"While I firmly believe that aging is a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted, I’ll admit that I have mixed feelings about my upcoming 30th birthday. On the one hand, I’m looking forward to starting a new decade and putting my volatile 20s behind me. On the other hand, I’m scared of what turning 30 actually means for my biological body clock and life. But amid my never-ending internal debate over whether I’m ready to be an adult and become a mother, there’s been one silver lining: Starting a new decade gives me a fresh chance to update my sex life.
let's face it: meeting someone in the wild is a lot easier said than done
The truth is, women age like fine wine—and our sex lives are no different. So as I embark on the next decade of my life (why does this make me feel so old??), I’ve been thinking about how I can have even better sex throughout it. Ahead, I’m sharing everything I’m doing to ensure I have better (and more) mind-blowing sex in my 30s.
1. Staying on top of vaginal dryness
After years of having pain-free sex, things changed when I turned 27 and began battling chronic inflammation from severe gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD). This medical condition, coupled with the stress of planning my wedding and prescription medications, zapped my vaginal moisture. Because of this, sex has been unbearably painful these past two years, no matter how much lube I used or how turned on I was. Worse, despite using lubricants with gentle and all-natural formulas, most irritated my vulva and inevitably shattered whatever post-coital bliss I had.
To combat this, my OB-GYN recently suggested I use coconut oil as a vaginal moisturizer and lubricant for sex. She explained that applying it to the area twice daily would help restore moisture and make the vaginal tissues less susceptible to sustaining micro-tears during penetration. In fact, 83 percent of participants in a 2023 study on the skin properties of coconut oil said it improved vaginal dryness, with 87 percent claiming it improved the duration of vaginal moisture.
Heeding my doctor’s advice has been life-changing so far, so I’m excited to have this in my toolbox moving forward. The cherry on top is that the consistency of coconut oil feels amazing during sex and works so well. Given this, coconut oil will remain a staple in my sexual wellness routine throughout this next decade. Doing this will (hopefully) make it easier to navigate hormonal fluctuations in my 30s, like postpartum vaginal dryness and more.
2. Balancing order with spontaneity
It’s easy to let sex fall by the wayside, especially when you’re in a committed, long-term relationship and dealing with the stresses of life. It’s a plight I know all too well, and for the last few years, my sex life with my husband has been erratic. We’ve fluctuated through periods of being unable to keep our hands off of each other to having a romp in the sheets once a month at best. While I know sex isn’t everything in a relationship, it’s still a crucial component of emotional intimacy. This is why I’m making having sex regularly a priority heading into my 30s.
Personally, I’m a huge fan of scheduling sex. Yet, there’s something seriously erotic about losing yourself in the heat of the moment and having spontaneous sex. For this reason, I’m adding order and spontaneity into my sex life. My husband and I have agreed to schedule sex for the weekends and perform spontaneous sexual favors for one another throughout the workweek. Having intimacy scheduled holds us accountable for getting it on. Plus, since we know it’s coming, it gives us time to get our minds and bodies ready for sex and amp up anticipation and desire. In contrast, surprises throughout the week keep things feeling fun and fresh, the same way they did during the honeymoon phase of our relationship.
3. Reading more romantasy novels
I’m all in favor of using books as a coping mechanism for stress. After all, what’s better than escaping into another world and concerning yourself with someone else’s problems for a change? Lately, I’ve been on a huge romantasy kick with books like Onyx Storm, Enchantra, and my subscription to romance audiobook app Tempt. These novels have done more than provide me with a safe and healthy stress outlet—they’ve influenced my sex life in the best way possible.
“My goal for this next chapter is to make sex more sensual and mindful in hopes of increasing my erotic energy and connecting more deeply with myself and my partner.”
Yes, these stories are fantastical, but the steamy sex scenes incorporate real-life elements and sensations. Reading romantasy novels has not only given me inspiration for things to try in my own sex life but also helps keep my libido in check. At its most basic level, the romantasy genre is written erotica. I like to think of them as erotica without the commitment, meaning you don’t have to dive into a full-on erotica experience (unless you want to!). Instead, the erotic scenes subtly keep sex at the forefront of my mind, which subsequently boosts my libido. With that in mind, you’ll find me with romantasy novels on a regular rotation in my 30s.
4. Making my sexual experiences more mindful
In my early 20s, my sexual encounters had little-to-no forethought. They were almost always unplanned, I’d use the same toys during solo play, and the rhythm of partnered sex was predictable (kissing, foreplay, penetration, and maybe, if I’m lucky, an orgasm). Now that I’m heading into my 30s, though, I’m reframing the way I approach and experience sex. My goal for this next chapter is to make sex more sensual and mindful in hopes of increasing my erotic energy and connecting more deeply with myself and my partner.
Now, I’m all about setting the mood and tapping into my inner zen, so I recently spoke to human design expert Mikaela MacLean, who suggested I listen to 639 hertz frequency music to keep my mind and body aligned. Lately, I’ve been turning on this soothing background noise during my daily meditation practice, but also during sex. The verdict? I’ve been fully enjoying and immersing myself in the experience. Alongside this, lighting candles, drenching myself in body oil, and wearing lingerie to feel sexier for preplanned solo and partnered play have also been game-changers. Becoming more mindful and tapping into my innate sensuality has taken my sexual encounters to a whole new level; they’re longer, more passionate, and more satisfying than ever before. For this reason, this is a habit I plan to continue in my 30s and beyond.
5. Living by the motto that “health is wealth”
Fresh off the heels of surgery, I’m feeling better than ever. I plan to enter this new decade feeling like my best and healthiest self. Experiencing hormonal fluctuations is totally normal, but now more than ever, I’m prioritizing simple habits that can help balance my hormones and, ultimately, support my sex life. I’m starting with the basics: getting at least eight hours of sleep each night, exercising regularly, and eating more foods rich in healthy fats and protein.
Additionally, I admittedly haven’t been giving my pelvic floor muscles the attention they deserve, which is why I’ve been practicing Kegels regularly. On top of supporting continence and the pelvic and abdominal organs, strong pelvic floor muscles make for better sex. Obviously, prioritizing my hormones and pelvic floor isn’t going to make a striking difference in my sex life overnight, but over time, and throughout the next decade, I’m certain it’ll bring me more energy and confidence inside and outside of the bedroom.
6. Stepping outside my sexual comfort zone
They say that getting older brings gifts like wisdom and confidence and, apparently, better sex. According to researchers, women tend to reach their peak sexuality in their 30s, and aside from the scientific reasons, it’s not hard to see why. Getting older has made me feel more confident in myself and my sexuality, which has made it easier to speak up and have my needs met in the bedroom. And looking back now, it seems like the sex I had in my teen years and throughout my 20s was merely setting me up for this point.
Now, I’m ready to step outside of my sexual comfort zones. Going forward, I plan to use my 30s to explore my sexuality more deeply. I’ll learn about and experiment with new sex positions and kinks that catch my attention, like power play, and expand my sex toy collection beyond the basics to include things like restraints and BDSM furniture.
Ultimately, I believe my 30s will truly be a time of sexual self-expression and freedom. Instead of waxing poetic about time and getting older, I’m heading into this new decade grateful for all life has taught me in the bedroom and outside of it. More importantly, I’m ready to have better sex than ever before—and I can’t wait to see and experience what happens.
Arianna Reardon, Contributing Writer
Arianna is a Rhode Island native, professional blogger, and freelance writer. She’s passionate about helping women develop healthy relationships with money, become financially independent, and invest in themselves for the future. Arianna is a firm believer in going after what you want, taking time to stop and smell the roses, and the importance of a good cocktail.