During sex, it’s pretty easy to get caught up in our own insecurities and stresses throughout the process. Whether it’s our crazy bedhead, worrying about our bodily fluids, or that other guy that might have popped into our heads (oops) — we’re all thinking it. So, why not find ways to reframe these into something positive? Let us know how many of these thoughts you have too.
Wow, I have a long to-do list.
It’s obnoxiously easy to get out of the moment during sex. I mean, a lot is happening in one moment, and you have a life, woman!
What to Think Instead
Don’t think! Let yourself be in the moment. Focus on what you’re feeling. The sounds, the smells (I know, kinda weird, but we’re trying to be mindful here), the tastes! It’s all about the experience.
Am I going to crush my partner?
Plus size ladies know what I’m talking about, especially if your partner is smaller than you are. It’s pretty easy to feel like you can’t do certain positions because of a height or weight difference.
What to Think Instead
Just do it, but ask your partner if he or she is okay along the way. Odds are, he or she can totally take it, so let it go, Frozen-style, obvi. Also, research new positions and try them out. Education!!
I have to keep the lights off.
Even though he or she has felt my body and seen me naked hundreds of times, he can’t actually see me!!
What to Think Instead
My partner wants to be with me regardless of how different I look with the lights on. And newsflash: you don’t look all that different.
This is a trap we get ourselves into when we’re self conscious or not feeling so hot body-image-wise. It’s okay to feel stuck sometimes, but when it becomes a reoccurring thing, it’s time to start changing a few things. Here’s a two week guide to more positive body image.
He or she wasn’t even paying attention to this $80 bra and panty set.
It just came off, and no one even complimented it!
What to Think Instead
I looked so good in that lingerie, and I don’t care who notices it other than me.
I get it, you want your partner to pay attention when you do special things for him or her. However, wearing sexy lingerie can be a fun experience for you, too! Don’t base it entirely off of your partner. I’m sure he or she did notice that lingerie, and he or she didn’t compliment because they were just too excited to take it off.
Is he going to finish anytime soon? I have things to do.
Sometimes, it’s like barely 30 seconds. Other times, it’s like you’re laying there for an hour just waiting after you’ve finished. Come on, buddy!
What to Think Instead
I’m grateful that he let me finish first.
Remember there are many dudes out there who don’t even help their partner orgasm (so lame), so let him take his time getting to his finish line. You’ll never know the next time you want to go slow, and you’ll want him to be engaged with you.
It’s okay that he or she didn’t return the favor.
He’s tired. She’ll get me next time! It’s normal.
What to Think Instead
Well, yes, it is normal. Is it fun? No! While some couples are okay with a little DJ Khaled and Nicole Tuck situation, some are not. When you’re feeling a little left out, ask your partner when it’s your turn. He or she will never know what you want unless you say something.
I wonder what I look like right now.
My hair is a mess, my make-up is probably all running down my face, and I can’t remember if I put deodorant on before this or not.
What to Think Instead
I’m enjoying myself, who cares what I look like?
Is it awkward if I ask him or her to pull my hair?
AH. Trying new things is scary!
What to Think Instead
He or she will never know what I want unless I ask. Try these tips afterward to get some things in motion.
Is it normal that I have to pee THIS bad?
I feel like I JUST went???
What to Think Instead
Ooh, I think that’s the spot.
The stimulation of sex puts pressure on your bladder and your urethra, so it’s normal to feel like you have to pee when your partner is penetrating the right spot. Now, there is this glorious little thing called G-Spot stimulation, and when this occurs, fluid collects and can cause you to ejaculate (yes, it’s real). It might feel like urine, but we promise, it’s not. To combat this fear, make sure you go before the moment starts to heat up.
Are we being as safe as we can be?
Did I take my pill right? Are we using the right condoms? HELP.
What to Think Instead
Talk with your partner about your sexual wellness routines. Are you both getting tested regularly? What methods of birth control are you both using? Let it all out. You can also talk to your doctor about which birth control is right for you. So, if you’re not amazing at remembering to take the pill all the time, you can try something a little less high maintenance.
Can he or she tell I didn’t shave my legs?
Because my partner feeling my stubbly legs is surely the end of the world!!!
What to Think Instead
Wow, my legs look good.
Luckily, I don’t think he or she notices or even cares about the hair on your legs or probably anywhere. He or she is far too busy to pay attention to a little hair.
I wonder what Pete Davidson is like in bed.
I think I might be listening to Sweetener a little too much. Am I the worst girlfriend in the world?
What to Think Instead
Fantasies are fantasies; they’re okay, and they’ll happen. Just don’t let them get too out of hand. You want your partner to feel loved, too.