"We all have moments we look back on and say, “What was I thinking?!” Case in point: the eyebrow blindness trend that’s going around on TikTok right now. The trend discusses the slippery slope of ignoring what’s right in front of you and instead falling victim to whatever’s trending in the beauty world at the moment. Apparently, the same goes for relationships. Love might be blind, but allowing a relationship to cloud your judgment is a recipe for disaster. If this is something you can relate to, you might be suffering from boyfriend blindness.
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To be clear, boyfriend blindness has absolutely nothing to do with looks. It refers to ignoring behaviors and warning signs, along with beige and red flags in your partner. You’re wearing rose-colored glasses and want to see the best in them, warning signs be damned. But how can you tell if you’re suffering from boyfriend blindness? We’ve rounded up the 10 warning signs below.
1. You’re the only one making sacrifices
Whether it’s working overtime to help pay the bills, moving to a new city for a job that’ll better support your family, or giving up personal time to be together, making sacrifices is a no-brainer when you’re in love. Of course, there will be times that require you to give up more, like if they’re in between jobs or recovering from an injury, but things will even out eventually. Hopefully, they’ll do the same for you without hesitation down the line. However, if you’re the only one continuously stepping up, compromising, and sacrificing, chances are you have boyfriend blindness.
Maybe you think asking them to meet you halfway is too much. Perhaps you know deep down that they won’t be willing to compromise. Whatever the reasoning, telling yourself that this is no big deal only does you a disservice. Not only is it completely unfair to you, but it will backfire in the long run; eventually, you’ll get tired of being the only one who makes sacrifices.
2. You’re always the one apologizing
We all can be a little stubborn sometimes, and no one likes to admit they’re wrong—but saying “sorry” is part of being a grown-up. While one of you might be more willing to apologize first than the other, you should never be the only one who’s apologizing. If your partner can’t recognize when they’re at fault, that’s a red flag. It suggests that they’re unwilling to accept the consequences of being wrong and that they’re not open to learning from their mistakes. It’s childish behavior, and you’re their partner, not their parent. You shouldn’t have to be taking the blame constantly.
3. Your family and friends don’t like them, but you ignore it
Although it’s never a good sign if the people closest to you don’t like your partner, blatantly ignoring any concerns they have about them is worse. You might not want to address their concerns because doing so would mean going back to being single, which is a scary prospect. You might also get defensive because you’ve taken their criticism as a personal attack on your judgement (Alexa, play “Please, Please, Please” by Sabrina Carpenter).
Your friends and family members want what’s best for you and aren’t trying to ruin your happiness. While it’s natural to feel defensive, pretending there are no issues only creates distance between you and your loved ones. After all, it’s hard to sit by and watch someone you love in a bad relationship. Plus, this will subliminally strain your relationship because you’ll constantly be wondering in the back of your mind if your loved ones’ concerns are founded.
To be clear, boyfriend blindness has absolutely nothing to do with looks. It refers to ignoring behaviors and warning signs, along with beige and red flags in your partner.
4. You rationalize their bad behavior
We all have bad days when we unjustly lash out, snap at, or take our anger and frustration out on those closest to us; it’s part of being human, and we’ll apologize and be more mindful of it going forward. But when rude and disrespectful behavior is the norm, they’re not having a bad day, they’re just a jerk. If you have boyfriend blindness, you’ll rationalize their behavior instead of admitting that they’re not nice. You’ll justify their poor attitude to the people around you by blaming their job, their circumstances, or anything besides their personality. But at the end of the day, making excuses will only make you more unhappy in the relationship.
5. You bury your feelings about the relationship
Although it’s normal to compromise and make sacrifices in a relationship, true love will never ask you to deny your own feelings. It’s a red flag if you’re shoving down your emotions or changing who you are to make your significant other happy. This might be over something small, like not speaking up and letting them decide where to go for dinner, or something bigger, like changing your stance on marriage and children.
Similarly, this may also look like prioritizing their needs and happiness above yours. Making your partner happy can feel rewarding, and selflessness is an important attribute in all healthy relationships. However, the right person will never ask you to put your own wants and needs on the backburner. Rather, they’ll find a way to meet in the middle so everyone’s satisfied.
6. You put them on a pedestal
It’s perfectly healthy and normal to be your partner’s biggest cheerleader, but it crosses a line when you’re practically putting them on a pedestal. This means repeatedly overlooking their flaws; these flaws can be as small as chewing with their mouth open or as big as persistent jealousy and distrust. Instead of acknowledging that nobody’s perfect, you’ve idealized them so much in your own head that you’ve created a version of them that’s different from reality. This is a huge sign of boyfriend blindness—you’re so obsessed with them, you might not even be able to see how great you are.
This is a huge sign of boyfriend blindness—you’re so obsessed with them, you might not even be able to see how great you are.
7. You make big decisions about the relationship quickly
Making big decisions about the relationship quickly is another sign you’re suffering from boyfriend blindness. You might move in together while you’re still in the honeymoon phase, get married before you’ve gone through true hardships, or decide to have kids before you’ve discussed how you’re going to raise them. Spontaneity happens, but intentionally bypassing the steps of getting to know someone often indicates there’s a beige or red flag you don’t want to acknowledge.
The problem with speeding through the early phases is that the honeymoon phase is not life. Things do happen—people get sick, they lose their jobs and family members, and so forth—and it’s important to go through the highs and lows of life together as a couple before you make life-altering choices. Besides, if “you know when you know,” then what’s the harm in knowing you’ll be together forever and savoring the process of getting to know each other and every stage of a relationship?
8. You sweep conflict under the rug
No one likes fighting, but engaging in conflict can be beneficial in a relationship (so long as it’s not happening 24/7, then it’s a red flag). It can lead to greater understanding between two people and teach you how to work through disagreements using communication, trust, and patience. When you sweep things under the rug, nothing gets resolved, and the problem is doomed to arise and repeat itself in the future. It’s also a sign that you’re suffering from boyfriend blindness.
Perhaps you do this because you’re avoidant and don’t want to face the problem head-on, or maybe you’re scared of what your partner might do or say during the argument. Whatever the case may be, sweeping things under the rug only prevents the relationship from growing and maturing.
9. You don’t make time for each other
We all have busy seasons, and there’s a strong chance yours won’t align with your partners. This is why it’s imperative to carve out time for each other, lest you risk drifting apart. It’s a red flag if they’re always leaving you hanging at the last minute, canceling plans, or not making time for either of you. They might be busy, but they should find or make time to spend with you, even if it’s something as simple as watching TV together before bed. If they don’t do this, it suggests that they’re taking you for granted. And when you’re suffering from boyfriend blindness, you’ll excuse this.
10. You’re unhappy, but you won’t admit it
When you’re unhappy, it’s easy to point the finger at outside factors and blame them for it; you might tell yourself you’re feeling unhappy because it’s been raining for seven days straight or because your boss harshly criticized you, but deep down you know it’s more than that. If you have boyfriend blindness, you know deep down that you’re unhappy because you’re in the wrong relationship.
At the end of the day, it’s easy to be blinded by love, but love should never come at the cost of your own happiness. A relationship that is making you unhappy is doing more harm than good. If that’s the case, it might be time to finally remove your rose-colored glasses and admit to yourself something you’ve known all along: things aren’t working out. Will it be hard? Absolutely—but it will be so worth it in the end. Knowingly allowing yourself to be blinded by your partner will only prevent both of you from meeting the right person and living out your happily ever after.