"My daughter will be 2 years old this upcoming October. She’s my everything, and I always want to spend as much time with her as possible. With that said, I had a child-free wedding—and the deeper I get into motherhood, the more certain I am that I made the right choice.
Weddings are (hopefully) a once-in-a-lifetime occasion and one of the most special days you’ll ever have. Wilted floral arrangements, a drunken family member, and a guest showing up wearing white are all things that could tarnish the day—but so could a disruptive kid. That’s not a dig at children. I just think we should acknowledge that kids are kids, and we can’t expect them to act like adults.
The idea of taking my toddler to a fancy event is more work than it’s worth (and yes, she’s a “good” kid who listens). There are too many chances to ruin a significant moment, and I would never want to take that away from someone else’s big day. What if she were to get restless and fussy as the bride was walking down the aisle? What if she wanted to hit the dance floor during dinner? What if she wanted to go to bed but was instead in a fancy dress that I would be scrubbing cake out of later?
“I’m the first person to say that children are welcome in adult spaces when it makes sense. An airplane? Sit next to me! A nice steakhouse? I hope they have a bread basket for them to snack on. But a wedding?”
I feel for parents who don’t have the resources to have a child-free evening due to babysitter or financial strains. It’s a struggle, truly. However, if the bride and groom want a child-free wedding, that’s what they deserve to get. After all, they’re paying thousands of dollars and spending endless hours making it their ideal celebration. Please don’t think yours isn’t included in the “no kids” request and ask the soon-to-be newlyweds to make your child the exception. Worse, definitely don’t show up with your kid as your plus one.
I’m the first person to say that children are welcome in adult spaces when it makes sense. An airplane? Sit next to me! A nice steakhouse? I hope they have a bread basket for them to snack on. But a wedding? Again, if it’s what the bride and groom want, then yes. But feeling like your child was slighted for not getting to enjoy a $175 plate is a selfish take.
It made the hardest part of wedding planning simpler
My now-husband didn’t really know all the different decisions planning a wedding involves when we finally sat down to put the event together. Honestly, the invitations were more like a six-part series, as there was so much to consider. Does your 45-year-old cousin with a new girlfriend who doesn’t know many other guests get a plus one? If we invite this one particular friend, do we also have to invite the other friends we’re not as close with? And, of course, one of the most controversial topics: Are kids invited?
For us, this was a no-brainer. On the RSVP cards that accompanied our wedding invitations, we wrote, “Our celebration is limited to adult guests.”
Luckily, we didn’t receive any pushback. Even if we had, I wouldn’t have given in to their request. To me, it wasn’t just about ensuring my fiancé and I and our guests had the best experience, but the parents of the kids, too. I know how tough it can be to enjoy an event when you have a young child who needs supervision. Not giving our guests the option to bring their kids meant they could have a parents’ night out. Having a child-free wedding meant everyone at our wedding could let go of any of the stresses kids might bring, and at the end of the day, that was part of the fun.
It allowed me to revel in the special moments
I know everyone says this, but my wedding was truly the best day. You could hear a pin drop during the ceremony, there were only happy tears (no toddler breakdowns) during the speeches, and no one had to rush out to get their kids down for bed. My new husband and I embraced the occasion, but the best part was that our guests were truly there with us, enjoying our personalized specialty cocktails and taking pictures with the 8-foot robot that crashed the dance floor (that’s another story).
“Imagine how I would’ve felt if a child threw a tantrum during those three minutes and a parent had to shuffle them out of the room.”
One particular moment at my wedding was so special that I would’ve been gutted if it had been disrupted. At my sweet 16, my mom, who used to be in a local country band and has a beautiful voice, sang In My Daughter’s Eyes to me. For over a decade after that moment, we talked about how she would one day sing that same song at my wedding—and she did. Imagine how I would’ve felt if a child threw a tantrum during those three minutes and a parent had to shuffle them out of the room. It was once-in-a-lifetime moments like that I’m thankful didn’t have much of a chance of being ruined, and yes, not having kids present was part of it.
Before I got married, I read in a “moments to take in at your wedding” story that you should find 60 seconds to stand with your partner and watch your loved ones enjoying the reception. Think about it: It’s literally all of the people the two of you love the most in one place, and that may very well never happen again. I made sure to have that minute with my new husband. I wouldn’t have changed the guest list for the world because now when I think back on that December day, all of the people that meant the most to me in the world were there, enjoying the party to the fullest.
It made the day about us—as it should
It feels like every other month, a social media post talking about where kids should and shouldn’t be goes viral. As a mom, that automatically gets me thinking about both how I would feel being around children in that environment and if I would want to bring my own child into that environment.
I wasn’t a mom at that time of my wedding, so I didn’t even consider how a parent might feel about not having the option to bring their little one. But, to be frank, it really doesn’t matter how they felt because it was my day, not theirs. No bride- and groom-to-be should be pressured into allowing children—even if it’s “just one”—at their nuptials if an adults-only party is what they desire. If a couple was simply hosting a dinner party at their house for their friends, people wouldn’t bat an eye that it was just for adults. But something about weddings makes some people believe that if their child isn’t there, they’ll miss a significant moment that actually matters to the kid. (Spoiler: It most likely doesn’t).
By all means, if you want children at your wedding, have at it! I’m not arguing that children shouldn’t be allowed at weddings, I’m saying that it’s up to the bride and groom. Anyone who has a problem or takes offense that a couple is requesting you leave your 6-year-old at home needs to realize they have to respect that wish or they can stay home, too.
Caitlyn Fitzpatrick, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Caitlyn is a New Jersey native and has been a professional writer and editor since 2014. She’s currently a senior editor at Trusted Media Brands, where she edits commerce content for Reader’s Digest, Taste of Home, and Family Handyman. In addition to The Everygirl, Caitlyn’s work can be found in Betches, WhatToWatch.com POPSUGAR, InStyle, StyleCaster, Best Products, Popular Mechanics, and more.