They say social media isn’t reality, and it makes sense when you think about it. After all, we tend to highlight the brighter moments in our lifeâlike a night out with friends or an exciting new purchaseâand conceal the darker ones, like off days, skin breakouts, and hardships. However, despite the careful curation, pictures and videos tell a story, and you can glean a lot about someone from their social media postsâincluding your significant other.
The truth is, everyone unknowingly shares their red flags on social media. And though no two people are the same, there are some common deal breakers and warning signs to look out for in a partner and your relationship. Keep on reading to learn the 13 social media red flags in a relationship.
12 Social Media Red Flags in a Relationship
1. Appearing single
Appearing single on social media is one of the biggest red flags in a relationship. This can include keeping their relationship status as “single,” not posting photos with you, or asking you not to post or tag them in photos of the two of you together. Granted, there are some people who don’t want to flaunt their life or relationship on the internet, and that’s totally fine. However, it’s usually a major red flag if they’re constantly posting about everything except you. This might mean they’re keeping their options open and want to look like they’re still on the market or aren’t fully committed. Most people won’t go out of their way to hide a happy and healthy relationship, so beware of someone who does.
2. Refusing to acknowledge the connection
Thereâs an unspoken universal understanding that once you start dating someone you add or follow each other on all your social media accounts. It just makes sense. After all, connection is one of the driving themes behind every social media platform. So if your partner doesnât want to follow or be friends on Facebook with you or your friends and family, it might be because they have something to hide.
3. Liking inappropriate photos
Of all the social media red flags, this is perhaps the most notorious. While your significant other might think liking a photo is innocuous, it crosses a line when itâs an obvious thirst trap (think: provocative shots in lingerie, sexual posts, etc.); it lets the owner of the post know it caught their attention and they like what they see. So if you notice your partner doing this, let them know theyâre being disrespectful and coming off flirtatiously. Likewise, reiterate that they donât have to stop liking wholesome photos of celebrities, athletes, or friends and family. More often than not, someone who loves and cares about you will stop. But if they donât, it might be time to reconsider what youâre doing with them.
4. Constantly adding or following new âfriendsâ
Itâs no secret that making new friends as an adult is notoriously challenging. Which is why constantly adding or following new âfriendsâ is pretty suspicious. Donât get me wrongâthereâs nothing wrong with adding coworkers or someone youâre friends with on social media. But itâs a red flag when someone goes out of their way to accept friend requests or follow back people they hardly know. It opens up the door for untoward attention, and someone who loves and respects you usually wonât want to put themselves in that position in the first place.
5. Stalking their ex
Just like bringing up an ex right away is considered one of the major dating app red flags, stalking an ex online is one of the biggest red flags in relationships as well. If your partnerâs spending their free time using their social media accounts to find out what their ex is up to, alarm bells should sound in your head. This usually means theyâre not fully over them, whereas someone whoâs healed and moved on will be focused on your life together and moving forward.
6. Leaving flirty comments on other posts
There is absolutely no reason why your significant other should be leaving flirty comments on anyone else’s postsâeven leaving something as seemingly innocent as a heart eye or flame emoji crosses the line. This is one of the biggest red flags on social media because it shows where their head is at and how willing they are to test the boundaries of your relationship. If they’re doing this now, try nipping it in the bud and talking to them before it’s too late; maybe they’ll understand where you’re coming from and knock it off or maybe they won’t. Either way, you’ll then know how to proceed accordingly, knowing you tried your best.
7. Hidden messages
Lying and keeping secrets are two common relationship deal breakers. After all, someone who isnât doing anything wrong wonât have anything to hide. The same goes for social media as well. You should be able to look through your partnerâs DMâs without stumbling across messages that have missing pieces of conversation or are tucked away in some hidden folder. If thatâs the case, they likely know theyâre doing something they shouldnât be.
8. Secret accounts
Having multiple accounts is common nowadaysâbut having multiple secret accounts you donât know about? Major red flag. Your partner could be using these accounts for a slew of illicit or disrespectful activity, like stalking their ex, flirting with other people and more. Regardless of what theyâre using it for, though, secret accounts often come into play when someone has something to hide.
9. Constantly posting attention-seeking content
Nothing inflates your ego quite like being told by strangers online just how gorgeous you are. While itâs OK to flaunt what youâve got every once in a while, it becomes a red flag when itâs excessive (think: constantly posting shirtless or seductive selfies, etc.). Someone who incessantly seeks validation from others is likely going to have a slew of relationship issues, like low self-esteem, a fragile ego, jealousy and more. Likewise, your love and affection will never be enough for them. Of course, weâre all flawed in some way and have our own insecurities to deal with, but this behavior can drain you and put a strain on your relationship. When it comes down to it, you shouldnât have to compete with the rest of the world for your partnerâs attention.
10. Excessive PDA
Thereâs a fine line between being shown off and being treated like a trophy. While being invisible on your S.Oâs social media is a huge red flag, excessive PDA is also one as well. When someone goes over the top like this, they’re likely trying to make up for something, one-up someone else or get revenge on their ex by showing off how hot their new partner is and how happy they are with them. Furthermore, they might also be love bombing you in an attempt to get you to fall for them so you’re fully in their grasp.
11. Their posts donât match up with their stories
The whole âpics or it didnât happenâ mindset applies here. If a pictureâs worth a thousand words, social media is worth a whole damn novel. In fact, fact-checking is easier than ever thanks to social media. For example, if your partner tells you they went to Greece, youâll likely be able to dig up a photo that proves that. And while there are always exceptions, be wary of someone who has no proof whatsoever to back up what they tell you. Likewise, if you think something about their story doesnât add up, trust your gutâit usually knows whatâs right.
12. Telling you what you can and canât post
You should have full autonomy of yourself, your body, and your social mediaâyour partner has no right to tell you what you can or can’t post. Granted, there might be times where this request is reasonable (like a risquĂ© photo in underwear), but trying to micromanage everything is a huge red flag. This controlling behavior often leads to toxicity and can take a toll on your overall well-being. Remember that you’re the only one in the driver’s seat of your life, so take care of yourself first and foremost.
