In the summer of 2023, I packed up my college dorm and bid farewell to my friends and the West Coast to return home to Mississippi. This move wasn’t the Hollywood arc I fantasized about (like landing my dream job, my very own apartment). Instead, I was back in my childhood bedroom without a clue what to do next. Since I had no clear direction, I defaulted to unhealthy habits. Everyday was marked by sleeping in, scrolling endlessly on social media, and constantly comparing myself to my peers and their accomplishments—all while wondering why my life didn’t look like the vision board I had tacked to the wall.
This slump persisted until I came to a realization: This would continue to be my reality until I decided to change it. For three years now, I have been on a journey to transform my life: changing my habits, my motivation, and my reality. And after a lot of trial and error, I’ve learned that mindset is the foundation of success. We so often think we have to completely overhaul our routines, but it’s actually the smaller things (the micro-habits and mindset shifts) that make the biggest difference. So I examined my mindsets and habits that were holding me back from making real progress on my goals; what I found wasn’t a lack of ambition–it was misdirected attention. Three years later, I’m in a much better place: I moved abroad, built a writing career, and cultivated a life I didn’t need a vacation from. Read on to learn the micro-habits and mindset shifts that helped me finally start making progress on my goals.
The Micro-Habits That Made The Biggest Difference
1. I became more intentional about what “productivity” really means
Productivity has been on a pedestal for most of my adolescence and young adult life. As a former self-help junkie, I equated the act of being busy for the sake of being busy as valuable. During my post-grad slump, I would create a to-do list of tasks that had absolutely nothing to do with my goals, like reorganizing my closet for the third time that week, deep cleaning my bathroom in the middle of the day, or spending hours “researching” things I never actually followed through on. This helped me feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day because every second was filled with something, even if that something wasn’t aligned with my goals.
However, I’ve come to learn that if an action isn’t aligned with my goals, then it’s not worth doing it just to appear or feel productive. Once I made the mindset shift from equating progress with busyness and instead equated progress with aligned action, I noticed I had more time and energy to allocate to action that actually helped me move forward.
2. I consumed and scrolled less
There’s a quote that has stuck with me for a long time: “Spend more time living your own life than watching other people live theirs.” I’m not sure where I heard it first or who said it, but it couldn’t be more relevant to a generation than today. It’s difficult to create our dream lives when we’re constantly bombarded with updates on other people’s lives. Don’t get me wrong—I enjoy and am inspired by the lifestyles other people are creating. That being said, I noticed that when most of my time is spent watching other people create their dream lives, I’m losing out on time to create my own.
Ever since I consciously made the decision to dial back the time I spent consuming social media or scrolling through TikToks and Instagram stories, I actually saw tangible progress toward the things I wanted (see: my writing career, moving to Spain for eight months, etc. all came about because I simply invested my time differently).
3. I prioritized solo activities that brought me back to myself
But the effect social media had on me went deeper than just time. As soon as I decided I needed to change my life, I deleted social media. I’ve had social media detoxes in the past for a temporary destress, but this one was different: I had a strong “why,” and this “why” was my desire to create a life that was wholly authentic to me. And this required me to stop comparing myself to others. So I first deleted all apps from my phone, and then put boundaries into place to be more intentional about how I spent my time and attention.
I replaced mindless scrolling with solo activities that helped me reconnect with myself (i.e., going on long walks without my phone, journaling about what I actually wanted, or taking myself out for coffee without the urge to document it). When I started to do this, my impulse to compare myself started to fade because my attention shifted back to the present and to my own vision for what I wanted my life to look and feel like.
4. I prioritized consistency over perfection
My favorite part of manifestation is the vision boards and planning; I am a pro at visualizing and putting pen to paper. However, the crucial manifestation step I’m not always so good at is taking consistent action. My mindset functions on a whole lotta planning, three weeks grandiose efforts, and then the disappointment of unmet expectations. This pattern shifted when I changed perspective on consistent action. I believed consistent action needed to be flawless: showing up with high energy to every workout or blocking off entire afternoons to work on a goal and expecting myself to be fully focused and productive the whole time. But I wasn’t making space for the days “perfect” action just isn’t realistic.
Now I view consistent action as doing the best I can with whatever energy I have. Some days that looks like showing up to a workout at 50% (or listening to my body and taking a rest day), allowing myself to unwind after work but still writing for 20 minutes instead of skipping it entirely, or making small progress on a goal–even if it’s sending one email, outlining a single idea, or taking the first baby step instead of waiting for the perfect moment. Consistency over perfection got me so much closer to my goals.
5. I stopped relying on motivation or inspiration
In my post-college slump, there were countless days where I had no motivation to do anything for my goals, whether it was sending an email or working out. I would sit in my childhood bedroom, telling myself I would start tomorrow and then watch the day slip away while I refreshed social media or overthought what I should be doing next. I was waiting for the motivation to hit in order to do the thing. I’ve since learned that motivation is a “nice to have,” but it’s not guaranteed.
If we look at the stories of successful people like Beyonce, Doechii, or Sabrina Carpenter, they rarely credit motivation for getting them where they are. Instead, the most successful people in the world often define the catalyst for success as the act of showing up every day–whether they’re inspired or not. I realized if I wanted to make real progress, I had to stop waiting for motivation and start building a habit of showing up regardless.
TL;DR
Making these mindset shifts wasn’t easy, but they were necessary to break the cycle of dreaming big while staying stuck in the same patterns. For a long time, I thought changing my life required one massive breakthrough moment, but in reality, it came from the small choices I made every single day. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that progress rarely feels dramatic while it’s happening. Most of the time, it looks incredibly ordinary: sending the email, going on the walk, writing for 20 minutes, putting your phone down, or showing up when you don’t feel inspired. But over time, those small moments compound into a completely different life.
Three years later, I’m still learning, growing, and adjusting. But these micro-habits continue to ground me whenever I feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or tempted to compare my timeline to someone else’s. Because meaningful change doesn’t usually happen all at once—it happens quietly, through the small decisions that eventually shape who you become.
Aaliyah Alexander, Contributing Writer
Aaliyah is a writer, content creator, and blogger based in Brandon, Mississippi. She attended San Diego State University where she received a degree in journalism and worked as an editor for the award-winning student newspaper, The Daily Aztec. Aaliyah covers a range of topics including slow living, her favorite vegan food spots, minimalism, self-growth, and entertainment.
