Clingy, co-dependent, controlling? Not Shay Mitchell. We love Shay for a lot of reasonsâher style, wellness routine, and travel bag brand BEÌIS, to name a fewâbut itâs her recent advice for dealing with relationship anxiety that has made us fall in love with her even more than we ever thought was possible. In an interview that Shay did with Alex Cooper on the Call Her Daddy podcast, she was asked how she is able to trust her longtime boyfriend and father of two kids, Matte Babel, traveling with Drake, going to parties, and being around other women while she is at home with their kids, and Shayâs honest and relatable response was so profound that the clip garnered 8.5 million views and counting on TikTok.
Acting as a PSA to women everywhere, Shay Mitchellâs solution for dealing with relationship anxiety comes down to self-love, independence, and knowing your worth. Weâre breaking down exactly how Shay implements this mindset into her own life and relationship and offering even more advice for how you can adopt it too.
What is relationship anxiety?
While it might sound self-explanatory, letâs first break down exactly what relationship anxiety is and where it stems from. According to Healthline, it refers to the feelings of worry, insecurity, and doubt that can pop up in a relationship, even if everything is going relatively well. You might wonder what your partner is doing when youâre not around, doubt their feelings for you, second guess their commitment to you, and more. These feelings and thoughts usually stem from personal insecurities, past relationship experiences, attachment styles, or a lack of trust and communication.
The good news is that experiencing relationship anxiety is extremely common (even in the healthiest relationships); however, feelings of worry, insecurity, and doubt can start to make people spiral out of control, causing distress, sleepless nights, and ultimately affecting someoneâs individual well-being as well as the well-being of their relationship. If you have ever experienced this or are experiencing it now, Shayâs advice is exactly what you need to hear.
Shay Mitchellâs advice for relationship anxiety
Letâs make one thing clear: Even though we consider Shay a total queen who can do no wrong, even she is not immune to experiencing relationship anxiety. She mentioned in the interview that she too has lost sleep worrying about her relationships in the past and that it can be hard even now because she does truly care. She goes on to say that if anything were to happen with her and her boyfriend, she would deal with it then, but for the sake of her own happiness and the happiness of her partner, she says âI can’t live my life worrying about what heâs doing,â and to that, we say amen sister.
Shay adds that âwhen you truly love somebody, you want them to live their happiest lifeââeven if itâs not with you. You have to understand that you canât control everyone around youâthe only thing you can do is whatâs best for you. So, if you are dealing with relationship anxiety, playing some variation of this Shay Mitchell quote in your head on repeat will help you tenfold: âIf you can take him from me, then heâs yours.â
Why this advice can help relieve relationship anxiety
One of the main reasons why Shay is able to confidently navigate through her relationship without relationship anxiety is because she truly does believe that whatâs meant to be will be. She mentioned that when she used to worry about her past relationships, it got to the point where she would have to ask herself what would happen if something went wrong. She decided that her mindset would be âIâll be OK, Iâll keep it moving,â adding that if thatâs the case, it wasnât meant to be.
If you have an anxious attachment style, this can be a hard lesson to learn, but once you accept that sleepless nights arenât going to change anything, youâll be less stressed, worried, and doubtful. âWeâre going to do what weâre going to do,â according to Shay, so you canât worry about something before it happens. She added that instead of spending time worrying about our partners, we should be spending time bettering ourselves. This will allow us to feel more confident in our independence, which will in turn help us feel more confident in ourselves and whatever the outcome of our relationship is.
How to implement Shay Mitchellâs advice in your own relationship
If you are feeling like you are in a constant state of anxiety, worrying about what your partner is doing, how they feel about you, and if your relationship is going to last, Shay says that âyou need to be in love with yourself more.â She added that âyou shouldn’t be feeling that way in a healthy relationship, and if you are, then maybe it isnât the right one.â
Start by accepting that whatever is going to happen will happen whether itâs for better or for worse in your relationship. You canât drain your own happiness trying to control the outcome or lose track of the valuable time that you could be focusing on yourself or spending genuine quality time with friends and family. Move forward by putting trust in your partner and truly wanting what is best for yourself and them as individuals first. That will reveal whether or not you and your partner will be together for the long haul or if there is something better waiting for both of you on the other side.
