Picture this: Your phone pings, and it’s yet another text from a friend asking to hang out this weekend, even after you’ve told her countless times you’re unavailable. Her date sucked, she needs a shoulder to cry on (again), and you’re her go-to. After a few minutes of contemplation, you groan and text, “I can’t.” You wish you could be there for her every time she needed you, but the truth is that you have a lot going on, too, and most of the time, she doesn’t get that. It’s moments like these that make you appreciate the value of a low-maintenance friend.
Friends are essential. We need people to celebrate with, vent to, and spend quality time with. But adult friendships come with a unique challenge: As responsibilities pile up and schedules get busier, staying connected and maintaining social health can start to feel like another item on your to-do list. The good news? Strong friendships don’t have to require constant communication or endless plans. In fact, low-maintenance friendships often become the ones that last the longest.
If you’ve ever wondered what makes someone a low-maintenance friend or how to build low-maintenance friendships of your own, you’ve come to the right place. Ahead, we’re breaking down the signs of a low-maintenance friend, why these relationships are so valuable, and how to cultivate adult friendships that thrive, even during life’s busiest seasons.
What is a low-maintenance friend?
A low-maintenance friend is, well, low-maintenance. They understand that the biggest roadblock to maintaining adult friendships is balancing your relationship with all your other responsibilities—like work, school, hobbies, family time, self-care, kids, and romantic relationships. Low-maintenance friends are the kinds of friends that make you feel like no time has passed since you last saw them, even if it’s been months. And there is no blame on either of you for how long it’s been since you were able to schedule a coffee date together. They respect your boundaries and accept you for who you are—full schedules and all—and you do the same for them.
Having this mutual understanding and acceptance of each other’s busy lives makes maintaining healthy relationships as an adult much simpler. They require less frequent interaction and are built on a foundation of trust, making them more resilient to the demands of adult responsibilities.
Signs you have a low-maintenance friend
- They don’t expect constant texting
- You can pick up where you left off
- They respect your boundaries
- They celebrate your wins without resentment
- They show up when it really matters
- They don’t keep score in the friendship
- They’re comfortable with low-key plans
- They don’t take canceled plans personally
- You can be yourself without feeling “on”
- They trust the friendship without constant reassurance
How do you know if you have a high-maintenance friend?
You know you have a high-maintenance friend when juggling your life responsibilities with their expectations of you, and your time drains your energy. For example, they might make you feel guilty for canceling on them or being unavailable, throw a fit when plans change, or blow up your phone after you’ve told them your schedule is already jam-packed.
These friendships come with a set of expectations that are challenging to manage alongside the demands of daily life. Such friends may place excessive demands on your time, which can negatively impact your other relationships or work performance—and you may even find yourself having to choose which connections or priorities to nurture. These friends aren’t very flexible, and they typically don’t respect your boundaries very well.
Instead of feeling like a busy person, they make you feel like a bad person for not having enough time for them. If you feel like one wrong move could lead to a friendship fallout, that’s a clear sign you’re trying to manage a high-maintenance friendship.
What to do if you have high-maintenance friends
While it’s easier said than done to cut high-maintenance friends loose because they are (dare I say) way too needy, it’s not ideal to keep trying to meet their expectations of you. If you don’t want to lose these friendships (maybe you’ve known them your whole life or can’t imagine life without them despite their high-maintenance tendencies) but desperately need some respite, it’s time to address these issues and set healthy boundaries. Try having an open and honest conversation (in person, preferably) about how you’ve been feeling about your friendship and where you stand.
For example, you could say something like “I love spending time with you, but I can’t always dedicate as much time to hanging out as you’d like me to,” or “I have been feeling overwhelmed by other’s expectations of my time, and I want you to know that even though I can’t always hang out, our friendship is still important to me.” Always start by acknowledging your appreciation for your friendship and being honest about how you’re feeling upfront. That way, when you transition into what needs to change (like them getting mad at you for not texting back right away), they know you still care for them. If this conversation angers them or they continue to be high maintenance, then it might be time to end the friendship for the sake of your sanity.
Low-maintenance friendship vs. a one-sided friendship
While low-maintenance friendships may involve less day-to-day contact, they’re not one-sided or effortless. Instead, they’re built on mutual trust, respect, and the understanding that life gets busy—but both people continue to invest in the relationship over time. By contrast, a one-sided friendship is marked by a clear ongoing imbalance, where one person consistently carries the emotional or practical weight of keeping the relationship alive.
| Low-maintenance friendship | One-sided friendship |
| Busy seasons are understood | One person does all the work |
| Communication ebbs naturally | Communication only happens when convenient for one person |
| Mutual effort | Unequal effort |
| Reliable during important moments | Rarely shows up when needed |
How to make low-maintenance friends
Whether you’re slowly realizing that most of your friends fall under the “high-maintenance” category or you’re just looking to make a few more solid low-maintenance friendships going forward, here are a few ways you can make low-maintenance friends.
Join recurring fitness or hobby classes
Have you always wanted to try ballet, kickboxing, or another niche discipline? If you’re seeking new low-maintenance connections, clubs, gyms, or even recreational sports teams are great places to start. Since you’ll be surrounded by people who share the same interests, it will be easy to spark up a conversation, and seeing them week after week will help you quickly grow and maintain casual friendships.
READ: This Is Where Millennials and Gen-Zers Are Actually Making New Friends
Do you have an acquaintance who enjoys some of the same things you do? What about yoga, reading, or reality TV? Reach out to them to see if they want to do these things (that you already planned on doing!) together. You can schedule your morning runs for the same time each week, enroll in a weekly yoga class, go book browsing, or lounge around watching a new episode of your favorite series. This way, you’re not adding to your schedule to make time for social interaction; you’re simply just making it better with a friend.
Rekindle old friendships
Another easy way to make low-maintenance friends as an adult is to rekindle past relationships. Think about the people with whom you’ve kept in touch, even if it’s only been over social media. Do you find yourself commenting “congratulations!” when they post about significant milestones, like weddings, childbirth, and job changes, or replying to their stories asking where the heck you can get your hands on the jeans they are wearing? Send them a message and ask them if they want to get together sometime to catch up! Since you already don’t see each other regularly, this friendship won’t require much of your schedule to maintain, but can be joyful nonetheless.
Look for friends in similar life stages
While friendships don’t have to be limited by age or circumstance, connecting with people in a similar stage of life can make low-maintenance friendships easier to build. Whether you’re balancing a demanding career, raising young children, caring for aging parents, or juggling school, people with similar responsibilities often understand that schedules change and communication may ebb and flow. That shared understanding can create a friendship rooted in flexibility rather than expectations.
Use friendship apps intentionally
Friendship apps can be a great way to meet new people as an adult, especially if you’re looking for connections outside of work or your existing social circle. Instead of trying to build dozens of new relationships at once, focus on finding people who share your interests, values, and preferred communication style. Being upfront that you enjoy low-pressure, low-maintenance friendships can help you connect with people who are looking for the same kind of relationship.
Take advantage of existing acquaintances
Not every friendship has to start from scratch. Think about the people you already interact with regularly, like coworkers, neighbors, or classmates. If you enjoy chatting with them, suggest grabbing a coffee, taking a walk, or attending a local event together. Because you already have an established connection and naturally see each other from time to time, these relationships can easily grow into meaningful, low-maintenance friendships without requiring a major time commitment.
How to maintain low-maintenance friendships
Once you’ve established low-maintenance friendships, you must ensure they remain that way. Sustaining these connections involves intentionally nurturing the relationship while respecting each other’s responsibilities and priorities. When it comes to balancing the responsibilities of everyday life with socialization, the biggest obstacles are time and energy. Here are a few favorite ways you can easily maintain low-maintenance friendships:
Do everyday tasks or errands together
You’re already going to do things like get your nails done, fold your laundry, go grocery shopping, go for a walk, and hit up a workout class, so why not combine them with a much-needed catch-up? Whether you invite your friend to go with you or you call them while you’re doing them just to say hi and see how they are doing, this is an easy way to check in and prioritize your friendship. It requires minimal effort but makes a big difference.
Establish routines with long-distance friends
Another problem with maintaining adult friendships is how drastically things can change. What if your college BFF now lives in LA, and you’re in NY? You don’t want your friendship to fade, but you also can’t just hop on a plane to see them all the time. Nurturing long-distance friendships comes down to consistency. Establish regular check-in times by phone, text, or social media to say hi and exchange a light chat. This way, you’ll always feel connected, no matter how much time you have to talk or how far away they are.
Acknowledge their milestones
While you may not chat every day, a simple way to keep the friendship alive is by acknowledging the milestones that matter. Take a moment to remember and reach out on birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, or during their triumphs. You can shoot them a quick congratulatory text or get a bunch of flowers delivered to their home. These kind and thoughtful acts go a long way in keeping the connection strong without requiring a ton of effort.
Be there when they need you
Whether you’re there to lend a listening ear after a tough day or stand by them through one of life’s unexpected challenges, ensure you show up for your friends in times of need. Be there with empathy, kindness, understanding, and a willingness to lend a helping hand where possible. A simple “I’m here for you” goes much further than you may think. People always remember who shows up for them, and being reliable and genuinely caring will make a big difference in the quality of your friendship, no matter how often you actually see each other.
Be honest about your bandwidth
One of the best ways to maintain a low-maintenance friendship is to be upfront about how much time and energy you realistically have. If you’re not someone who texts every day or prefers making plans a few weeks in advance, say so. Setting expectations early—whether it’s “I’m terrible at texting, but I’d love to grab coffee every few weeks” or “I’ll always respond, just not immediately”—can prevent misunderstandings and help both friends feel secure in the relationship.
Prioritize consistency over constant communication
A healthy friendship doesn’t require daily check-ins to stay strong. Instead of feeling pressure to text constantly, focus on finding a communication rhythm that works for both of you. Whether it’s a quick catch-up every few weeks, an occasional voice note, or sending a funny meme when something reminds you of them, consistent but manageable contact can strengthen your bond without becoming another item on your to-do list.
Embrace flexible plans
Life happens, and one of the hallmarks of a low-maintenance friendship is understanding when plans need to change. If someone has to cancel because of work, family responsibilities, or unexpected circumstances, try to reschedule without guilt or resentment. Choosing low-pressure activities—like meeting for coffee, taking a walk, or running errands together—also makes it easier to fit quality time into busy schedules and keeps the friendship enjoyable instead of stressful.
Mia Barnes, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Mia Barnes is a freelance health writer and researcher with a Bachelor’s degree in professional writing with over five years of experience. As the founder and Editor-in-Chief of Body+Mind magazine, Mia has covered an array of topics from mental health to sexual wellness. Other than The Everygirl, Mia’s writing has appeared on sites such as Real Simple and Runner’s World.
Jenna Piotrowicz, Former Editorial Assistant
As a former Editorial Assistant for The Everygirl, Jenna assisted the team with content creation. She sourced products and images and worked behind the scenes to support The Everygirl in uploading and updating content.
