"The weather is getting warmer. The birds are chirping. The trees are finally filling with leaves and blossoms. And I am (once again) anxious about what the return of summer means for my body and mind. I’ve dreaded the return of summer for a long time—returning to a more revealing wardrobe, more social activities where I’m expected to be comfortable with myself, and everyone being so annoyingly happy to let the sun touch their skin when all I want to do is hide.
because his sock drawer is full and those #1 Dad mugs are collecting dust
When I first felt the societal expectations of summer, it lost its magic. What once meant ice cream, trips to the Outer Banks, sea turtles, the slip n’ slide in the backyard, and a big jug of Kool-Aid turned into deep discomfort in my body that I couldn’t shake. What once was excitement and dreaming about what this summer would hold turned into anxiety about getting my body summer—or bikini—ready.
This year, I’m committed to rejecting all that. We’ve been conditioned into thinking that the months and weeks leading up to summer have to be about discipline, restriction, dieting, and intense exercise, all to feel “ready” for summer. But that limiting story doesn’t have to be mine or yours. The truth is that it’s not about changing our bodies at all; it’s about teaching our minds to accept ourselves just how we are. I’m getting my mind summer-ready with expert tips about accepting my body and finding excitement in the return of the sunshine, even if my body looks different from what I or society expect it to.
Here’s How I’m Getting My Mind Summer Ready
Practicing Confidence
If you’re dreading certain summer clothes, it’s common to find fault with your body. You might think that if your body looked better, you’d finally be confident wearing certain clothes. It may feel like your body is wrong, but really, maybe you just haven’t “practiced” wearing that type of clothing since last year (or maybe even a few summers ago). “Confidence requires a degree of continuous practice,” says Alison Mann, LMSW, a therapist who specializes in working with those with body image distress. You aren’t just born with it or not. All of us can learn and practice confidence. Mann believes that confidence comes in small, sustainable steps. “If your goal is to feel confident wearing a bikini on the beach, you may not want to start by doing this; you will want to create some smaller steps and work your way up,” says Mann.
For some, going all in, like immediately wearing a bikini to the beach for the first time in five years, may cause such intense emotions that you lose trust in your ability to try again. “When I support clients with these goals, we may start with something like trying to wear a bikini in their house, then being able to look in the mirror and collaboratively create a progression of steps that eventually leads to their end goal,” says Mann. However, the small steps don’t mean that you should avoid discomfort altogether.
Self-love and mindset coach Olivia Baxter says, “This work isn’t about ignoring discomfort—it’s about loving yourself through it.” Before an activity like going to the beach in a swimsuit, I prepare myself for the discomfort and remind myself to breathe through it. Every day might not be a win for your confidence or body image, and that’s OK. You don’t have to solve all of your body image issues this summer, but it can be the first step in your journey.
“I don’t want a summer of dread, hiding, insecurity; I want a summer of girlhood, backyard water sprinklers, wearing the green frilly bathing suit.”
Challenging the Story
I’ve found that rejecting the idea of conventional beauty standards and, in this case, the perfect summer body is the ideal opportunity to channel an angsty attitude. You don’t have to listen to everyone else. I know #skinnytok and the dumb phrases like “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” are back and thriving, but we have a choice right now to challenge the same tired idea that we should shrink and hide ourselves for the comfort of others. The idea that certain bodies are more “acceptable” or “desirable” is a cultural story, not a truth, shares Baxter. A story can be rewritten. And the truth is, in Baxter’s words, “Your body is already a summer body because it exists in summer. Period.”
If you’re struggling to reset your brain to embrace this perspective, Mann recommends reflecting on the source of feeling like you need to get your body ready for summer. These questions can help you get to the bottom of why you’re feeling the way you are and break down those long-held beliefs.
- Who told me that I need to have a summer body?
- In what ways has the notion of “summer bodies” impacted my life?
- Has this idea served me?
- Does this idea align with my values?
Find a story that aligns with your values, brings more light into your life, and doesn’t actively harm your well-being. It might just happen that it isn’t the same one that society has told us for so long, and that’s OK.
Choosing Compassion
“The most radical thing you can do is choose compassion over criticism,” says Baxter. This story that society tells us of perfect summer bodies is one of criticism; it depends on us all criticizing ourselves and others for the sake of chasing perfection. Compassion is a much more powerful idea. Many of us criticize ourselves more than we ever do others. We show others compassion we rarely turn to ourselves. The hack to building compassion for yourself: find a picture of you when you were little. Imagine that everything you say to yourself, you’re saying to them. Would you tell her that she should hate summer because her thighs look bad in shorts (you know the kind of stuff you say to yourself)? Of course not.
“Speak to yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a little girl who just wants to play in the sun,” says Baxter. Think of her when you look in the mirror, when you see a picture of yourself at a summer activity, when you consider not doing any of the things because you don’t feel worthy. “Our bodies aren’t seasonal trends—they’re sacred homes that carry us through every moment of life,” shares Baxter.
Regain Perspective
When I get too bogged down by dread of experiencing another summer in this body, I pause and zoom out a little. I’m just one of 8 billion people on this earth. I imagine myself being in space (like Katy Perry LOL), staring back down at the brilliant blue globe we call home, and thinking of all the people, all the different stories, all the different landscapes, homes, and experiences.
Of course, each of us matters, but at the same time, we’re all just here floating on a big ol’ rock and having a good time. Maybe it doesn’t have to be so serious. Maybe what I wear at the beach, whether it’s a swim shirt and skirt or a yellow polka dot bikini, doesn’t matter as long as I’m doing what I want to be doing at the beach. It’s ultimately incredibly amazing that we get to experience another trip around the world, an opportunity to embrace another summer, and maybe take advantage of it more than we did last year.
Remember to Seek Additional Support If You Need It
Your relationship to your body is important, and you have to take care of it. No matter what you see online. No matter how many times people you don’t know try to sell you routines, meal plans, drinks, powders, etc. that will get your body in “the best shape” before summer, remember that you are worthy no matter what your body looks like. Body image coaches and therapists (like the ones cited in this article) are ready to help you navigate this journey if you feel like you need more support. If you find that your body image distress begins to affect your eating habits, consider speaking to a professional about that as well.
I don’t want a summer of dread, hiding, and insecurity. I want a summer of girlhood, backyard water sprinklers, wearing the green frilly bathing suit, sandcastles and cannonballs in the pool, when we all wanted to be marine biologists and spend our lives making sure the baby turtles made it into the ocean (or maybe that was just me). Here’s to that summer. And here’s to supporting each other in getting back to it.
Josey Murray, Contributing Wellness Writer
Josey Murray is a writer and editor passionate about well-being. She holds a Master’s degree in positive psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and a Bachelor’s degree in English and creative writing from Wellesley College. She has written for Women’s Health, mindbodygreen, Well+Good, and more.