Every now and then, you go through an orgasm slump. Maybe you and your partner just aren’t feeling it or the last thing you’re thinking about at the end of the day is picking up a vibrator. Our sex lives will always ebb and flow, but how do you get it flowing when sex feels altogether “meh?” The last time I went through a sex slump, I enlisted a few products to increase my libido and get me back in the sack.
Getting your libido back after a dry spell takes time, so don’t expect to use one arousal cream and order a new vibrator and all will be well. Our libidos are pretty fickle, and while small things can make them tank, it’s not-so-small things that bring them back. Be gentle with yourself and trust the process—and in the meantime, try my favorite hacks below.
First thing, I needed to get my vagina in check. My doctor told me once that I am really prone to overproducing bacteria, leading to chronic bacterial vaginosis and overall itchy, unpleasant vaginal symptoms. I've been using The Killer on and off for three years, and it has truly changed my life. Whenever I feel symptoms coming on, I use these for a few nights (if it's really bad, you can use it for up to seven, which I have definitely done before), and I notice a complete difference. They're so easy to put in before bed and end up costing me much less than a doctor's visit and a bunch of prescriptions that do the same thing. Consult your doctor before trying these to make sure they're right for you.
Then, I got to work. Getting your libido back when it feels completely hopeless is going to take a bit of time, and that's where this serum comes in. Apply this to the vulva and clitoris for 14 days, and you'll slowly start to notice that getting aroused is easier. It brings my blood flow to the area, making it more sensitive to touch.
I was skeptical, but this worked wonders to get my sex life back on track. I noticed a difference after about seven days, and after the full course of 14, my sex life was better than it's ever been.
For me, I know that when my libido is nonexistent, it's usually a result of stress and anxiety, which are not helpful at all in achieving an orgasm. It's necessary for me to feel comfortable with my body and relaxed, especially right before sex (whether with a partner or just myself). For me, that means taking a bath, and I've become obsessed with these bath bombs. First of all, they're made with ingredients that won't upset your vagina's pH, so you don't have to worry about undoing all the progress you've already made. The simple act of taking a bath and doing something for myself (like using the bath bombs I typically hoard) makes a world of a difference, and the stress practically melts away.
Plus, laying naked in a tub requires you to get comfortable with your body—something I know is so necessary for me to orgasm.
If you can do only one thing to increase libido and boost your sex life, make it this.
Apply this serum 15 to 20 minutes before sex (solo or with a partner) to the clitoris and vulva and thank me later. It feels like it's awakening all of those clitoral nerve endings and makes every sensation feel so much better. I have never orgasmed more than when I used this serum. Even my partner noticed and asked what made me so into it this time around—and I sadly had to answer that it was not them but all this. My sex life hasn't been the same since I tried this.
When I know I'm planning to have sex that night, I'll pop one of these patches on. Ingredients like maca, L-Arginine, and CBD work together to boost my mood, relax me, and make me more aroused.
I also love the ritual of it. Putting one of these on reminds me that I'm going to do something fun later. All of that excitement makes sex a fun activity rather than a chore that I have to mark off my to-do list.
There is nothing a really good lube can't fix. Made with aloe and water, this lube can be used with any and all sex toys, feels comfortable to use with a partner, and (the best part) won't leave you sticky.
Also, it comes in such a gorgeous bottle that I even leave it on my nightstand.
Finally, the main event! Whenever I'm in a rut, this is the first vibrator I run to. It's simple, easy to use, and just always gets the job done without much tinkering. Having a vibrator in your collection that you can always turn to will change your sex life immeasurably.
Use a vibrator even if you have a partner. Sometimes, the best way to get your libido back on track is a little masturbation to remember how it feels to orgasm.