are tons of resources available online. Remembering A Life, a website created by the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), offers practical support with tips, blogs, and tools. “It’s important for us to show up for those who have had a friend or family member die because the people going through that grief process remember the people that show up,” Worland said. “In the end, that’s what it’s all about—those human relationships.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Paige Cushman, Branded Content Editor
From small community newspapers to country music marketing, Paige has found the most fulfillment in finding and sharing the uniquely human stories that compel an audience. As a Branded Content Editor at The Everygirl, she is able to combine her excitement about women’s issues and pop culture with her editorial skills to create quality content for our brand partners.
This post is sponsored by the National Funeral Directors Association but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.